Monday, November 23, 2009        Edition: #4149

Here’s Sheet in Your Eye!


WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:

• Saturday Motown records founder Berry Gordy Jr was the guest of honor at the “Motown 50 Golden Gala”, celebrating the 50th anniversary of the company he started in his hometown of Detroit, Michigan with just an $800 loan. Motown legends Stevie Wonder and the Temptations performed, and ‘Queen of Soul’ Aretha Franklin (ironically never a Motown artist) sang “Happy Birthday” to Gordy as he was presented with a birthday cake. He turns 80 this Saturday.
– MSNBC.com
• Actress Courteney Cox has halted production on her new TV series “Cougar Town” (ABC) while she tends to a ‘family matter’. Cox, who is married to actor David Arquette, stars in and serves as executive producer on the comedy, which has been temporarily put on hold while she sees to the undisclosed issue. (Lack of ratings maybe?)
– BuzzHollywood.com
• “Girls Gone Wild” founder Joe Francis skipped a court hearing Friday because he’s purportedly sick with an infection in Mexico. The embattled adult filmmaker was scheduled to appear before a judge in Panama City, Florida to face a civil suit filed by 4 women who allege Francis filmed them when they were underage. But his attorney provided a doctor’s note and claimed that his client is in a Mexican hospital, fighting off an ear infection and high fever. (It’s the ‘Prison Phobia Flu’.)
– PerezHilton.com
• 23-year-old British actor Robert Pattinson, who plays vampire heartthrob ‘Edward Cullen’ in the “Twilight” movies, says in real life he’s just like his screen character … women always dump him. Pattinson thinks that’s because he always has doubts in relationships and realizes too late that he really likes someone. (Try getting a haircut?)
– “More Magazine”
• 26-year-old Brit singer Amy Winehouse has reportedly asked her 31-year-old ex-husband Blake Fielder-Civil to marry her again. He’s supposedly told a friend that they’ve been talking on the phone 5-or-6 times a day and on Friday she informed him that she was going to put the engagement ring back on. The reconciled couple are now said to be planning a wedding in 3 months. (If true, they’ll be honeymooning in Loserville.)
– “News Of the World”
• OJ Simpson is said to be in uh … killer shape, because he has a lot of time on his hands. He’s dropping pounds, lifting weights, and, for good measure, preaching racial harmony and anger management to other inmates at Nevada’s Lovelock Correctional Center. His friend Norman Pardo says ‘The Juice’ is in the best shape of his post-football life, which is one of the benefits of not being able to go out and party all the time like he used to. (Anger management? Is he the ‘before’ example?)
– “New York Post”
• And Saturday 56-year-old Hulk Hogan prevailed in a grappling match Down Under vs fellow former WWE star Ric Flair, now 60. Not too surprising since it was the main event of something called the “Hulkamania Tour”. Hogan prevailed though he was bloodied in Melbourne, Australia … much like he was when then the two ‘fought’ during a press conference last Wednesday to promote the event. (Nice to see Hulk back fighting grown men in tights rather than grown women in court.)
– TMZ.com

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:

• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC/CTV) – Whitney Houston performs; then Kelly Osbourne, Donny Osmond, and Mya battle it out in the final performance show.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Bon Jovi (“The Circle”).
• “International Emmy Awards” (NYC) – UK shows have 9 nominations for the annual awards honoring excellence in TV programs from outside the US. British TV legend David Frost (depicted in the movie “Frost/Nixon”) receives the ‘Founders Award’.
• “Jay Leno Show” (NBC/CityTV) – Lady Gaga (“The Fame: Monster”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Weezer (“Raditude”).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – David Cook (“David Cook”).
• “Today” (NBC) – “Britain’s Got Talent” and YouTube sensation Susan Boyle performs live at NYC’s Rockefeller Center. Today she releases her debut album, “I Dreamed A Dream”.
• “Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien” (NBC/A Channel) – Timbaland w/Nelly Furtado & So Shy.
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Norah Jones (“The Fall”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Adam Lambert – Today the “American Idol” runner-up releases his debut album, “For Your Entertainment”.
• Beyoncé – Today she releases a live CD/DVD set that includes an expanded version of her album “I Am … Sasha Fierce” with 2 bonus tracks, and the live recording “I Am … Yours: An Intimate Performance At Wynn Las Vegas”, filmed August 2nd. (Also available as a stand-alone DVD.)
• Big & Rich – A Nashville TN judge has dismissed assault and harassment charges against John Rich in connection with an altercation involving a former “Nashville Star” contestant.
• Carrie Underwood – She’s donated a plaque with lyrics and sheet music to “I Ain’t in Checotah Anymore” to the Oklahoma Music Hall of Fame, which she joined earlier this year.
• Kings of Leon – Bassist Jared Followill has reportedly called off his engagement to 23-year-old model Alisa Torres in favor of a relationship with 22-year-old “Twilight Saga: New Moon” actress Ashley Greene. They apparently met at a Kings of Leon show in Vancouver.
• Lady Gaga – Today she reissues her hit debut album as “The Fame: Monster”, with 8 new tracks (also available separately as an EP). The deluxe version of the new package includes a special-edition art book, posters, fanzines, paper dolls, 3D glasses, and … a lock of her hair.
• Michael Jackson – Saturday one of his iconic gloves sold for more than $350,000, nearly 6 times its estimated value, in a NYC auction. The 36-year-old successful bidder, Hong Kong resident Hoffman Ma, will end up paying more than $420,000 after taxes.
• Muse – Frontman Matt Bellamy says they feel like 19th century classical music composers because they are more interested in revolutionizing music than being seen as cool.
• Oasis – The man accused of injuring Noel Gallagher at the “V Festival” in Toronto last year has pleaded guilty to an assault charge. Gallagher suffered 3 broken ribs after Daniel Sullivan tackled him onstage. A sentencing hearing is scheduled for February. (Argos should sign him!)
• Rihanna – Today she releases her 4th studio album, “Rated R”.
• Shakira – The 32-year-old, who’s been engaged to 36-year-old Antonio de la Rua for the last 4 years, reveals that her ‘biological clock is ticking’ and she wants to start a family … soon!

