Monday, November 9, 2009       Edition: #4139
Good Morning, Sheetheads!


• 30-year-old actress Kate Hudson, who’s just finished shooting the movie musical “Nine”, says she’s really started eating since finally giving up smoking and that’s likely why pregnancy rumors began to spread. To counteract the weight-gain, she’s taken up salsa dancing. If you do a full 1-hour salsa session, she maintains, you’ll lose an inch because you’re pouring sweat. (Icky!)
– “Screen Weekly”
• Jennifer Lopez has turned up the heat on blocking ex-husband Ojani Noa’s plans to release a documentary about their short-lived 1997-98 marriage by suing him for $10 million in damages ahead of time. Noa claims the film “How I Married Jennifer Lopez: The J-Lo & Ojani Noa Story” does not breach a privacy agreement he signed in 2005 because it’s ‘100% parody’. (Why not let him release it? If you quit putting it in the headlines it’ll fade into obscurity in about 5 minutes.)
• TLC has launched a breach of contract lawsuit against Jon Gosselin, claiming he broke his contract by taking money to appear on other shows and talking about “Jon & Kate Plus 8” without permission. Meantime, Gosselin reportedly flew to Hawaii for the weekend to attend the wedding of Philadelphia Phillies outfielder Shane Victorino. (You lose the World Series then invite this guy to your wedding? Strike four!)
• Michael Lohan was reportedly demanding $100,000 from media outlets for access to recorded conversations with his daughter Lindsay but was turned down. After failing to make a sale, he released to RadarOnline for free in return for a paid interview. He insists he only released the material, in which Lindsay can be heard weeping uncontrollably, to push her into rehab for alleged prescription drug addiction. (He may yet overtake Gosselin for ‘Sleazebag Of the Year’.)
– “New York Post”
• Movie star George Clooney’s Italian girlfriend, 31-year-old model/TV host Elisabetta Canalis, is giving everyone a peak at what he sees in her in the new issue of “Playboy” magazine, appearing in a drenched, see-through dress while pouting into the camera. “Playboy” calls her ‘the hottest beauty from the most exquisite of countries’. (Say arrivederci … upstaging George is the kiss of death for his women!)
• 19-year-old actress Kristen Stewart has passed her high school finals on the Vancouver set of “The Twilight Saga: Eclipse” (2010). Ever since quitting school to pursue acting she’s been taking classes with tutors on movie sets. She graduated with honors at exactly the same time as her character ‘Bella’, so the fictional graduation ceremony shot for the film doubled as her real one. As photo op, she asked a movie extra to shake her hand and present her the diploma while she was still dressed in cap & gown. (For her, high school really was a ‘pain in the neck’.)
– “Interview Magazine”
• And 47-year-old ex-“American Idol” judge Paula Abdul has reportedly rekindled her romance with 53-year-old ex-talk show host Arsenio Hall over 20 years after they first dated. They met while shooting the 1988 Eddie Murphy comedy “Coming to America”. Word has it Hall reached out to his former flame to offer words of support after she left TV’s #1 show. Friends say when they reconnected, they decided to give their relationship another try. (Because now they’ve both slid to the ‘E List’.)


• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC/CTV) – The 5 remaining couples perform.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Toby Keith (“American Ride”).
• “Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien” (NBC/A Channel) – Welsh singer/songwriter David Gray (“Greatest Hits”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Teena Marie (“Congo Square”).


