Wednesday, November 20, 2002                    Edition: #2425
Wanna Have a Good Show? Get Sheet-Faced Every Morning!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Despite the flak taken by ABC last year, CBS-TV will air the steamy “Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show” TONIGHT featuring supermodels-in-skivvies (one segment with model Gisele Bundchen had to be retaped after it was interrupted by PETA protesters carrying signs that read “Gisele: Fur Scum”) . . . Enrique Iglesias was in danger of losing those pretty boy looks, not once, but twice at the MTV Europe Awards in Barcelona after getting caught in a bar brawl and then being punched in the face . . . An ad seeking extras for Christina Aguilera’s next video “Beautiful” reads – quote – “Wanted: Lesbian Women, 40s, all ethnicities. Should appear feminist” . . . “Austin Powers” ‘Mini Me’ actor Verne Troyer has checked into a rehab clinic to dry out . . . Kelly Osbourne has left the family home to live with her boyfriend Bert McCracken in NYC saying, “In New York I can go out in pajamas and no one will give a damn” . . . Justin Timberlake has broken his foot during rehearsals for several upcoming TV appearances to promote his new “Justified” album . . . In ABC-TV’s upcoming reality series “Are You Hot?”, a group of acid-tongued judges will decide who be hot and who be not as contestants compete to be named sexiest person in America (ever try a sexiest voice contest on your show?) . . . Look who’s back together – Angelina Jolie and her ex-husband Jonny Lee Miller (divorced in 1999 after 4 years) apparently turning to each other for comfort after their following relationships went south, and 65-year-old Jack Nicholson is said to be back on-again with 32-year-old girlfriend Lara Flynn Boyle . . . And a less-than-humble Halle Berry tells the DECEMBER issue of “Vogue” that she’s the best ‘Bond’ girl ever – quote – “He has finally come up against a woman who is his equal in bed and on the job!” (we’ll find out FRIDAY).

NEW BUZZWORDS:
• ‘Marital Rupture’ – A more clinical new term to use when ‘divorce’ sounds too harsh. (“Poor Aunt Jeannie has suffered through two marital ruptures in the past 7 years.”)
• ‘Peeball’ – A game developed in the UK to raise money to fight prostate cancer. The biodegradable ball is placed in a toilet and male users then attempt to demolish it.
• ‘Negative Patient Outcome’ – Insurance-speak for ‘the patient died’. Malpractice insurance companies hate to associate loss of life with ‘medical errors’.
• ‘Professional Interspecific Telepathic Communicators’ – The name by which ‘pet psychics’ now prefer to be known.

DA NOSE KNOWS:
Scientists at the University of California have discovered the left and right nostrils give the brain different messages, meaning odors smell differently depending on which nostril you sniff through. When volunteers are asked to sniff 8 common odors in experiments, including peppermint and lemon, most rate them more pleasant when sniffed through the right nostril. (Unless, of course, they’re left-nosed.)

TOP TIPPERS:
According to an article in “Travel Holiday” magazine, actor Al Pacino and president George W Bush are two of the favorite celebs for servers in restaurants because both tip at the rate of 50% of the bill. The top cheapskates? Tiger Woods is famous for leaving no tip whatsoever, and Britney Spears, though exceptionally polite, is also famous for stiffing restaurant staff.

DECAF AIN’T DE PROBLEM:
Coffee drinkers worried about high blood pressure can forget about ordering decaf. A new Swiss study shows it’s not the caffeine in coffee that raises blood pressure. Occasional coffee drinkers who drank a triple espresso for the study did exhibit higher blood pressure but the same effect was recorded whether or not it contained caffeine. The finding suggests that something else in coffee is to blame. The research also shows that regular coffee drinkers seem to become immune to the effects. (And that after gulping a triple espresso, most people can speak at the rate of 9,000 words per minute.)

TEENAGE ANGST EXPLAINED:
Scientists may have figured out why teens can be so difficult. Researchers at San Diego State University say that when kids hit adolescence, there’s a dramatic increase in activity in the prefrontal cortex of the brain, the part responsible for social relationships and behavior. This flurry of activity makes it harder for teens to recognize other people’s emotions, leading to typical teen irritability. The good news? It all starts returning to normal at about age 18. (If you let them live that long.)

