Monday, November 25, 2002        Edition: #2428
We’ve Got Our Sheet Together!

BS TRASHY TABLOID TIDBITS:
• According to “Weekly World News”, here’s this week’s ‘breaking news’ – “Working With Idiots Can Kill You!”, “Iraqi Submarine Prowling Lake Michigan!”, “Terrorist Plot to Blow Up the Internet on 1-11!”, “Space Aliens Are Mutilating Cattle!”, and – you gotta love it – “US Cuts $100-Billion Deal to Buy Great Wall of China – To Be Rebuilt Along Mexican & Canadian Borders!”.
• “Star” magazine claims Tom Cruise will spend $2 million on a spectacular spring wedding to actress-girlfriend Penelope Cruz. Word has it the big event will take place on the Mediterranean island of Malta. If true, this would be Tom’s 3rd attempt at marriage. (Will she become Penelope Cruise or Penelope Cruz-Cruise, or just remain Penelope Cruz?)
• “Sunday Mirror” reveals that ‘Jinx’ actress Halle Berry has one weakness she can’t control – the scent of cocoa butter. The tab quotes her as saying “When my husband (Eric Benet) wears that oil, I’m like a puppy. It just makes me instantly horny when I smell it!” (In related news, sales of sunscreen have just escalated 5000%.)
• According to Britain’s “Sun” tab, Coldplay frontman Chris Martin has been spotted on a discreet date in Berlin, Germany with new girlfriend, actress Gwyneth Paltrow. Word is she went to watch the band perform, then the pair spent the night shacked up at the Hyatt Hotel. (There are no reports of him dangling her over the balcony.)
• After he married Lisa Marie Presley, Nicolas Cage planned to build a replica of Graceland in California for them to live in. Now “Star” says he’s telling pals he’d rather move into the real deal in Memphis, hoping the idea will convince his wife to have a baby and end their feuding. If true, he’d first have to sell mother-in-law Priscilla Presley on the idea. She runs the board that controls Graceland, which hauls in more than $15 million a year from tourists!

TERRIBLE TITLES:
A competition to find the weirdest book name was held in London. Among the nominees –
• “The Prostate: A Guide For Men & The Women Who Love Them”
• “Violence: The Practical Series, Beyond Leaf Raking”
• “Attractive & Affectionate Grave Design”
• “Method for Calculating the Size of Stone Needed for Closing End-Tipped Rubble Banks in Rivers”
• “The Joy of Sex: Pocket Edition”

THE KITCHEN CUPBOARD SPA:
The book “The World’s Best-Kept Beauty Secrets” by model-turned fashion writer Diane Irons reveals sneaky little secrets to looking your best, some of them tipped by fashion models. A few highlights –
• Pepto Bismol makes the ultimate cleansing mask, especially for women with sensitive skin.
• Crisco makes a perfectly good makeup remover because it’s so easy on the skin.
• Kitty Litter can be used as the base for a facial treatment. Just add water and stir!
• Hemorrhoid cream is also a good facial cream because it reduces the puffiness under eyes and leaves a smoother, refreshed appearance.

SWAMPLAND ON THE MOON:
California-based Lunar Embassy has sold property to well over a million people – property on the Moon, that is! CEO Dennis Hope claims he’s the legal owner of lunar real estate and land on 8 other planetary bodies and so far he’s signed up registered property owners in 176 countries to whom he has sold 300 million acres on the Moon and 150 million acres on Mars, Venus and Jupiter. A 1-acre plot on the Moon goes for about $30. Properties with a good view of Earth cost extra. Each plot comes with a deed, property map, mineral rights and a copy of the original declaration of ownership. Hope claims he’ll have 45 million property owners by 2005. (Selling bogus deeds to interplanetary properties – that’s maddening! Why didn’t I think of it?)

BOND BOOM:
Here’s something you might not have considered – appearing in a ‘James Bond’ film can be a big boost for tourist locations. In fact, being featured in a ‘Bond’ film normally means a location attracts up to 50% more visitors over a 4-year period after the movie is released. Online travel company ebookers.com says that, thanks to “Die Another Day”, a so-called ‘Bond boom’ is expected for Holywell Bay in Cornwall, England, and Peani, Hawaii, which was used for the spectacular surf scenes.

SING LIKE A CROW, SOUND LIKE A CANARY:
For 20 years, Canada’s IVL Technologies has been making equipment for adjusting voices during music recording sessions. Now the company’s developed a vocal improvement tool for amateur wannabe warblers. The $70 microphone-shaped ‘Karaoke TV Star’ plugs into a TV and uses patented technologies to correct the pitch of even the worst voice. The IVL unit comes with 50 songs built in and can be updated from a bank of 1,000 downloadable songs, available online for 99 cents apiece. In addition to correcting pitch, the unit can make a female voice sound male and vice versa. (Wouldn’t one of these come in handy in your production studio?)

LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE:
Here’s some of the most common lies from Dr Dory Hollander’s book “101 Lies Men Tell Women & Why Women Believe Them” –
• “What attracts me most is your mind.”
• “No, I don’t think you’re fat.”
• “Of course I’m listening to what you’re saying.”
• “We’ll split household chores 50/50.”
• “I could never lie to you.
Ask listeners for common lies women tell men. (“I’m just going to the mall for half an hour.”)

BS SHOCKING FACT:
44% of us regularly skip breakfast, according to the Fitness & Lifestyle Research Institute.

