Wednesday, November 8, 2006        Edition: #3404
Get a Load of This Sheet!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Beginning TONIGHT, FOX-TV is doubling up weekly episodes of “The OC” to fill slots vacated by cancelled shows (TONIGHT’s episode features Steve-O from “Jackass”; TOMORROW’s is the pushed-ahead “Thanksgiving” special) . . . TONIGHT the “Dancing With the Stars” results show (ABC) eliminates another pair, leaving the final 2 couples (who goes: Joey Lawrence, Mario Lopez or Emmitt Smith?) . . . TONIGHT through NOVEMBER 21st is the “Celebrity Jeopardy!” version of the syndicated TV game show, with famous contestants that include Regis Philbin, Rachael Ray, Drew Lachey, and US Education Secretary Margaret Spellings (is her job on the line?) . . . Online encyclopedia  Wikipedia has banned users from contributing to its entry on Kazakhstan after fun-seeking “Borat” fans changed the country’s motto to ‘High Five’ and the opening line of the national anthem to ‘Kazakhstan greatest country in the world; All other countries are run by little girls’ . . . It’s been announced that Michael Jackson will perform live when he accepts a ‘Diamond Award’ at the “World Music Awards” in London 1 week from TODAY, NOVEMBER 15th (he hasn’t performed in years – we’re betting no-show) . . . YouTube, the video-sharing website recently bought by Google for $1.65 billion, has won “TIME” magazine’s vote as ‘Invention of the Year’ . . . And wannabe star Kevin Federline is so tired of being referred to as ‘Mr Britney Spears’ that he’s decided to pen a book about his life so that people get to know the real him – or at least, he’s looking for a ghostwriter to do the work (proving the exact thing he’s trying to play down – he’s not talented enough to make it on his own).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Bob Seger & The Silver Bullet Band – TONIGHT in Grand Rapids MI they launch their first concert tour in 10 years. The tour supports his new album “Face the Promise”.
• Diddy – TONIGHT he’s on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC).
• Genesis – The ‘80s band is reuniting with Phil Collins for its first tour with him since 1992 (beginning NEXT JUNE). Collins hasn’t toured since 2004, Genesis hasn’t toured since 1998. Former frontman Peter Gabriel will not be participating.
• Rolling Stones – The former girlfriend of late guitarist Brian Jones believes he was murdered. Anna Wohlin tells the BBC his body should be exhumed and a new inquest held. He was thought to have drowned in 1969 during a midnight swim at his Sussex mansion.
• Tony Bennett – TONIGHT the 80-year-old crooner performs on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel).
• U2 – Bono’s “Red” campaign seems to be working. It’s estimated that more than 15 million pregnant women in Africa will now get treatment to prevent the transmission of HIV to their unborn children thanks to money raised by sales of red-tagged merchandise.
• Van Halen – Seems the rumor is true, the band will re-group for a summer 2007 tour. And the new bassist will be Eddie Van Halen’s son, Wolfgang.

BS BUZZWORDS:
New cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Ludology’ (from ‘ludus’, the Latin word for game) – The study of video-games, covering topics such as computer science, game-making theory and game critiquing. Over 100 North American colleges and universities now offer some version of video-game studies. (“Our son Zach is getting a PhD in Ludology … he just turned 12.”)
• ‘Minnewisowa’ (min-uh-WIS-uh-wuh) – The US geographical area consisting of the states of Minnesota, Wisconsin and Iowa, particularly as a political entity. (If Minnewisowa had a license plate, it’d say something along the lines of ‘America’s Dairylakes, 10,000 Corns’.)
• ‘Menoporsche’ – The angst and anxiety experienced by some men upon reaching middle age, causing them to have an affair with a younger woman or buy a sports car … or both.
     
HANGOVERS GET HARDER:

Hangovers really do get worse with age. New research by US scientists has shown that the side-effects of binge drinking, such as headaches, nausea and sluggishness, increase as the body ages and becomes less effective at dealing with alcohol. Adolescents have been found to be more capable of functioning even after they’ve had 3 or 4 drinks. (Yeah right, for a real eye-opener, these researchers ought to get out of the lab and into a bar.)
– ANI

WHO’S SHOPPING ONLINE?
A new retail survey has found that men rather than women are driving the rapid growth of online shopping. Why? Likely because many males hate going shopping in actual malls and stores. Researchers say men still have a ‘hunter approach’ to shopping. That is, they have a specific idea of what they want and want to get it as quickly and painlessly as possible. The bottom line say researchers – for men, shopping is a necessity; but for women, it’s a social activity they enjoy as recreation. (Just a reminder, guys. Holiday shopping season is coming up December 24th.)
– “Financial Times”

