November 30, 2000 Edition: #1944
TONIGHT’s “My VH1 Music Awards” are billed as the ‘first-ever fully interactive music awards show’ and includes fan-suggested categories like ‘Your Song Kicked Ass But Was Played Too Damn Much’. And here’s some BS . . .
OTHER MUSIC AWARDS WE’D LIKE TO SEE:
• ‘Best Remake of an ’80s Remake of a ’70s Song’
• ‘Best Use of Old Motown Album Tracks Looped Behind a Rap Tune’
• ‘Best Simulation of Grainy Black & White Film for a Music Video’
• ‘Best Lip-Syncing in a Dance Number Performed on Tonight’s Show’
• ‘Best Exploitation of a Teenage Female Singer’s Body by a Dress Designer’
• ‘Best Song About Peace and Love by a Rap Artist Who Faces Felony Weapons Charges’
• ‘Best Creation of a Boy Band by a 55-Year-Old Accountant Who Wants 50% of Their Gross’
• ‘Best CD Booklet Typo’
BS CELEBRITY BUZZ:
The house OJ Simpson bought for his mother goes up for auction TODAY in an attempt to recoup some of the money he owes (the price has been slashed!) . . . ‘Human Ice Cube’ magician David Blaine says for his next trick he wants to be shot in the chest (maybe he’s suicidal and just really bad at it?) . . . According to Britain’s “Sun” tab (which seems to change this story daily), Madonna will now wed Guy Ritchie in a lavish December 22nd ceremony in Scotland with the reception in a nearby castle . . . They said they would, and Backstreet Boys have in fact set a first-week album sales record of 5 million copies of “Black and Blue” flogged worldwide.
MOVIES BEING MADE:
Patrick Stewart and Brent Spiner will be back as ‘Captain Jean-Luc Picard’ and ‘Lt Cmdr Data’ for a 10th ”Star Trek” film, the 4th in the “Next Generation” universe (why? “Star Trek” pics have earned over $1 billion!) . . . Cuba Gooding Jr, Judi Dench and Sarah Jessica Parker will voice the lead roles in Disney’s next animated feature, “Sweating Bullets”, about a group of cows that band together to save the farm (“Chicken Run” with udders) . . . And remember the self-proclaimed “Lord of the Dance”, Michael Flatley? He’s set to star as himself (who else?) in a biopic tentatively titled “Dream Dancer” (you think his head’s big now — imagine it on the silver screen!).
THERE’S NO ‘BUTTERFLY BALLOT’ ONLINE:
The US Presidential election is dragging on forever! Maybe that’s why a Canadian-based Website is encouraging disillusioned American voters to ‘re-vote’ for President, and tens of thousands have already done so. So far, Al Gore is leading George W Bush in online voting 49% to 44%. (Well, of course – he INVENTED the Internet.)
XMAS GIFTS MOST GIVEN BY ADULTS:
• Clothing – 28% (remember to ‘up-size’ for holiday season weight gain)
• Gift Certificates – 23.1% (the gift that says “I couldn’t think of anything else”)
• Books or Stationary – 15.2% (so you HAVE to write a thank you note)
(Source: Zogby poll)
THE BULL SHEET 11.30.00
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1929  Dick Clark, Mt Vernon NY, TV producer (“American Music Awards”, “Golden Globe Awards”, “Greed”)/TV host (“Rockin’ New Year’s Eve”)
1937  Ridley Scott, South Shields ENG, movie director (“Gladiator”, “Thelma & Louise”, “Alien”) NEXT FILM: “Hannibal”, starring Gary Oldman and Anthony Hopkins
1952  Mandy Patinkin, Chicago IL, Broadway star (Tony Award-“Evita”)/ex-TV actor (Emmy Award-“Chicago Hope”)
1957  Colin Mochrie, Kilmarnock SCOT, TV improv comedian (“Whose Line Is It Anyway?”)
1965  Ben Stiller, NYC, movie actor (“Meet the Parents”, “There’s Something About Mary”)/movie director (“Reality Bites”) NEXT FILM: Plays a clueless fashion model brainwashed to kill the president of Malaysia in “Zoolander”
1971  Ivan “Pudge” Rodriguez, Vega Baja PR, MLB All-Star catcher/slugger (Texas Rangers)
1975  Mindy McCready, Ft Myers FL, country singer (“One in a Million”, “Guys Do It All the Time”)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “St Andrew’s Day”, honoring the patron saint of Scotland. (Be sure to dust off your sporran.)
TODAY is “Stay Home Because You’re Well Day”, a day to call in ‘well’ instead of having to fake sickness in order to get a day off. (Yeah right, try this and you can stay home EVERY day!)
TODAY is “Computer Security Day”, to remind us to protect our computers, programs and data at home and work. (Because that e-mail joke file is priceless!)
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1887  1st ‘softball game’ (‘indoor baseball’ is played in Chicago using broomstick for a bat and boxing glove for a ball)
1970  1st-ever ‘triple’ album (George Harrison-“All Things Must Pass”)
1988  1st ‘rap concert’ in Africa stopped when security can’t handle rowdy LL Cool J fans
1991  1st ‘Women’s World Cup of Soccer’ is won by USA, vs Norway (no shirts removed)
1995  Howard Stern and his ‘amazing lesbians’ initiate 1st-ever ‘late-night TV lesbian kiss’ causing Jay Leno to walk off the set of “The Tonight Show”
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] World AIDS Day
National Family Caregivers Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
MEN OR WOMEN?
• Who is more likely to be an insomniac? (Men. Studies show they tend to carry the problems of the day to bed with them more than women do.)
• Who uses more of their brain to listen? (A new study by Indiana School of Medicine researchers shows that men listen with one side of the brain, while women use BOTH sides.)
• Who is more likely to snore? (Men are. Doctors have found a direct link between male hormones and snoring. In fact, when men are given male hormones for medical treatment, they tend to snore even more.)
• Who’s most likely to talk more? (Women have 2 areas of the brain devoted to speech, men just one.)
BS TAG LINE:
Forbidden fruit creates a lot of little jams.