WHEN WOMEN ATTACK:
Facts about females and fury …
• The younger the woman, the more likely she is to express anger.
• Women get angry frequently but normally get over it in less than an hour.
• Unmarried women suppress anger more than married women.
• Most married women express anger to their husbands, even when angry with someone else.
– Excerpted from “Women & Anger” by Sandra Thomas.

THEY’VE GONE HOG WILD:

Hate licking envelopes? No longer do they need to taste like the underside of your car. With ‘J&D’s Bacon-Flavored Mmmvelopes‘ you can enjoy the taste of delicious bacon instead. That’s right, bacon. It’s not real bacon, mind you, so you won’t have to start storing your envelopes in the refrigerator. But it really does taste like bacon. Another piggish idea from the makers of ‘Bacon Salt’, ‘Baconaise’, and … ‘Bacon Pop’. (Yuck!)
NET: http://mmmvelopes.com

CANADA’S RICH LIST:

Highlights of the 11th annual ranking of the wealthiest Canadians by “Canadian Business Magazine” (rounded off) …
5. Rogers Family (Rogers Communications, cable TV, wireless, pro sports) … $4.7 billion.
4. Jimmy Pattison (Jim Pattison Group, auto sales, media, forestry products) … $5.1 billion.
3. Galen Weston (George Weston Ltd, Loblaw Cos, real estate, retail) … $6.5 billion.
2. JK, Arthur & Jack Irving (Irving Oil, forestry products, transportation) … $7.3 billion.
1. Thomson Family (Thomson Reuters, Woodbridge Co, media) … $22 billion.
NET: http://www.canadianbusiness.com

YOUR BODY IS A WASTELAND:
The average woman ‘hosts’ 515 chemicals on her body every day, according to a new study. That’s because today’s average woman uses body and facial moisturizers, perfumes, deodorants, foundation, blush, eye makeup, hair spray, fake tan applications, and various other products which leave them unknowingly carrying hundreds of chemical components. Researchers say that moisturizer can contain over 30 different chemicals and perfume up to 400. What’s really strange is over 70% of more than 2,000 women polled say they don’t care. (Seems more women than just Britney Spears are “Toxic”.)
– Reuters.com

DID YOU KNOW?

• Humans are more likely to be killed by a hippo than a lion.
– “Times of London”
• Only 36% of drivers ever stop and ask for directions when lost.
– “Travel Holiday Magazine”
• The average person consumes 222 extra calories daily during Autumn, according to a Georgia State University study.
– AP
• An estimated 25% or more of bottled water is really just tap water in a bottle.
– Agence France-Presse

BS CHRONOMETER 11.23.09


TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1954 [55] Bruce Hornsby, Williamsburg VA, oldies singer (& the Range-“The Way It Is”)

1960 [49] Robin Roberts, Tuskeegee AL, TV co-host (“Good Morning America”)

1979 [30] Kelly Brook (Parsons), Rochester UK, model/movie actress (“The Italian Job”)

1984 [25] Lucas Grabeel, Springfield MO, TV actor (“High School Musical” films)

1992 [17] (Destiny Hope) Miley Cyrus, Nashville TN, TV actress/pop singer (“Hannah Montana” since 2006)  FACTOID: She was scheduled to throw a Dolly Parton-themed birthday bash today, where guests would be required to don a blond wig and boost their bust. That may get toned down, however, due to Friday’s tour bus accident in Virginia in which a driver was killed (Miley was not onboard).

