Wednesday, November 11, 2009        Edition: #4141
Deja Moo!


45-year-old cash-poor actor Nicolas Cage, who owes $6 million in back-taxes, has only himself to blame according to a new “New York” magazine report on his lavish spending, which has included a private jet, 2 yachts, 2 islands in the Bahamas, 3 castles, a ‘dozen or so’ mansions, a 50-car fleet highlighted by a $495,000 Lamborghini, and – a 67-million-year-old dinosaur skull (a real steal at just $276,000) . . . “Twilight” actor Robert Pattinson tells “New” magazine he avoids confrontation at all costs because he fears fisticuffs could cost him his career (BS translation: I’m a weird-haired wuss) . . . 35-year-old singer-turned-designer Victoria Beckham is reportedly in talks with former Spice Girls manager Simon Fuller about starting her own modeling agency in NYC (he already owns 51% of London-based Storm Models and wants something similar in the US) . . . Former Miss California USA, 22-year-old Carrie Prejean, tells NBC’s “Today” that the now famous X-rated video of herself she made for an ex-boyfriend when she was 17 is ‘the biggest mistake’ of her life (are we all tossing away privacy too willingly on cellphones and online?) . . . And 71-year-old veteran actress Jane Fonda, who now boasts an artificial knee and a titanium hip, says she’s embracing old age because – sex is better now that she’s in her 70s (ew, thanks for that mental picture!).


• “CMA Awards” (ABC) – Brad Paisley & Carrie Underwood return to host the 43rd annual country music honors from Nashville TN. Paisley leads nominations with 6; followed by George Strait, Jamey Johnson, Keith Urban, Taylor Swift, and Zac Brown with 4 apiece. Other performers include Billy Currington, Brooks & Dunn, Kenny Chesney w/Dave Matthews, Jason Aldean, Lady Antebellum, Miranda Lambert, Reba McEntire, Sugarland, Tim McGraw, and Vince Gill w/Daughtry.
• “Daily Show With Jon Stewart” (Comedy Central/CTV) – Clarence Clemons of the E Street Band plugs his new memoir “Big Man: Real Life & Tall Tales”.
• “The Hour” (CBC) – Michael Bublé (“Crazy Love”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Los Lonely Boys (“1969”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Jared Leto of 30 Seconds to Mars (“This Is War”, out December 8th).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – The Swell Season (“ Strict Joy”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Carly Simon (“Never Been Gone”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Norah Jones (“The Fall”).

• Chris Brown – Tonight he kicks off his 19-city “Fan Appreciation Tour” at NYC’s Nokia Theatre.
• Kenny Chesney – Several nights of this year’s “Sun City Carnival” tour were shot for a 3-D movie entitled “Kenny Chesney – Summer in 3-D”. It will have a limited run in theaters starting in April.
• Leona Lewis – She says she takes tofu in her suitcase everywhere she goes because she ends up in ‘random places’ where people don’t even know what a vegetarian is.
• Queen – The classic rockers refuse to reveal who they want as new frontman now that Paul Rodgers has departed, but they admit “American Idol” runner-up Adam Lambert is a favorite.
• Rihanna – Citing her ‘courage and honesty’, “Glamour” magazine has selected her ‘Woman Of the Year’ at a gala in NYC.
• Trace Adkins – A new comic book called “Luke McBain”, featuring a ‘tough Southern hero’ character based on him is released today. The ensuing 3 issues will be released monthly through February.

Mimi Spencer’s new book, “101 Things to Do Before You Diet (Because Looking Great Isn’t Just About Losing Weight)”, offers several unusual alternatives to traditional dieting …
• Beware of ‘Healthy’ Foods – Just because it’s called a ‘salad’ doesn’t mean it’s wholesome. Especially if it contains eggs, bacon, croutons, creamy dressing, etc.
• Buy More Food Without Labels – Put a limit on food that comes in a box, can, or wrapper. The fewer preservatives, additives, and chemicals food has, the healthier it is.
• Discover Your Signature Style – Everything you put on your body gives off signals that can captivate a room or turn people off. So rock the clothing that gets you the most compliments and makes you feel good.
• Give Food Your Undivided Attention – When you eat, dine. If you chow down while watching “Glee”, you will end up consuming more and possibly not remember eating in the first place.
• Wear Black Opaque Tights – They make legs look thinner; they’re a stylish way to deal with cooler temps; and they can hide a multitude of lower limb flaws.
• Wear Heels – Sure they can be painful but they instantly add sexiness to any outfit, regardless of the body that sits on top of them. They also make legs look longer and, therefore, the rest of you appear thinner.
– Condensed from “Cosmopolitan” magazine.


