Friday, November 19, 2004        Edition: #2913
It’s Your Daily Constitutional Sheet!

SUNDAY’s episode of ABC-TV’s “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” will feature country singer Randy Travis as he helps a family not only get a new home but – $60,000 for their kids’ college fund . . . Seems the biological clock is ticking loudly for 37-year-old actress Nicole Kidman, who says she would love to have a baby of her own before she gets too old but first – she needs to find another husband . . . Wow, they’ve found another way to wring a buck out of Elvis – a 4,000-case limited edition wine called ‘Blue Christmas 2002 Cabernet Sauvignon’ is being sold by Elvis Presley Graceland Cellars – at about 17 bucks a bottle (NET:
click on ‘Love Elvis?’) . . . ABC-TV has ordered up 6 episodes of a new Jennifer Love Hewitt sitcom in which she plays a sports producer who unwillingly becomes an on-camera reporter on a sports-TV show (then she shows up in a towel on “Monday Night Football” and gets fined) . . . Barbara Walter’s annual list of the ‘10 Most Fascinating People of the Year’ includes film-maker Michael Moore, singer Usher, BoSox pitcher Curt Schilling and – oh please! – Paris Hilton.

• Big & Rich – The cover art for their CD “Horse of a Different Color” already comes in several versions and now, just in time for the holidays, they’re releasing a special red & green, snow-covered version. It’s a limited edition of 200,000 copies.
• Brad Paisley – According to “Country Weekly” magazine, the one personal grooming item he can’t live without is … his nose-hair clippers. Gee, thanks for sharing.
• Brooks & Dunn – If you purchase their “Greatest Hits Collection 2” through their online store and specify it’s going to a soldier overseas, they’ll donate another copy to be shared with another soldier.
• Clay Aiken – He’s been named a ‘National Ambassador’ for UNICEF.
• Jennifer Lopez – Could this be a new fashion trend? J-Lo was spotted in NYC wearing a cap with the words “F***in’ Freezing”, even though she looked fairly snug in her fur coat.
• Tom Cochrane – His hit “Life is a Highway” will be featured in the upcoming Pixar Animation film “Cars”, in a country version by Rascal Flatts. “Cars” will be in theaters a year from now.
• U2 – SATURDAY they’re on NBC-TV’s “Saturday Night Live“.

• “National Treasure” (PG Action Adventure): Nicolas Cage stars as ‘Benjamin Franklin Gates’, an archaeologist who believes that the US Declaration of Independence holds the last clue to a treasure buried in the 1700s by America’s founding fathers.
• “SpongeBob SquarePants” (PG Animated Family): Based on the hit Nickelodeon show, this film follows the adventures of ‘Spongebob Squarepants’, a rectangular sponge who lives under the sea in the town of Bikini Bottom along with his best buddy ‘Patrick’, a starfish. Avril Lavigne sings the theme song. Hoping to take advantage of the movie’s publicity, 20 new TV episodes are ready to roll out over the next few months.
• “Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason” (R-Rated Romantic Comedy): The sequel featuring Renee Zellweger, Hugh Grant & Colin Firth got a 500-screen debut LAST FRIDAY to create some buzz before opening wide TODAY.

A compendium of recent BS ‘discoveries’ –
• Scientists say … warm employees do better work. For a Cornell University study, office temperatures were increased from 68 F (20 C) to 77 F (25 C). Not only did output jump by 150%, errors dropped by 44%. (But then … who wants to work in a sweatshop?)
• Scientists say … most of the cells in our bodies are not our own. Scientists at London’s Imperial College have found that more than 500 different species of bacteria exist in our bodies, making up more than 100 trillion cells. Because our bodies are only made of some several trillion cells, we are outnumbered by – the aliens. (Nothing to worry about, unless a slimy little head pops out of your stomach wall. Then things might be a tad out of control.)
• Scientists say … the holiday season is a popular time for teens to lose their virginity. A study in the “Journal of Marriage & Family” shows JUNE and DECEMBER are the top 2 months when teens are deflowered. Researchers says the findings suggest parents should therefore discuss the topic with teens just before summer and again ahead of the holiday season. (Like the kids haven’t been talking about it all year anyway.)

In Australia, 20 surfers have been testing a long-awaited surfboard that has a built-in shark deterrent. ‘The Shark Shield’ is a small, battery-operated device fitted to the board which has metallic electrodes built into the sides and a short antenna. The electrodes emit a powerful electrical pulse into the water, which is picked up by receptors in the sharks’ snouts and produces painful muscle spasms that makes them flee. (Or get really, really pissed off.)
– “The Australian”

THIS WEEK Hollywood studios have sued more than 200 alleged online movie pirates. Damages of up to $150,000 are being sought for each film offered or downloaded via file-sharing networks.
– “LA Times”

“Somebody dared to ask me. Ha! She’s another 16-year-old actress making an album. Like, No!” – Rocker Jack White on turning down a request to play on Lindsay Lohan’s upcoming debut album.


1933 [71] Larry King (Lawrence Henry Zieger), Brooklyn NY, TV talk show host (“Larry King Live” on CNN) who’s been married 7 times to 6 different women/47 years in broadcasting

1938 [66] Ted Turner, Cincinnati OH, TV mogul (founder of CNN, TBS, TNT and other
media properties)/Time Warner exec)/sports mogul (Atlanta Braves)/ex-Mr Jane Fonda

1942 [62] Calvin Klein, Bronx NY, fashion designer (CK jeans)  FACTOID: 24 years ago TODAY (1980) CBS-TV banned his jeans ad featuring Brooke Shields and the slogan “Nothing comes between me and my Calvin Kleins!”

