Thursday, November 5, 2009        Edition: #4137
Never Accept a Generic – Ask For Pure “BS”!

There’s speculation that Tina Fey will serve as a key writer for the 82nd annual “Academy Awards” (March 7th) now that her “30 Rock” co-star Alec Baldwin & Steve Martin have been announced as co-hosts (first multiple hosts since 1987) . . . In his new autobiography, 56-year-old wrestling star Hulk Hogan reveals that he made a living in his college days playing bass in a number of bands and once tried to contact Metallica to see if he could replace bassist Cliff Burton who died in 1986 (don’t call us, we’ll call you) . . . “Slumdog Millionaire” director Danny Boyle has reportedly ended negotiations with the families of the child stars from his Oscar-winning 2008 movie because their demands from his Jai Ho Trust keep skyrocketing (we smell a sequel in here somewhere) . . . “Transformers” actress Megan Fox says she won’t feel fulfilled until she uses her high-profile status to, quote, ‘help people around-the-world on a global level’ (here’s a start – quit talking!) . . . New Zealand comedy duo Jemaine Clement & Bret Mckenzie say they’re unlikely to return to HBO for another season of their hit show “Flight Of the Conchords”, although they’ve left the door open for a shorter season or a series of specials (or a really, really fat contract) . . . 36-year-old Heidi Klum is stepping down off the catwalk at this year’s “Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show” (December 1st), opting to host the event instead (would you wanna squeeze into skimpy underwear 2 months after giving birth?) . . . 58-year-old former Jenny Craig diet spokesmodel Kirstie Alley tells “People” magazine she’s gained 83 lbs since appearing in the Showtime series “Fat Actress” (2005) and she’ll next star in an A&E reality show that follows her struggles to lose weight and raise 2 teens (“Really, Really Fat Actress”?).

• “Billboard Touring Awards” (NYC) – AC/DC, Madonna, and U2 are up for both the ‘Top Tour’ and ‘Top Draw’ awards; Jonas Bros, Nickelback, and 5-time winner Kenny Chesney are up for ‘Top Tour Package’; Taylor Swift seems a lock for the ‘Breakthrough Award’. She’s up against Lil Wayne, Kings Of Leon, and Il Divo. Ozzy Osbourne is presented the ‘Legend Of Live’ award.
• “Good Morning America” (ABC) – Rihanna gives her first TV interview since being assaulted by ex-boyfriend Chris Brown last February.
• “Jay Leno Show” (NBC/CityTV) – Dan Finnerty & The Dan Band (“The Hangover”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Florence & The Machine (“Lungs”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Keith Urban (“Defying Gravity”).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Carrie Underwood (“Play On”).
• “MTV Europe Music Awards” (MTV) – Katy Perry hosts for the 2nd year in-a-row, this time from the O2 World in Berlin, Germany. Lady Gaga and Kings of Leon lead nominations with 5 apiece. Performers include Foo Fighters, Green Day, Jay-Z, Leona Lewis, Shakira, and Tokio Hotel. U2 performs  in front of the Brandenburg Gate to help the city celebrate 20 years since the fall of the Berlin Wall. Pete Wentz (Fall Out Boy) hosts digital coverage on the official website.
• “Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien” (NBC/A Channel) – Zac Brown Band (“The Foundation”).


• AC/DC – The veteran rockers top a new poll of Australia’s richest entertainers with an income of $95 million over the past year. Singer Kylie Minogue is second with $42 million. (Keith Urban only makes 5th).
• Boyz II Men – Shawn Stockman has been forced to pull out of the 1990s band’s planned performance at the “Soul Train Awards” in Atlanta after being diagnosed with H1N1 swine flu.
• Chickenfoot – “Classic Rock Magazine” has named them 2009’s ‘Best New Band’ at its annual awards ceremony in London UK.
• Foo Fighters – Frontman Dave Grohl reveals the band’s new greatest hits album marks the end of an era as the band will be on indefinite hiatus for the first time in 15 years. (Maybe because Grohl’s new project, Them Crooked Vultures, is gonna be huge?)
• Lady Gaga – The fashion-forward singer known for sporting a series of bizarre hats, gloves, and shoes has been honored with a ‘Stylemaker Award’ at the 13th annual “Accessories Council Exchange (ACE) Awards” in NYC.
• Montgomery Gentry – They’re finishing up work on their 7th studio album. The new set is due in early 2010, with a first single expected to be released shortly.
• Taylor Swift – She could pick up as many as 3 wins at the 43rd “CMA Awards” (November 11), according to CMT’s 4th annual poll of country music fans.
• Velvet Revolver – Slash has announced he’s signed a new solo record deal, the first album to be released in the Spring. That’s led to further speculation the super-group may never play together again. They’ve been without a frontman since firing Scott Weiland last year.
• Willie Nelson – Tonight he plays Nashville’s Ryman Auditorium to wrap his fall tour in support of his latest album, “American Classic”.


