Tuesday, November 23, 2004        Edition: #2915
Bullseye!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT “Friends” alum Matthew Perry returns to TV to direct & guest star in NBC-TV’s “Scrubs” (anything to get a director’s credit on the old résumé!) . . . THIS WEEK on eBay, fans of the famous can buy underwear from the likes of Orlando Bloom, Nick Lachey, Mary J Blige & Fred Durst in a charity fund-raiser (ew, used?) . . . “Hustler” is set to publish 3-year-old pics of Paris Hilton making out with another woman (okay, have we reached overkill on this girl yet?) . . . Actress Mischa Barton is hinting she’ll leave the hit TV drama “The OC” if her role as ‘Marissa Cooper’ begins to hurt her chances to work in movies (the streets of Hollywood are lined with people who got ‘too big’ for TV – unemployed people) . . . Among the charges in a new lawsuit against model Naomi Campbell by her former personal assistant – the former boss bit her on the lip, yanked her to the floor, and screamed “You f–ing worthless bitch” at her (ah, now we see the attraction Usher has for Campbell) . . . “Growing Up Gotti” star Victoria Gotti is filing assault charges against the 17-year-old fool who beat up her teen sons Carmine & John at a Long Island mall (just be thankful you didn’t get concrete overshoes, pal) . . . Actress Annie Parisse, who co-stars with Nic Cage in “National Treasure”, is set to succeed Elisabeth Rohm as the assistant DA on NBC-TV’s long-running “Law & Order” (she’ll be the 6th actor in the role since 1990) . . . And rumors have been put to rest that Ben Affleck (now on the set of “Man About Town” in Vancouver) will do a cameo for the CTV teen drama series “Degrassi: the Next Generation” – but Alanis Morissette, however, WILL make an appearance.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Chingy – It’s a busy day for him, with appearances on both the syndicated “Ellen DeGeneres Show” and ABC-TV’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live”.
• Eagles – NBC-TV is in Melbourne, Australia shooting 3 of their concerts for the band’s first TV special, airing in APRIL and due later on DVD. They’ll feature 2 new songs, including Joe Walsh’s “One Day at a Time” … about 20 years of sobriety.
• Gretchen Wilson – She keeps her ‘CMA Horizon Award’ and her “American Music Award” for ‘Breakthrough Favorite New Artist’ on her tour bus … because she hasn’t been home since winning them!
• Kenny Chesney & Ashanti – TODAY they film a duet for an episode of Oxygen Network’s “Custom Concert” series in NYC’s Cro-Bar. They met during TNT’s “Special Christmas in Washington” LAST YEAR. Chesney says, “Ashanti is just a good ol’ girl.”
• Oasis – Liam Gallagher & the rest of the band were recently holed up in a Hollywood recording studio for 2 weeks, not-so-patiently awaiting the arrival of Noel to record new material.
• Paul McCartney – He’ll perform during half-time at the “Super Bowl” FEBRUARY 6th in Jacksonville FL, but promises no ‘wardrobe malfunctions’.
• Shania Twain – She’s just been awarded a ‘Double-Diamond’ plaque by the RIAA for sales of 20 million units of “Come On Over”, the biggest country album ever.
• Switchfoot – TONIGHT they’re on “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “Harry Potter & the Prisoner of Azkaban” (Family Adventure): Based on the 3rd book in the series. Daniel Radcliffe returns as ‘Harry Potter’, now in his 3rd year at Hogwarts School when he learns that convicted murderer ‘Sirius Black’ (Gary Oldman) has escaped ‘Azkaban Prison’ and could be coming after him. The 2-disc DVD edition features never-before-seen footage plus an interview with author JK Rowling.
• “The Terminal” (Romantic Comedy): Tom Hanks plays an immigrant from a small European country who finds that he’s stranded at NYC’s JFK Airport and must take up temporary residence there. Catherine Zeta-Jones co-stars. Inspired by the true story of Iranian refugee Merhan Nasseri, who took up residence in Paris’ Charles de Gaulle Airport in 1988.
• “Sleepover” (Teen Comedy): Four best friends, desperate to improve their social status, enter an all-night scavenger hunt against the popular clique in their school. Starring Alexa Vega of “Spy Kids” fame.
• Also on DVD today – “Seinfeld: The First 3 Seasons” in a pair of 4-DVD volumes packaged as a boxed gift set; and a 3-DVD set of Sylvester Stallone’s ‘Rambo’ films (“First Blood”, “Rambo: First Blood Part II” and “Rambo III”) which includes an alternate ending for the first film in which ‘John Rambo’ commits suicide.

