Wednesday, November 19, 2008        Edition: #3904
It’s Your Daily Constitutional Sheet!

Actress Heather Locklear has just been charged with one count of driving under the influence of drugs – prescription medications over that recent incident when she was found wandering about near her vehicle (on the plus-side, this shows that she & ex- Richie Sambora didn’t have such big differences after all!) . . . NBC-TV has signed Hilary Duff to a ‘talent & development deal’, promising to come up with a new series for her to star in (‘Mona Arizona’?) . . . LA cops are hunting for a real-life demon on the set of “Ghost Whisperer” (CBS) after somebody broke into star Jennifer Love Hewitt’s trailer and ‘spirited away’ some of her stuff . . . Actress Angelina Jolie has confirmed she’ll be replacing Tom Cruise in the upcoming espionage thriller “Edwin A Salt” after writers reworked the lead character – a CIA officer falsely accused of being a Russian agent – to be female (now it’s ‘Edwina Salt’?) . . . Nicole Kidman (“Australia”, opening November 26th) says she’s unsure of her future as an actress as there are other things she wants to do, such as possibly having more children (at 41, you better hurry!) . . . And “GQ” magazine has unveiled its ‘Men Of the Year’ for 2008: movie star Leonardo DiCaprio, President-elect Barack Obama, TV actor Jon Hamm (“Mad Men”), and Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps.

• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Wannabe country singer Jessica Simpson tells Ellen her sister Ashlee Simpson-Wentz is 2 weeks overdue and may have to induce labor because other methods haven’t worked, including … ‘different foot massages and stuff’.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Leona Lewis (“Bleeding Love”) in onstage.
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Sarah McLachlan promotes her hits compilation “Closer”.
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – “American Idol” David Cook is on.
• “Private Practice” (ABC/A Channel) – “Buffy”/”Angel” alum Alexis Denisof guest-stars as a father-to-be who brings a pregnant wife to ‘Oceanside Wellness’. He then returns later with another one. In real-life, his actress-wife Alyson Hannigan (“How I Met Your Mother”) is also expecting. (Apparently he has a fertile imagination.)
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno (NBC/A Channel) – Nickelback promotes their new album “Dark Horse”.

• Bon Jovi – Guitarist Richie Sambora is writing the soundtrack for the upcoming action movie “The Tournament”, which stars Ving Rhames (“Mission Impossible”) and Robert Carlyle (“Trainspotting”).
• Bryan Adams – His 1991 hit “(Everything I Do) I Do It For You” has been named the ‘Greatest Ballad Ever’ in a new online survey by Bon Jovi’s “Always” comes in 2nd, followed by “I Will Always Love You” by Whitney Houston, Aerosmith’s “I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing” and Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On”.
• Elton John – It’s been announced he’ll perform a New Year’s Eve concert at London’s O2 arena.
• Hank Williams Jr – Reports say the veteran country singer will run for the US Senate as a Republican candidate during the next election. He spent a lot of time on the 2008 campaign trail with Alaska Gov Sarah Palin, John McCain’s V-P running mate. (One of his ‘rowdy friends’.)
• Paul McCartney – He says in a new interview he’d like to perform in China, despite declaring in 2005 he was boycotting the country over its animal rights record. (A senior moment?)
• Prince – Perfume company Revelations is suing him for $100,000 for failing to help promote the scent “3121”, a fragrance named after his 2006 album.
• The Vines – The Australian rockers have canceled all upcoming shows due to a deterioration in the mental state of frontman Craig Nicholls. The 31-year-old was diagnosed 4 years ago with Asperger’s Syndrome, a highly functioning form of autism. His behavior has since become increasingly erratic.

According to a recent survey, about 1-out-of-13 of us consider ‘making the bed’ more important than ‘making love’ first thing in the morning. Other morning activities rated more essential than intimacy include ‘breakfast’, ‘coffee’, and ‘listening to radio’. (It’s official … this show is better than sex!)
– “Men’s Health”

A few terms that don’t exist – but should – according to submissions to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary …
• Ginormous [adjective] … bigger than gigantic and bigger than enormous.
• Confuzzled [adjective] … confused and puzzled at the same time.
• Chillax [verb] … chill out/relax, hang out with friends.
• Cognitive Displaysia [noun] … the feeling you have before you even leave the house that you are going to forget something and not remember it until you’re on the highway.
• Gription [noun] … the purchase gained by friction as in, “My car needs new tires because the old ones have lost their gription.”
• Phonecrastinate [verb] … to put off answering the phone until caller ID displays the incoming name & number.
• Slickery [adjective] … having a surface that is wet and icy.
• Snirt [noun] … snow that is dirty, often seen by the side of roads and parking lots that have been plowed.

