Monday, November 16, 2009        Edition: #4144

Bovine Defecation That’s State-of-the-Art!

WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
• “Twilight” director Catherine Hardwicke has confirmed the worst-kept secret in show biz … Robert Pattinson is dating co-star Kristen Stewart. The actors, who play onscreen lovers in the vampire movies, have repeatedly denied they’re more than just friends but rumors heated up last week when they were pictured holding hands in Paris. Hardwicke, who directed the first film in the franchise, says the romance didn’t happen during production on the first film, it developed over time.
– Time.com
• 43-year-old model Cindy Crawford & husband Rande Gerber are caught up in an international extortion scandal over a controversial photo of their young daughter who’s now 8. Crawford reportedly paid Edis Kayalar, an acquaintance of a former nanny, $1,000 to keep the shot of her daughter bound to a chair in revealing clothing away from the media, but when Kayalar was deported to his native Germany he demanded more money, threatening to sell the pic to the press for $500,000. At that point Crawford & Gerber called in the FBI. A rep insists the controversial photo was taken by the nanny during a game of cops and robbers … without Crawford’s knowledge. So why wasn’t it destroyed?
– “NY Daily News”
• In the latest skirmish in his war with TLC, Jon Gosselin, formerly of “Jon & Kate Plus 8”, has filed a $5-million claim against the network, saying its representatives ‘damaged his reputation and career’ by preventing him from working with other media outlets. TLC should have little trouble proving this guy’s demolition was self-imposed.
– People.com
• Movie star Johnny Depp has reportedly offered to help financially-troubled fellow actor Nicolas Cage, who’s facing a whopping $6-million tax bill. An insider says Johnny called Nic and told him not to worry, promising he’d help straighten everything out. Why would he bother? Depp now has annual earnings estimated at circa $70 million, and he’s never forgotten what Cage did for him …  helping him land his first major role in “A Nightmare on Elm Street” back in 1984.
– “Daily Express”
• The family of the late DJ AM (Adam Goldstein) is suing the parties it blames for his 2008 plane crash, insisting the incident ultimately caused his death. Goldstein and musician Travis Barker (Blink-182) survived the Learjet crash in South Carolina but both spent months recovering. Now Goldstein family lawyers are claiming the ‘reforming’ drug addict was forced to take various pain medications as a result of the accident, so they’re suing the company that chartered the plane, along with Learjet, and the estates of the 2 dead pilots. DJ AM died from a drug overdose in August.
– TMZ.com
• And famous person Lindsay Lohan has reportedly caused another scene in an LA nightclub by storming into the kitchen and grabbing 2 bottles of expensive champagne, then having a meltdown when presented with the bill. Word has it she screamed profanities, but eventually had to call a friend to get her credit card information. Afterward she kept saying, “I don’t pay for drinks! This is ridiculous! I’m freaking out!” Seems that fall off the wagon really hurt.
– ContactMusic.com

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:

• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC/CTV) – The final 4 couples perform.
• “Expedition Great White” (National Geographic Channel) – “Fast & Furious” actor Paul Walker, a former marine biology major, spent 11 days off the coast of Mexico with shark experts shooting footage of the sea monsters for this special.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Chickenfoot (“Chickenfoot”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Anya Marina (“Slow & Steady Seduction, Phase II”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Ben Harper & Relentless7 (“White Lies For Dark Times”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Tim McGraw (“Southern Voice”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Wyclef Jean w/Cyndi Lauper.
• “Lopez Tonight” (TBS) – Slash (“Slash & Friends”, due in 2010).
• “Today Show” (NBC) – Leona Lewis (“Echo”).
• “Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien” (NBC/A Channel) – Carrie Underwood (her new album “Play On” is atop both the country and all-genres charts in “Billboard”, and the single “Cowboy Casanova” is the #1 country song).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Shakira (“She Wolf”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:

