Thursday, November 4, 2004        Edition: #2902
Wow, You Really Know Your Sheet!

TODAY Julia Roberts appears on “Oprah” and will reveal the twins she’s expecting in JANUARY are a boy and a girl . . . TONIGHT is the official start of the ‘November Sweeps’, the month-long attempt by TV networks to goose their ratings in order to boost ad revenues . . . That’s why TONIGHT “Sex & the City alum Kirstin Davis guest stars on “Will & Grace” . . . And TONIGHT is the 2nd season premiere of “The OC”, now a THURSDAY night staple for FOX-TV (voted ‘Worst Family TV Show’ by the killjoys at the Parents Television Council) . . . 85% of surveyed “OC” viewers want real-life couple Adam Brody & Rachel Bilson (‘Seth’ & ‘Summer’) to get their onscreen romance back together and 88% want separated lovers ‘Marissa’ & ‘Ryan’ (Mischa Barton & Benjamin McKenzie) to reunite as well . . . FX channel has ordered up a pilot episode of Steven Bochco “Over There”, a drama series set on the front lines of Iraq (um Stevie, this has already been running on the nightly news for over a year) . . . Another TV show going belly up – CBS-TV has announced its new drama series “Dr. Vegas” starring Rob Lowe is going ‘on hiatus’ (translation: where da sun don’t shine).

• Jay-Z – TONIGHT he’s on “Late Night With Conan O’Brien”.
• Toby Keith – TONIGHT’s “Big Throwdown” tour concert in Casper WY has been cancelled after his doctors ordered a brief vocal rest. He and tour-mate Terri Clark will be back on-stage TOMORROW in Denver.
• Brandy – She’s looking for a new record label since she either split from Atlantic Records … or they dropped her … after disappointing sales of her last album “Afrodisiac”.
• Oasis – They’re in Los Angeles working on their next studio album, tentatively due in MAY. It’s the group’s first new work since 2002’s “Heathen Chemistry”.
• Nas – His 22-track double album “Street’s Disciple” is due NOVEMBER 30th. The first single “Thief’s Theme” is built on a sample of Iron Butterfly’s classic rock hit “Inna Gadda Da Vida”.
• Tim McGraw – His 2nd NBC-TV concert special, “Tim McGraw: Here and Now”, will air NOVEMBER 24th and feature duets with wife Faith Hill and rapper Nelly.
• Anna Nalick – “Breathe (2am)” is from the 20-year-old Glendora CA native’s debut album, “Wreck of the Day”.


A new version of the 1958 schlock-horror pic “The Blob” is in the works, about a rampaging ball of jelly that eats everything in its path (Steve McQueen starred in the original, which was also remade in 1988) . . . Pulitzer Prize-winning novelist Michael Chabon seems to be slumming, signing on to write Disney’s “Snow & the Seven”, a martial-arts re-imagining of “Snow White” . . . Nicole Kidman is in talks to play a street-smart sewer rat called ‘Rita’ in the animated film “Flushed Away”, the story of a pampered rat who accidentally gets flushed from his posh penthouse apartment into the sewers (MUCH different from “Finding Nemo” – you see, this is a rat) . . . George Lucas & Steven Spielberg have hired screenwriter Jeff Nathanson to pen another script for the long-awaited 4th installment of “Indiana Jones”, to star 62-year-old Harrison Ford (“Grandpa Jones & the Viagra of Doom”?) . . . Actor Jake Gyllenhaal will play a combat marine in the bigscreen adaption of the Gulf War memoir “Jarhead” . . . Fresh off “White Chicks”, the Wayans brothers will next make “Little Man”, a comedy about a man who mistakes an extremely short, baby-faced criminal as his newly adopted son.

