Friday, November 2, 2007          Edition: #3647
Don’t Forget to Renew or It’s No Sheet, Sherlock!

SUNDAY David Beckham’s LA Galaxy plays a charity soccer match to raise money for Southern California fire victims against a tossed-together team of celebs called ‘Hollywood United’ that includes Anthony LaPaglia (“Without a Trace“), Costas Mandylor (“Saw IV“), and “Heroes” star Jimmy Jean-Louis (maybe he can make Beckham forget how to bend it) . . . NBC-TV is planning to introduce new characters on “The Office” that will then jump off into their own spin-off series which will reportedly feature a ‘major’ Hollywood star (Tom Arnold?) . . . Meantime, the plan to launch a spin-off of “Heroes” to be called “Heroes: Origins” has been shelved because of the writers’ strike (hey, for this show all you need is FX) . . . Idle rich girl Paris Hilton is replacing her newly clean ‘n sober former pal Lindsay Lohan as the face of Las Vegas nightclub LAX’s New Year’s Eve bash, for which she’ll collect a whopping $1 million (paid to party – it doesn’t get any better!) . . . Britney Spears’ parents, Lynne & Jamie, are said to be on the verge of a reconciliation, giving their marriage another shot some 5 years after they divorced (an attempt to take the ‘dys’ out of ‘functional’) . . . And UK fashion model Kate Moss has reportedly told former bf & regular rehab resident Pete Doherty that he’s welcome to keep ALL the royalties from the songs they wrote together when they were a couple (going to prove that those tunes are truly beyond worth!).

• Celine Dion – “Taking Chances”, her first new studio album since 2003, will be released NOVEMBER 13th. Just a warning.
• 50 Cent – He’s PO-ed both MTV and BET have arbitrarily changed the title of his new single from “I Still Kill” to “I Still Will” … apparently worried about promoting violence. Wimpy.
• Kanye West – He’s releasing a book titled “Thank You & You’re Welcome!” early NEXT YEAR, described as an ‘entertaining volume of Kanye-isms’. No wonder it’s only 10 bucks.
• Kid Rock – He’s designed a new pendant featuring an image of himself wearing a crown of thorns. It’s all part of the shock ‘n hype for his new album “Rock N Roll Jesus”.
• The Police – Guitarist Andy Summers is planning to make a documentary film based on his autobiography, “One Train Later”, which will feature some 25,000 personal photos taken over the years. Like watching someone’s vacation videos … only it’ll take longer.
• Radiohead – They’ve signed a deal with indie music label XL Recordings to handle the physical release of their 7th album “In Rainbows” in early ‘08. It won’t be pay-what-you-wanna.
• Snoop Dogg – The rapper is said to be in talks with pal David Beckham to combine their fortunes to launch a fashion label and produce a movie. Like Becks needs help from this felon.

• “The Amazing Race 12” (CBS/CTV) – The debut has been moved ahead to SUNDAY from JANUARY thanks to the cancellation of Hugh Jackman’s “Viva Laughlin”. 11 new globetrotting teams will vie for the million-dollar prize, including a goth couple, a grandpa/grandson pairing, and the series’ first-ever lesbian couple.
• Backstreet Boys – TONIGHT they’re on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC).
• Beyoncé – SATURDAY she’s slated to perform at the Grand Stage in Shanghai, China. Interesting that authorities canceled a performance by her bf Jay-Z a while back after deciding his lyrics were ‘vulgar’. Think she’ll clean up her booty-shakin’ act?
• Bo Diddley – TODAY the rock & roll legend receives a marker on the ‘Mississippi Blues Trail’ on the first day of the “Camellia City Festival” in his hometown of McComb, Mississippi. He won’t perform, however, as he suffered a stroke and heart attack earlier THIS YEAR.
• Dwight Yoakam – TONIGHT he’s on “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) to promote his latest album, “Dwight Sings Buck”.
• Emerson Drive – SUNDAY they open the “Inspirational Country Music Awards” in Nashville by performing their hit “Moments”.
• “The Family Guy“ (FOX/Global) – SUNDAY the animated comedy marks its 100th episode with a retrospective of the funniest & most satirical moments from seasons past.
• Feist – The “1234” singer is the musical guest on “Saturday Night Live” (NBC), hosted by NBC News anchor Brian Williams. Hopefully the barbs he suffers won’t put his nose (further) out of joint.
• Hedley – TODAY the BC rockers guest on “MuchOnDemand” and “Live@Much” (MuchMusic).
• Jay-Z – TONIGHT he’s a guest on “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS).
• Jerry Seinfeld – SATURDAY he serves as the one-time host of the late-night “Talkshow With Spike Feresten” (FOX) while the regular host appears as a guest. “Seinfeld” alum and “Bee Movie” voice actor Patrick Warburton also appears.
• LeAnn Rimes – TONIGHT the “Nothin’ Better to Do” singer does “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC).
• Wynonna – SUNDAY she appears on “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” (ABC/E!), pitching in to help a Wyoming family who’s suffered respiratory illness due to radon gas … the stuff that can lurk in your basement.