• Beyoncé – Thousands of Brit fans got 3 free tickets for last night’s O2 Arena show in London by making a donation of any amount to street performers, nicknamed ‘Beyoncé Buskers’. Some paid less than 20 cents. The other 13,000 tickets were awarded to contest winners.
• Bon Jovi – During Jon Bon Jovi’s recent appearance on “Inside the Actors Studio” (Bravo), host James Lipton revealed that the rocker used to play trumpet in his high school marching band.
• Elton John – His ongoing battle with E coli infection and flu symptoms caused Saturday’s “Face 2 Face Tour“ show with Billy Joel in Oakland CA to be scrapped. Apparently he’s still to sick to perform.
• 50 Cent – Today he releases a ‘Super Deluxe Edition’ of his new album “Before I Self Destruct” exclusively via Best Buy stores. The 3-Disc Special Edition also includes a 90-minute “Before I Self Destruct Movie”. The release was brought forward due to an Internet leak.
• The Judds – Wynonna has confirmed she & mom Naomi will reunite as The Judds in 2010, which she calls ‘take your mother to work year’. Naomi turns 64 in January.
• Metric – Tonight the Canadian indie rockers launch a North American tour in Buffalo NY in support of their new album, “Fantasies”.
• Norah Jones – She set up a Twitter account during the recording of her new album “The Fall” (out tomorrow), but then never used it. Why? “Everything that I want to say sounds dorky, and everything that I don’t want to say sounds totally contrived.” If only others would catch on!
• Three Days Grace – Tonight they kick off a tour of Canada in Victoria BC.
• The Who – The classic rockers, now in their mid-60s, have been confirmed as the half-time entertainment at Super Bowl XLIV in Miami FL on February 7th. (Hope the stage is wheelchair accessible.)

BABY-TO-ENGLISH APP:

Spanish developer Biloop Technologic has developed a new iPhone app that deciphers the meaning behind a baby’s cry. The ‘Cry Translator’ analyzes the tone and duration of each cry and matches it to one of 5 possible types: ‘annoyed’, ‘bored’, ‘hungry’, ‘sleepy’, or ‘stressed’. It then offers tips on how to treat the tot. The inventors claim the 5 cries are universal to all babies, regardless of culture or language. In clinical testing, the app proved more than 90% accurate. It takes about 10 seconds to record and analyze each cry. (About 8 seconds longer than the average mommy.)
– Fox News

PRESERVE YOUR BRAIN:

A recent study by the Western Psychiatric Institute & Clinic in Pittsburgh PA suggests that seniors with a history of mild-to-moderate drinking experience less mental decline than seniors who have always been teetotalers. The findings suggest that mild-to-moderate alcohol consumption may play a role in helping preserve cognitive function. (Why do you think they call it ‘getting pickled’?)
– “Neurology”

GOAL-SETTING GOOD:
A new San Francisco State University psychology study has found that people who engage in activities that increase competency, such as exercising, studying or working, experience decreased happiness, lower levels of enjoyment, and higher levels of stress while doing so. Yet participants consistently report they feel happy and satisfied with the same activities when they reflect on them afterward. The researchers suggest that means we don’t necessarily have to reach our goals to see the benefits in happiness and well-being. (It’s not the destination it’s the journey … keep that in mind when you put on 20 lbs while on a diet.)
– “Globe & Mail”

AH, RELIEF AT LAST!
43-year-old single mom Michelle Thompson of Nelson, England, who suffers from a rare condition called ‘Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome’, thought she‘d never meet a worthy partner because the odd malady can cause up to 300 orgasms a day. She even had to quit a job in a biscuit factory because the machines kept setting her off. But now, after wearing out a string of boyfriends, she says she’s found a guy that can keep up with her – her 32-year-old neighbor Andrew Carr. They’ve been enjoying each other’s ‘company’ for 6 months … as many as 10 times a day!
– “News Of the World”

DID YOU KNOW?
• What is that stuff you eat for breakfast? The word ‘muesli’ comes from the old English word ‘moose’, meaning stew or porridge.
– PopBitch.com
• North Americans consume 109,354 lbs (almost 55 tons) of food in a lifetime on average.
– DidYouKnow.org
• Children’s teeth grow mostly during the night, according to University of North Carolina research.
– AP
• Commercially-raised turkeys are too heavy to fly. In fact, turkey breeding has caused turkey breasts to grow so large that turkeys sometimes fall over.
– University of Illinois study
• According to researchers, November is the month when the most hair falls out.
– “Science”