• There’s a whole new way to woo women! Entrepreneur Shane Forbes was hit with a realization – he’s always able to meet attractive women in bars when he takes his female friends with him. In fact, he’s noticed that women are far more attracted to men who have women around them than to men who have other guys around or are alone. Eureka! ‘Wingwomen’ was born. Guys now pay $50-an-hour to one of his franchises to be escorted to a bar by an attractive, young woman who pretends to be a friend. No hanky-panky, her job is totally above-board: to help him meet young women in the bar. The service works, Forbes claims, because most women are jealous, want what they can’t have, and enjoy competing with one another. Wingwomen franchises are now operating in NYC, Miami and Houston with plans to expand to Chicago, LA, Dallas, San Francisco and Boston.
PHONER: 212.876.3489
• Looking for a new career? If one of your secret dreams is to become an ordained minister, you can now do so on the Internet – in under 3 minutes! The ‘Universal Life Church’ claims to have ordained over 20 million ministers worldwide since 1959, and promises their scam is 100% legal and free for life. You can even print out a full-color ‘Ordination Credential’.
• A Dallas-based Website has found there’s a lively market for people who want messages distributed upon their death. Since it was launched last OCTOBER, the site has drawn more than 10,000 customers who’ve paid initial fees of at least $39.99 and agreed to pay annual fees from now until death. Customers can leave all sorts of info for their survivors, such as details on life-insurance policies, passwords for computer applications and personal messages. But beware – at least 3 similar Websites have already folded.

A compendium of recent ‘discoveries’ –
• Scientists say … red wine may prevent arthritis. Researchers at London’s Imperial College say the red wine component ‘resveratol’ seems to cause anti-inflammatory activity in the human body. (Have you noticed? After about 6 glasses of wine, the swelling goes down?)
• Scientists say … bullied children often try to hide from stress in later life. University of Texas researchers found it seems to prove true most often if the bullying took place during puberty. (Sometimes they hide out in radio studios, dispersing their payback over the airwaves.)
• Scientists say … caffeine withdrawal causes headaches. At least half of people who normally consume coffee or caffeinated soft drinks experience headaches when they abstain, according to a study at Washington DC’s American University. The symptoms can last 2 to 9 days, and are often misinterpreted as flu. (You don’t need a flu shot, you need an extra-jumbo café latte!)
• Scientists say … fat guys have poor sperm quality. That’s the finding of a study of 1,600 young Danish men. On the other hand, being too thin is a problem, too. (In fact, about 99% of all guys are just a total waste of time, according to the female researchers.)

The United Nations has announced the creation of a new rapid reaction force to step in wherever art treasures are threatened by war or natural disaster. The ‘Cultural Blue Berets’, as they are already being called, will initially be formed entirely of Italians and could include members of Italy’s paramilitary police, the carabinieri. (“Our ancient Greek urns are missing … call in the CBBs!”)
– “The Guardian”

22-year-old David Jay has never had sex, has never experienced sexual attraction toward another person, and does not believe it will ever happen. Through his on-line forum, he’s found there are many others just like him, and they’ve begun identifying themselves with a common label – ‘Asexuals’. Much like the gay community, Asexuals are now ‘coming out’ to friends and family. They are also printing T-shirts and pamphlets, that promote ‘A-pride’ and what it means to be ‘A-sexy’. (This is nothing new, back in high school they called us … er, them … losers.)
– “New Scientist”
NET: (Asexuality Meetup Groups)
NET: (The Official Asexual Society)

• 90% of women say they now call the shots when it comes to buying home electronics.
• 70% of drivers admit to – at least once – saying a pray behind the wheel.
• 53% of women have experienced insomnia – during the past month.
• 22% of men regularly fantasize about a co-worker. So do 7% of women.
• 20% of men would love to be a professional gambler to earn their money.
• 11% of men sleep in the nude while staying in hotels.