• Aerosmith – 61-year-old Steven Tyler has apparently quit the band, walking out after a performance in Abu Dhabi last month. Guitarist Joe Perry tells “Las Vegas Sun” they’ve not heard from him since. The frontman recently announced he’s now concentrating on ‘brand Tyler’.
• The Beatles – Their catalogue will finally be available in digital format December 8th. The catch is that it will be via physical apple-shaped USB drives, containing 14 albums, 13 short documentary films, album art, rare photos, and liner notes. The price? $279.99.
• Britney Spears – Many fans walked out of her show in Perth, Australia Friday night just 3 songs into her Aussie tour debut, making it clear they were unhappy with her  lip-syncing and complaining she mostly performed with her back to the audience.
• Bruce Springsteen – The 60-year-old rock icon will use diaries he’s kept throughout his career as the basis for a planned autobiography. It’s expected that publishers will start a bidding war for worldwide rights that could reach as much as $10 million.
• Chris Brown – He’s fired back at Rihanna for her decision to go public with the details of their February fight, insisting what happened should remain between them. (… or else.)
• Dierks Bentley – He’s personally contacted Kimberly Munley, the cop who single-handedly stopped last week’s killing spree at Texas military base Fort Hood, to thank her for her heroic action and wish her a speedy recovery. Bentley met Munley during a meet-and-greet this past Summer when they had their photo taken together.
• Rihanna – She’s told Diane Sawyer on “20/20” (ABC) that the court-ordered restraining order to keep Chris Brown away from her is ‘unnecessary’ and only serves to complicate her schedule because she constantly has to take into consideration where exactly he is.
• Toby Keith – Tonight he kicks off his first-ever European tour in Glasgow, Scotland. The 9-city trek moves on to London tomorrow and then stops in Denmark, Finland, Norway, and Sweden.

It was November 9, 1989 that East Germans began pouring through ‘Checkpoint Charlie’ into West Berlin, beginning the movement to reunite East & West Germany. Celebrants started tearing down the hated Berlin Wall which divided Communist East Berlin from the West. Joe Cocker performed an impromptu concert. Jon Bon Jovi says he was among those chipping away a piece of the wall 20 years ago when it came down. Today a ceremony celebrates the 20th anniversary of the event, with Bon Jovi performing “We Weren’t Born To Follow”, the first single from their new album “The Circle”.
– Extrapolated from


According to a recent German study, the impact of repeating major life events such as unemployment, divorce and marriage can vary. A second marriage breakup, for instance, doesn’t bother us quite as much as the first. And even if the split turns ugly, a second wedding feels just as good as the first. Losing a job, however, is another story. While losing a job once is tough enough, losing another is even harder. (When confronted with this, ask yourself “What would ‘Michael Scott’ do?”)
– “Psychology Today”


Thinking of a tummy tuck? There’s now an App for that. In fact, there are now 2 plastic surgery apps for Apple’s iPhone that offer info and the chance to envisage what a user would look like with a new nose, face-lift, etc. The Shafer Plastic Surgery App was the first ($2.99), launched in October; it’s since been joined by iSurgeon (free for a month), which allows users to instantly modify images of themselves – or others – with lip enhancements, breast augmentations, and dozens of other improvements. (Then you can post them on Facebook and wait for the lawsuit.)

A BS compendium of recent ‘discoveries’ …
• Scientists say … in terms of speed, endurance, and jogging pace, the animal most resembling humans is – the pig. (Some more than others.)
– “New Scientist”
• Scientists say … fear of losing your job is the #1 cause of employment stress. A Robert Half International study finds that 41% of workers cite unemployment worries as their top stressor on-the-job. (The rest were honest and said ‘showing up’.)
• Scientists say … juvenile delinquents have heartbeats that are slower by an average of 9 beats per minute, and ‘sweat rates’ 3 times slower than non-delinquents. (That’s why the school bully could kick your ass without even breaking a sweat.)
– “American Journal of Psychiatry”
• Scientists say … seniors who are married are far more likely to eat breakfast, wear seatbelts and not smoke, leading to longer, healthier lives. (Also more likely to say things like, “47 years! 47 years I put up with you!”)
– AP

According to recent retail stats, single women out-spend single men on new cars (by double), sugary junk food, fats and oils, and, not surprisingly, clothes, shoes, dry cleaning, and jewelry. (But you can’t really understand how  women outspend men … until you marry one.)
– “Demographics Magazine”


According to NYC-based broadcast consultant Valerie Geller of Geller Media International, here are some simple ways to improve your on-air effectiveness immediately …
• Tell the truth.
• Make it matter by always focusing on ‘What’s in this for the listener?’.
• Never be boring.
• Speak visually.
• Kill ‘radio speak’. Don’t talk about anything on-air that you wouldn’t speak about off-air.
• Involve your listener at all times, frequently using the word ‘you’.
– Condensed from “Broadcast Dialogue”.


According to “Wired” magazine, 0.27% of the Iranian population is now on Twitter.

“It’s important for your watch to be stylish and reflect your personality because you really don’t need one any more as everyone has cellphones.”
– Cindy Crawford, proving the stereotype of airhead fashion models just might be true.