1960 [44] Allison Janney, Dayton OH, 6-ft TV actress (4 Emmy Awards as ‘CJ Cregg’ on “The West Wing”, who has now been promoted to White House Chief of Staff)

1961 [43] Meg Ryan (Margaret Mary Emily Anne Hyra), Fairfield CT, cutesy movie actress with new fat-filled lips (“Sleepless in Seattle”, “When Harry Met Sally”)/ex-Mrs Dennis Quaid/ex-Russell Crowe toy

1962 [42] Jodie Foster, LA CA, movie actress (“The Panic Room”) with a pair of Academy Awards (“The Accused”, “Silence of the Lambs”) and a pair of sons from unnamed fathers

Rocker Joe Walsh (Eagles) is 57; Rapper Mike D (Beastie Boys) is 39; Actress Ming-Na (“ER”) is 37; Country singer Dierks Bentley is 29; Country singer Josh Turner is 27.

Actress Goldie Hawn is 59; NFL QB-turned-analyst Troy Aikman (FOX-TV) is 38; Country singer Kelsi Osborn (SHeDAISY) is 30.

TODAY is “Have A Bad Day Day”, for all the grouches who can’t stand being told constantly to
‘have a nice day’.

TODAY is “World Toilet Day”, to encourage toilet hygiene. The Singapore-based World Toilet Organization promotes better design, ventilation and sanitation for the device that is still a luxury in many parts of the developing world. TODAY they’ll put a lid on this year’s ‘World Toilet Summit’, which wraps up in Beijing.

SATURDAY is “Name Your PC Day”. Ask listeners what pet names they’ve bestowed on theirs. (Ours called ‘!*#*?&!**!’)

SUNDAY is the annual excuse for a nationwide hangover as the 92nd “Grey Cup” between BC and Toronto kicks at 6pm EST at Ottawa’s Frank Clair Stadium, where capacity has been temporarily increased to 51,242. Among the entertainment highlights – Keshia Chante sings the national anthem, and the Tragically Hip perform at half-time.

SUNDAY through Thursday, “High Times” magazine sponsors its annual “Cannabis Cup” in Amsterdam, Netherlands, where blowing a stick is legal. Judges rate the top weed from around-the-world while participants attend seminars and ‘sample’ product. There’s entertainment at the  ‘The Baked Show’ and a daily good-morning show called ‘Wake & Bake Amsterdam’. (They should try a Spelling Bee!)

SUNDAY is the 32nd “World Hello Day”, observed in some 180 countries. Participants are asked to spread goodwill by saying ‘hello’ to at least 10 people. Try conferencing 10 different people to say ‘hello’ to one eager-beaver listener, or having your listeners call in to say ‘hello’ in another language.
Here’s a Website telling you how to say ‘hello’ in more than 700 languages.

1996 [08] Pamela Anderson files for divorce after 21 months of wedded hell with Tommy Lee

1965 [39] ‘Pop Tart’ is invented (now one of the primary morning food groups)

1995 [09] Baltimore Stallions (now Montréal Alouettes) become 1st and only US-based team to win CFL championship, defeating Calgary Stampeders 37-20 in 83rd Grey Cup (when Baltimore Ravens win the Super Bowl in 2000, Baltimore becomes the only city with both a CFL and an NFL championship)

1895 [109] 1st ‘modern pencil’ (Frederick Blaisdell of Philadelphia patents a paper-wrapped pencil with a string, similar to present-day china markers)

1997 [07] Iowa’s Bobbi McCaughey gives birth to world’s only known set of living ‘septuplets’, 4 boys and 3 girls

[Sat] Absurdity Day
[Sat] Universal Children’s Day
[Sat] National Child Day in Canada
[Sun] False Confessions Day
[Sun] 100th annual Toronto Santa Claus Parade
This Week Is . . . National Culinary Week
This Month Is . . . British Appreciation Month


In Prison … you spend the majority of your time in an 8 x 10 cell.
At Work … you spend the majority of your time in a 6 x 8 cubicle.
In Prison … you get 3 free meals a day.
At Work … you get a break for only 1 meal and you pay for it.
In Prison … you get time off for good behavior.
At Work … you get more work for good behavior.
In Prison … you can watch TV and play games.
At Work … you get fired for watching TV and playing games.
In Prison … you get your own toilet.
At Work … you have to share with some idiot who pees on the seat.
In Prison … they allow your family and friends to visit.
At Work … you can’t even speak to your family on the phone.
In Prison … the taxpayers pay all expenses with no work required.
At Work … you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.
In Prison … you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
At Work … you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.
In Prison … you must deal with sadistic wardens.
At Work … they’re called managers.

1. “Like a Rolling Stone” – Bob Dylan
2. “I Can’t Get No Satisfaction” – Rolling Stones
3. “Imagine” – John Lennon
4. “What’s Goin’ On?” – Marvin Gaye
5. “Respect” – Aretha Franklin.
– “Rolling Stone” magazine’s new listing of ‘Top 500 Songs of All Time’ (… that are at least 30 years old and contain the words ‘rolling’ and ‘stone’.)

• According to a recent survey, what’s the best excuse for missing the deadline of a school assignment?
a. “My grandmother died.”
b. “The dog ate it.”
c. “I was in a car accident.”
[“My grandmother died.” One professor says, “In my 27 years, I have never had a dead grandfather – only grandmothers.” Do not, however, use “My grandmother died … again.”]

• Cats like catnip because it smells like …
a. Marijuana.
b. Rotting fish.
c. A female cat’s urine.
[Experts say it’s likely ‘nepeta cataria’, the herb used in catnip, probably very closely resembles the scent of urine from a dominant female. “Mommy!”]

Today’s Question: University research has found that doing THIS will help you eat slowly and reduce calorie intake at the dinner table.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Eating by candlelight.

Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.

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