Monday, November 27, 2006 Edition: #3417
Another Sheetload of Bull!
WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
• 36-year-old singer/actress Jennifer Lopez has been dealt another setback in her quest for motherhood. After undergoing in vitro fertilization at a Beverly Hills CA clinic in mid-OCTOBER she has since found out via ultrasound that the procedure failed. But according to an insider, J-Lo is so determined to have a baby with singer/husband Marc Anthony that she’s going to undergo the procedure yet again. (Haven’t heard, honey? Having babies is so old school; Third World adoptions are the new hotness.)
– “National Enquirer”
• 57-year-old comedian Michael Richards is now being asked to formally apologize in person to the 2 men he verbally attacked during a racist rant at the Laugh Factory in West Hollywood. High-profile lawyer Gloria Allred represents Frank McBride & Kyle Doss, who were part of a crowd of about 20 attending the show. She’s asking for both the formal apology plus financial compensation as decided by a mediator. (The guy’s already reduced to playing in clubs to ‘crowds’ of 20 … isn’t that penance enough?)
– “Access Hollywood”
• “Borat” star Sacha Baron Cohen is engaged to his 5-year girlfriend, 30-year-old Scottish actress Isla Fisher (born in Muscat, Oman), after finally convincing her to convert to Judaism. Word has it they’ll tie the knot NEXT SUMMER … but likely not in Kazakhstan. (Why they want to get married in first place? Him is not even related to her.)
– “News of the World”
• It looks like troubled rocker Pete Doherty has fallen off the wagon yet again. This time around model Kate Moss’ Babyshambles-lead-singer-boyfriend is reportedly being treated for drug addiction at a rehab center in Portugal. He will have a drug that curbs the craving for heroin implanted in his body at a clinic at Oeiras, a suburb of Lisbon, according to a newspaper that names clinic sources. (Couldn’t he use the opportunity to also he have a brain implanted into his body as well?)
– “Daily Dish”
• Madonna’s plan to rent an entire resort in the Maldives (where TomKat honeymooned) over the holiday season is reportedly getting reworked after the hotel demanded a whopping $450,000 for a single week. She & Guy Ritchie still want to take newly-adopted son David to a tropical island for his first Christmas with his new family, but now they’re looking at alternative destinations, possibly the Cayman Islands or the Seychelles. (Hey Maddie, why not check for sell-offs in the newspaper travel section?)
– “The People”
• The Toronto Maple Leafs have agreed to co-operate in the production of the new movie comedy “Breakfast With Scot”, based on the Michael Downing novel about a gay couple who inherit an 11-year-old boy. After the script was okayed by the NHL, the team agreed to allow Leaf uniforms to be worn by some of the film’s actors. Leafs team captain Mats Sundin was reportedly ‘taken aback’ by the idea of the movie that stars Tom Cavanaugh as an ex-Leaf who just happens to be gay. “Breakfast With Scot” will hit theaters in late 2007.
– Toronto Star Online
• TV actors Matthew Fox and Josh Holloway of “Lost” reportedly hate each other’s guts and the set is a ‘battleground between 2 alpha males’. This week in other bitchy males: The acting Wilson brothers are reportedly fighting over freshly-separated Kate Hudson. (Luke is all, “I saw her first,” and Owen is, like, “Yeah? Your mother is a … oh, wait.”)
– “Star Magazine”
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Andrea Bocelli – TODAY he guests on “The View” (ABC/CTV).
• Fall Out Boy – Jay-Z makes an appearance on their new album “Infinity on High” (out FEBRUARY 6th). In fact, he’s the first voice heard on the recording as he dedicates the album ‘to the fans that supported us, the fans who held us down.’
• Genesis – A half-million tickets to their “Turn It On Again” comeback concerts in the UK, Germany and the Netherlands are already sold-out. Phil Collins, Mike Rutherford & Tony Banks are reuniting after 15 years for the tour that kicks off in Finland next JUNE.
• John Allan Cameron – TODAY the singer-guitarist’s funeral will be held in Pickering ON. The native of Mabou NS, known as the ‘godfather’ of Celtic music in Canada, died WEDNESDAY of cancer at age 76.
• Jet – TONIGHT the Aussie band does “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” (NBC).
• Katharine McPhee – TONIGHT the “American Idol” runner-up is on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno (NBC/A Channel).
