Thursday, November 21, 2002        Edition: #2426
A Bull in Hand Is A Sheetload of Fun!

TONIGHT the British Academy of Film & Television Arts is honoring, quote, “one of the most influential and important directors of our time” – Spike Lee (huh?) . . . Mike Spalla, the guy who created the novelty Christmas album “Jingle Cats”, is back with another CD of singing pussies, this time it’s called “Rhythm and Mews” and it’s being touted as a good way to alleviate ‘cat depression’ . . . “The Simpsons” will celebrate its 300th episode in FEBRUARY with Bart trying to divorce his parents . . . A card from JK Rowling that contains 93 random words from the next ‘Potter’ book ”Harry Potter & The Order Of The Phoenix” will be auctioned NEXT MONTH and is expected to raise over $10,000 for charity (here’s a sample – ‘the’, ‘a’, ‘over’…) . . . The 6th season of CBS-TV’s “Survivor” is shooting on the banks of the Amazon River in Brazil and will debut in FEBRUARY . . . Michael Jackson has issued a formal apology admitting he made a “terrible mistake” by dangling his #2 son over the 4th-floor balcony railing at a Berlin hotel to show him to fans (something’s really wrong when thousands of perfectly normal people can’t have kids and this freak has 3!).

Word is Alicia Keys turned down the role so Jennifer Lopez is set to star in yet another remake of “A Star Is Born”, co-starring Will Smith . . . Sally Field is joining Reese Witherspoon in the cast of “Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde”, playing a member of Congress . . . Dennis Quaid is taking over the role of Sam Houston in “The Alamo” now that Russell Crowe has backed out, and will join Billy Bob Thornton who’ll play ‘Davy Crockett’ . . . And it looks as if Quaid may also star in a drama about NASCAR’s Petty clan, playing the racing family’s patriarch Lee Petty, who teaches son Richard Petty the ropes . . . Denzel Washington has his next couple of films lined up – he and Halle Berry will co-star in a remake of the hit 1983 British comedy “Educating Rita” (the original starred Michael Caine & Julie Walters) and Denzel will reprise Frank Sinatra’s role in an update of the 1962 political thriller “The Manchurian Candidate” to be produced by Sinatra’s daughter Tina who says it has her pop’s ‘blessing’ (what, she held a seance?).

In her new book “Too Loud, Too Bright, Too Fast, Too Tight”, psychologist Dr Sharon Heller claims up to 15% of us suffer from ‘sensory defensiveness’, a syndrome which causes sufferers to panic when exposed to flashing lights, traffic noise and crowded areas – like a mall during holiday shopping season, for instance. Heller claims many sensory sufferers are unaware of their condition and try to deal with it by drinking, overeating or disassociation. Her advice? Don’t always follow the flow, ie: shop at odd hours when others aren’t. (But be careful not to trip the burglar alarms.)

70-year-old Scottish inventor Stuart Morrison has come up with a device that resembles a front-loading clothes dryer – but it cooks food. The ‘Tumble Fryer’ uses the same technology that dries clothes to cook anything from french fries to chicken. A ceramic outer drum heats up while the inner drum rotates, ensuring all the food is cooked evenly. (What if you accidentally put your clothes in? You could end up with deep-fried undies!)

Nearly 200 bombs and artillery shells dumped offshore by the British military decades ago are being removed from the site of a Disney theme park being built on dredged land off Hong Kong. The British army dumped close to 200 old bombs in the water beginning in the 1950s. Most are rusted out or without fuses and don’t pose any danger. Their removal is not expected to delay construction of the park, scheduled to open by 2006. (Could really spice up some of the rides!)

According to researchers at Queen’s University in Belfast, dogs are quieter and better behaved when listening to classical music than any other kind. But it seems variety is crucial. If classical music is played all day, they begin to ignore it and its pacifying qualities wear off. (Start ‘em off with some headbanging’ Metallica, then try Mozart.)