According to a new study of Ontario high school students, young people are risking long-term hearing damage by listening to ear buds for long periods and at loud volume. The Hearing Foundation of Canada research finds that 30% of students listen at levels of 91 decibels or higher for an average of 2.9 hours a day. The loudest listening level discovered was 121 decibels, equivalent to standing 20 feet from a running jet engine. So why are kids not worried about it? The hearing loss can take 10-to-15 years to become noticeable. The study corroborates previous research in the US, Europe and Australia that shows we are experiencing hearing loss at earlier ages. (Designer hearing aids … invest now!)
– CP

What city has the most gourmet restaurants? The publisher of the “Michelin Guide” has just announced that Tokyo, Japan now has 173 Michelin-starred restaurants which boast 227 stars amongst them … more than double the number awarded to runner-up Paris, France. Tokyo now has 9 eateries with the coveted 3-star rating, and a total of 36 with 2 stars. Jean-Luc Naret, director of Michelin guides, says Tokyo’s food scene is ‘dynamic, diverse, and full of excitement’. (As long as you like raw fish.)
– “GQ”

Perhaps one of the coolest items ever auctioned at an estate sale has gone under the hammer in Natchez, Mississippi … a complete and authentic ‘Vampire Killing Kit’ from circa 1800. The multi-tool collection includes stakes, mirrors, a gun with silver bullets, crosses, a Bible, holy water, candles and garlic, all housed in a beautiful walnut case with carved cross on top. The winning bid … $14,850. (“Sold to the man in the creepy black cape!”)

Even though divorce lawyers say there’s been a drop in divorces due to the economic downturn there are still a slew of people picking to part, including the likes of Madonna & Guy Ritchie, MLB player Alex Rodriguez, Dixie Chick Emily Robison, Phil Collins, etc. In case you’re putting together a playlist for a divorce party, here are a few suggested tunes …
• Beck … “Lost Cause”.
• Bruce Springsteen … “Tunnel of Love”.
• Elvis Costello … “I Hope You’re Happy Now”.
• Fleetwood Mac … “Go Your Own Way”.
• Liz Phair … “Divorce Song”.
• John Lennon … “Jealous Guy”.
• Ryan Adams & the Cardinals … “Now That You’re Gone”.
(Listeners will no doubt have more suggestions.)

Among the many unusual items you can buy at the weekly ‘Witches’ Market’ in La Paz, Bolivia are llama fetuses for prosperity, dried armadillos to prevent robberies, naked ceramic couples to improve your love life and increase fertility, and various other goodies such as toad talisman, owl feathers, and stone amulets. But the shopping isn’t done until you’ve paid a fortune teller to read your future and hired a sorcerer to cast an evil spell on one of your enemies. (You can also buy a ‘Boss Doll’ … pins extra.)

Barrack Obama is expected to be the first US President to have a laptop in the Oval Office. (Bill Clinton just had a lap.)

1933 [75] Larry King (Lawrence Zieger), Brooklyn NY, TV talk show host (“Larry King Live” on CNN since 1985)/married 7 times to 6 different women/over 50 years in broadcasting/Hollywood Walk of Fame (1997)

1938 [70] Ted Turner, Cincinnati OH, TV mogul (founder of CNN, TBS, TNT and other media properties)/sports mogul (Atlanta Braves, World Championship Wrestling founder)/author (“Call Me Ted” 2008)/ex-Mr Jane Fonda (1991-2001)

1942 [66] Calvin Klein, Bronx NY, fashion designer (Calvin Klein Jeans, CK One, CK Be)

1959 [49] Allison Janney, Dayton OH, 6-ft movie actress (“Juno”, “Hairspray”)/TV actress (4 Emmys-“The West Wing” 1999-2006)

