Tuesday, November 27, 2007        Edition: #3664
Another Sheetload of Bull!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Angelina Jolie, Katie Holmes, Pamela Anderson, and Demi Moore are among the top-rated ‘Yummiest Mommies’ in a new poll . . . “The Producers” hasn’t fared as well in Vegas as it did on Broadway, now scheduled to close FEBRUARY 9th after a 1-year run at the Paris Las Vegas with star Tony Danza staying on until the final curtain (well no wonder then) . . . Hollywood insiders are predicting “The Bionic Woman” (NBC) is about to get the ax, thanks to the Hollywood’s writers’ strike and plummeting ratings since its premiere earlier THIS SEASON . . . ‘Harry Potter’ creator JK Rowling has given her blessing to copycat writers posting ‘fan fiction’ sequels to her best-selling books online provided, that is, that their efforts remain a non-commercial activity (if there’s a buck to be made, she wants it!) . . . Actress Jennifer Aniston was one of the attendees at the recent 20th high school reunion at the Rudolf Steiner School on NYC’s Upper East Side (peer pressure or what?) . . . Late “Crocodile Hunter” Steve Irwin’s 9-year-old daughter Bindi is releasing her debut hip-hop single “Trouble In the Jungle” NEXT MONTH (okay, someone needs to stop her manager before this gets any weirder) . . . Actor Johnny Depp has given his long-time partner, French actress/singer Vanessa Paradis ['pair-ah-DEE'], a vineyard near their home in France as congratulations for her months of hard work recording a new album (sure beats a crummy greeting card, doesn’t it?) . . . And Victoria Beckham says she’s been forced to turn down a cameo role in the upcoming “Sex & The City” movie because she’s too busy with the Spice Girls reunion (apparently Melanie Brown didn’t feel the same pressure as she’s spent the last few weeks rehearsing and performing on “Dancing With the Stars”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Britney Spears – Word has it she’s told friends that she’s in the final stages of negotiations with an adoption agency to adopt Chinese twins. Should be no prob … she’s such a model mom.
• Chris Brown – The 18-year-old “Kiss Kiss” singer has revealed that the domestic abuse his mother endured at the hands of her violent boyfriend sometimes left him too scared to leave his bedroom. Inspiration can come from strange sources.
• Hawthorne Heights – The “Saying Sorry” band is adamant guitarist Casey Calvert’s death on the weekend had nothing to do with ‘anything illegal’. Calvert passed away in his sleep from an as yet unknown cause.
• Led Zeppelin – Word has it they’ve been forced to rearrange some of their classic hits after 59-year-old frontman Robert Plant discovered he can no longer hit the high notes.
• Paul McCartney – He’s reportedly dating Hollywood actress Rosanna Arquette (“Pulp Fiction”, “Desperately Seeking Susan”), who bears more than a passing resemblance to estranged wife Heather Mills. Coincidence?
• Red Hot Chili Peppers — Flea has confirmed that the Malibu CA house he was trying to sell for $4.8 million was one of those burned to a crisp in the most recent wildfires. Fortunately, he’d already moved into another abode before the disaster. Time to call State Farm, dude!
• Willie Nelson – He’s filmed a public service announcement that’ll appear on radio & TV in support of a Georgia bill targeting dogfighting. We take it he’s for it … the bill, that is.

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• Blake Lewis – The latest “American Idol” runner-up releases his debut album, “Audio Day Dream”, a week after winner Jordin Sparks released her debut.
• “Gotham Awards“ – 65-year-old film critic Roger Ebert is being honored at the 17th annual NYC indie film awards for a career of championing independent cinema.

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “Bratz: The Movie” ( Family Comedy ): 4 teen girls from different cliques in the same high school become friends after realizing they have more in common than they thought. Based on the popular toy line. No-name cast other than Jon Voight slumming as the principal. This is the film for which Paula Abdul was fashion consultant, choreographer and exec producer … until she was axed.
• “Hot Rod” ( Action Comedy ): An accident-prone daredevil plans an outlandish jump on a moped in order to win over his emotionally distant stepfather who needs a life-saving heart operation. Stars Andy Samberg (“Saturday Night Live”), Isla Fisher (“Wedding Crashers”), and Ian McShane (“Deadwood”).
• “I Know Who Killed Me” ( Crime Thriller ): Lindsay Lohan plays the nice, quiet daughter of wealthy parents who is left physically and mentally altered after a brutal attack by a deranged assailant. This is the movie she made while in ‘rehab’ the last time. Julia Ormond & Neal McDonough co-star.
• “Mr Bean’s Holiday” ( Comedy ): Bumbling ‘Bean’ (Rowan Atkinson) travels to France for a vacation where his video diary somehow winds up as a world premiere at the “Cannes Film Festival”. For the first time, ‘Bean’s first name is revealed in a quick shot of his passport … it’s ‘Rowan’. Atkinson has confirmed this is the last adventure for the character he’s been portraying on TV and film since 1990.
• “Waitress” ( Romantic Comedy ): Keri Russell stars as a small-town waitress who’s unhappily married, squirreling away money, and hoping to win a pie-baking contest so she can use the prize money to leave her husband ‘Earl’. After she finds herself pregnant, she also finds a mutual attraction with the new doctor in town (Nathan Fillion).
• Also released TODAY: “The Man From UNCLE: The Complete Collection”; “The OC: The Complete Series Collection”;  and the embarrassingly awful 1997 Spice Girls movie, “Spice World: Special Edition”, just in time for their reunion tour.

