Thursday, November 16, 2006        Edition: #3410
Eat, Breath Sheet!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT on “The Office” (NBC), ‘Pam’ & ‘Jim’ are back in the same building as their ‘Dunder Mifflin’ branches merge (more yearning ensues) . . . Comedian Dave Chappelle has canceled his scheduled appearance TONIGHT at the “Comedy Festival” in Las Vegas without any explanation, leaving organizers on the hook for full refunds (this guy could give a seminar on how to burn bridges, but then he probably wouldn’t show) . . . George Clooney will be named the ‘Sexiest Man Alive’ for 2006 in FRIDAY’s issue of “People Magazine”, joining Brad Pitt as the only male hotties to receive the honor twice (amazing that Jack Black was overlooked, no?) . . . Why does ABC-TV keep trotting out different incarnations of “Dancing with the Stars”? Well, the competition itself, its results show, and the recap show all made last week’s TV top 10 (they’d air a complete replay in slo-mo if they thought it’d make money) . . . “Borat’s” worldwide movie box office take is already over $110 million in just 2 weeks (fortunately, lawsuits total slightly less) . . . Ever notice Howie Mandel, host of “Deal Or No Deal”(NBC/Global), never shakes hands with contestants? That’s cuz he’s a germaphobe! . . . Journalists interviewing Lisa Marie Presley, who’s currently touring in support of her 2nd album,  are told they may not ask questions about either her late father or her wacko ex-hubby Michael Jackson (pity, those are the most interesting things about her) . . . The creators of “24”(FOX) have come up with a new real-time medical comedy called “The Call”, which focuses on a pair of best-friend paramedics who save lives while screwing up each other’s (so far, no word on where or when we’re gonna see this) . . . And here’s today’s breathless TomKat wedding news — Katie Holmes will give bridesmaids eternity cross necklaces worth circa $1,600 (seems kinda cheap, doesn’t it?); and Italian government officials have reportedly declined Cruise’s request that the airspace above Castello Odescalchi be closed during SATURDAY’s wedding ceremony (meaning every helicopter in the country will be rented by paparazzi).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Aaron Tippin – The “He Believed” country singer will be entertaining troops in Afghanistan SATURDAY through November 27th. He says he can’t think of a better thing to do with his time.
• The Game – TONIGHT he’s on “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS).
• Incubus – They’re letting fans make a video for their new single “Anna Molly” … because the they say the fans are better at it. Guitarist Mike E says technology is so good these days that fans can make videos that are superior to anything you see on TV. The fan-made vids can be seen on YouTube and Yahoo Music.
• Josh Groban – TONIGHT he performs on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/AChannel).
• Panic! At The Disco – TODAY they appear on both “MuchOnDemand” (MuchMusic) and “MTV Live” (MTV Canada).

COMING ATTRACTIONS:
A selection of movies in the making …
• “Fool’s Good” – Matthew McConaughey & Kate Hudson are currently shooting this romantic adventure in Port Douglas, Australia. They play married treasure hunters whose 8-year search for booty leaves them broke and out of gas. Just as they divorce, they stumble upon a missing clue that might lead them to a fortune. Donald Sutherland co-stars. The film’s expected to hit movie screens in 2008.
• “The Incredible Hulk” – A sequel to Ang Lee’s 2003 movie “The Hulk” is set to hit the bigscreen in 2008, but it will stay closer to the classic TV series (“The Incredible Hulk” 1978-82) than the original comic book. The movie will reference events which took place in the first film but Eric Bana, who played the title character, will not return.
• “The Sadhu” – Nicolas Cage is being courted to star as the movie version of this Virgin comics character. The script will be written by spiritual author and Virgin Comics co-founder Deepak Chopra. Created and written by Chopra’s son Gotham, chief creative officer of Virgin Comics, the comic melds action with mythology from India. Cage would play ‘James Jenson’, a soldier who travels to India during colonial times and becomes a spiritual warrior.
• “Tipping the Velvet” – Eva Longoria says reports that she is co-starring with Beyoncé in this story of lesbian love are completely and absolutely not true. What is true is that director Sofia Coppola (“Marie Antoinette”, “Lost in Translation”) is hoping to bring Sarah Water’s novel about Victorian-era sexual repression to the bigscreen. The BBC’s TV adaptation caused outrage 4 years ago due to its graphic scenes, which included cross-dressing and the use of ‘toys’.

FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
A snapshot of who we are and what we do …
• 90% of women have smelled their mate’s shirt in order to feel closer when they’re away.
• 85% of divorced women and 58% of divorced men say the experience made them happier.
• 84% of viewers who use digital video recorders to watch their favorite TV shows do so within 3 days after recording them.
• 51% of working women and 39% of working men have considered punching a co-worker.
• 28% of men think it’s cool when a woman belches in front of them.
• 13% of women say mashed potatoes is their favorite comfort food; 11% of men pick mac & cheese.

I KNOW WHERE U R:
Silicon Valley company Loopt Inc has developed a new ‘Social Mapping Service‘ service to let cellphone users know when their friends are close by. Using the phones’ built-in GPS satellite technology, the system tracks designated friends anywhere from a half-mile to 25 miles. Consenting buddies show up as dots on a map with accompanying options to text-message or call the person, or send photos. There’s also an option to temporarily avoid being ‘spotted’. The service, currently available to Sprint users only, is free through the end of 2006 but will cost $2.99 a month starting NEXT YEAR. (I’m giving one to everyone in my extended family … so I’ll know when to make a run for it.)
– AP Technology

HOW TO TELL IF HE’S INTO YOU:
Gauging a guy’s interest level can be tough early on. Relationship experts say these subtle signs should give you a clue that he’s interested in you …
•  He’s Animated – Look at his face. If he raises his eyebrows and smiles while talking to you, it’s a sign you’ve piqued his interest.
•  He Makes Himself Available – If he volunteers the info that he’s going to be free on specific days, he’s hinting that he wants to see you then.
•  He Teases You – If a guy jokes with you by, say, picking a play-fight, it’s his flirty way of letting you know he’s interested.
•  He Means What He Says – To figure out if he’s being sincere, see if his expression matches what he’s saying. You should always go with what his face is telling you, even if his words seem to suggest otherwise.
– “Cosmopolitan”

BEST OF BOND:
With the 21st ‘Bond’ movie, “Casino Royale”, opening TOMORROW, a new survey asks which is the best ‘007′ film of all-time. The 5 most popular …
5. “Live And Let Die” (1973)
4. “The Spy Who Loved Me” (1977)
3. “From Russia With Love” (1963)
2. “GoldenEye” (1995)
1. “Goldfinger” (1964)
– “Empire”

WE ALL HAVE OUR TICS:
A researcher at the Westchester Center for Behaviour Therapy has determined that most people have at least one nervous habit. Clinical psychologist Robert Filewich says it might be as simple as the habit of finishing sentences with ‘you know’ … a way of relieving anxiety. (We all do something … [co-host] bites his toenails.)
– “Psychology Today”

BS GOOFY NEW GADGETS:
Actual new products on the market …
• “Decoy Roy Singing Mallard”: This crazy duck sings – what else? – “Free Bird”.
• ‘Despair’ Bracelet: For people who are sick of those trendy rubber bracelets with saccharine-sweet messages like ‘Love Everybody’ or ‘I’m Happy’.
• Guitar-Pick Earrings: You’ll never be caught short again when an unexpected jam session breaks out.
• “Monthly Doos Dog Poop Calendar”: The calendar that proves you are a true dog lover.
• “2007 Already Sucks Button”: Be the first in your neighborhood to recognize 2007 for what it is … one mess of a year.

HUMONGOUS FUNGUS:
TONIGHT Hong Kong property tycoon Gordon Wu hosts a very expensive dinner party. He paid a little over $160,000 at auction for a huge Italian white truffle, which set a new “Guinness World Record” for the most expensive mushroom ever. The pricey gourmet treat will be prepared by a hotel chef as part of a 5-course banquet hosted by Wu and his wife. Proceeds will benefit a Hong Kong charity. (This stuff is growing in [co-host’s] basement … and it’s free.)
– BN

BS AMAZING FACT:
There is a city called Rome on every continent.

AND WE QUOTE:
“You are not in the Third World any more, stupid. Romanians are not usually as dumb as you.”
– Hot-tempered model Naomi Campbell speaking to housemaid Gaby Gibson, according to the former employee’s 2nd lawsuit against her former boss for alleged assault and verbal abuse. (We’re losing track of Naomi’s numerous court cases … hope she’s got a big Day-At-A-Glance book!)

