November 21, 2008

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Friday, November 21, 2008        Edition: #3906
Another Sheetload of Bull!

27-year-old Paris Hilton & her 29-year-old boyfriend of 9 entire months, “Good Charlotte” rocker Benji Madden, have split according to Paris’ publicist but, of course, they remain ‘very good friends’ (in related news, Paris Hilton is finally wearing eyeglasses) . . . 36-year-old movie actor Ben Affleck is trying to draw more attention to the conflict in eastern Congo by touring refugee camps and consulting with aid workers in the region (so Ben, how are those political aspirations going?) . . . 40-year-old movie actor Hugh Jackman (“Australia”) has been named “People” magazine’s ‘Sexiest Man Alive’ for 2008 (based on the fact he has a new movie out that’s buying full-page ads) . . . NBC-TV has launched a new batch of 2-minute webisodes of “The Office” which include an appearance by ‘Toby’ (Paul Lieberstein), last seen on the TV series recuperating in a hospital bed (maybe he’s coming back?) . . . Rashida Jones, who had a role on “The Office” for a year (‘Jim’s’ temporary GF ‘Karen Filippelli’), is definitely coming back in the series’ spinoff show starring “Saturday Night Live” alum Amy Poehler (hurrah!) . . . 37-year-old actress Winona Ryder has been released from a London hospital after falling ill on a transatlantic flight (that 3rd martini was a mistake) . . . And Lindsay Lohan’s dad Michael is being banned from participating in a scheduled charity boxing match because he’s still on parole for a 2004 assault and his parole officer thinks ‘participating in a violent activity is not appropriate for his rehabilitation’ (we disagree – a couple shots to the head might straighten him right out!).

• “A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift of All!” (Comedy Central/CTV) – SUNDAY this seasonal special features performances by Elvis Costello, Feist, John Legend, Toby Keith, and Willie Nelson. Jon Stewart also appears in a duet with Colbert on “Hanukkah”. A DVD of the special will be released TUESDAY, with proceeds to Feed America.
• “American Music Awards” (ABC/A Channel) – SUNDAY Jimmy Kimmel returns to host  Dick Clark’s 36th annual version of the “Grammys” at the Nokia Theater in LA. Alicia Keys leads nominations with 5, followed by Coldplay and the Eagles with 4 apiece. Garth Brooks, Rascal Flatts, and Carrie Underwood lead nominees in country categories. Winners are determined by online voting. Performers include Coldplay, the Jonas Brothers, Leona Lewis, Mariah Carey,  Ne-Yo, New Kids On the Block, Pink, the Pussycat Dolls, Rihanna, and Taylor Swift.
• Graceland – TODAY the holiday season at Elvis Presley’s Memphis TN home officially begins as country star Martina McBride flips the switch on a splashy display of thousands of blue lights (as in “Blue Christmas”).
• Guns N’ Roses – TODAY a ‘World Premiere Official Pre-Listening Party’ of  “Chinese Democracy” takes place in Gothenburg, Sweden. Admission is free … but the airfare will kill ya. SUNDAY, in an unusual off-Tuesday release, the 14-years-in-the-makingalbum is finally unleashed as a Best Buy exclusive (gee, had you heard?).
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Country star Tim McGraw hosts; musical guests are Ludacris and T-Pain.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – TONIGHT Scott Weiland (Stone Temple Pilots, ex-Velvet Revolver) performs his new single “Missing Cleveland”.
• “24: Redemption” (FOX/Global) – SUNDAY this 2-hour TV movie is designed to bridge the gap between the 6th and 7th seasons of the “24“ TV series. The film finds ‘Jack Bauer’ (Kiefer Sutherland) trying  to prevent an African warlord from recruiting children for his militia. An extended ‘Director’s Cut’ of the movie is being released on DVD Tuesday. Season 7 finally premieres with 4 hours over 2 nights January 11th-12th (the last episode aired May 21, 2007).
• Willie Nelson – SATURDAY he kicks off a 12-city tour in Enid OK with The Boxmasters, the country-rock band led by movie actor Billy Bob Thornton.

• Blink-182 – A reunion may be in the offing for the pop-punk trio that split in 2005. Mark Hoppus says the recent death of producer Jerry Finn and drummer Travis Barker’s survival of a plane crash has brought the threesome back into contact.
• Coldplay – In a new ”Daily Express” interview, frontman Chris Martin suggests the band will break up by the end of 2009. He says he doesn’t think rockers should keep going past age 33. He’s 31. Meantime, rumors are circulating he & wife Gwyneth Paltrow are having probs as they’ve refused to be photographed together and seem to often be in separate cities.
• 50 Cent – He’s playing a ruthless loan shark in the upcoming London gangland movie, “Dead Man Running”, which began production this week.
• Madonna – Word has it estranged hubby Guy Ritchie is choosing time with his sons over financial demands in the upcoming divorce. A report suggests David & Rocco will split their time between London & NYC. An announcement on the settlement could come by the end of the month. Guy could still make out pretty well financially since UK divorce law says he’s due half.
• Taylor Swift – Her new album “Fearless” has debuted atop both the country and pop album charts.

