Thursday, November 28, 2002        Edition: #2431
Can You Believe This Sheet?

LAST NIGHT CBC-TV aired the 2-hour concert special “Paul McCartney’s Back In The US” (“Smoking Gun” reveals his tour demands included NO meat or meat by-products backstage, NO leather – even in a limo – and NO furniture with animal prints) . . . TODAY Drew Carey, and country singers Trace Adkins & Aaron Tippin are among celebs spending US Thanksgiving entertaining US troops overseas with the USO . . . Reese Witherspoon reportedly called up Goldie Hawn out of the blue and asked if she’d like to co-star in a movie project, a proposition Goldie is apparently enthusiastic about (they look enough alike, they could play mother and daughter) . . . Green Day frontman Billie Joe Armstrong is urging his fans to sign an online petition against a war in Iraq . . . Are Nicolas Cage & Lisa Marie Presley calling it quits after 3 months because he kept yelling out Elvis’ name during sex? . . . Santana’s “Shaman” is the most wanted CD this holiday season, according to a VH1 poll . . . And Elton John will hold another sale of clothes, stage costumes and accessories to benefit his AIDS Foundation NEXT WEEK (will he sell off his 4,000-odd pairs of eyewear now that he’s getting laser surgery?).

“Saturday Night Live’s” Jimmy Fallon will headline his first film, a remake of the acclaimed French comedy “Tanguy”, about a 28-year-old who still lives with his parents . . . Belgian comic book hero ‘Tintin’ is a superstar in Europe but virtually unknown in North America, at least up until now – Steven Spielberg is set to make a live-action feature based on the intrepid young reporter who winds up in international adventures . . . Robert De Niro is set to direct “The Good Shepherd”, an epic history of the CIA that follows an idealistic Yale graduate to be played by Leonardo DiCaprio . . . Jodie Foster will direct the love story “Flora Plum”, with Ewan McGregor
replacing Russell Crowe in the Depression-era story of a circus freak who takes pity on a
penniless waif . . . And here’s proof Hollywood has run out of ideas – “Blair Witch 3″ is in the works!

A new poll by RBS Advanta finds that the longer people are in a relationship, the less likely they are to spend large sums of money on each other. 53% of those who are unmarried but living together say they’ll spend over $150 on presents for their partner this Christmas, but only 31% of married partners are prepared to spend that much. And the study shows it gets worse once you have children – romantic presents are replaced by practical ones. (Wow, nice socks. Thanks.)

NYC exercise instructor Elizabeth Trindade came up with the new exercise routine “The Breakup Workout” after her husband of 13 years left her, and she claims it’s the reason they’re still friends. The program consists of 2 daily regimens, a vigorous morning workout to help vent anger and a more laid-back evening routine to calm frazzled nerves and induce sleep. (Plus a weekly jog to the mailbox to pick up the alimony cheque.)

Halifax NS has a problem with roaming cats and a proposed new bylaw would allow Haligonians to use traps to capture them. Residents would pay a $75 deposit to use one of the humane traps that are designed to nab troublemaking cats without hurting them. The cats would then be handed over to animal control services. (Why not just open more Chinese restaurants?)

Norwegian artist Jens Hauglin is looking for 99 women willing to have their nipples cast in plaster for his latest project. It’s nothing kinky, he says, just a tribute to the part of the anatomy which provides nourishment. Appropriately, the finished work will be called “The First Meal”. (All models are being paid – two nipples for a dime.)

A hairdresser in Colombia says he has found a way to lick baldness, literally! His bizarre scalp treatment involves a special tonic and massage – with a cow’s tongue. Although it’s a less traditional way of getting hair to grow, he says it works wonders because the enzymes in cow saliva really make a difference. (If it doesn’t work, at least you get a spit shine!)

Québec Premier Bernard Landry has announced the province will change what the rest of the country calls “Victoria Day” to the “National Day of Patriots”. But this is nothing new –  Québeckers stopped calling it “Victoria Day” years ago, instead referring to it as the “Dollard” holiday in honor of 17th-century soldier Dollard des Ormeaux who saved Montréal from an Iroquois raid. The new name will honor the ‘Patriots’, a group of French Canadian intellectuals who challenged London to give the province more control over finances and government. London’s refusal led to the French Canadian rebellion, crushed in 1838 by British troops. (Why don’t we all just call it ‘May 2-4’/’Deux-Quatre Mai’ and be done with it?)

• The fastest recorded speed of a sneeze is 166.7 kilometres per hour, giving it the same force as a Category 2 hurricane.
• The average raindrop falls at 9 metres per second, about as fast as you can bicycle at top speed.
• Breathing the air in Bombay is the equivalent of smoking 10 packs of cigarettes a day.
• Enough rain and snow falls annually on Canada to fill an 8-metre-deep reservoir the size of Alberta.
Source: “The 2003 Canadian Weather Trivia Calendar”


1949 [53] Paul Shaffer, Thunder Bay ON, CBS Orchestra leader (“Late Show With David Letterman” since 1993)/Letterman’s sidekick since 1982  FACTOID: A street in Thunder Bay ON was officially renamed ‘Paul Shaffer Drive’ September 21, 2002

1950 [52] Ed Harris, Englewood NJ, movie actor (“A Beautiful Mind”, “Apollo 13”) UP NEXT: Co-stars with Anthony Hopkins & Nicole Kidman in “The Human Stain”, opening in MARCH