A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Cedar Rapids” – Shooting is underway in Michigan on this comedy starring Ed Helms (“The Office”, “The Hangover”) as a sad-sack insurance agent who goes to an industry convention to try and save the jobs of his colleagues. Co-stars Anne Heche, John C Reilly, and Sigourney Weaver. The film’s due in theaters in 2011.
• “Coriolanus” – Actor Ralph Fiennes’ directorial debut will co-star Gerard Butler (“300”) in what is billed as a contemporary version of Shakespeare’s Roman drama. Butler takes on the role of army commander ‘Tullus Aufidius’ from Shakespeare’s play. He joins a cast that includes William Hurt and Vanessa Redgrave. Shooting beings in Serbia next March.
• “Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time” – Jake Gyllenhaal stars in this action-adventure based on the videogame, which follows an adventurous prince who teams up with a rival princess to stop an angry ruler from destroying the world. Gemma Arterton, Alfred Molina, and Ben Kingsley co-star. The trailer has just been released even though the film’s not out until May 2010.
• “Red” – Oscar-winner Helen Mirren is joining Morgan Freeman and Bruce Willis in this espionage thriller based on a WildStorm/DC comic book. The series, published in 2003-04, follows a former black-ops CIA agent who lives a quiet life in retirement until the day a high-tech assassin shows up, intent on killing him. Production begins in January in Louisiana and Toronto.
• “Sin City 2” – The long-gestating sequel looks set to roll before cameras in the latter half of 2010. Unlike the first movie, which used graphic novels as both screenplay and storyboards, the sequel will be based on an original script by graphic novelist Frank Miller. The possibility of a 3rd film in the series is still being kicked around.


Drinking untreated rainwater is safe for your health, according to an Australian study at Melbourne’s Monash University. In what they describe as a world-first study, researchers investigated 300 homes that use rainwater collected in water tanks as their primary drinking water. A year-long monitor of the residents’ health found that it was comparable with those who drink treated tap water. The study concludes there is a low risk of illness from drinking rainwater. (And your water bill is a helluva lot cheaper!)


It was only a matter of time before somebody realized what a cash cow a baby doll Wiimote peripheral would be. The new “Baby and Me!” comes with a doll, but not just any doll. This doll features a slot for the Wii remote so that the game can track feeding, playing, and excessive shaking motions. The game also features ‘Balance Board’ support so that you can rock baby to sleep. (Synthetic diaper fill is extra.)


Smokers who switch to ‘low-tar’, ‘light’ or ‘mild’ brands of cigarettes may actually find it harder to quit smoking, according to a new study from the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine. Researchers found that smokers who switch to light cigarettes are fully 60% less likely to kick the habit. Why? It may be that lighter brands are perceived as better for health and therefore an acceptable alternative to giving up completely. However, other studies have already shown that so-called ‘low-tar’ cigarettes have just as many harmful compounds as regular smokes. (Unfortunately, there’s just no easy way to kick your butts.)

Feeling grumpy? Don’t feel bad, it might actually be good for you! Australian psychology professor Joe Forgas of the University of New South Wales has been studying emotions and found that being grumpy makes us think more clearly. In contrast to those annoying happy types, miserable people are better at decision-making and less gullible, his experiments show. While cheerfulness fosters creativity, Forgas claims gloominess breeds attentiveness and careful thinking. (No wonder the boss seems so focused!)
– “Australian Science Magazine”

A New Zealand research paper entitled “Time to Eat the Dog? The Real Guide to Sustainable Living” by authors Robert & Brenda Vale argues that the resources required to feed a dog – including the amount of land needed to feed the animals that go into its food – give it about twice the eco-footprint of, say, building and fueling a Toyota Land Cruiser. To test the theory, “New Scientist” asked an environmentalist at the Stockholm Environment Institute in York UK to independently calculate animals’ environmental impact, and the results tally up almost exactly. (The study doesn’t take into account the ‘emissions’ of either an SUV or a dog.)
– “Seattle Times”

Jamaica’s Usain Bolt, who holds the world record for both the 100- and 200-meter sprint, has adopted a cheetah that he’s named ‘Lightning Bolt’, but he isn’t going to make the cheetah into a house cat. Bolt paid $13,700 for adoption rights, and has pledged $3,000-a-year for the cat’s upkeep at a wildlife center in Nairobi, Kenya. The money helps to support the Kenyan Wildlife Services and their efforts to protect endangered species. (An even better fundraiser would be having Usain race the cheetah … with gazelle chops taped to his ankles.)
– Yahoo! News