DO HANDOUTS HELP?
Jobs Selasie, head of a leading African AIDS charity has blasted philanthropic efforts by the likes of Bob Geldof and Bono for increasing problems on the continent instead of relieving them. He claims campaigns like Geldof’s “Band Aid”, “Live Aid” and “Live 8“ are great at raising money for their cause, but ultimately only serve to increase corruption and make Africa more dependent on foreign aid. According to his African AIDS Action organization, the number of people surviving on charity handouts has risen by 5-times since 1984′s “Band Aid” campaign, and African governments are now relying on contributions to make up 70% of their annual budgets. Selasie is calling on Africans to do more to better their own situation. (Intervention or self-help? Form a circle and discuss.)
– WENN

YOU COULDN’T MAKE THIS STUFF UP:
• A pair of muggers who snatched an Austrian woman’s handbag while she was waiting for a train in Baden were likely less than thrilled with their loot. Her purse contained nothing other than … a dead rabbit. Seems she was on her way to the countryside with her daughter to bury their perished pet. (You gotta take ‘em out to the country cuz they bung up the toilet.)
• Doctors at Rush University Medical Center in Chicago say they have removed a 10-pound hairball from an 18-year-old woman’s stomach. The previously healthy woman admitted she had a habit of eating her hair for many years, a condition called trichophagia. The hairball measured 15 inches by 7 by 7. (Makes your cat’s efforts seem pathetic, doesn’t it?)
– CNN
• THIS MONTH when Italian police searched the property of a newly arrested Mafia boss, they found a list of rules that the media quickly dubbed the mob’s ‘10 Commandments’. They include: never look at the wives of your friends; avoid bars & nightclubs; always keep your appointments; and … members must hold to moral values. (Tony Soprano would be proud.)
– “The Record”
• To celebrate record profits, the Audrey Underwear lingerie company in Taiwan encouraged female employees to show up for work in their undies during their recent ‘Camisole Day’.  Surprisingly, over 90% of the 500 women working in the firm’s headquarters reportedly went along with the spirit of the day and worked in their underwear. (This’d get you a lawsuit here.)
– “Straits News”
• The cannibal in Germany who killed, filleted, froze, and ate a man he met on the Internet has become … a vegetarian. Armin Meiwes [‘MY-vess’] reportedly converted after being voted head of the ‘Green Party Section’ in a maximum-security prison. (Now that he’s vegan, dinner doesn’t cost his cellmates an arm and a leg.)
– “The Scotsman”
• A Michigan hunter may face criminal charges for mistaking a pregnant cow for … a coyote. The 42-year-old shot his neighbor’s 1,400-lb breeding cow while looking for coyotes in the woods near his home. He may face a range of charges including attempted larceny, reckless discharge of a firearm, property damage, attempting to take a game animal during closed season, and hunting without a proper game license. (Uh, what about HUI … hunting under the influence?)
– UPI
• A Norwegian hunter has received a gift from above as a disoriented deer apparently slipped on a patch of ice and plummeted down a steep mountainside and to land within 10 feet of where the hunter was eating his lunch. So he bent over and stabbed it with his knife, thereby filling his quota full for this hunting season. (Good thing it wasn’t raining men.)
– “Aftenposten”

JUST CALL ME PEEWEE:
According to a poll by a men’s magazine, about 70% of men have a pet name for their er, uh, manhood. Some of the most popular – ‘Junior’, ‘Jack’, ‘Ace’, ‘Big Boy’, ‘Sam’, and ‘Slugger’. Interesting that only half of those surveyed say they have revealed the nickname to their partners. (Also interesting that their partners often use a much different and less flattering name.)
– “Focus”

WHY WE WORRY:
A survey for on obsessive-compulsive behavior asked women what they worry about on a daily basis. Top answers included leaving the iron, oven or coffee maker on and leaving the alarm clock off. (So what’s YOUR biggest daily worry? We know what you’re saying to yourself: Did I renew my show prep service?)
– “Ladies’ Home Journal “