• Linkin Park – A 27-year-old fan in Albuquerque NM has been arrested after allegedly hacking into the cellphone and e-mail records of lead singer Chester Bennington and his wife.
• Mariah Carey – A fur coat that she passed on to animal rights organization PETA to benefit nomads in Mongolia has reportedly been ‘lost’ in Switzerland en route. The mink was apparently an unsolicited gift from one of Mariah’s admirers.
• Nelly Furtado – She’s turned down a half-million-dollar offer to pose for “Playboy” magazine, saying it’s a tempting idea but it would have to be ‘under the right terms’. More money then?
• Rolling Stones – Their “A Bigger Bang” tour is now the top-grossing tour in history. Since the Fall of 2005, it’s grossed a staggering $437 million and drawn 3.5 million fans to 110 shows.
• Smashing Pumpkins – They’re more than halfway finished recording their first album since 2000, according to drummer Jimmy Chamberlin.
PROOF YOU’VE GOT A DUMB DOG:
Most domesticated animals don’t even make the top 10 list of smartest animals. The most intelligent in descending order are: Pig, Elephant, Dolphin, smaller-toothed whales like the Killer Whale, Monkey, Gibbon, Baboon, Orangutan, Gorilla, and – at #1 – the Chimpanzee. (These are animals that are too smart to be pets.)
LOW-LIFES CHEAT ON HIGH-END COFFEE:
There’s been considerable debate online about the ethics of Starbucks customers who create what’s called a ‘Ghetto Latte’ or ‘Bootleg Latte’. This minor scam involves buying a low-end basic drink and then using the condiments provided free to upgrade it to a more expensive beverage. For instance, you might buy a double shot of espresso on ice and then add free milk and sugar until you have a pseudo-iced coffee … for about half the price. This practice is a form of what’s called ‘arbitrage’. Some argue that it is unfair on the retailer or on the other customers, while others argue that it is a reasonable response to a complicated pricing scheme. (Still others simply refuse to patronize a place that charges 11.95 for a coffee.)
– “Curious Times”
Richard Gawel, a sensory scientist from Adelaide, Australia is the curator of that country’s (and perhaps the world’s) largest ‘smell bank’. He claims to hold the ‘recipes’ for more than 200 different aromas. Among them – the scent of a sheep shearing shed, the whiff of cats’ urine, and the aroma of many of the finest Australian wines. (Phew! Hate to do this guy’s laundry.)
Do you work in a dangerous occupation? According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the most dangerous jobs are …
10. Sales occupations.
8. Police officers and detectives.
5. Farm occupations.
4. Truck drivers.
3. Construction laborers.
2. Airplane pilots.
1. Timber cutters.
COULD YOU PASS?
A recent survey shows nearly half of Canadians would fail the immigrant citizenship test. Only 63% know the first 2 lines of the national anthem, just 22% can name the original 4 provinces (ON, QC, NB, NS), and 57% wrongly name the PM as ‘head of state’. (It’s actually the Queen.)
German scientists have developed a walking stick that calls for an ambulance if the owner falls over. The Fraunhofer Institute for Experimental Software Development in Kaiserslautern invented the ‘I-Stick’ to help seniors. If a sensor in the cane registers that it is in a horizontal position, it sends a signal to a control unit which plays a message telling the owner to pick it up. If the walking stick remains on the floor, the control box is programmed to call an ambulance or a chosen relative. (What happens when grandpa points at something with his cane … as seniors are wont to do about every 5 minutes?)
THE WINE TASTING PROCESS:
The recommended steps to sample a fine glass of wine are …
• Look: Always observe the appearance of the wine. It can tell you a great deal about what is likely to come.
• Swirl: Assists in releasing volatiles.
• Sniff: Don’t be shy. Sniff hard and confidently.
• Taste: How much? Whatever feels comfortable. For most people about 10 mls is sufficient. Don’t just sip the wine.
• Aerate: Hold the wine in your mouth and suck air through it. Make a noise, it’s very therapeutic. Note that, like cellphones, aerating wine tasters are not popular in restaurants.
• Distribute: Give the wine a chance. Moving the wine in the mouth warms it, so more flavor is presented. Furthermore, different flavors and mouth-feel characters can evolve in the mouth if you allow the wine time.
• Expectorate: Fancy wine-tasting term for spitting. Highly recommended.
– “Wine Tasting: A Primer”
BS AMAZING FACT:
One-quarter of the body’s 206 bones are located in the feet. (Almost as many as you find in a can of salmon.)
