Monday, November 19, 2007        Edition: #3658
It’s Your Daily Constitutional Sheet!

• NBC-TV has reportedly fired nearly the entire production staff of “Saturday Night Live” due to the Hollywood writers strike. (This should have happened several unfunny seasons ago.)
– “Page Six”
• Word has it that David Letterman has promised his “Late Show” staff (CBS) that he will pay them out of his own pocket if the strike continues over the holidays. (At $31 million per year, he can afford to.)
– World Entertainment News Network
• Generous George Clooney has donated $25,000 to an Actors Fund cash drive aimed at helping those struggling financially because of the striking Hollywood writers. (George likely pulled the change out of his front pants pocket.)
– StarPulse News Blog
• 53-year-old actor Chris Noth (“Law & Order: Criminal Intent”, “Sex & the City”) & his live-in girlfriend Tara Wilson are expecting their first child together. Meantime, word has it the male stars of “Sex & The City: The Movie” were told to lose weight so they’d look less paunchy when shooting began LAST MONTH. (Ah! Now we know how ‘Mr Big’ got his name.)
– “Us Weekly”
• Milana Dravnel, the 22-year-old Russian-born exotic dancer who released scandalous photos of boxer/singer Oscar De La Hoya dressed in drag is now suing him for fraud & defamation and demanding $100 million in damages. She sold the images to a photo agency in SEPTEMBER for a reported $70,000. De La Hoya’s people claim the pics were ‘photo-shopped’. (If you’ve seen the photos, you’ll agreed he should be sued … for assault on a fishnet body suit.)
– “NY Post”
• “American Idol” judge Simon Cowell admits he relies on regular Botox injections to keep a youthful appearance but denies having any cosmetic surgery or ever dying his hair. (Meantime, it’s unconfirmed that Paula Abdul has had off-season liposuction … to the head.)
• “American Idol 5“ runner-up Katharine McPhee is engaged to her boyfriend of more than a year, actor Nick Cokas. They met in 2005 while appearing in a Los Angeles stage production of “The Ghost & Mrs Muir”. (They’ve so much in common … he’s appeared in as many movies as she’s had hit records.)
– “People“
• Convinced her recent TV outbursts have dramatically weakened her legal position, Paul McCartney has apparently slashed his divorce offer to estranged wife Heather Mills to just £7 million (circa $14 million), lopping off a massive £43 million from the reported original settlement. (The longer she drags this out, the fewer houses in Fiji she’s gonna be able to afford.)
– “News of the World”

• Amy Winehouse – Her jailed hubby Blake Fielder-Civil has reportedly warned her she has to beat bulimia or it may kill her. Naw, she’ll succumb to mascara poisoning first.
• Britney Spears – Thanks to a video of her running a red light shown at an emergency court hearing about her driving, she’s been banned from driving with her young sons in her vehicle. She should be banned from driving … period.
• Celine Dion – She claims she has a recurring dream about winning an Oscar for portraying late opera star Maria Callas in a Hollywood bio-pic. She makes her acceptance speech in English, Greek, and French … none of them understandable to anyone.
• Kanye West – He’s on tour in Europe and so missed a memorial at Chicago State University for his mother, Donda West, who taught at the school for 24 years. SATURDAY at Le Zénith in Paris, he broke down in tears at the end of a show after dedicating “Hey Mama” to her.
• Madonna – She’s teaming with Gucci for a fundraising event to benefit UNICEF and her Raising Malawi foundation. The goal is to raise $2 million at a FEBRUARY dinner/concert marking the opening of Gucci’s new store on Fifth Avenue in NYC.
• The Police – They’ve been recognized for the top-selling, highest-grossing world tour of 2007 at the 4th annual “Billboard Touring Awards”. Since MAY, they’ve raked in over $171 million in 53 shows before 1.5 million fans. Not a bad pension plan.
• Spice Girls – At a preview performance for their upcoming world tour at the Kodak Theatre in Los Angeles, they lip-synched their way through a couple of tunes. A spokesperson assures us, however, they’ll be singing live when the tour kicks off in Vancouver DECEMBER 2nd.
• Stevie Wonder – SATURDAY the R&B legend’s first headlining concert in NYC since 1996 featured surprise appearances by Tony Bennett and Prince at Madison Square Garden.
• Tim McGraw – He’s signed with Coty Inc to market a signature fragrance line, designed to capture his ‘rugged, stylish demeanor’. Will they call it “When the Stars Go P-U”?