• “Bolt” ( PG Family Animation ): A TV wonder dog (voiced by John Travolta) finds himself roaming free on the streets of NYC where he needs to develop new survival skills in order to find his way back home to his owner (Miley Cyrus in her voice-role debut). And, of course, Cyrus also sings (“I Thought I Lost You”). Co-stars Susie Essman (“Curb Your Enthusiasm”) as the voice of ‘Mr Mittens’ the kitten.
• “Twilight” ( PG-13 Horror Thriller ): If this pic half lives up to the deafening buzz online, it’ll be a blockbuster. Kristen Stewart (“Jumper”) stars as a misfit teenager who falls for a mysterious classmate (Robert Pattinson, ‘Cedric’ in the “Harry Potter” films) who just happens to come from a long line of vampires. Based on Stephenie Meyer’s novel series that’s sold over 10 million copies worldwide. The hot soundtrack includes tunes by Collective Soul, Linkin Park, Muse, Mutemath, Paramore, and Perry Farrell.

TiVo, the digital video recording company, has announced it’s teaming up with Domino’s Pizza to allow subscribers to order pizza for delivery or pickup simply by … using their TV remote. Onscreen options will include crust type, sauces, and delivery address. The pie should arrive at the door about 30 minutes after the couch potato has put down the remote. (Cripes, do you have to stand up to go the door?)
– Associated Press

• The city of Chattanooga, Tennessee has discovered the obvious – panhandlers don’t have any money. Since implementing a law in May of 2007 which imposes a fine for panhandling, only about 3% of those fines have actually been paid. (“Buddy, can you spare a dime for a ticket?”)
– “Times-Free Press”
• After a desperate father rushed his 13-year-old son to hospital in southern Italy, doctors thought the lad was suffering from a stroke or severe brain disorder. The kid couldn’t speak and didn’t seem to understand what was going on. Then they discovered the real problem – he was suffering from ‘Playstation addiction’ after a mind-numbing marathon session. It’s not likely to happen again as the boy says he now feels he’ll throw up if he even thinks about gaming. (Wanna make ‘em quit? Force ‘em to play!)
– Ananova News Service
• Police in Pennsylvania report that a man tried to rob a branch of the Susquehanna Bank but was thwarted by the tellers’ empty cash drawers, not yet filled for the day. Before leaving, the would-be robber threatened even more mayhem, saying he’d file a complaint with bank management. (“And I’ll report you to the Better Business Bureau, you bastards!”)
– AP

A new University of Connecticut study of over 40,000 adults has discovered that overweight women are more likely to lose their jobs, be a victim of crime, and have money troubles. They’re also more likely to be criminals themselves. To make matters worse, because of these stressful life events, they are driven to comfort eating, which only perpetuates the problem. On the upside, the research shows that overweight women are less likely to break up with a long-term partner or get divorced. (One time that ‘fat chance’ is a good thing!)
– “Daily Telegraph”

• Kotex was first manufactured as bandages during WWI.
• A rhinoceros horn is made of compacted hair. (And a French horn?)

1945 [63] Goldie Hawn (Btudlendgehawn), Washington DC, movie actress (“Private Benjamin”, Oscar-“Cactus Flower”)/Kurt Russell’s longtime partner/Kate Hudson’s mom

1963 [45] Nicollette Sheridan, Worthing UK, TV actress (‘Edie Britt’ on “Desperate Housewives” since 2004)

1965 [43] Bjork (Gudmundsdottir), Reykjavik, Iceland, weird rock singer (“The Dull Flame of Desire“, “I Miss You”)/weirder film actress (“Dancer In the Dark”)

1966 [42] Troy Aikman, West Covina CA, NFL game analyst (w/FOX-TV play-by-play man Joe Buck)/retired NFL QB (Dallas Cowboys 1989-2000)

1974 [34] Kelsi Osborn, Magna UT, country singer (SHeDAISY-“Don’t Worry ‘Bout a Thing”, “I Will … But”)

Rock guitarist/TV actor Little Steven Van Zandt (E Street Band/”Sopranos”) is 58; Movie actress Jamie Lee Curtis (“True Lies”) is 50; Movie star Scarlett Johansson (“Vicky Cristina Barcelona”) is 24.