Paul McKenna, author of “I Can Make You Sleep: Overcome Insomnia Forever & Get the Best Rest of Your Life”, suggests this exercise to get better sleep. Step 1: Ask yourself, “What do I want to do that is really important to me?” Make a note of everything that comes to mind. Divide the items into 2 groups – ‘important to have’ and just ‘nice to have’. Now choose one of the ‘important to have’ items and think of a small, practical, achievable step you can take tomorrow that will move you toward reaching that goal. Make a solemn promise to do that step. McKenna claims performing this exercise regularly will help you both sleep better and move you, step by step, toward getting what really matters to you. (What if it’s ‘important’ to be taller?)
– Excerpted from

The first ever “Divorce, Separation & Bereavement Fair” has been staged in Paris, France. Visitors could find everything needed to ease the pain of separation, from legal and financial advice to life-coaching, seduction tips … even cellulite removal. Singles or soon-to-be singles could also hire a private detective agency to uncover evidence of infidelity or hidden financial assets. The aim was to bring together under one roof a range of solutions for people facing the problems that come with separation. Workshops included “How to Bounce Back” and “The Role of Plastic Surgery in Re-Conquering One’s Self-image”. (How about “Getting the Ultimate Revenge”?)
– Reuters


New cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Flexitarians’ – Part-time vegetarians, or vegetarians that will eat fish or chicken. (Or maybe a vegetarian with questionable commitment.)
• ‘Pyrogeography’ – The study of the past, present, and projected distribution of wildfires. (Step 1: Go on Google Earth and look for black spots.)
• ‘Shag Bands’ – The nickname for elastic bracelets of different colors worn by kids to supposedly signify escalating grades of sexual activity. A hot new fad in Britain. The black bracelet means going all the way. (“Rebecca’s gone black and she’s never coming back.”)

‘Road trains’ that link vehicles together could one-day become common on European highways. A European Union-financed research project is looking into inexpensive ways of getting vehicles to travel in a ‘platoon’. Each grouping would include up to 8 vehicles – cars, buses, and trucks all mixed together. It’s thought that linking vehicles will cut fuel consumption, travel times, and traffic congestion. The lead vehicle would be handled by a professional driver, while those behind could take their hands off the wheel, sit back and read a book or watch TV. (Great idea, except Amy in vehicle #6 has to ‘go’ … really, really bad!)
– BBC News

Think your job sucks? Wait until you hear about these! You’ll never hate Mondays again …
• Animal Inseminator – The ‘technician’ who introduces prepared semen into the genital tract of breeding animals. Bad job, but not half as bad as the ‘collector’.
• Brazilian Mosquito Researcher – Scientists fighting malaria study the biting habits of the vicious mosquito that spreads it by … offering themselves as bait.
• Buckingham Palace Guard – Hours of standing, no laughing allowed. Also several hours a day of cleaning and pressing uniforms and polishing boots.
• Calcutta Sewer Cleaner – Drain blockages in this Indian metropolis are cleared by divers equipped with just a hoe and a steel bar … and wearing only underpants.
• Cat Food Quality Control – Job involves burying face in a huge tub and sniffing to make sure it’s fresh, then plunging arms in it up to the elbows and groping for bony bits to be removed.
• Flatus Odor Judge – Common in research labs of mouthwash companies, where the halitosis-inflicted blow great gusts of breath in their faces to test product effectiveness.
• Janitor in Adult Movie Theater – Icky work that you don’t want to admit to anyone that you do.
• Portable Toilet Cleaner – Using a tank and a vacuum wand, cleaners suck up waste, then wash down all surfaces that could possibly be soiled, including the walls.
• Roadkill Remover – Peeling the remains of creatures in various stages of decay off roads, all the while trying to avoid being hit by oncoming traffic.


• Britain’s Bertie & Jessie Wood have become the ‘Oldest Couple In the World to Divorce’ by ending their 36-year marriage at the age of … 98. According to neighbors, Jessie now lives in a seniors’ care home but Bertie passed away shortly after the split. (Before he had time to change the will, dammit!)
• A 68-year-old South Korean woman has finally passed the written exam for a driver’s licence … on her 950th attempt. Along the way Cha Sa-soon spent over $4,000 in application fees. (The bad news is, now she must pass an actual driving test before actually getting her licence.)
– Associated Press
• Joe Cada of Shelby Township, Michigan, a 21-year-old poker pro who chose cards over college, won the “World Series of Poker” main event in Las Vegas Tuesday, winning $8.55 million and becoming the youngest player to win the tournament in its 40-year history. (Mention that next time Mom asks why you’re wasting time playing cards on your laptop.)
– NBC Sports


At this week’s Anti-Corruption Convention in Doha, the capital of Qatar, the United Nations has announced that the cost of political corruption to governments around-the-world is about $1.6 trillion each year.


