Thursday, November 13, 2003        Edition: #2665
King Sheet!

TONIGHT the $10-million Broadway version of the musical “Taboo” opens, based on the life of 1980s pop singer Boy George and bankrolled totally by retired TV gabber Rosie O’Donnell (who may go bust if ticket sales don’t pick up & her lawsuit doesn’t go away) . . . TONIGHT Britney Spears talks to Diane Sawyer on “Primetime Live”, then performs on the “American Music Awards” SUNDAY, and lets ABC-TV backstage for a show called “Britney Spears In the Zone” MONDAY, all to hype-the-heck out her new album, “In The Zone”, coming TUESDAY . . . Justin Timberlake is a silent partner in a newly-opened LA restaurant on Sunset Boulevard called ‘Chi’, where the specialty is dim sum (which is exactly what his career is gonna do when he takes a year off) . . . Sum 41 frontman Deryck Whibley reportedly suffered minor injuries after he had the sheet kicked out of him by some local boys who got tired of him running his mouth in a New Orleans bar . . . Madonna admits she’s a strict parent, allowing her kids Lourdes & Rocco to watch just one DVD per week ‘as a treat’ and NO television (they’re gonna grow up to hate you, mom) . . . Pink says her dream job would be to work on a tropical island serving cocktails and encouraging people to get naked and have sex (she’s applied for a gig at Hedonism in Jamaica?) . . . “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” is now advertising for ‘specialty gays’ with unique areas of expertise to make guest appearances on the show . . . Actor Robert Downey Jr is reportedly set to marry Susan Levin, a producer on his new movie “Gothika” (opening NEXT WEEK) whom he credits with helping him beat his persistent drug & booze problems . . . And Las Vegas Elvis impersonator Jessie Garon has spent thousands to have his chin re-sculpted and fat from his stomach shoved into his lips in order to look just like his hero – in the upcoming edition of “Playgirl” (the old fat Elvis naked – ew, not a pretty sight).

Ralph Fiennes is set to play an English diplomat investigating his wife’s death in Kenya in a bigscreen adaptation of John Le Carre’s novel “The Constant Gardener” . . . Will Smith will play a date-fixer who claims his matchmaking service can find the perfect mate in just 3 dates in the romantic comedy “Last First Kiss” . . . Matt Damon will be back for “The Bourne Supremacy”, the sequel to “The Bourne Identity” that starts filming later THIS YEAR . . . Queen Latifah will next star in a remake of the British comedy, “Last Holiday”, in a role originally played by Alec Guinness (who looked more feminine) . . . Eddie Murphy has signed up to play an arrogant Las Vegas magician whose show goes desperately wrong in a remake of the 1957 sci-fi classic, “The Incredible Shrinking Man”, scheduled for a 2005 release . . . And the producers of the “X-Men” movies plan to make a new film based exclusively on Hugh Jackman’s ‘Wolverine’ character, which is scheduled to shoot after “X3″ is completed.

• University of Washington activists are protesting Seattle restaurant Bonzai’s presentation of ‘performance art’ in which sushi was served up on a nearly-naked model laid out on a table. The protesters call it ‘exploitation of women’ and, perhaps even worse, ‘prostitution of sushi’. (Something’s fishy here.)
• PETA is protesting the activities of Girl Scout Troop 34 in Alaska who are learning to trap and skin beavers. The troop had the pelts tanned in order to make hats and mittens. The girls also want to learn to cook beaver meat. (The only scout badge that’s an actual piece of tail.)

You may be able to conquer your worst fears – with a pill. A drug already on the market for tuberculosis under the brand name Seromycin seems to help people who are terrified of heights. A study at Atlanta’s Emory University found the transmission of a certain protein to a brain receptor is critical to overcoming fear, and the TB drug seems to help that happen. So far it’s only been tested on acrophobics, people afraid of heights, but researchers think it may work on other phobias. (What about people who have a fear of swallowing pills?)

The new weight-loss craze in South America involves encasing people in plaster casts for 30 minutes. The plaster is made of herbs and algae plus ‘secret ingredients’, but looks just like a traditional hospital cast. The inventor claims the process reduces weight on the first session and helps with cellulite. It can even be done on the face. (Anyone who’s busted an arm or leg knows the limb will shrivel up in a cast … temporarily. Once the cast is off, it goes back to normal.)

(ranked by the percentage who say each behavior ticks them off)
People drifting off subject … 83%
Participants’ lack of preparation … 77%
Questionable effectiveness … 74%
People not listening … 67%
People’s wordiness … 62%
Length of time taken … 60%
People not participating … 51%
Emotional outbursts …. 41%
Source: “TimeSource”

According to the makers of Listerine, three-quarters of Canadians have gingivitis – gum disease at its earliest stages. (I refuse to have anything I can’t spell. Did you notice that after toothpaste got really good at preventing cavities, dentists started talking about gum disease?)