• “American Gangster” ( R-Rated Drama ): Denzel Washington stars as real-life 1970s Harlem drug lord Frank Lucas, who notoriously imported heroin by stashing it in the coffins of soldiers returning from Vietnam. Russell Crowe plays the hard-nosed cop determined to bring him in. A ‘pay-or-play’ deal guaranteed Denzel Washington $20 million when this movie was shelved. Then, when it was green-lit a 2nd time, he got another $20 million. No wonder he could afford to gift Lucas (who served as a consultant) with a Rolls-Royce after filming wrapped.
• “Bee Movie” ( PG Animated Family ): Jerry Seinfeld co-wrote & stars as the voice of recent bee college grad ‘Barry B Benson’ who befriends a female human (Renée Zellweger) after she saves his life. But when he finds out people eat lots of honey, he decides to sue humanity for stealing from bees. During production, actors were called back to record new lines for over 3 years. Other voices include Matthew Broderick, Chris Rock, and – appropriately – Sting.
• “Martian Child” ( PG Dramedy ): John Cusack plays a sci-fi author who adopts a young boy in an attempt to overcome grief from the loss of his wife. But the kid’s own emotional problems lead him to be utterly convinced that he’s from the planet Mars. The writer’s sister is played by Cusack’s real-life sister, actress Joan Cusack. In David Gerrold’s novel, the adoptive father was an out gay man … but not so in the movie. Shot entirely in Vancouver.

After a 10-year legal battle to register the distinctive yell of ‘Tarzan’ as a trademark, a court has rejected a claim of ownership. The estate of Chicago-born author Edgar Rice Burroughs, who created the ‘Tarzan’ character, has been attempting to protect the sound as it has the potential to generate big bucks when used for ringtones, advertising, and computer games. (So it’s legal this morning. Altogether in the shower now – “Aghh-uh-aghh-uh-aghhhh!”)
NET: (the real deal from movies)
– “The Times“

A BS compendium of recent ‘discoveries’ …
• Scientists say … older people are happier than younger people on average. Life experience and emotional stability appear to be driving factors, but the key reason may be – with less time left, older people tend to focus on ‘the now’ instead the future. (They also forget the past.)
• Scientists say … former female athletes face a higher risk of decreased bone levels which can lead to fracturing and osteoporosis. So if you were a runner or swimmer in school you may want to regularly have your bone density monitored. (Yet another reason to avoid working out.)
• Scientists say … elephants can tell whether humans are friend or foe by their scent and clothing color. St Andrews University researchers have found that African elephants react with fear when confronted by either the scent of garments worn by the Maasai tribe or the color red, the preferred hue of their clothing. Maasai males traditionally demonstrate their manhood by spearing elephants. (Around here, guys do that by drinking too much & beating on each other.)
• Scientists say … men are more likely than women to give a romantic relationship top priority. A poll by Duke University & the University at Albany asked both men & women to rank relationships against career, education & travel. (Guys have a different definition of ‘romantic’.)

According to a magazine survey, the citizens of Philadelphia are the ugliest in America; while residents of Los Angeles rank as the least intelligent. And Dallas seems to have the worst of both worlds: it ranks 22 out of 25 on the intelligence scale, and 23rd in the ugly department. (Dallas also came in 3rd in last summer’s ranking of America’s sweatiest cities, so they have lots to be proud of!)
– “Travel & Leisure“

Less than ten 30-second spots have yet to be sold for the “Super Bowl”, which airs on FOX-TV FEBRUARY 3rd. Each ad is rumored to cost in excess of $2.6 million.
– “Advertising Age”


1957 [50] Carter Beauford, Charlottesville VA, rock drummer (Dave Matthews Band-“American Baby”, “Where Are You Going”)

1961 [46] kd (Katherine Dawn) lang, Consort AB, pop singer (“Constant Craving”, “Crying”)

1966 [41] David Schwimmer, Astoria NY, movie actor (“Madagascar”)/ex-TV actor (“Friends” 1994-2004)

1969 [38] Reginald ‘Fieldy’ Arvizu, Bakersfield CA, rock bassist (Korn-“Hold On”, Did My Time”)

1969 [38] Cookie Monster, Sesame Street NY, cookie fanatic/fuzzy TV personality who styles his hair with a blue-rinse/movie actor (“The Muppets Take Manhattan”)

1974 [33] Nelly (Cornell Haynes Jr), Austin TX, rapper (“Grillz”, w/Janet Jackson-“Call On Me”)

Actress/comedian Roseanne (Barr-Arnold-Thomas) is 55; Comedian Dennis Miller is 54; NFL analyst & former QB Phil Simms (CBS) is 52.

Retired TV news anchor Walter Cronkite (“CBS Evening News”) is 91; US First Lady Laura Bush is 61; TV reality show host Jeff Probst (“Survivor”) is 45; Movie actor Matthew McConaughey (“We Are Marshall”) is 38; Music & fashion mogul Sean Combs (Diddy) is 38.

