Thursday, November 7, 2002        Edition: #2416
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BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
LAST NIGHT at London’s Royal Festival Hall the “Queen Symphony” premiered, an orchestral and choral work incorporating 13 of classic rock group Queen’s greatest hits (they already have a stage musical, now a symphony, next – polkas?) . . . Need a new late night personality? Beginning MONDAY, “Late Show with David Letterman” will be simulcast weeknights on 15 major-market radio stations owned by Infinity and more stations are expected in the near future (cool – anyone have Canadian rights to this?) . . . Missy Elliott is reportedly offering $1 million to the person who can figure out what she’s saying backwards on her latest single, “Work It” (that’s one way to get people to listen) . . . Ozzy & Sharon Osbourne have now sold their name and likeness for more than 74 pieces of merchandise ranging from incense burners to air fresheners, and expletive-spouting key-chains to kids pajamas (so much cash for so little talent) . . .  Soon they’ll be able to waste money like Elton John, who just bought a $12,000 ring with the words ‘F– You’ encrusted in diamonds (so much cash for so little class).

MOVIES IN THE MAKIN’:
Sean Connery’s surprise cameo in the new ‘Bond’ film “Die Another Day” as 007′s father may be axed after protests from ‘Bond’ purists that in the original Ian Fleming novels, ‘James Bond’ is an orphan (they’ve got 15 days left to figure out what to do) . . . And here’s another film that may see scissors – George Clooney’s upcoming “Solaris” has been given a kiss-of-death ‘R’ rating – because it shows his butt! (we’ll find out NOVEMBER 27 if it’s still cheeky) . . . Picture this trio – Sean Penn & Woody Allen acting in a comedy called “Why Men Shouldn’t Marry”, the directorial debut of Steve Bing, best known as Elizabeth Hurley’s, er… producer . . . America’s newest sweetheart, Reese Witherspoon, is moving to Washington DC for her sequel movie “Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde”, then starring in a snowy whodunit called “Whiteout”, about a US marshal investigating the first-ever murder in Antarctica (the penguin did it) . . . In what may be her grittiest role since “Monster’s Ball”, Halle Berry will play a rape victim in the drama “October Squall”, based on a true story about a woman who keeps her rapist’s baby and becomes a loving mother (another Oscar-winning role?).

TOP STARS BY BOX OFFICE:
If you sort the top actors and actresses based on the average box office take for all their movies, you come up with a list with some surprises –
Top Actors:
5. Mike Myers
4. Eddie Murphy
3. Tom Hanks
2. Will Smith
1. Harrison Ford (25 movies with an average gross of about $119 million)
Top Actresses:
5. Kate Winslet
4. Tea Leoni
3. Julia Roberts
2. Bonnie Hunt
1. Natalie Portman (5 movies with an average gross of about $158 million)
Source: “Movie Times”

BIG-BUTT BAH-BAH:
According to the scientific publication “Genome Research”, Duke University scientists have identified a gene that gives sheep large, muscular butts. What possible use can that be? It may help farmers raise meatier sheep, but the long-range goal is to develop a better understanding of how fat and muscle are created in the body. (A gene that makes butts look big? Hey, I think [co-host] has the same jeans!)

COMMERCIAL CANINES:
London’s THQ ad agency is recruiting dogs to carry ads. The idea has already been tested on a golden Lab named Fido who carried an ad for the PlayStation 2 game “Red Faction II”. Fido was painted with the logo in red vegetable dye and taken for daily walks in target areas. To qualify for the gig, dogs need to have short, pale hair to accentuate ads, must be healthy and walked at least twice a day. (Now advertisers will be asking, “What’s the cost-per-hydrant?”)

JURASSIC BOT:
Sanyo has unveiled an interactive dinosaur-shaped home security robot. ‘Banyru’ uses infrared, sonic, temperature and odor sensors to detect problems when the owners are away and can be controlled remotely using a mobile phone. When homeowners are alerted about  intruders on their mobile phone screens, they can yell at them via the phone and the voice will be heard from the robot’s speaker. The bot hits the market in Japan sometime next spring. (Somehow we don’t see a nervous voice pleading “Hey you bad guy, get out of here!” coming from a lime-green dinosaur having the same impact as a barking Rottweiler that’s foaming at the mouth.)