E-MAIL IS FOR OLD FOLKS:
A new survey by Parks Associates shows that teens are less likely to communicate via e-mail than any other demographic. According to the study, less than 20% of the 13-17-year-olds surveyed use e-mail to communicate with friends, compared to 40% of adults 25-54. The study shows that instant messaging is the dominant form of communication for teens, with one-third of them relying on IMs, compared to just 11% of adults. One of the interesting findings of the poll – when it comes to family, all ages still prefer face-to-face communication or phone calls. (Teens especially realize you have to be there in person if any money is gonna change hands.)
– Fox News

BS LAW & DISORDER:
• In Dubai UAE, a man has been stopped by airport security after his son’s name was found on a watch list of wanted subjects. In fact, the dad was actually carrying the ‘dangerous offender’ because … the kid is only 2-years-old. Officials promise they’ll investigate the mix-up. (And apologize for the firing squad.)
• In Budapest, Hungary, crooks have been making big bucks selling white powder but it’s not cocaine, it’s … fake laundry detergent. Customs agents have seized over 25 tons of fake detergent packaged in boxes bearing the logos of best-selling brands, most of which turned out to contain … common table salt. (Wow, they must have been making a whopping 10 cents per box with this scam!)
• In Jackson, Michigan, a 29-year-old man might have gotten away with murder if he hadn’t played a ‘Truth or Dare’-type board game. When asked to name the ‘stupidest thing he’d ever done’, he answered honestly ‘shot a guy in the head’. When his girlfriend later mentioned the remark to cops, they busted him for an unsolved murder. (Now his girlfriend’s checking into that one-night-stand with her best friend that he blurted out.)
• In Halls Creek, Australia, a 41-year-old man has been charged with causing grievous bodily harm after allegedly setting his dogs onto another man … whose nose was bitten off in the attack. The victim has been flown to a hospital in Perth to have his nose reattached. (Michael Jackson is said to now be resting comfortably.)
• In Bayreuth, Germany, a 76-year-old driver who suddenly realized she was on the wrong road made an illegal U-turn on a busy highway to Berlin. That caused 2 cars to careen into each other, then several more crashes occurred as she headed into the oncoming traffic on the divided highway. In total, she caused 9 separate accidents and at least $64,000-worth of damage while remaining unscathed herself. Her driver’s license was taken away on-the-spot. (I’m pretty sure I followed this woman on the way into work this morning!)
• In Bolzano, Italy, a judge says it will take him several days to consider whether to charge 2 local artisans with ‘an offense to the nation’. The case involves an exhibit seized by cops from the city’s Museum of Modern Art … a designer toilet that plays Italy’s national anthem when flushed. (Does it play the whole thing, or just the first movement?)

RAKING LEAVES 101:
A few tips on how to rake leaves without hurting yourself, courtesy of Royal Oak MI occupational therapist Dale Brown …
• Rake when leaves are dry; that’s when they’re lightest.
• Stretch to warm up before raking.
• Take shorter strokes so you don’t have to reach out so far.
• Frequently switch from left to right sides.
• Buy an ergonomic rake with a curved handle to help ease stress on your back.
• Use a large handle grip if you have arthritis.
– “Detroit Free Press”

BS AMAZING FACT:
More than 11% of Earth’s land has been set aside for conservation, including 16% of North America. (Maybe we’re doing better than your average tree-hugger thinks?)
– “The Futurist”

THE BULL SHEET 11.08.06

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1931 [75] Morley Safer, Toronto ON, TV journalist (“60 Minutes” since 1970)

1945 [61] Luba Goy, born on a train travelling through Germany, CBC-TV comic (“Royal Canadian Air Farce” since 1973)

1949 [57] Bonnie Raitt, Burbank CA, pop singer/songwriter (“Something to Talk About”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2000)

1950 [56] Mary Hart (Harum), Sioux Falls SD, TV personality (“Entertainment Tonight” since 1982)

1953 [53] Alfre Woodard, Tulsa OK, TV actress (‘Betty Applewhite’ on “Desperate Housewives” since 2005)/movie actress (“Beauty Shop”)

1967 [39] Courtney Thorne-Smith, San Francisco CA, TV actress (‘Cheryl’ on “According to Jim” since 2001)

1972 [34] Gretchen Mol, Deep River CT, movie actress (“The Notorious Bettie Page”)

1975 [31] Tara Reid, Wyckoff NJ, TV personality (“Wild On …” 2005)/movie actress (“American Pie”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Abet & Aid Punsters Day”, a day to make up incredibly bad puns, proclaimed by Punsters Unlimited who say the all-time best triple pun is ‘Though he’s not very humble, there’s no police like Holmes’.