• Faith Hill – She promotes her latest album, “The Hits”, on the “Today Show” (NBC).
• Garth Brooks – He’s a guest on “The View” (ABC/CTV).
• John Legend – He’s the musical guest on a rerun of the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC). He’s set to begin work on his 3rd album, which is scheduled to feature collaborations with, Pharrell Williams, and his mentor, Kanye West.
• “VIBE Awards” – The pre-taped 2007 edition airs (VH1), with trophies going to Beyoncé (‘R&B Artist of the Year’), Lil Wayne (‘Hip-Hop Artist’), Robin Thicke (‘Breakthrough Artist’) and Timbaland (‘Producer of the Year’). Keyshia Cole, Alicia Keys, Snoop Dogg, and Nelly are among those set to appear.

A compendium of recent BS ‘discoveries’ –
• Scientists say …  married guys tend to help out even less with household chores than boyfriends who are co-habitating with their chicks. It was George Mason University researchers who discovered this. (After being tossed out of their homes for being slugs.)
• Scientists say … whales have their own intricate language. The Humpback Whale Acoustic Research Collaboration (HARC) at Australia’s University of Queensland has documented 34 different types of calls so far, including mothers taking care of their young and … male pick-up lines. (“Hey baby, wanna see why they call it a blow hole?”)
• Scientists say … we might be fat because we’re hooked on sugar. In recent experiments, researchers have found that rats overwhelmingly prefer water sweetened with saccharin to cocaine, a finding that demonstrates the addictive potential of sweets. (The few rats that preferred cocaine ended up looking a lot like Kate Moss.)
• Scientists say … people on diets are 5 times more likely to gain weight during the holiday season than non-dieters. That’s according to psychologist Edward Abramson in his book “Body Intelligence”. (So on THURSDAY have a second helping … it’s for your health!)

Japanese are flocking to a newly opened Beaujolais Nouveau spa near Tokyo where they can bathe in wine pouring from a giant 12-ft bottle while they also drink it … presumably from a glass. Bathing in wine is said to be a body rejuvenation treatment once favored by Cleopatra in Ancient Egypt. The wine tub is just the latest attraction at the Hakone Yunessun Spa, which also offers guests the chance to bathe in green tea or real coffee made with hot spring water. (Given the chance to bathe in anything you want … what would you pick?)
– “Daily Telegraph”

Adding a pinch of magnolia bark to mints or gum can eliminate bad breath by killing most odor-causing germs, according to chewing gum-maker Wrigley. Most bad breath occurs when bacteria in the mouth breaks down proteins, producing foul-smelling sulphur compounds. Magnolia bark has been found to be highly effective against 3 types of oral micro-organisms, killing 99.9% of bad breath bacteria within 5 minutes. (Bark, it’s not just for granola anymore.)
– Reuters

According to a new BIGresearch poll of close to 8,000 consumers, these will be this holiday season’s must-have toys …
1. Barbie
2. Bratz
3. Dolls (generic)
4. Dora the Explorer
5. Disney Princesses
1. Transformers
2. Video Games
3. Nintendo Wii
4. Cars (generic)
5. Spider-Man
– National Retail Federation

• Guinness Brewing Co research has found that drinkers of the famous stout who have mustaches lose an average of 1.75 pints of the stuff in the hair on their upper lips per year. Drinkers with full beards lose almost twice that much.
– BBC News
• The average number of calories burned off per year by doing household chores is 50,261. That’s roughly equivalent to 603 glasses of wine or 192 chocolate bars.
– “Daily Mail”
• The Sultan of Brunei has paid his badminton coach the equivalent of $2.5-million.
– “Weekly Telegraph”


1933 [74] Larry King (Lawrence Henry Zieger), Brooklyn NY, TV talk show host (“Larry King Live” on CNN) who’s been married 7 times to 6 different women/50 years in broadcasting/Hollywood Walk of Fame (1997)

1938 [69] Ted Turner, Cincinnati OH, TV mogul (founder of CNN, TBS, TNT and other media properties)/sports mogul (Atlanta Braves, World Championship Wrestling founder)/ex-Mr Jane Fonda (1991-2001)

1942 [65] Calvin Klein, Bronx NY, fashion designer (Calvin Klein Man, CK jeans, Obsession)

1960 [47] Matt Sorum, Mission Viejo CA, rock drummer (Velvet Revolver-“She Builds Quick Machines”, “Slither”, Guns N’ Roses 1990-97)  FACTOID: Velvet Revolver has been forced to scrap scheduled tour dates in Japan NEXT WEEK because immigration authorities have denied them work visas. Something about a shady past.

1960 [47] Allison Janney, Dayton OH, 6-ft TV actress (4 Emmy Awards-“The West Wing” 1999-2006)  COMING UP: Stars in a stage musical version of “9 to 5”, featuring music & lyrics by Dolly Parton, opening at Los Angeles’ Ahmanson Theatre in 2008.