1953 [50] Frances Conroy, Monroe GA, TV actress (the mom ‘Ruth Fisher’-“Six Feet Under”)

1954 [49] Chris Noth, Madison WI, TV actor (‘Mr Big’-“Sex & the City” 1998-2004, “Law & Order” 1990-95)/movie actor (“Cast Away”)

1955 [48] Whoopi Goldberg (Caryn Johnson), NYC, TV actress (‘Mavis Rae’-“Whoopi”, “Hollywood Squares” 1998-2002)/movie actress (“Star Trek: Nemesis”, “Sister Act”, Academy Award-“Ghost”)

1967 [36] Jimmy Kimmel, Brooklyn NY, TV host (“Jimmy Kimmel Live”, “The Man Show” 1999-2003, “Win Ben Stein’s Money” 1997-2001)

1968 [35] Steve Zahn, Marshall MN, movie actor (“Daddy Day Care”, “Stuart Little 1 & 2”, “You’ve Got Mail”)

TOMORROW is the 3rd annual “Take A Model Train To Work Day”, an attempt to attract new people to the hobby. Train buffs are encouraged to bring a model train to the workplace and, if possible, set up an entire track. Organizer Terry Thompson predicts there may be as many as a half-million participants this year. (Many who’ll be looking for work next week.)

THIS WEEK is “Operating Room Nurse Week” and TOMORROW is “Operating Nurse Day”, in recognition of the efforts of nurses in operation rooms everywhere.

• “Someone call the janitor. We’re going to need a mop.”
• “Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness.”
• “This patient has already had kids, am I correct?”
• “Spot! Spot! Comeback with that! Bad dog!”
• “Hand me that … um … thingie.”
• “Ya know, there’s big money in kidneys. And hell, this guy’s got two of ’em.”
• “What do mean he wasn’t in for a sex change!”

1875 [128] 1st football teams to wear uniforms (Harvard vs Yale)

1946 [57] 1st ‘artificial snow’ for skiing (Vincent Schaeffer-Mt Greylock MA)

1952 [51] 1st ‘press-on nails’ (1st man is later admitted to ER with a scraped cheek)

1995 [08] World’s 1st known ‘green cat’ is confirmed by a veterinary hospital in Copenhagen, Denmark, a condition vets say may be caused by a metabolism defect (owner Pia Bischoff names her kitty ‘Miss Greeny’)

[Fri] “Master & Commander: Far Side of the World” opens
[Fri] Pack Your Mom’s Lunch Day
[Sat] Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day
[Sat] America Recycles Day
[Sun] 91st Grey Cup (Regina)
[Sun] 31st American Music Awards
[Mon] National Farm Joke Day
This Week Is . . . Eating Disorders Week
This Month Is . . . Lung Cancer Awareness Month


10 movies to watch with a guy that can’t stand ‘chick flicks’ …
“The Princess Bride”
“Top Gun”
“Shrek “
“The Wedding Singer”
“As Good As It Gets”
“Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon”
“My Big Fat Greek Wedding”
“A Fish Called Wanda”
“Pay It Forward”
Ask listeners for more suggestions!
Source: “Chatelaine” magazine.

• Justin Timberlake says he wants to take a year off from music to pursue movie acting. People who aren’t celebrities never think of this stuff. Like you never hear your plumber say, you know I’m gonna take a year off and try neurosurgery.
• Rumors are swirling in the UK that Prince Charles was caught by a staff member in an alleged homosexual encounter with another man. Charles says the whole thing was a misunderstanding … it was just Camilla without makeup.

Q: What is special about the number 854-917-632?
A: It contains the numbers ‘one’ to ‘nine’, but in alphabetical order (eight, five, four, etc).

• “I used to think my partner was normal until I found out …”
• “What in the world do you really want to see before you die?”

You read off the breakfast cereal names, your contestant must decide whether they’re real or fake. Those not marked ‘FAKE’ are either currently on the market or were at one time.
GAME #1 –
“Charlie Brown Friends”
“TurboMan Cereal“ [FAKE from the Arnold Schwarzenegger movie “Jingle All The Way”]
“Kellogg’s Corn Flakes with Instant Bananas”
“General Mills Tutti Fruiti Twinkles”
“Kellogg’s Ordinary K“ [FAKE]
“Spiderman Cereal”
“General Mills Jurassic Park Crunch”
“Cowboy Crunchies“ [FAKE from Disney’s “Toy Story 2”]
“General Mills Crazy Cow”
“Soggies“ [FAKE from the comic strip “For Better Or For Worse”]

GAME #2 –
“Kellogg’s Factory Floor Mystery Crunch“ [FAKE]
“Extra-Sharp Corn Flakes“ [FAKE]
“GI Joe Action Stars”
“Nabisco’s Ranger Joe Popped Wheat Honnies”
“Christina Aguilera’s Trix“ [FAKE]
“Fruit ‘n’ Flounder “ [FAKE]
“Preemo’s Powdered Toast “ [FAKE from the “Ren & Stimpy Show”]
“Ralston Purina Freakies”
“Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs“ [FAKE from the old “Calvin & Hobbes” comic strip]
“Krusty-Os“ [FAKE from “The Simpsons”]

Today’s Question: A new study finds that fans of THIS TV show have higher levels of stress than those who are not fans.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: “Oprah”.

Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.

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