GOOFY NEW GIZMOS:
• The Trappist monks of New Melleray Abbey in Dubuque, Iowa are selling handmade bookshelves – that turn into coffins. The caskets are modified with up to 5 shelves so they can be useful to their owners both before and after they pass on. (This can leave survivors with a helluva decision however – do we bury Uncle Ernie or keep the set of Britannicas?)
• US defense contractors have been asked to develop giant unmanned blimps – 2 to 3 times the size of Goodyear’s famous gasbag – that would rim the American coastline at 70,000 feet. At that height they would be above adverse weather and could hover in stationary positions for months at a time. (Giving NFL refs yet another angle to review plays during those endless challenges.)
• Norwegian clothing manufacturer Handy-Fashions has developed a new earflap-style cap that’s designed to deflect radio waves from mobile phones. The ‘Mobile Cap’ features a layer of woven silver thread that purportedly deflects close to 100% of radio waves. (But will lead to your immediate arrest by the fashion police.)

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• 1 in 3 people who use SMS have sent text messages to the wrong person by mistake.
• A new survey finds that, as well as 56% of women, 23% of men claim they have faked an orgasm.

THE BULL SHEET 11.20.2K2

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1947 [55] Joe Walsh, Wichita KS, classic rock guitarist (“Life’s Been Good”, Eagles-“Hotel California”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame in1998 (as a member of the Eagles)

1956 [46] Bo Derek (Mary Cathleen Collins), Long Beach CA, worst movie actress of the ‘80s  (“10″, “Bolero”) who was signing her book about horses at Toronto’s Royal Winter Fair LAST WEEK

1959 [43] Sean Young, Louisville KY, movie actress (“Ace Ventura: Pet Detective”, “No Way Out”)

1963 [39] Ming-Na (Wen), Macau CHI, TV actress (Dr Jing-Mei ‘Deb’ Chen-“ER”)/movie actress (“Mulan”, “Joy Luck Club”)  UP NEXT: “Mulan II”, coming in 2003

1965 [37] Mike D (Diamond), NYC, rock/rap artist (Beastie Boys-“Hello Nasty”, “You Gotta Fight for Your Right to Party”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Mexican Revolution Day” (1910)
• “Absurdity Day”
• “Universal Children’s Day” and ”Canadian National Child Day”

TONIGHT there’s a Full Moon and the “2003 Almanac for Farmers & City Folk” tells us the stimulating news that a Full Moon in the month of NOVEMBER is called a “Beaver Moon”.

TODAY is “Name Your PC Day”. Ask listeners what pet names they’ve bestowed on theirs. (Mine’s called ‘!*#*?&!**!’)

THIS WEEK is “Cold & Cough Awareness Week”. The average adult gets 2 colds a year, while the average child has 10. (Meaning the average parent suffers the sniffles about 12 times.)

ON THIS DAY . . .
1947 [55] Britain’s Princess Elizabeth marries Duke Philip Mountbatten, later to become Queen Elizabeth II & Prince Philip (according to “Wedding Tips”, it’s their ‘Emerald Anniversary’)

10 YEARS AGO . . .
1992 Queen Elizabeth’s weekend home, Windsor Castle, is heavily damaged by fire but no
one is injured as neighbors help Prince Andrew save most of the royal treasures

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1866 [136] Pierre Lalemont of Paris FRA patents ‘rotary crank bicycle’ (the original bicycle was nicknamed the ‘bone shaker’)

1923 [79] 1st ‘traffic signal’ (Garrett Morgan designates red for ‘stop’, green for ‘go’, and yellow for ‘go like hell!’)