1916 [88] Walter Cronkite, St Joseph MO, retired TV news anchor (“CBS Evening News” 1962-81) who was often voted ‘The Most Trusted Man in America’

1929 [75] Doris Roberts, St Louis MO, TV actress (3 Emmy Awards as ‘Marie Barone’ on “Everybody Loves Raymond” since 1996)

1946 [58] Laura (Welch) Bush, Midland TX, US First Lady 2001-2009)/Mrs George W Bush/mother of twin daughters Jenna & Barbara

1962 [42] Jeff Probst, Wichita KS, TV reality show host (“Survivor” since 2000)

1969 [35] Matthew McConaughey, Uvalde TX, movie actor (“Contact”, “A Time to Kill”)  UP NEXT: Stars in the bigscreen adaptation of Clive Cussler’s adventure novel “Sahara”.

1969 [35] P Diddy (Sean Combs), Harlem NY, hip-hop artist (w/Nelly & Murphy Lee-“Shake Ya Tailfeather”, “I’ll Be Missing You”)/recording mogul (Bad Boy Records)/clothing designer (Sean John)/sometime actor (“Monster’s Ball”)  FACTOID: Instead of a red carpet, he’s arranged for a black carpet to pave the way into his 35th birthday bash in NYC.

TODAY is “National Children’s Goal-Setting Day”, to encourage parents to foster goal-setting habits in their children’s lives. (Children need goals, ’cause they’re spending altogether too much time goofin’ around – acting like kids. Hey Junior, try not to fluffy all day!)

THIS MONTH is “Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow Month”. Why? According to researchers, NOVEMBER is the month when the most hair falls out.

1997 [07] Shania Twain releases smash album “Come On Over”

1980 [24] Ronald Reagan defeats Jimmy Carter by a landslide to become 1st divorcé, 1st actor & oldest US President

1991 [13] 1st gathering of 5 US Presidents as Bush, Reagan, Carter, Ford & Nixon attend opening ceremonies of the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library & Museum in Simi Valley CA

1973 [31] Chicago Bears set NFL record by holding Green Bay Packers to -12 yards passing

[Fri]  Governor-General’s Performing Arts Awards (Ottawa)
[Fri]  Guy Fawkes Day (UK)
[Sat] Saxophone Day
[Sat] Halfway Point of Autumn
[Sat] National Men Make Dinner Day
[Sun] World Community Day
This Week Is . . . Canadian Career Week / National Fig Week
This Month Is . . . Runaway Prevention Month


• Front: “My condolences on the loss of your arms.” Inside: “Write back soon.”
• Front: “I’m sorry to hear you have contracted Alzheimer’s disease.” Inside: “I’m sorry to hear you have contracted Alzheimer’s disease.”
• Front: “Wishing you a speedy recovery from your accident.” Inside: “Look forward to seeing you in court!”

BS Q & A:
Q: What did the famous ‘Hollywood’ sign advertise when it was erected in 1923?
A: The sign originally said ‘Hollywoodland’, plugging a local real estate development.

Put the following in order of when they were invented …
GAME #1 –
• Safety Pin, Glue, Aspirin.
[The first glue patent was issued in Britain around 1750 for a glue made from fish. Scientists discovered a compound called salicin, the pain-relieving ingredient in Aspirin, in 1829. The safety pin was invented by Walter Hunt in 1849.]

GAME #2 –
• Drinking Straw, WD-40, Flashlight.
[Marvin Stone patented the first paper drinking straws in 1888. The flashlight was invented in 1898. Norm Larsen invented WD-40 in 1953.]

• Here’s a question that seems so simple but it’s not – What’s free? [An Ipsos-Reid poll for Air Miles of Canadian adults was topped by: ‘absolutely nothing’ (33%), ‘the air we breathe’ (18%), ‘love and/or friendship’ (13%), ‘happiness and smiles’ (6%), ‘thought’ (3%), ‘freedom of speech’ (2%), and ‘advice’ (1%).]
• If you were dating and using a partner just for sex, what’s the longest you would date him or her?

Today’s Question: Among all canned fruits and vegetables, THIS is considered the best source of Vitamin A.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Pumpkin.

Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.

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