1948 [61] Robert David Hall, East Orange NJ, TV actor (Medical Examiner ‘Dr Al Robbins’ on “CSI” since 2000)  FACTOID: He uses prosthetics due to amputation of both legs following an auto accident in 1978.

1969 [40] Pepa (Sandra Denton), Queens NY, hip-hop artist (Salt-N-Pepa-“Push It”, “Shoop”)

1972 [37] Eric Dane, San Francisco CA, TV actor (‘Dr Mark Sloan’ [‘McSteamy’] on “Grey’s Anatomy” since 2006)

1973 [36] Nick Lachey, Harlan KY, TV personality (“Newlyweds: Nick & Jessica” 2003-05)/former boy-band singer (98 Degrees-“I Do Cherish You”)/ex-Mr Jessica Simpson (2002-06)

1978 [31] Sisqo (Mark Andrews), Baltimore MD, hip-hop artist (“Thong Song”, Dru Hill-“These Are The Times”)

1988 [21] Nikki Blonsky, Great Neck NY, movie actress (‘Tracy Turnblad’ in “Hairspray”)

• “Chaos Never Dies Day”, the one day of the year to acknowledge that chaos is essential to a harmonious universe. (And also the reason there are 24-hour news channels.)

• “Gingerbread House Day”, celebrating the traditional art of home construction as a baked good. (If you’re gonna have one for the holiday season, now’s the time to start!)

• “International Orangutan Awareness Week”, the 14th annual declared by the Nature Conservancy. It predicts orangutans will be extinct within 10-to-20 years if the average of a 1,000 kills per year continues. One reason: orang females can only give birth every 8 years.

• “World Kindness Week”, when we’re encouraged to perform acts of kindness for others. A few BS suggestions just in case you can’t think of any …
– Randomly place boxes of condoms in people’s shopping carts when they aren’t looking.
– Walk into a bar and offer to buy a round for everyone. Leave.
– Give another driver your parking spot. Next to a fire hydrant.
– Take the parking ticket off some poor loser’s windshield. Put it on someone else’s windshield.
(When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like Canada Revenue.)

• “World Orphans Day”, observed annually on the 2nd Monday of November to raise awareness of the plight of orphans and displaced children around-the-world.

1967 [42] “Rolling Stone” magazine debuts with John Lennon pictured on the cover and a free ‘roach clip’ attached

1907 [102] 1st game for ‘Edmonton Rugby Foot-ball Club’ (forerunner of Eskimos) as team loses to ‘Calgary City Rugby Foot-ball Club’ (forerunner of Stampeders) by a score of 26-5

1993 [16] Crayola announces new food-inspired crayon colors ‘Granny Smith Apple’, ‘Asparagus’ and ‘Macaroni & Cheese’ (and kids begin eating their art)


[Tues] Area Code Day
[Tues] Young Reader’s Day
[Wed] Remembrance Day (Canada)
[Wed] Veterans Day (USA)
[Wed] 43rd CMA Awards (Nashville)
[Thurs] Chicken Soup For the Soul Day
[Fri] Guinness World Record Day
[Fri] Friday the 13th

Fraud Awareness Week / Nurse Practitioners Week / Pursuit of Happiness Week / Young Readers Week


A highlight bit culled from 16 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
• If you cross a Pointer and a Setter you get a ‘Poinsetter’, a traditional Christmas pet.
• A Bloodhound and a Labrador – ‘Blabador’, a dog that barks incessantly.
• A Pekinese and a Lhasa Apso – ‘Peekasso’, an abstract dog.
• A Collie and Malamute – ‘Commute’, a dog that travels well.
• A Deerhound and a Terrier – ‘Derriere’, a dog that’s a pain in the butt.
• A Labrador and a Curly-Coated Retriever – A ‘Lab Coat Retriever’, a favorite of scientists.
• A Collie and a Lhaso Apso – ‘Collapso’, a dog that folds up for easy transport.
• A Bloodhound and Borzoi – ‘Bloody Bore’, a dog that’s just not much fun.

If you could get rid of any of your spouse’s/significant other’s possessions, what would it be?


On the other hand … you have different fingers.


Today’s Question: Happy people do THIS 30% less than unhappy people.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Watch TV.


Reality is that part of the imagination we all agree on.

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