The most popular snack food at Tokyo’s Ueno Zoo these days is called ‘Gorilla no Hana Kuso’. Roughly translated, we’re talking ‘Gorilla Boogers’. They’re reportedly small, black and wrinkly, with a sprinkling of white powder and no particular odor. Some nosing around confirms, however, they aren’t really primate pickin’s – just sweet black beans.

A new survey on holiday season stress finds that men and women tend to cope differently. Most women (71%) surveyed say they overcome holiday stress by reading a book, while most men (51%) say they cope by having a brew or two with buddies. (Isn’t that how guys cope with ANYTHING?)

Design & Fine Art student Birgit Hansen has performed an unusual piece as part of her final exams at the University of Ulster in Belfast. She read from the text of a French philosopher, emphasizing the important points throughout by – vomiting.

In his book “Amazing Kitchen Cures”, former advertising copywriter Joey Green offers some really strange alternative uses for products you may have in the kitchen. Some highlights –
• Campbell’s Tomato Juice neutralizes the smell if you (or your dog) are sprayed by a skunk. Sponge it on or jump into a tubful.
• Kraft Mayonnaise smeared onto lice will kill the little critters. Just wrap your hair in Saran Wrap and wait a couple hours. (Now for horrified parents, this could be useful!)
• Cheez Whiz, Skippy peanut butter, Cool Whip or Pam cooking spray can be used for shaving. The oils apparently lubricate the skin for a remarkably smooth shave. (And you automatically get a nice aftershave aroma.)
• SPAM can be used as a furniture polish, which you can apply with pantyhose. (And your Golden Retriever will lick it off for you.)
• Tang will apparently clean your toilet. (If you like it orange.)
• Bounce fabric-softener sheets purportedly make a good insect repellant. (Or at least soften your skin so the bites hurt less going in.)
• Nestea in a tub will sooth sunburn. (That would be a REAL ‘Nestea plunge’!)
• Jell-O can be used for hair mousse. The ingredients in real styling gel aren’t all that different.
• Adolph’s meat tenderizer can take the ouch out of bee stings or, if you’re swimming in the ocean, Portuguese Man-of-War stings. The enzymes break down the proteins in the venom. (And tenderize your flesh for the circling sharks.)
• And Aunt Jemima’s pancake syrup supposedly soothes an irritated throat. Just swallow 2 teaspoons of it. (Without gagging.)


1944 [58] Harold Ramis, Chicago IL, movie director (“Analyze This”, “Groundhog Day”)/sometime actor (“Ghostbusters”, “SCTV”)  NEXT FILM: Directs Robert De Niro & Billy Crystal in the comedy sequel ”Analyze That”, opening DECEMBER 6

1945 [57] Goldie Hawn (Btudlendgehawn), Washington DC, movie actress ( “The Banger Sisters”, “First Wives Club”, Oscar-“Cactus Flower”)/Kurt Russell’s longtime partner/Kate Hudson’s mom
1965 [37] Bjork (Gudmundsdottir), Reykjavik ICE, weird rock singer (“Selmasongs”)/weirder film actress (“Dancer in the Dark”)

1966 [36] Troy Aikman, West Covina CA, FOX-TV NFL game analyst (with Chris Collinsworth & play-by-play announcer Joe Buck)/retired NFL QB (Dallas Cowboys)

1974 [28] Kelsi Osborn, Magna UT, country singer (SHeDAISY-“This Woman Needs”, “Little Good-byes”)/group’s name is Native American word meaning ‘my sisters’

TODAY is the 26th annual “Great American Smokeout”, traditionally the third Thursday in November. The concept dates from the early ’70s when Lynn Smith, publisher of the “Monticello Times” in Minnesota, announced the first observance and called it ‘D Day’. The idea caught on in state after state until in 1977, it went nationwide under the sponsorship of the American Cancer Society. If past smokeouts are any indication, as many as one-third of the nation’s 45 million smokers could be taking the day off from smoking.
PHONER: 1-800-ACS-2345 (American Cancer Society Quitline)

TODAY is the 30th “World Hello Day”, observed in some 180 countries. Participants are asked to spread goodwill by saying ‘hello’ to at least 10 people. Try conferencing 10 different people to say ‘hello’ to one eager-beaver listener, or having your listeners call in to say ‘hello’ in another language.
Here’s a Website telling you how to say ‘hello’ in more than 700 languages.