THE BULL SHEET 11.25.2K2

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1944 [58] Ben Stein, Washington DC, TV host (“Win Ben Stein’s Money” 1997-2002)/movie actor (“The Mask”, “Casper”, “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off“)/columnist (“Washington Post”)/author (7 novels, 9 non-fiction books)/lawyer/former speechwriter for US Presidents Nixon & Ford

1960 [42] Amy Grant, Augusta GA, country/pop/gospel singer with 5 Grammy Awards (“Baby Baby”) who’s sold over 22 million albums/Mrs Vince Gill since 2000

1969 [33] Jill Hennessy, Edmonton AB, TV actress (Dr. Jordan Cavanaugh-“Crossing Jordan”, ex-“Law & Order” 1993-96)

1971 [31] Christina Applegate, Hollywood CA, movie actress (“The Sweetest Thing”, “The Big Hit”)/ex-TV actress (“Married With Children” 1987-97)  UP NEXT: Co-stars with Gwyneth Paltrow in the romantic comedy “A View From the Top”, opening JANUARY 24

1976 [26] Donovan McNabb, Chicago IL, NFL quarterback (Philadelphia Eagles) who’s currently sidelined by injury/signed all-time most lucrative NFL contract (a reported 12 years, $113 million) in SEPTEMBER

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
[UN] International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women

TONIGHT a 50th anniversary Royal Gala performance of the ‘world’s longest-running play’, Agatha Christie’s “The Mousetrap”, at St Martin’s Theatre in London will be attended by Queen Elizabeth, who’s also celebrating 50 years – on the British throne. “The Mousetrap” began as a 30-minute radio play called “Three Blind Mice”, then opened on stage November 25, 1952. A film producer bought the movie rights decades ago with the proviso he could only make a movie of it after the stage version finished – but the play has outlived him!

TODAY is “Shopping Reminder Day”, marking 1 month until Christmas. Just what you wanted to hear!

The 14th annual “Vegetarian Banquet for Monkeys” will be served up THIS WEEK in Lop Buri, Thailand. Dozens of chefs and servers work for 2 days to prepare a gourmet meal for the 600 monkeys that inhabit the area. It’s to pay back the little critters for giving the town much of its character and tourism. (Not to mention aroma.)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1792 [210] 1st edition of “The Old Farmer’s Almanac” (back when the ‘old farmer’ was just a young whippersnapper)

1867 [135] 1st ‘dynamite’ (ironically invented by Alfred Nobel, who also went on to found the ‘Nobel Peace Prize’)

1949 [53] “Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer” 1st appears on music charts (while Gene Autry’s rendition is the most popular, 80 different versions of the song have been recorded and over 20 million copies sold)

1972 [30] 1st commercial coin-operated ‘video game’ (“Pong”)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1977 [25] David Steed balances stationary on a bike for 9 hours, 15 minutes (an exercise bike?)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Pins & Needles Day
[Thurs] Thanksgiving Day (USA)
[Thurs] Thanksgiving Day (no BS service
[Fri] You’re Welcome Giving Day)
[Fri] What Do You Love About America Day
[Fri] Buy Nothing Day
[Fri] Electronic Greetings Day
[Fri] Chanukah (begins at sundown)
[Fri] International Computer Security Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Farm-City Week
National Adoption Week
Travelers With Disabilities Awareness Week
Family Caregivers Week
National Cookie Week
Game & Puzzle Week

BULL’S BITS . . .
MORE BS QUESTIONS PLAGUING HUMANITY:

• If they start cloning everything will there be a market for ‘factory seconds’ and ‘irregulars’?
• If you put beer in a water bed does it make it a foam mattress?
• Instead of the ‘backstroke’ why not just call it ‘making water angels’?
• Is it bad luck to be superstitious?
• Were you given a belly button to store salt when you eat celery in bed?
• Why do scientists experiment on animals when there’s so many lawyers out there?

IN A WORD:
Q: Why is the word ‘love’ used to mean ‘no score’ in tennis?
A: It comes from the French word ‘l`oeuf’, which means ‘egg’.

Q: The computer term ‘byte’ is a contraction of which 2 words?
A: ‘By eight.’

Q: What’s a ‘hemi-demi-semi-quaver’?
A: The music term for a 64th note.

Q: What chess term is derived from the Persian phrase ‘shah mat’ which means ‘the king is dead’?
A: The word ‘checkmate’.
Source: “Words At Play”

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• “Which has-been star would you like to see make a comeback?” (In a Suncoast Video poll, 38% of respondents pick Emilio Estevez, 23% want Molly Ringwald.)
• “Which would you choose – more money or more time?” (In a Roper Poll, 66% choose the bucks!)
• “What childhood game or toy do you remember most fondly?”

BS WHO SAID IT?
“I got in trouble with the police and that was a rude awakening. That was it. I’d seen the bottom of the pit and it was time to scrape myself out of it.”
a) Robert Downey Jr
b) Bryan Adams
c) Halle Berry
ANSWER: Bryan Adams.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: The largest one of these ever seen was 8 inches in diameter.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A snowflake.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all.

WIDE WORLD OF BS:
Welcome to new BS subscriber Jeff Jeffries @ CKDM Dauphin MB and to this week’s BS samplers including Craig Hunt @ WSTR Atlanta GA, Matthew Lasher @ WPXZ Punxsutawney PA, Greg Milby @ WLVK Elizabethtown KY, Lisa Beatson @ Classic Hits 97.8 Palmerston North, New Zealand, and Miki Hunter @ WZBH Georgetown DE.


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