BS CHRONOMETER 11.16.09


TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1958 [51] Marg Helgenberger, Freemont NE, TV actress (‘Catherine Willows’ on “CSI” since 2000)

1963 [46] Keith Burns, Atlanta GA, country singer/guitarist (Trick Pony-“On A Night Like This”, “Pour Me”)

1964 [45] Diana Krall, Nanaimo BC, jazz singer/pianist (“Quiet Nights”, Grammy Awards-“Live In Paris”, “When I Look In Your Eyes”)/Mrs Elvis Costello since 2003/Canada’s Walk of Fame (2004)/Officer Of the Order of Canada (2005)

1966 [43] Dave Kushner, LA CA, rock guitarist (Velvet Revolver-“Slither”, “Fall to Pieces”)

1977 [32] Maggie Gyllenhaal, NYC, movie actress (“The Dark Knight”, “World Trade Center”)/older sister of actor Jake Gyllenhaal

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “International Button Day”, for people who collect buttons with slogans on them. Some of the most sought-after are vintage political campaign buttons.

• “International Day for Tolerance”, established by the UN in 1996 to promote the need for worldwide tolerance and understanding. Hmm, doesn’t seem to be working.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1981 [28] ‘Most-Watched Daytime TV Drama’ episode as ‘Luke’ marries ‘Laura’ on “General Hospital”

2001 [08] “Harry Potter & the Sorcerer’s Stone” opens on an unprecedented 7,000-plus movie screens to a record $90 million in its first weekend (ends up the #4 movie of all-time with $977 million in worldwide box office)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .

1999 [10] Aging rocker Eddie Van Halen undergoes hip-replacement surgery

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1915 [94] The contoured Coca-Cola bottle is patented (introduced in 1916, it is still the most-recognized container in the world)

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] Homemade Bread Day
[Wed] Married To a Scorpio Support Day
[Wed] Mickey Mouse Day
[Wed] Educational Support Professionals Day
[Thurs] World Toilet Day
[Thurs] Great American Smokeout
[Thurs] Have A Bad Day Day
[Thurs] Use Less Stuff Day
This Week Is … Hunger & Homeless Awareness Week
This Month Is … Pet Cancer Awareness Month

BULL’S BITS


BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 16 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
BS KID PHILOSOPHY:
A compendium of ‘life wisdom’, as supplied by 7th-grade students …
• “You should always listen to old people because they have the best candy.”
• “When your mom loses something, she will always blame you.”
• “It’s not a good idea to eat hot dogs before you go on a roller coaster.”
• “If your parents tell you to read, read the captions on TV.”
• “Never surprise your grandpa … he might pass gas.”
NET: http://www.FreeRadioPrep.com

BS PHONE STARTER:
What song evokes the strongest memories for you?

BS WORD OF THE DAY:

In the interest of promoting more erudite language as well as general goofiness, here’s a truly weird word from “Foyle’s Philavery: A Treasury of Unusual Words” for you to toss around for the day …
• ‘Ignotism’ … a mistake that is made due to ignorance.

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:

• In conversation you often demonstrate a measurement by showing a ‘purlicue’. What is it?
a. The distance from the floor to your downward facing palm. [As in, “He was only THIS tall.”]
b. The distance between your outstretched arms. [As in, “I caught a fish THIS big.”]
c. The distance between your thumb and extended forefinger. [CORRECT. As in, “Just a tiny bit more wine, please.”]

• Which has the most stars?
a. The Baseball Hall of Fame. [Less than 300.]
b. The Hollywood Walk of Fame. [Just over 2,000.]
c. The Milky Way. [CORRECT. Well over a million.]

• Where’s the thickest skin on your body?
a. Your face.
b. Your feet. [CORRECT. The skin on the soles of your feet is 15 times thicker than facial skin.]
c. Your booty.

BS RANDOM JOKE:

Junk is stuff we throw away. Stuff is junk we keep.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: The human body is made up of an estimated 25,000 genes, while THIS only has 8 genes.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: The flu virus. (“TIME”).

BS DEEP THOUGHT:

If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success.


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