BAD BREATH, GOOD GLAND:
According to a Chinese study in the “Journal of the National Cancer Institute”, a diet rich in garlic, shallots, leeks and onions may dramatically cut the risk of prostate cancer. The study shows that those who regularly consume items from the allium food group are about 50% less likely to suffer from prostate cancer. (Great, you save your prostate but no one will come within 100 yards of you!)

FEMALES & FELINES MAKE FAST FRIENDS:
In his new book, “The Nine Emotional Lives Of Cats”, New Zealand author Jeffrey Masson claims the majority of people who don’t like cats are male. Why are so many men cat-haters? Masson says there are couple key reasons – men don’t like to be judged but cats judge them anyway, and some men are jealous because women like cats more than them. (And unlike ‘man’s best friend’, cats don’t jump up & down and run around in circles every time pop walks in the door.)

FOR THE RECORD:
A group of restaurateurs in Monterrey, Mexico is claiming a new record for the world’s largest taco – 32 feet-long, weighing over 1300 lbs, and made from 480 tortillas stuck together and filled with meat and cheese. If verified by the “Guinness World Records” people, that would eclipse the 16-foot, 1100-lb monster made in Houston TX earlier this year. (The Monterrey group is also expected to set a record for use of the most air freshener in a 24-hour period.)

BS SHOCKING FACTS:
• Some 11,167 animal species are now threatened with extinction, according to the World Conservation Union. That’s an increase of 121 in just 2 years. On top of that, 5,611 plant species are threatened as well. (Unfortunately, broccoli isn’t one of them.)
• Times sure change. In England in the 1880s, ‘pants’ was considered a dirty word! (“Son of a pants, you’ve really pantsed me off this time, you pantser! Now take your pantsy face and get the pants outta here!” My, that was freeing, wasn’t it?)

AND WE QUOTE:
“I remember when the radio meant something. We enjoyed the people who were on it, even if we hated them. They had personalities. They were people of taste, who we trusted. And I see that vanishing.”
– Tom Petty whining somewhat incoherently in “Rolling Stone” magazine.

THE BULL SHEET 11.07.2K2

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1918 [84] (William Franklin) Billy Graham, Charlotte NC, evangelist who claims to have preached to more people in live audiences than anyone else in history – over 210 million in more than 185 countries and territories/currently in the process of turning over his ministry to his son, Franklin

1943 [59] Joni Mitchell (Roberta Anderson), Fort McLeod AB, pop/folk singer/songwriter (“Big Yellow Taxi”, “Both Sides Now”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame/Canadian Walk of Fame

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
[USA] National Notary Public Day

TODAY is “PMS Stress Day”, founded in 1995. If you’ve got it, flaunt it. If not, get the hell out of the way!

TOMORROW-November 17th is the 80th annual “Royal Winter Fair” at Toronto’s Exhibition Place, the ‘largest combined indoor agricultural, horticultural, canine & equestrian exhibition in the world’ (uh, is there another one?). Speaking of livestock, “10″ actress Bo Derek will be a special guest at the horse show, signing copies of her new $40 book “Riding Lessons” next WEDNESDAY.
PHONER: 416-263-3400 (Fair Office)/416-603-6005 (Peter Ashworth/Kristina Beesley-PR)
NET: http://www.royalfair.org

THIS MONTH is “Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow Month”. Why? According to researchers, NOVEMBER is the month when the most hair falls out.

2 YEARS AGO . . .
2000 Americans go the polls to elect a new president, the results of which take over a month to determine (VP Al Gore wins the popular vote but loses presidency to George W Bush in the Electoral College. Hillary Rodham Clinton becomes 1st president’s wife elected to public office, as Senator for NY)

2000 Garth Brooks files for divorce from wife Sandy (so he can take up with that shameless hussy Trisha Yearwood?)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1965 [37] ‘Pillsbury Doughboy’ (Poppin’ Fresh) pops out of his 1st can of Pillsbury refrigerated dough in a commercial for crescent rolls (within 3 years, 87% of the population recognizes his name and likeness)

1999 [03] Tiger Woods becomes 1st golfer to win 4 consecutive tournaments since Ben Hogan in 1953