THE BULL SHEET 11.16.06

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1958 [48] Marg Helgenberger, Freemont NE, TV actress (‘Catherine Willows’ on “CSI” since 2000)

1963 [43] Keith Burns, Atlanta GA, country singer/guitarist (Trick Pony-“Ain’t Wastin’ Good Whiskey On You”, “On A Night Like This”)

1964 [42] Diana Krall, Nanaimo BC, jazz singer/pianist (“From This Moment On”, Grammy Awards-“Live In Paris”, “When I Look In Your Eyes”)/Mrs Elvis Costello since 2003/Canada’s Walk of Fame (2004)/Officer of the Order of Canada (2005)

1977 [29] Maggie Gyllenhaal, NYC, movie actress (“World Trade Center”, “Monster House”)/older sister of actor Jake Gyllenhaal

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Beaujolais Nouveau Day”, the annual limited release of young Burgundy wines from France as a preview of the year’s grape crop. More than 20 million bottles were trucked to French airports on the weekend, destined for wine enthusiasts in the US, Canada and Japan.

• “Great American Smokeout Day”, sponsored by the American Cancer Society each November to help smokers quit cigarettes for at least one day, in hopes they will quit forever.
NET: http://www.cancer.org/docroot/PED/ped_10_4.asp
NET: http://www.quitsmoking.com/kopykit/reports/smokeout.htm

• “International Button Day”, for people who collect buttons with slogans on them. Some of the most sought-after are vintage political campaign buttons.

• “International Day for Tolerance”, established by the UN in 1996 to promote the need for worldwide tolerance and understanding. It doesn’t seem to be working.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1981 [25] ‘Most-Watched Daytime TV Drama’ episode as ‘Luke’ marries ‘Laura’ on “General Hospital”

2001 [05] “Harry Potter & the Sorcerer’s Stone” opens in movie theaters to a record $90 million in its first weekend (ends up the #4 movie of all-time with $977 million in worldwide box office)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1970 [36] 1st Canadian recording artist to receive an RIAA ‘Gold Record’ designation in the USA (Anne Murray for “Snowbird”)

1999 [07] Aging rocker Eddie Van Halen undergoes hip-replacement surgery

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1915 [91] The contoured Coca-Cola bottle is patented (introduced in 1916, it is still the most-recognized container in the world)

1963 [43] 1st ‘Touch-Tone Telephone’ is introduced

COMING UP . . .
[Fri] Sony’s PlayStation 3 released in North America
[Fri] Take A Hike Day
[Fri] Homemade Bread Day
[Fri] Farm Joke Day
[Sat] Married To A Scorpio Support Day
[Sun] World Toilet Day
[Sun] Have A Bad Day Day
[Sun] 94th Grey Cup (Winnipeg)
This Week Is … Shallow Persons Awareness Week
This Month Is … International Creative Child & Adult Month

BULL’S BITS

MORE BS QUESTIONS PLAGUING HUMANITY:
• If you try hard to be modest … can you be proud of it?
• What should a neighborhood do if all its ‘Neighborhood Watch’ signs are stolen?
• If you kicked the ‘Energizer Bunny’, would you be charged with assaulting the battery?
• How did people ever figure out that eggs were edible?
• Do people ask stupid questions for a reason?

BS PHONE STARTER:
What’s the worst home remedy for the common cold you’ve ever tried?

‘BOND GIRL’ OR NOT?
Some of the following are actual female characters from ‘Bond’ films. Ask a listener to find the fakes …
GAME #1 –
• ‘Suzie A-Cups’ [BS]
• ‘Broom Hilda’ [BS]
• ‘Mary Goodnight’ [“The Man With The Golden Gun”]
• ‘Wrinkles Galore’ [BS]
• ‘Honey Ryder’ [“Dr No”]
• ‘Lucinda Lardbutt’ [BS]
• ‘Xenia Onatopp’ [“Goldeneye”]
• ‘Jennifer Jiggler’ [BS]
• ‘Patricia Fearing’ [“Thunderball”]
• ‘Kissy Suzuki’ [“You Only Live Twice”]

GAME #2 –
• ‘Chlamydia Johnson’ [BS]
• ‘Star Jones’ [BS]
• ‘Dink’ [“Goldfinger”]
• ‘Incestua’ [BS]
• ‘Tiffany Case [“Diamonds Are Forever”]
• ‘Holly Goodhead’ [“Moonraker”]
• ‘Molly Warmflash’ [“The World Is Not Enough”]
• ‘Jinx’ [“Die Another Day”]
• ‘Noteeth McHarelip’ [BS]
• ‘Vesper Lynd’ [“Casino Royale”]

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: What do a cross, a bullet, and a rabbit have in common?
Answer to Give Out Next Show: They are the most popular prison tattoos.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
People laugh because I’m different, I laugh because they’re all the same.


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