• “All Souls’ Day”, the excuse for an annual tradition in Santiago, Guatemala – the “Kite Festival”, when natives send massive, extremely colorful kites up to the heavens in an effort to communicate with the dead. Hello, anybody home?
• “Deviled Egg Day”. (Tomorrow is ‘Watch Dad Evacuate an Entire Department Store in 10 Seconds Day’.)
• “North American Poker Championship” at Canada’s largest casino, Fallsview Casino in Niagara Falls, wraps up. Some of the game’s greatest players have been vying for more than a week to walk away with over $1 million.
• “Plan Your Epitaph Day”, dedicated to the proposition that a forgettable gravestone is a fate worse than death.
• “Royal Winter Fair” through NOVEMBER 11th, the 85th annual indoor agricultural, horticultural, canine, and equestrian exhibition at Toronto’s Exhibition Place.
• “World Championships for Punkin Chunkin” through SUNDAY in Millsboro, Delaware. The annual pumpkin-throwing contest has 15 categories, including ‘Adult Air Class’, ‘Adult Human Power Centrifugal Class’, and ‘Youth Under-10 Catapult Class’.

• “Cliché Day”. It’s amazing how they infiltrate our daily conversations. Try to make it through an entire show without anyone uttering a cliché. Hit the buzzer every time one pops up!
• “Digital Scrapbooking Day”. Rather than creating a physical scrapbook, this is the process of taking all those tedious family photos, jazzing them up with frills & flowers and then posting them online – where they can bore the world. There’s even a magazine for this …
• “Gambling Addiction Awareness Day”. Hey, bet you didn’t know that!
• “Housewives’ Day”. Whoa, is that a PC term anymore? How about ‘homemaker’?
• “Sandwich Day”, celebrating the 1718 birth of John Montagu, 4th Earl of Sandwich. A compulsive gambler, he wanted something he could eat at gaming tables and earned immortality by stacking beef between slices of toast as a time-saving snack in 1792. Nowadays, we eat an average of 193 sandwiches apiece annually. Some dissenters say Montagu actually stole the idea from his guest, the Earl of Shrewsbury. So … PB&J shrewsbury anyone?

• “Children’s Goal-Setting Day”, to encourage parents to foster goal-setting habits in their children’s lives. Children need goals, because they spend altogether too much time goofin’ around – you know – acting like kids.
• “Daylight Saving Time” ends at 2 am, after being extended a week this year. Remember, ‘Spring forward, Fall back’ … so set your clocks back an hour.
• “NYC Marathon”, the 38th running of what’s billed as ‘the world’s most celebrated road race’. This year, 2 members of Tim McGraw’s band, the Dancehall Doctors, will participate – keyboardist Jeff McMahon and fiddler/mandolinist Dean Brown.
• “Use Your Common Sense Day”. Why is something called ‘common sense’ so ‘uncommon’?
• “Zero Tasking Day”, a time to take a breath, relax, re-energize, and ‘de-load’ thanks to the extra hour we’re given on this day. A creation of Nancy Christie, author of “The Gifts of Change”.
Here’s a quiz to determine if you’re in need of zero-tasking …

1936 [71] ‘Canadian Broadcasting Act’ creates the CBC

2004 [03] Shania Twain attends “Shania Twain Day” in Timmins ON as the ribbon is cut on the new ‘Shania Twain Centre’, a museum of her life and career

1920 [87] KDKA Pittsburgh signs on as USA’s 1st ‘Commercial Radio Station’ (known as 8XK)

1999 [08] 1st sports league to create its own 24-hour TV network ( TV)

1878 [129] World record 55-foot-long giant squid is captured off Newfoundland

[Mon] Music City Walk of Fame induction (Nashville)
[Mon] Guy Fawkes Day (UK)
[Tues] BMI Country Awards (Nashville)
[Tues] Garth Brooks releases “The Ultimate Hits”
[Tues] Halfway Point of Autumn
[Wed] 41st CMA Awards (Nashville)
[Wed] Take Our Kids to Work Day
[Wed] World Community Day
This Week Is … Homeless Week
This Month Is … Fun With Fondue Month


• “Constipated People Don’t Give A Crap”
• “If You Drink Don’t Park, Accidents Cause People”
• “My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant”
• “If You Can Read This, I’ve Lost My Trailer”
• “Honk If Anything Falls Off”
• “Cover Me, I’m Changing Lanes”
• “He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit”
• “I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person”
• “I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To”
• “Honk If You’ve Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window”

The week’s most requested music files online …
5. J Holiday – “Bed”
4. Nickelback – “Rockstar”
3. Alicia Keys – “No One”
2. Fergie – “Big Girls Don’t Cry”
1. Soulja Boy – “Crank Dat (Soulja Boy)
– Big Champagne online music measurement

She thinks it’s okay to be wasteful as long as it’s for a good cause … like her convenience.

If you could undo one thing your parents did, what would it be?

Today’s Question: THESE have decreased in size by about 50% in the last 20 years.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Office cubicles.

A verbal agreement isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.

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