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Cashew Day”, celebrating the yummy nut that sounds like a sneeze.

• “Labor Thanksgiving Day” in Japan (“Kinro Kansha no Hi”), a national holiday since 1948 to express gratitude to one another for work done throughout the year and for the fruits of those labors. (Is next Monday “Halloween Easter”?)
OTHER BS HOLIDAYS:
• You’re Welcomegiving Day … The day after Thanksgiving day.
• ‘False Labor Day’ … When unions threaten to have a parade, but don’t.
• ‘Deadbeat Father’s Day’ … Remember him by NOT sending a card.
• ‘Put Your Daughter To Work Day’ … It’s her turn to turn on the dishwasher.
• ‘Bad Hair Day’ … For [co-host], it’s every day.
• ’Hallmark Card Day’ … Saving them the trouble of thinking up new holidays requiring greeting cards.

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1889 [120] Louis Glass introduces his new invention, the ‘Jukebox’, at the Palais Royal Saloon in San Francisco – a tinfoil phonograph with 4 coin-operated listening tubes (at the time, ‘juke’ is a slang word for a house of ill repute)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1897 [112] 1st ‘Pencil Sharpener’ (next day, some lady gums it up with an eyebrow pencil)

1948 [61] 1st ‘Zoom Lens’ (and the paparazzi profession is born)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] Celebrate Your Unique Talent Day
[Wed] International Day For the Elimination of Violence Against Women Day
[Wed] Shopping Reminder Day
[Wed] “Ninja Assassin”; “Old Dogs”; “The Road” open in movie theaters
[Thurs] Thanksgiving Day (USA)

THIS WEEK IS . . .

Better Conversation Week / Family Week / Farm-City Week / Game & Puzzle Week / Teens Don’t Text & Drive Week

BULL’S BITS


BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 16 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
WHAT YOUR UNDIES REVEAL ABOUT YOUR PERSONALITY:
WOMEN …
• High-Cut Briefs: Ladies who wear ‘granny panties’ tend to be perfectionists, except when it comes to style. They care most about comfort and function. They are practical people who don’t dress to impress.
• Boy Shorts or Thong: Women who don these are confident go-getters who enjoy a challenge. They like to show off their curves, are outgoing, and open to new things. They like the thong because it makes them feel sexy even when they wear jeans, while boy shorts are cute and feminine – without baring it all.
• Matched Sets: Some women simply must have a matching bra & panty set. These confident women are quite fashion-conscious and enjoy pampering themselves. Some might even call them spoiled or high-maintenance.
MEN …
• Boxers: Wearing boxers is all about comfort, but men who prefer boxers are generally laidback, not too flashy, and light-hearted.
• Briefs (Tightie-Whities): Worn by men who are inhibited and like the restricted feel of this kind of underwear. It’s not uncommon for women to think of a guy as their little brother when they find out he wears briefs.
• Boxer-Briefs: Men who opt for boxer-briefs are very good at committing in relationships. Hey, they already know how to compromise since they’ve done it with their underwear!
• Thong: Men who wear thongs are tremendously out-going and some are exhibitionists. Check a male thong-wearer’s high school yearbook and you’ll likely find ‘Class Clown’ under his name.
• No Underwear (Commando): Either someone forgot to do the laundry or he is very down-to-earth and embraces a natural way of life.
– “Arizona State Web Devil”
NET: http://www.FreeRadioPrep.com

BS RANDOM JOKE:

I told my dentist I couldn’t afford an operation to remove my wisdom teeth, so she offered to touch-up my X-rays … I hope it works.

STEAKHOUSE OR GAY BAR?
See if you can suss out which are which …
• Oxwood Inn (gay bar, LA CA)
• Sleek (steakhouse, St Louis MO)
• Dickie Brennan’s (Steak House, New Orleans LA)
• Toad Hall (gay bar, San Francisco CA)
• The Velvet Hammer (steakhouse, Mooresville NC)
• Cadillac Ranch (steakhouse, Phoenix AZ)
• Bastille (gay bar, St Louis MO)
• Bone’s (steakhouse, Atlanta GA)
• House of Prime Rib (steakhouse, San Francisco CA)
• BS West (gay bar, Phoenix AZ)
Oodles more here …
NET: http://steakhouseorgaybar.com

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: This year fewer of us did THIS than at any time since 1962.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Moved.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
The Golden Rule: He who has the gold makes the rules.


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