TODAY is “Beaujolais Nouveau Day”, the annual limited release of young Burgundy wines from France as a preview of the year’s grape crop. More than 20 million bottles were trucked to French airports last weekend, destined for wine enthusiasts in the US, Canada and Japan.

1783 [219] 1st ‘human flight’ (Jean Francois Pilatre de Rozier & the Marquis Francois Laurant d’Arlandes make 1st flight in a balloon, about 6 miles around Paris FRA)

1871 [131] 1st ‘human cannonball’ (Emilio Onra, also known as ‘Flathead’)

1937 [65] Thomas Morris skips rope 22,806 times in 2 hours in Sydney, Australia – more than
3 skips per second!

1975 [27] Bob Atheney bowls for 265 hours over 11 days in 1,976 games (St Petersburg FL)

1976 [26] Vernon Bass of Sarasota FL becomes ‘world champion oyster-eater’ by inhaling 684 in 20 minutes

1977 [25] 5 ski patrol members set a record in British Columbia by giving mouth-to-mouth
resuscitation for 60 hours to a mannequin

1991 [11] Frenchman Gerard d’Aboville completes 4-month solo Pacific crossing – in a rowboat

[1 week today] American Thanksgiving
[Fri] Start Your Own Country Day (aka ‘Parti Québecois Day’)
[Sat] MTV’s HIV/AIDS Awareness Concert (Cape Town SA)
[Sun] 90th Grey Cup (Edmonton)
This Week Is . . . National Culinary Week
This Month Is . . . I Am So Thankful Month / Run Away Prevention Month


• Aries – A friend will ask your advice on a technical matter. If you answer, you’ll be blamed. Pretend you don’t know anything about it.
• Taurus – You’ll find more and very interesting uses for cocktail umbrellas today.
• Gemini – You, for one, have just about had it with all this ‘globalization’. Time to go on a diet!
• Cancer – Today the universe will stop expanding and start contracting. You will be the only one who notices. Also you will develop a strange desire to wear golf shoes indoors.
• Leo – It’s time to start setting higher goals. Don’t get stuff to make a salad and then let it rot in the fridge. Get stuff to make several salads and start your own compost pile!
• Virgo – Today is a good day to begin work on that self-help book you’ve been meaning to write – “Mosey Your Way To Fitness”.
• Libra – You’ll feel like you can’t do anything right today. Unfortunately, it turns out you’re right.
• Scorpio – You will attempt to single-handedly bring the spaghetti Western back from obscurity. Your first film will be “A Fistful of Noodles”.
• Sagittarius – You are confused this week. Wait, aren’t you confused every week?
• Capricorn – Everyone you know will wear unmatched socks today. And just your luck, you’ll have forgotten this is the long-awaited ‘Sock Swap Day’.
• Aquarius – Its time for you and your lover to have it out. Remember to fill the tub with Jell-O for the match.
• Pisces – You’ll receive an early sign that today will not be your best. When you are done changing your socks, you will pass out.

• Name an animal that grows ivory other than the elephant. (Hippopotamus, walrus, warthog, wild boar, some kinds of whales.)
• Name a mammal that lays eggs. (The duck-billed platypus and the spiny anteater.)
• What are ‘Rex the Tyrannosaurus’, ‘Hoot the Owl’, ‘Tabasco the Bull’, ‘Peanut the Elephant’, and ‘Peking the Panda’? (Beanie Babies. Remember them? They were 1st introduced in 1993.)
• Can your dog contemplate his navel or don’t dogs have navels? No peeking! (Yup, all dogs have belly buttons.)

Today’s Question: Even though you might think that this will set the mood, guys actually say that this is a real turn off.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Scented candles in the bedroom.

I’m in no hurry to retire. I mean, who wants to sit around all day listening to music?

Printer Friendly Version