• “Cook Something Bold & Pungent Day”, a day to offset the coming chills of winter. What’s the most pungent thing you can cook? In other words, what stinks up the kitchen most – Cabbage rolls? Fish? Lamb? Garlic? Onions?

• “Dunce Day”, commemorating the 1308 death of Duns Scotus. He wasn’t what we now refer to as a ‘dunce’, he was actually a bookworm!

• “Return It! Day”, a day to take back all the stuff you’ve borrowed from others. According to a survey, 65% of us have borrowed something from a neighbor. Top loaners for men – ‘tools’, borrowed by 37%. Most borrowed item by women – ‘sugar’, which 25% say they’ve trotted next door for.

• “Parents as Teachers Day”. Check out any kid who’s constantly scoring ‘A’s and you’ll likely find that kid gets a lot of help at home.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1979 [27] ABC-TV’s “Nightline” debuts (initially called “The Iran Crisis: America Held Hostage”)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1993 [13] Celine Dion announces plans to marry her manager Réné Angelil at launch of her mega-selling album “The Color of My Love” (when she’s 25 and he’s 51!)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1895 [111] 1st ‘X-ray’ by German physicist Wilhelm Roentgen, who sees the bones of his hand as he waves it between a radiation source and a fluorescent screen (he names the rays ‘X’ for unknown)

1910 [96] 1st ‘Insect Electrocutor’, invented by William Frost of Spokane WA (aka ‘Bug Zapper’)   FACTOID: A new study finds that a single bug zapper may kill more than 10,000 flying insects in a year but only a couple dozen of them will be mosquitoes or other biting insects. Instead, harmless bugs of all kinds, including rare and endangered ones, are fried. And 10% of the fatalities are actually mosquito predators. Wow, great invention, Bill!

1975 [31] 1st women’s ‘Tube Top’ hits the market (and 1st ‘Puppy Noses’ are detected)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1970 [36] New Orleans Saints Tom Dempsey (born without a right hand and only half his kicking foot) boots NFL-record 63-yard field goal vs Detroit (tied in 1998 by Denver’s Jason Elam)

COMING UP . . .
[Thurs] Tony Bennett’s 80th Birthday Gala (Hollywood CA)
[Thurs] Chaos Never Dies Day
[Fri] “A Good Year”; “Harsh Times”; “Stranger Than Fiction”; “The Return” open in movie theaters
[Fri] USMC Day
[Sat] Veteran’s Day
[Sat] Remembrance Day
[Tues] Albums by “American Idol 5” contestants Taylor Hicks & Katharine McPhee released
This Week Is … Canadian Poppy Week / Dear Santa Letter Week
This Month Is … Diabetes Month

BULL’S BITS

BS WHYZITS:
• Whyzit an earthquake 4,000 miles away always seems less of a catastrophe than the first scratch on your new car?
• Whyzit all the perfect drivers always seem to be in the back seat?
• Whyzit you can never order a larger room from room service?
• Whyzit they put up signs that read ‘Wet Floor’ then get really mad if you do?
• When a guy goes into a clothing store to buy his wife a dress, whyzit the salesclerk asks if it’s a gift?

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
• After a particularly messy meal, there is ‘chanking’ all over your floor. What the heck is it?
a. Fast-food containers.
b. Spit-out food. [CORRECT. Any non-edible parts that are ejected – pits, seeds, rinds, etc.]
c. Bones.

• Just what kind of bear is a Koala Bear?
a. Brown bear.
b. Multi-toed tree bear.
c. Koalas are not bears at all. [CORRECT, they are marsupials.]
    
• How long does it take for blood to travel through the entire human body?
a. A single minute. [CORRECT]
b. About 30 minutes.
c. Depends if your leg is asleep.

• You’re looking at a map and spot the ‘Ideo Locator’. What the heck is it?
a. The ‘You Are Here’ arrow. [CORRECT]
b. The scale of numbers and/or letters along the edge that help you locate a specific place.
c. [Co-host’s] house.

BS RANDOM JOKE:
I always keep several ‘Get Well’ cards on the mantel. Then, if unexpected guests arrive they think I’ve been sick and unable to tidy up.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Most men say they enjoy THIS when it’s shorter, while most women say the exact opposite.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A joke.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
A politician is the one who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.

 


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