SELF-REPAIRING TEETH:
Stem cells exist inside our teeth and could be harnessed to allow teeth to repair themselves, researchers say. Australian biologist Stan Gronthos says dental stem cells could be harvested and stored in liquid nitrogen, ready for use to repair damaged or diseased teeth. Although it will be some time before scientists can actually form a living tooth in an animal, Gronthos says the  developing technology is now at a stage where they can probably repair portions of a tooth. (“Son, maybe you better forget about dentistry and become a lawyer like everyone else …”)
– “Herald Sun”

STRESS RELIEF:
Stressed-out Spaniards are being given the chance to release anxiety by smashing up cars, computers, TV sets and mobile phones while listening to heavy rock music. For about $50, customers at a junkyard in Lubia can spend up to 2 hours in ‘damage therapy’ organized by a group called ‘StopStress’, attacking vehicles and appliances with a sledgehammer. It’s more exhausting than patrons expect – organizers say nobody has so far managed to last longer than a half-hour. (There’s a station promotion in here somewhere!)
– BBC News

ATKINS DIET CAN HARM:
People who stay on the high-protein Atkins diet too long may harm their heart, kidneys and bones, researchers at Australia’s Monash University warn. A new study suggests the high-protein, low-carb diet appears to be safe for up to a year with no obvious effects on cardiovascular risk factors or blood pressure. Beyond that, the risks become less clear but studies suggest there could be long-term physical damage. (Aside from weighing 20 lbs?)
– “Australian Medical Journal”

WHAT’S ON TAP:
The water authority in the region surrounding Paris, France has launched an ad campaign to get French households to switch back to – tap water. Over the past 20 years, consumption of bottled water has doubled to 130 liters (34 gallons) per person annually, thanks in part to the popularity of French brands such as Perrier and Evian. That creates some 20,000 tons of empty plastic water bottles for waste management annually. According to the ads, tap water has many advantages, including natural calcium that helps fight osteoporosis among seniors. But the campaign notes, “Of course, you’re free to pay 100 times more for bottled water.” (A 4-year study by the non-profit Natural Resources Defense Council found there is no assurance bottled water is any cleaner or safer than tap water. In fact, an estimated 25% or more of bottled water is really just – tap water in a bottle!)
– Agence France-Presse

SEX HEADACHE CURE:
Women could be wearing stick-on patches to boost their sex drive within months, researchers say. The patches release the male sex hormone testosterone to help women overcome a loss of desire. Some experts claim it will be the female version of Viagra. Manufacturer Procter & Gamble has announced its ‘Intrinsa’ patch for women will be available within about 3 months. During testing, dramatically successful results were found in menopausal women diagnosed with ‘Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder’ or ‘HSDD’. (Also known as ‘TDW’ … ‘They Don’t Wanna’.)
– “Weekly Times”

TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP:
• A New Zealand woman is breast-feeding her – Staffordshire Bull Terrier puppy. She says it’s so the dog will protect her baby girl as they grow up together. She started nursing the pup after her daughter stopped taking her milk. “I didn’t want to waste it, so I gave it to Honey Boy,” she says. The New Zealand SPCA has expressed concern the dog could develop long-term ‘behavioral issues’. (Gee, ya think?)
• A 55-year-old Freehold NJ woman claimed in court that an alternate, childlike personality she calls ‘Jimmy’ overcame her the day she robbed a bank of more than $5,000. Her lawyer argued that she suffers from ‘Dissociative Identity Disorder’, formerly called ‘Multiple Personality Disorder’, and should be acquitted by reason of insanity. The jury disagreed, saying she’s a fake. Then the judge sentenced ‘Jimmy’ to 18 years in the slammer – along with all his ‘roommates’. (In related news, Robert Blake is asking that he now be referred to as ‘Sally’ …)
• In Baltimore, 4 firefighters and a fire truck are stationed outside Walbrook High School every single day. Why? Odds are good they’ll be needed. Already this school year, Baltimore public schools have been hit with 76 fires, most of them small and set by students. It seems fires are being set in trash cans, lockers and washrooms so that schools are evacuated – and classes sometimes canceled. (For more info, see the movie “American Pie”.)

AND WE QUOTE:
• “But I heard she’s got really ugly toes, that her feet are crazy-looking. I’m a foot man, so when I heard that, I was like, I don’t know if I’m gonna see it.”
– Noted sex tape star Tommy Lee explaining to the DECEMBER issue of “Blender” magazine why he’s never viewed the infamous Paris Hilton/Rick Salomon video.
• “I was clumsy, spastic. So of course I was picked on. I was teased. I was dodgeball bait.”
– Singer Clay Aiken on growing up geeky in his new memoir, “Learning to Sing: Hearing the Music in Your Life”.