Budweiser beer drinkers are 42% more likely to drive a truck than the average person, 68% more likely to choose a credit card with flexible payment terms, and 42% more likely to use breath-freshening strips every day.
– “Advertising Age”


1941 [68] Art Garfunkel, Forest Hills NY, oldies singer (Simon & Garfunkel-“Bridge Over Troubled Water”, “I Am a Rock”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1990)

1959 [50] Bryan Adams, Kingston ON, oldies singer (Grammy Award-“[Everything I Do] I Do It For You”, “Cuts Like a Knife”)

1960 [49] Tilda Swinton, London UK, movie actress (“Burn After Reading”, 2007 Oscar-“Michael Clayton”)

1961 [48] David Bryson, San Francisco CA, alt-rock guitarist (Counting Crows-“Accidentally in Love”, “Mr Jones”)

1971 [38] Jonny Greenwood, Oxford UK, rock musician (Radiohead-“Bodysnatchers”, “Creep”)

1974 [35] Ryan Adams, Jacksonville NC, alt-country/rock singer/songwriter/guitarist (“So Alive”, New York, New York”)/wed to singer-actress Mandy Moore in March, 2009

1987 [22] Kevin Jonas, Teaneck NJ, boy-band singer/guitarist (Jonas Brothers-“Burnin’ Up”)/TV personality (“Camp Rock”, “Jonas Brothers: Living the Dream”)

• “Guy Fawkes Day” in England, a traditional celebration since 1752. It commemorates the 1605 ‘Gunpowder Plot’ when Fawkes-led Catholics attempted to blow up the Parliament Buildings. One of the day’s traditions gives it its nickname … ‘Bonfire Night’.

• “Men Make Dinner Day.” Sound a bit outdated? The ideal participant is now said to be the man who helps with household chores, has a sense of humor, is a great all-around guy … but never learned how to cook and is somewhat afraid of the idea.

2003 [06] “The Matrix Revolutions” (3rd in the trilogy) opens at the exact same moment worldwide, the first-ever simultaneous global movie release

1988 [21] Beach Boys hit #1 with the single “Kokomo”, the longest gap between #1 hits by a recording artist (21 years, 10 months since “Good Vibrations”)

1923 [86] 1st ‘Electric Shaver’ patented (and 1st guy suffers excruciating pain when a nose hair gets caught)

1994 [15] 45-year-old George Foreman becomes ‘Oldest Heavyweight Boxing Champion’ by KO-ing Michael Moorer (who will never live down the humiliation)

[Fri] “A Christmas Carol”; “The Box”; “The Fourth Kind”; “The Men Who Stare at Goats” open in movie theaters
[Sat] International Tongue Twister Day
[Sat] International Men’s Day
[Sun] Cook Something Bold & Pungent Day
[Mon] World Orphans Day
This Week Is … Animal Shelter Appreciation Week
This Month Is … Lung Cancer Awareness Month


• Strolling the deck one night you notice hundreds of rats frantically diving off the ship.
• The ‘entertainment’ provided consists of old “Baywatch” TV episodes.
• When you get 3 miles out, the captain yells: “Okay, let’s kill us some whales!”
• Navigation chart is actually a place mat from Red Lobster.
• You keep finding barnacles in your pants.
• You hit an iceberg and many die.

Which famous couple would produce the ugliest baby?


You run down the list while your guest/phone caller/crew member decides which choice is more palatable. Would you rather …
• Write ‘I am an idiot’ 10,000 without stopping OR suck 75 thick milkshakes through a skinny straw without resting?
• Date someone who is always negative OR date someone who is always falsely positive?
• Shave your head once and get a tattoo on your entire scalp OR shave your eyebrows off permanently?
• Wind surf on shark-inhabited waters OR hang glide over a forest fire?
• Live the rest of your life in good health and bad debt OR be constantly sickly with a runny nose, cough, and periodic fever, but with great wealth?
• Have all your friends be smarter than you OR have all your friends be much better looking than you?
• Have a really big nose and as a result have people call you ‘The Ventilator’ OR have really, really, big ears so that people call you ‘Dumbo’?
• Have it rain rocks the size of baseballs OR have it rain darts?
• Eat a small can of cat food OR eat 7 whole lemons, including seeds, pulp, juice, and rind?
• Ride a bicycle 100 yds along a wooden plank 12-inches-wide, 50 stories above the ground OR walk a quarter-mile along a wooden plank 4-inches-wide, 50 stories above the ground?


My truck does not leak. It’s just marking its territory!


Today’s Question: THIS is now a trend among pet owners and it’s being blamed on women.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Pets being given human names.


Computers can never replace human stupidity.

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