1960 [48] Matt Sorum, Mission Viejo CA, rock drummer (Velvet Revolver-“Fall to Pieces”, “Slither”, Guns N’ Roses 1990-97)  FACTOID: Reports say RCA Records has just dropped Velvet Revolver from its roster after releasing their 2 studio albums. The band’s been looking for a new frontman since dumping Scott Weiland back in April.
1961 [47] Meg Ryan (Margaret Mary Emily Anne Hyra), Fairfield CT, movie actress with enhanced fat-filled lips (“Sleepless in Seattle”, “When Harry Met Sally”)/ex-Mrs Dennis Quaid 1991-2001

1962 [46] Jodie (Alicia) Foster, LA CA, movie actress (“Nim’s Island”, 2 Oscars-“The Accused”, “Silence of the Lambs”)/2 sons from unnamed fathers

1973 [35] Billy Currington, Rincon GA, country singer (“Good Directions”, w/Shania Twain-“Party For Two”)

1973 [35] Jason Albert, Huntsville AL, country singer (Heartland- “I Loved Her First”)

1978 [30] Matt Dusk, Toronto ON, jazz/standards crooner (“Back in Town”)

• “Educational Support Personnel Day”, honoring those who contribute in schools besides full-time teachers, including educational assistants, substitute teachers, clerical & technical employees, school nurses, custodians, and food service workers.

• “Grey Cup Week” in Montréal. Festivities for the 96th national football championship include shows, player appearances, and non-stop music and entertainment daily from noon until midnight through Sunday when the big game goes at Olympic Stadium.

• “Have A Bad Day Day”, for all the grouches who can’t stand being told constantly to
‘Have a good day’.

• “World Toilet Day”, to encourage toilet hygiene. The Singapore-based World Toilet Organization promotes better design, ventilation and sanitation for the device that is still a luxury in many parts of the developing world. Did you know …
– The average person visits the toilet 6-to-8 times a day, about 2,500 times a year, or about 3 years of a lifetime.
– A woman spends, on average, 3 times longer on each visit, yet there are usually the same number of stalls in each public convenience.
– Britain’s Queen Elizabeth II has to have a new toilet seat everywhere she visits. It is then destroyed afterward.

1999 [09] Pierce Brosnan returns as ‘James Bond’ in “The World Is Not Enough” (a non-smoking ‘Bond’ for the first time)

1996 [12] Pamela Anderson files for divorce after 21 months of wedded hell with Motley Crue’s Tommy Lee

1895 [113] 1st ‘Modern Pencil’ (Frederick Blaisdell of Philadelphia patents a paper-wrapped pencil with a string, similar to present-day china markers)

1965 [43] ‘Pop Tart’ is invented (now one of the primary morning food groups)

1995 [13] Baltimore Stallions (now Montréal Alouettes) become 1st and only US-based team to win CFL championship, defeating Calgary Stampeders 37-20 in 83rd Grey Cup (when Baltimore Ravens win the Super Bowl in 2000, Baltimore becomes the only city with both a CFL and an NFL championship)

1997 [11] Iowa’s Bobbi McCaughey gives birth to world’s only known set of living ‘septuplets’, 4 boys and 3 girls

[Thurs] Absurdity Day
[Thurs] Name Your PC Day
[Thurs] National Child Day in Canada
[Thurs] 2008 Billboard Touring Awards (NYC)
[Thurs] Universal Children’s Day
[Thurs] 32nd Great American Smokeout
[Fri] World Hello Day
[Fri] World Television Day
[Sat] 2008 Vanier Cup (Hamilton)
[Sun] 36th American Music Awards (Los Angeles)
[Sun] Guns N’ Roses release “Chinese Democracy”
This Week Is … Culinary Week
This Month Is … Inspirational Role Models Month

• You brushed your teeth with Preparation H and your cordless shaver’s in the toaster.
• Your entire pre-noon vocabulary consists of “Uh?” and “Uh huh”.
• You go to bed in your work clothes so as not to waste ‘valuable sleep-in time’.
• You’ve replaced your snooze button … with a hammer.
• Your typical breakfast – toothpaste with a side of water.
• You once yawned and sucked in a Buick.
• You think Jay Leno is the host of ”Good Morning America”.
• Your will specifically states that you must be buried ‘any time after 1pm’.
• When you sleep late, coffee prices plummet on major world commodity markets.

What odd thing do you do to pass the time while marooned in rush-hour traffic?

You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.

Today’s Question: Historically, sales of THESE increase during a recession, clearly due to the fact that we are spending more time at home and less going out.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Cookbooks.

Only a mediocre person is always at his best.

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