THE BULL SHEET 11.23.2K4

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1954 [50] Bruce Hornsby, Williamsburg VA, old school pop singer (& the Range-“The Way It Is”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Labor Thanksgiving Day” in Japan (“Kinro Kansha no Hi”), a national holiday since 1948 to express gratitude to one another for work done throughout the year and for the fruits of those labors. (And we’re guessing next Tuesday is “Halloween Easter”.)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1889 [115] Louis Glass introduces his new invention, the ‘jukebox’, at the Palais Royal Saloon in San Francisco – a tinfoil phonograph with 4 coin-operated listening tubes (at the time, ‘juke’ is a slang word for a house of ill repute)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1897 [107] 1st ‘pencil sharpener’ (next day, some kid gums it up with a crayon)

1936 [68] 1st edition of the “Globe & Mail” newspaper (“The Globe” part dates from 1844)

1948 [56] 1st ‘zoom lens’ (and the paparazzi profession is born)

COMING UP . . .
[Wed] “Alexander” and “Christmas With the Kranks” open in movie theaters
[Thurs] US Thanksgiving Day
[Thurs] International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women
[Fri] Beaver Moon (Full Moon in November)
[Fri] 2004 Aboriginal Music Awards (Toronto)
[Fri] Buy Nothing Day
[Sat] Pins & Needles Day
[Sat] 2004 Vanier Cup (Hamilton)
[Mon] Electronic Greetings Day
This Week Is . . . Adoption Week
This Month Is . . . Lung Cancer Awareness Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
Martha Stewart has been banned from cooking Thanksgiving dinner for fellow prisoners. They’ll be served all the traditional favorites, but she won’t be allowed to have input because meal plans in the West Virginia prison system are designed by a state-employed dietician.
FROM MARTHA STEWART’S PRISON HOLIDAY TO-DO LIST:
• Outfit cell rats with tiny little festive antlers and elf uniforms.
• Deflate prison bus tires and re-fill them with Glade Holiday Scented air. This way, if they get shot out during an escape attempt, they will release a fresh, cheery scent.
• Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey, taking care to remove all meat, cartilage and sinew.  Dry carcass thoroughly. Spray paint the carcass gold, turn it upside down, and use it as sleigh to hold holiday greeting cards.

WHAT YOUR UNDIES REVEAL ABOUT YOUR PERSONALITY:
Women …
• High-Cut Briefs: Ladies who wear ‘granny panties’ tend to be perfectionists, except when it comes to style. They care most about comfort and function. They are practical people who don’t dress to impress.
• Boy Shorts or Thong: Women who don these are confident go-getters who enjoy a challenge. They like to show off their curves, are outgoing, and open to new things. They like the thong because it makes them feel sexy even when they wear jeans, while boy shorts are cute and feminine – without baring it all.
• Matched Sets: Some women simply must have a matching bra & panty set. These confident women are quite fashion-conscious and enjoy pampering themselves. Some might even call them spoiled or high-maintenance.

Men …
• Boxers: Wearing boxers is all about comfort, but men who prefer boxers are generally laidback, not too flashy, and light-hearted. Boxers are now the #1 choice in underwear for men.
• Briefs (Tightie-Whities): Worn by men who are inhibited and like the restricted feel of this kind of underwear. It’s not uncommon for women to think of a guy as their little brother when they find out he wears briefs.
• Boxer-Briefs: Men who opt for boxer-briefs are very good at committing in relationships. Hey, they already know how to compromise since they’ve done it with their underwear!
• Thong: Men who wear thongs are tremendously out-going and some are exhibitionists. Check a male thong-wearer’s high school yearbook and you’ll no doubt find ‘Class Clown’ under his name.
• No Underwear (Commando): Either someone forgot to do the laundry or he is very down-to-earth and embraces a natural way of life.
– Arizona State Web Devil

BS WEB GOODIE:
Just in time for Thanksgiving, here’s Chef Paul’s recipe for ‘Turducken’ – turkey stuffed with a chicken and duckling.
NET: http://www.chefpaul.com/turducken.html

BS Q & A:
Q: What was the 1st large character balloon featured in the “Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade” in 1927?
A: ‘Felix The Cat’

BS BLATANT JOKE:
Why do little boys whine? Because they’re practising to be men.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 10,000 marriages a year are the result of couples meeting while doing THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Getting coffee.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.


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