1952 [50] S Epatha Merkerson, Saginaw MI, TV actress you probably don’t know by name but she’s played detective boss Lt Anita Van Buren on “Law & Order” since 1993

1962 [40] Jon Stewart (Leibowitz), NYC, TV host/comedian (“The Daily Show”)/film actor (“Big Daddy”)/Grammy Awards host (2001 & 2002)

1967 [35] Anna Nicole Smith (Vickie Lynn Hogan), Mexia TX, subject of TV freak show (“The Anna Nicole Show”)/gold digger who was married to Texas billionaire J Howard Marshall from 1994 until he died in 1995 and after a long court battle was finally awarded $88 million from the estate in MARCH 2002/former stripper who became biggest (tallest, heaviest, biggest measurements) “Playboy” ‘Playmate of the Year’ (1993)

1988 [14] Scarlett Pomers, Oceanside CA, TV sitcom actress (currently starring as Reba McEntire’s youngest daughter Kyra Eleanor Hart-“Reba”)

[USA] “Thanksgiving Day” (don’t forget to get your NFL pool picks in!)

THIS MORNING’S 76th annual “Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade” in NYC features performances by Ashanti, “American Idol’s” Justin Guarini, country stars Alan Jackson and Lee Ann Womack, plus several WWE wrestling stars.

TODAY is “Decorate Your Dog Day” to help your pooch get into the holiday spirit. (Tomorrow is Get Back at the Master By Sticking Mistletoe Where the Sun Don’t Shine Day.)

TODAY is “French Toast Day”. (Is that toast dipped in egg or just toast with a bad attitude?)

THIS MONTH is “National Healthy Skin Month”. Ask listeners the strangest concoctions they’ve heard of as beauty treatments. (The Internet ‘Womens Forum’ lists formulas involving oatmeal, honey, avocado, bananas, yogurt, cucumber, strawberries, cornmeal and apricots – among others.)

2001 American conglomerate Enron, the world’s largest energy trading company, collapses (the day your mutual fund investments started going south)

1895 [107] 1st North American auto race begins in Chicago (J Frank Duryea’s winning car averages 7.5 mph, using 3.5 gallons of gasoline and 19 gallons of water!)

1925 [77] 1st radio broadcast of ‘Grand Ole Opry’ (WSM-Nashville)

1979 [23] 1st NHL goaltender to score a goal (Billy Smith-NY Islanders)

2000 [02] Largest audience to date for an Internet concert as some 9 million watch online while Madonna performs at London’s Brixton Academy in front of about 2,800 fans

[Fri] Buy Nothing Day
[Fri] Square Dance Day
[Fri] Electronic Greetings Day
[Fri] Chanukah (begins at sundown)
[Fri] International Computer Security Day
This Week Is . . . National Cookie Week / Game & Puzzle Week
This Month Is . . . Christmas Seal Month / Pepper Month


Can Madonna’s theme from “Die Another Day” top these?
1. “A View to a Kill”-Duran Duran (reached #3 in summer, 1985)
2. “Live & Let Die”-Paul McCartney (1973)
3. “Nobody Does It Better” (from “The Spy Who Loved Me”)-Carly Simon (1977)
4. “Goldfinger”-Shirley Bassey/John Barry (1965)
5. “For Your Eyes Only”-Sheena Easton (1981)
Source: Music Data Research

• Whyzit when you want to open a locked door and you only have one hand free, the key will always be in your opposite pocket?
• Whyzit there isn’t a better way to start a day other than waking up every morning?
• Whyzit people wake you up to ask if you’re asleep?
• Whyzit you never want the one you can afford?
• Whyzit the less important you are in a company the more your lateness or absence is noticed?
• Whyzit when there are only 2 of you in the house and the bathroom door is locked you ask ‘Who’s in there?’
• Whyzit when we hear a sound in the middle of the night, we assume it’s a burglar? And whyzit we then shout ‘Hello?’

“Are we getting TOO politically correct?” (There’s a flap in Toronto over what’s been labelled the ‘holiday tree’ outside City Hall. Seems the city’s simple servants didn’t want to offend the multinational community by calling it a ‘Christmas tree’. And the Royal Canadian Mint is running an ad which changes the old holiday standard “The Twelve Days of Christmas” to “The Twelve Days of Giving”.)

BS Q & A:
Q: What country now ranks 10th as the country of origin of immigrants to Canada?
A: Britain.
Source: Citizenship & Immigration Canada

For a fee of $10 per word (5 word minimum), AfterLife Telegrams promises to attempt to deliver your message to someone who has passed away. Howzat? This is done with the help of terminally Ill volunteers who memorize the messages before passing away, then deliver them afterward. Of course, there’s no guarantee your message will arrive (especially if the messenger isn’t going to the same place your loved one did!). Nice scam, huh?

Two of the following are facts, the other one total BS. But which one?
1. Before fame, Madonna sold donuts at a Dunkin’ Donuts.
2. Before fame, Julia Roberts sold ice cream.
3. Before fame, Jennifer Aniston was a manicurist. (BS. But she did work in a burger joint.)

Today’s Question: A recent survey finds that we Canadians brush our teeth 14.2 times per week but we do THIS more often – 15.8 times per week.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Check e-mail.

Some people have a second language. I barely have a first one.

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