“Whenever you create a universal device that does all things for all people, it does not do any [one] thing well.”
– 80-year-old former Motorola engineer & cellphone developer Martin Cooper, telling a conference in Madrid, Spain that today’s phones try to do too many things for too many people. (“Daily Telegraph”)


1960 [49] Stanley Tucci, Peekskill NY, TV actor (“ER” 2007-08)/movie actor (“The Devil Wears Prada”, “Road to Perdition”)  UP NEXT: “The Lovely Bones” (January 15th).

1962 [47] Demi (Demetria) Moore, Roswell NM, movie actress (“Indecent Proposal”, “Ghost”)/Mrs Ashton Kutcher since 2005/ex-Mrs Bruce Willis 1987-2000

1964 [45] Calista Flockhart, Freeport IL, TV actress (‘Kitty Walker’ on “Brothers & Sisters” since 2006, “Ally McBeal” 1997-2002)/actor Harrison Ford’s long-time companion

1972 [37] Adam Beach, Ashern MB, TV actor (“Law & Order: Special Victims Unit” 2007-08)/movie actor (“Flags Of Our Fathers”, “Windtalkers”)

1974 [35] Leonardo DiCaprio, Hollywood CA, movie actor (“Revolutionary Road”, “Titanic”) FACTOID: Currently has a total of 25 movies ‘in development’.

• “Remembrance Day”, commemorating the end of WWI at 11 am on the 11th day of the 11th month in 1918. It’s observed in Canada, Britain, the USA (renamed “Veterans Day” in 1954), Belgium & France (“Armistice Day”). The Remembrance Day poppy program run by the Canadian Legion raises over $5 million each year for veterans’ causes. The original tradition is to observe TWO minutes silence at 11 am.

• “Martinmas”, when they’ll stage the annual “Martinmas Goose Celebration” in front of the town hall of Sursee, Switzerland. Blindfolded participants try to cut down a suspended goose with a single sword stroke. The warm weather that often occurs around this time is called ‘St Martin’s Summer’ in Europe, ‘Indian Summer’ in North America. (Maybe ‘Aboriginal Summer’?)


1959 [50] 1st episode of “Rocky & His Friends” on TV, featuring ‘Bullwinkle the Moose’


1790 [219] ‘Chrysanthemums’ from China are 1st introduced to the Western world (spelling bee judges are thrilled!)

1940 [69] 1st ‘Jeep’ is made by the Willys Company, the name coming from the initials ‘G-P’ for ‘General Purpose Vehicle’ (made for military use, NOT for going to the mall)


1988 [21] ‘Loudest Measured Scream’ by a human – 128 decibels (some guy in a zipper accident?)

[Thurs] Chicken Soup For the Soul Day
[Fri] Guinness World Record Day
[Fri] World Kindness Day
[Fri] “2012”; “Pirate Radio” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Friday the 13th
[Sat] Loosen Up, Lighten Up Day
[Sat] World Diabetes Day
[Sat] World Rock-Paper-Scissors Championships (Toronto)
This Week Is … Split Pea Soup Week
This Month Is … Healthy Skin Month


Today’s parents are so protective we have to run PSAs to encourage them to let their kids go outdoors and play (with or without a helmet). Back in the day we knew how to play, even with things that weren’t toys. For instance …
• Bugs – Ants, ladybugs, centipedes … they all offered the opportunity to ‘play God’.
• Calculators – The only time numbers were fun … when you were just pushing random buttons.
• Couch Cushions – The building materials for many a ‘fort’.
• Dirt – It offered endless possibilities: dirt bombs, dirt castles, dirt sandwiches …
• Empty Paper Towel/Wrapping Paper Rolls – They became swords, batons, lightsabers.
• Expired Credit Cards – Before paranoia over identity theft, the perfect tool to play ‘grown-up’.
• Food – When Mom’s grub wasn’t good, it often became source of amusement. (Here comes another gravy tsunami breaking through the mashed potatoes!)
– Adapted from

Sex is like air …  it’s not important unless you aren’t getting any.


What historical figure would you most like to go drinking with?

Today’s Question: THIS has been proven to make us nicer people, actually encouraging us to help others. In fact, we’re more likely to answer survey questions from people if this is present.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Sunshine. (“Psychology Today”)

People seldom plan to fail, but they often fail to plan.

Printer Friendly Version