NHL center/team captain Saku Koivu (Montréal Canadiens) is 34; Movie actress Kelly Brook (“The Italian Job”) is 29; TV/movie actor Lucas Grabeel (“High School Musical” films) is 24; TV-movie actress/singer Miley Cyrus (“Hannah Montana”) is 16.

• “Elephant Round-Up” in Surin, the ‘Elephant Capital’ of Thailand through Sunday. Events include a mock battle with over 100 elephants & costumed warlords; and special elephant competitions in strength, skill & obedience. There’s also a 60-ton buffet … for the elephants.
• “False Confessions Day”, highlighting the problem of innocent people being coerced into admitting guilt. (After rendition to the basement of some prison in Egypt.)
• “Pumpkin Pie Day”, celebrating a truly North American food phenomenon. What’s your secret ingredient? And your favorite topping?
• “World Hello Day”, the 36th annual observance that now takes place in some 180 countries. Participants are asked to spread goodwill by saying ‘hello’ to at least 10 people.
Here’s how to say ‘hello’ in over 800 languages …
• “World Television Day”, established in 1996 by the UN General Assembly to encourage nations to exchange cultural programming focusing on peace, security, economic & social development. (Instead of laugh tracks.)

• “St Cecilia’s Day”, honoring the patron saint of music.
• “Start Your Own Country Day”, a good excuse to ask listeners what 3 things would be different if they ran their own nation. How about no taxes, no taxes, and no taxes?
• “Stop the Violence Day”, observed annually on the anniversary of the assassination of US President John F Kennedy (1963).
• ”Survivors of Suicide Day”, the 10th annual day of outreach to those who’ve lost a friend or family member to suicide.
• “Vanier Cup”, the annual Canadian university football championship, being played this year in Hamilton between the University of Western Ontario Mustangs & the Laval Rouge et Or.

• “Cannabis Cup” in Amsterdam, Netherlands, where blowing a stick is legal. The 21st annual competition through next Thursday seeks the world’s top weed while participants attend seminars and ‘sample’ product.
• “Cashew Day”, celebrating the yummy nut that sounds like a sneeze.
• “Grey Cup” (TSN), the 96th Canadian football championship in Montréal, the 8th time the city has hosted. The last time the Alouettes & Stampeders met in the big game was the 58th Grey Cup in 1970. Theory of a Deadman (“Scars & Souvenirs”), Suzie McNeil (“Rock-n-Roller“) and Québec singer/actress Andrée Watters are the halftime entertainment.
• “Labor Thanksgiving Day” in Japan (“Kinro Kansha no Hi”), a national holiday since 1948 to express gratitude to one another for work done throughout the year and for the fruits of those labors. (And we’re guessing next Tuesday is “Halloween Easter”?)

1990 [18] Rolling Stone Mick Jagger weds model and now ex-wife Jerry Hall in Bali (man, was that an expensive idea!)

1983 [25] Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” video premieres in Los Angeles movie theaters

1983 [25] ‘Hooters’ restaurant chain is launched

1977 [31] 5 ski patrol members set a record in British Columbia by giving mouth-to-mouth resuscitation for 60 hours to a mannequin (“C’mon Chad, lighten up on the tongue!”)

1991 [17] Frenchman Gerard d’Aboville completes 4-month solo Pacific crossing … in a rowboat

[Mon] Celebrate Your Unique Talent Day
[Tues] Shopping Reminder Day
[Tues] International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women
[Thurs] US Thanksgiving Day
[Thurs] Pins & Needles Day
[Fri] 2008 Gemini Awards (Toronto)
This Week Is … Cold & Cough Awareness Week
This Month Is … Pepper Month

According to NYC matchmaker Lisa Ronis, pickup lines aren’t just for guys. She suggests women try these lines next time they’re waiting for service at a bar …
• “Takes forever to get a glass of wine around here.”
• “Wow, somebody smells so good.”
• “You live around here?”
• “So what do you do?”
• “You guys on business?”
(Another line a woman can use that always seems to work is … “Hi.”)

When a wedding engagement goes sour, should the ring be returned? (A jilted Fairfield CT man is currently suing his ex-fiancée, demanding the return of a $25,000 diamond ring. His lawyer contends an engagement ring is a ‘conditional gift’ of marriage.)

Q: Which face has appeared on “60 Minutes” throughout its 40 years on CBS-TV?
A: The face of the stopwatch.

Q: Name 3 words in standard English that begin with the letters ‘dw’.
A: Dwarf, dwell and dwindle.

What is the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza? The pizza can still feed a family of four.

Today’s Question: Research in “Psychology Today“ indicates that having THESE in your neighborhood has all kinds of benefits, including lower rates of crime, domestic violence, and stress.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Trees.

If it is to be, it is up to me.

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