1995 [07] Baltimore Stallions (now Montréal Alouettes) become 1st and only US-based team to win CFL championship, defeating Calgary Stampeders 37-20 in 83rd Grey Cup (when Baltimore Ravens win the Super Bowl in 2000, Baltimore becomes the only city with both a CFL and an NFL championship)

1980 [22] 1st successful ‘solar-powered flight’ (Steve Ptacek-’Solar Challenger’)

1982 [20] Drew Barrymore 1st hosts “Saturday Night Live” – at age 7

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1994 [08] New England Patriots QB Drew Bledsoe sets NFL record for pass attempts (70) and completions (45) vs Minnesota Vikings

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] Beaujolais Nouveau Day (worldwide release of France’s new crop wines)
[Thurs] World Hello Day
[Thurs] Great American Smokeout
[Fri] Start Your Own Country Day
[Sat] MTV’s HIV/AIDS Awareness Concert (Cape Town SA)
[Sun] 90th Grey Cup (Edmonton)
This Week Is . . . National Geography Awareness Week / Grey Cup Week  / American Education Week
This Month Is . . . Pepper Month / Real Jewelry Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS WHYZITS:

• Whyzit we remember the tiniest detail that has happened to us but don’t remember how many times we have told it to the same person?
• Whyzit more men sell women’s shoes but more women sell men’s underwear?
• Whyzit the only time you realize you have a reputation is when you fail to live up to it?
• Whyzit when you’re choking people always ask if you’re okay? How can you answer if you’re choking?
• Whyzit when you’re in a store the salesperson can’t wait on you because a customer is on the phone but if you call the same salesperson on the phone they can’t wait on you because they’re taking care of a customer in the store?
• Whyzit non-smokers are never asked to leave when they sit in the smoking section?

BS ‘GEOGRAPHY AWARENESS WEEK’ QUIZ:
GAME #1 –
• Which national park has vegetation-covered overpasses to allow wildlife to cross the Trans-Canada Highway? [Banff]
• What oceanic weather pattern was blamed for eastern Canada’s 1998 ice storm? [El Nino]
• What are natives of Sydney, Australia called? [Sydneysiders]
• What Canadian city has hosted the longest consecutive string of St Patrick’s Day parades, hosting its 178th in 2002? [Montréal]
• Which Canadian province’s cooks would be most likely to serve you ‘dogbody’, ‘flummy dum’ or ‘figgy duff’? [Newfoundland’s]

GAME #2 –
• What Québécois dish of french fries, cheese curds and gravy derives its name from the English word ‘pudding’? [Poutine]
• What’s the world’s only airport to handle over 50 million international passengers per year? [Heathrow]
• What comparatively peaceful nation has been called ‘the Switzerland of Central America’? [Costa Rica]
• What Scottish poet is honored by more statues in Canada than any other author? [Robert Burns]
• Which territory holds the record for the lowest recorded temperature in Canada? [Yukon]
Source for all: “Trivial Pursuit: 20th Anniversary Edition [Canadian Version]”

• What American city is close to the same latitude as Mexico City? [Hilo, on the big Island of Hawaii. It’s at 19'42 North, Mexico City is at 19'25 North.]
• What’s the world’s most widespread form of execution – firing squad, hanging, or lethal injection? [Firing squad]
• Which US state is most dependent on tourism with almost 30% of jobs tourist-related? [Nevada]
• What city had an average gasoline price of 39 cents a gallon in 2001 – Caracas, Kuwait City or Tehran? [Caracas, Venezuela.]
• What state capital was originally called Pig’s Eye? [St Paul MN, after the nickname of one of its first settlers.]
• What nation of 60 million people drank close to 4 billion liters of wine in 2001? [France]
• Which US state touches only one other state? [Maine, touching only New Hampshire.]
Sources: “Trivial Pursuit: 20th Anniversary Edition”, “Totally Trivial”

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• “Which article of clothing is most important if you’re dressing for success?” (Shoes came out on top in a new survey.)
• “What’s the best ‘handle’ of all time?” (In a new Pennzoil poll of men, 44% pick the ‘door handle’, 20% say the ‘toilet handle’, and a wacky 15% – ‘love handles’.)

WHO SAID IT?
“It doesn’t matter how good you look on the screen. If you don’t deliver, people aren’t going to show up at the theater.”
a) Julia Roberts
b) Denzel Washington
c) Angelina Jolie
ANSWER: Denzel Washington

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 34% of single men admit to only doing this once a month.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Changing the bed sheets.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
I’ve tried to write a really good drinking song but my mind goes blank after 4 bars.

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