SLEEP YOURSELF SKINNY:
Women who want to lose the extra weight gained in pregnancy should try to get more sleep. Harvard Medical School researchers have found that mothers who sleep 5 hours or less a day when their babies are 6-months-old are 3 times more likely than more rested moms to have kept on the extra weight after a year. (The answer to all your problems … lie on the couch and watch Oprah.)
– Reuters

WARNING PANTS:
Dutch scientists have developed underwear that calls an ambulance if the wearer has a heart
attack. Philips Research Labs has developed bras, undershirts and underwear that register and analyze the wearer’s heartbeat. The sensors are linked, via wireless technology, to a mobile phone which automatically makes contact with an alarm center or ambulance in an emergency. ([Co-host] once had a girl’s thong GIVE him a heart attack.)
– “New Scientist”

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• According to statistical analysis, you’re more likely to encounter bad luck on NOVEMBER 27th than on a Friday the 13th. So have a nice day.
– Living.Scotsman.com
• For every $7,500 in annual earnings a married woman working full-time makes, she will do 1 hour less of routine housework each week, regardless of how much money her spouse makes.
– PhysOrg.com

THE BULL SHEET 11.27.07

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1957 [50] Caroline Kennedy-Schlossberg, NYC, only survivor of family of 4 that included JFK, Jackie O, and JFK Jr/inspiration for Neil Diamond’s 1969 hit “Sweet Caroline”

1964 [43] Robin Givens, NYC, movie actress (“Hollywood Wives: The New Generation”, “Head of State”) most famous for briefly wedding heavyweight boxing champ Mike Tyson (1988)

1968 [39] Michael Vartan, Boulogne-Billancourt, France, TV actor (“Alias” 2001-06)/movie actor (“Monster-in-Law”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Freckle Pride Day”, a day to stand up for your spots. Join ‘em all together and you’d have a tan. Or maybe if you connect them they make a picture?

• “Pins & Needles Day”, a celebration of the fine art of sewing, needlework, cross-stitching, etc.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1952 [55] 1st ‘3-D movie’ premieres (“Bwana Devil”, starring Robert Stack)

1996 [11] Disney’s live-action version of “101 Dalmatians” opens in movie theaters, starring Glenn Close, Jeff Daniels, and Brit actor Hugh Laurie (who goes on to star in TV’s “House”)

2000 [07] Magician David Blaine begins 58-hour ‘endurance experience’ in 6-ton block of ice in NYC’s Times Square (culminates in ABC-TV special “David Blaine: Frozen in Time”)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1967 [40] The Beatles release the “Magical Mystery Tour” album in North America

1997 [10] Funeral for suicide victim Michael Hutchence, lead singer of INXS (Sydney, Australia)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1960 [47] 1st NHL player to score 1,000 points (Gordie Howe, who a year later to the day becomes 1st to play in 1,000 NHL games)

1983 [24] 1st ‘indoor Grey Cup’ (Toronto 18, BC 17 at BC Place)

2006 [01] House of Commons endorses Prime Minister Stephen Harper’s motion to declare Québécois a nation within a unified Canada

1955 [52] 1st edition of the “Guinness Book of World Records”, which promptly sets a record for sales of record books

2005 [02] 1st partial human face transplant is completed (Amiens, France)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1966 [41] Highest-scoring NFL game (113 points: Washington Redskins 72, NY Giants 41)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Flossing Day
[Wed] Salespersons Day
[Thurs] Electronic Greetings Day
[Thurs] Square Dance Day
[Fri] International Computer Security Day
[Fri] Stay Home Because You Are Well Day
[Fri] “Awake” opens in movie theaters
This Week Is … Cookie Week
This Month Is … Christmas Seal Month

BULL’S BITS     

LEAST SUCCESSFUL BS PICKUP LINES:
• “Did I mention that I breed ferrets as a hobby?”
• “You know, the storage closet in this place rents by the quarter-hour …”
• “Wanna blow this place and check out a kegger under the railroad bridge?”
• “Hey beautiful, what say you cook me dinner for 40 years while I watch football on the couch?”
• “Aren’t you that kid my big brother used to throw dog dung at?”
• “Hey big boy, wanna play father figure to my 3 unruly teens?”
• “You remind me of my uncle who had to go away for awhile.”
• “I’ve never been married, but I swear you look like my first wife.”
• “Bitchin’ funeral, am I right?”
• “Is that a distended bladder or are you just glad to see me?”

BS PHONE STARTER:
What do you wish you’d been told before you left school?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Going to hell when I die would just be redundant.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Most of us use one of THESE each day at work. It’s average lifespan is about 3 years.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A mouse pad.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Everyone who got where he is had to start where he was.


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