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1943 [59] Last time a ‘scoreless tie’ is recorded in the NFL (Detroit Lions-0, NY-Giants 0, Fans-ZZ)

1975 [27] John Anderson of Los Angeles plays guitar non-stop for record 114 hours, 17 minutes

1982 [20] 1st pro QB to pass for 5,000 yds in a single season (Warren Moon-Edmonton Eskimos)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] Dunce Day
[Fri] Cook Something Bold & Pungent Day
[Fri] National Parents As Teachers Day
[Sat] Sydney 2002 Gay Games end
[Mon] Remembrance Day
This Week Is . . . Canadian Children’s Book Week / Split Pea Soup Week
This Month Is . . .  Child Safety & Protection Month / Epilepsy Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS HORRIBLESCOPES:

• Aries – Good day to take up knitting . . . on horseback. Everyone needs an adventure.
• Taurus – Stinky feet day today. Don’t go to a Japanese restaurant.
• Gemini – A friend will help you find a love match. Make sure you have plenty of quarters because the change machine at the laundromat is broken.
• Cancer – Good day to count your blessings. Both of them.
• Leo – Fortune will smile upon you today! That’s what it does when it’s just thought up a real corker.
• Virgo – You will find the perfect lover tonight. Just remember to tell the judge you were only offering that young lady a loan.
• Libra – Life appears to be getting easier for you this week. It may be because you left the phone off the hook and your mother hasn’t been able to get in touch with you.
• Scorpio – You are about to have an unfortunate episode involving insects, grape Kool-Aid, and a revolving door. Beware!
• Sagittarius – A stranger will make a big impression on you this week. Fortunately, rescue workers will successfully pry that retired Sumo wrestler off you.
• Capricorn – It is a good time to be thinking about your future. If you apply early, you will probably get that dream job at the waste treatment plant.
• Aquarius – That rash you’ve been worrying about should clear up by the end of this week. Unfortunately, the entire appendage will then just fall off.
• Pisces – Your new love interest may not be telling the truth about his or her age. Just to be sure, you might want to look at the teeth to determine whether or not you need to stop and buy some Huggies on your way to the movies.

BS ‘HIGH-LOW GAME’:
Are the following figures too high or too low?
• There are about 10,000 McDonald’s restaurants in the world. High or low? (Low. There are now more than 30,000 McDonald’s restaurants in 121 countries.)
• A cat has 56 muscles in each ear. High or low? (High. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.)
• If you’re making an omelette, an ostrich egg is equal to 2 chicken eggs. High or low? (Low. An ostrich egg is equal in volume to 2 DOZEN chicken eggs.)
• The United Nations has 3 official languages. High or low? (Low. There are 6 – English, French, Arabic, Chinese, Russian, and Spanish.)
• On average, humans fall asleep in a half-hour. High or low? (High. Studies show the average person falls asleep in just 7 minutes.)
• To make a pound of honey, bees must collect nectar from 2,000 flowers. High or low? (Way low. It takes nectar from 2 MILLION flowers to make a single-pound honeycomb.)
• It takes a plucked eyebrow 32 days to grow back. (Much too low. A plucked eyebrow takes about 92 days to grow back. Some eyebrow hairs never do – ask any plucker.)
• There are about 500 million people on Earth who live on less than $1 per day. (Low. It’s estimated 1.2 billion or one-fifth of the world’s population lives on less than a buck-a-day.)
• At night you lose 2 lbs while you sleep. High or low? (High. You do lose weight while you sleep, but only about 11 ounces.)
• In rainy London town, 1,000 umbrellas are lost on the tube annually. High or low? (Low. According to “Focus” magazine, roughly 12,000 ‘brollies’ are lost every year on the London Underground.)

BS WEB GOODIE:
Remember when Barbara Walters asked, “If you were a tree, what kind of a tree would you be?” Well, thank goodness a Website can now answer that question for you. You’ll not only find out what kind of tree you are, but what qualities each kind of tree person has.
NET: http://pages.prodigy.net/deborahdoops/deborahdoops/Tree%20Personality%20Test.htm

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 42% of men would break off an engagement if their fiancées insisted on this.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A hyphenated last name.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.


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