1961 [46] Meg Ryan (Margaret Mary Emily Anne Hyra), Fairfield CT, movie actress with enhanced fat-filled lips (“Sleepless in Seattle”, “When Harry Met Sally”)/ex-Mrs Dennis Quaid  FACTOID: Reports says she’s recently been on a string of dates with 38-year-old former “Friends” and “Studio 60” actor Matthew Perry.

1962 [45] Jodie Foster, LA CA, movie actress (“The Brave One”, 2 Oscars-“The Accused”, “Silence of the Lambs”)/2 sons from unnamed fathers

1973 [34] Jason Albert, Huntsville AL, country singer (Heartland- “I Loved Her First”)

• “Cannabis Cup“, the 20th annual sponsored by “High Times” magazine in Amsterdam, the Netherlands through THURSDAY. Judges rate the top weed from around-the-world while participants attend seminars and ‘sample’ product. It’s legal in Holland.

• “Have A Bad Day Day”, for all the grouches who can’t stand being told constantly to
‘have a nice day’.

• “World Toilet Day”, to encourage toilet hygiene. The Singapore-based World Toilet Organization promotes better design, ventilation and sanitation for the device that is still a luxury in many parts of the developing world. Did you know …
– The average person visits the toilet 6-to-8 times a day, about 2,500 times a year, or about 3 years of a lifetime.
– A woman spends, on average, 3 times longer on each visit, yet there are usually the same number of stalls in each public convenience.
– Britain’s Queen Elizabeth II has to have a new toilet seat everywhere she visits. It is then destroyed afterward.

1996 [11] Pamela Anderson files for divorce after 21 months of wedded hell with Tommy Lee

2002 [05] Michael Jackson makes an appearance outside his Berlin hotel during which he briefly holds his youngest child, baby Prince Michael II, over a 4th-floor balcony in front of fans and media waiting below

1895 [112] 1st ‘Modern Pencil’ (Frederick Blaisdell of Philadelphia patents a paper-wrapped pencil with a string, similar to present-day china markers)

1965 [42] ‘Pop Tart’ is invented (now one of the primary morning food groups)

1995 [12] Baltimore Stallions (now Montréal Alouettes) become 1st and only US-based team to win CFL championship, defeating Calgary Stampeders 37-20 in 83rd Grey Cup (when Baltimore Ravens win the Super Bowl in 2000, Baltimore becomes the only city with both a CFL and an NFL championship)

1997 [10] Iowa’s Bobbi McCaughey gives birth to world’s only known set of living ‘septuplets’, 4 boys and 3 girls

[Tues] Universal Children’s Day
[Tues] Absurdity Day
[Tues] Name Your PC Day
[Tues] National Child Day in Canada
[Wed] World Hello Day
[Wed] World Television Day
[Wed] “August Rush”; “Enchanted”; “Hitman”; “Stephen King’s The Mist”; “This Christmas” open in movie theaters
[Thurs] US Thanksgiving Day

American Education Week / Culinary Week / Family Week / Farm-City Week / Geography Awareness Week / Storytelling for Grownups Week


• When you say, “See you tomorrow”, the night watchman laughs uncontrollably.
• The CEO walks by your desk and says, “Hey, hey! Easy on the staples!”
• The conference room has been turned into a chinchilla farm.
• Conversations at the water cooler are mainly with yourself.
• Your boss casually asks you if you know anything about starting  fires.
• You’ve been getting a lot of memos in Chinese.

• After flub: Pardon me, I’m out of my mind … back in 5 minutes.
• [Co-host] ended up with another ugly date SATURDAY. Just goes to prove beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
• “Dancing With the Stars” is on again TONIGHT. I just finished another 12-step program and I still can’t dance.

Today’s Question: Men are more apt to do THIS in Atlantic Canada then anywhere else in the country.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Laundry.

THESE like to spend the night in trees … especially oak trees.
Wild turkeys.

Talent is the ability to convince people you have it.

“BS” salutes Dave & Julie @ 91.9 BOB-FM [CKLY] Lindsay ON; Bill Porter & Angela Rose @ Energy 99.3 [CKPT]; and Ron & Ric @ Country 105 [CKQM] Peterborough ON, who’ll all be taking “Sheet” for another year; and welcome aboard to samplers this week that include Debra Frie @ News/Talk WKMI Kalamazoo MI; Pearse Jackson @ 89.5 MIX-FM [CJRL] Kenora ON; Laurie Michaels @ 92.9 FM [KISM] Bellingham WA; and Neil McManus @ 107.7 The Lake [WLKK] Wethersfield NY.

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