THE BULL SHEET 11.27.06
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1957  Caroline Kennedy-Schlossberg, NYC, only survivor of family of 4 that included JFK, Jackie O, and JFK Jr
1964  Robin Givens, NYC, movie actress (“Hollywood Wives: The New Generation”, “Head of State”) most famous for briefly wedding heavyweight boxing champ Mike Tyson (1988)
1968  Michael Vartan, Boulogne-Billancourt, France, TV actor (“Alias” 2001-06)/movie actor (“Monster-in-Law”)
BS BIRTH ANNIVERSARIES . . .
If they were still alive, rock guitar legend Jimi Hendrix would be 64; martial arts actor Bruce Lee would be 66.
TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Freckle Pride Day”, a day to stand up for your spots. Join ‘em all together and you’d have a tan. Or maybe if you connect them they make a picture?
• “It’s More Than Rock ‘n Roll”, a music memorabilia auction in London UK. The Fame Bureau is offering up the original manuscripts to 20 of legendary soul singer Marvin Gaye’s biggest hits including “Heard it Through the Grapevine” and “Let’s Get it On”. Also up for grabs: Madonna’s coned bustier from the “Who’s That Girl” tour; the original Rolling Stones ‘tongue’ logo artwork; and guitars once owned by Elvis Presley and Jimi Hendrix.
• “Pins & Needles Day”, a celebration of the fine art of sewing, needlework, cross-stitching, etc.
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1952  1st ‘3-D movie’ premieres (“Bwana Devil”, starring Robert Stack)
1996  Disney’s live-action version of “101 Dalmatians” opens in movie theaters, starring Glenn Close, Jeff Daniels, and Brit actor Hugh Laurie (who goes on to star in TV’s “House”)
2000  Magician David Blaine begins 58-hour ‘endurance experience’ in 6-ton block of ice in NYC’s Times Square (culminates in ABC-TV special “David Blaine: Frozen in Time”)
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1996  R Kelly releases hit single “I Believe I Can Fly”
1997  Funeral for suicide victim Michael Hutchence, lead singer of INXS (Sydney, Australia)
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1960  1st NHL player to score 1,000 points (Gordie Howe, who a year later to the day becomes 1st to play in 1,000 NHL games)
1983  1st ‘indoor Grey Cup’ (Toronto 18, BC 17 at BC Place)
1994  1st US-based team to appear in a Grey Cup (Baltimore loses 26-23 to BC)
1955  1st edition of the “Guinness Book of World Records”, which promptly sets a record for sales of record books
TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1966  Highest-scoring NFL game (113 points: Washington Redskins 72, NY Giants 41)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Electronic Greetings Day
[Wed] Square Dance Day
[Thurs] International Computer Security Day
[Thurs] Stay Home Because You Are Well Day
[Fri] World AIDS Day
This Week Is … Cookie Week
This Month Is … Christmas Seal Month
BS QUESTIONS YOU’LL WISH YOU HADN’T ASKED:
• “When you say ‘about average’, exactly how many other men are you comparing me to?”
• “No, I don’t have life insurance. Why do you ask?”
• “What’s keeping that beltless vagrant’s pants up?”
• “What’s inside this letter from the government?”
• “Honey, why are you so sick each morning?”
• “If that’s not chocolate, then what is it?”
• “How contagious are you?”
• “Why is this chair wet?”
BS PHONE STARTER:
Who starts the most arguments – men or women? (A University of California at Berkeley study shows most wives look forward to getting down to issues, while most men would rather avoid it.)
BS BLUNT-HONEST DEFINITIONS:
• Adult – A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
• Chickens – The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
• Handkerchief – Cold storage.
• Secret – Something you tell to one person at a time.
• Skeleton – A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
• Toothache – The pain that drives you to extraction.
• Tomorrow – One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
• Yawn – An honest opinion openly expressed.
BS WEB GOODIE:
In the name of world peace, we have some work to do later THIS MONTH. The goal is to add so much concentrated positive input into the energy field of the Earth that it will reduce the current dangerous levels of aggression and violence throughout the world. How do we do that? You’re not gonna believe it …
BS RANDOM JOKE:
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Men are 6 times more likely to do THIS than women during a phone call.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Swear.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Humans & turtles are much alike. Neither makes any progress without sticking their necks out.