November 27 2019

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Wednesday, November 27, 2019        Edition: #6582

Sweet Sheet!

★ Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and Danny DeVito were having a relaxing night in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, when they decided to crash a wedding. While on a break from press interviews for “Jumanji: The Next Level”, the two were sipping tequila together when they announced they were going to surprise a lucky bride and groom. The Rock posted video of the two singing the song ‘Unforgettable’ at the wedding reception with the caption: “I’ve never crashed a wedding, but with DeVito this was truly unforgettable.”
★ Fergie and Josh Duhamel have finally settled their divorce, over two years after the couple officially split. They were warned by a judge in their divorce case that they needed to settle their case soon and file the proper paperwork, or their divorce case could have been dismissed. The pair have been apart for over three years, and it is unclear what took so long to come to an agreement over custody and finances. The two filed their judgment with the LA County Court, along with details of their settlement on Friday.
★ Tom Cruise is ”too old” for action films, according to “Jack Reacher” author Lee Child. Cruise played Reacher in two films and has starred in action films like “Top Gun” and “Mission: Impossible”. But Child says the fact that Cruise is 57 contributed to the decision to end the series after just two films. Lee told a newspaper: “It sounds extremely patronizing, but I think it’s good for him. He’s too old for this stuff…he needs to move on, transition to being a character actor.”
★ 65-year-old Dennis Quaid insists he and his 26-year-old fiancée Laura Savoie aren’t ”bothered” about the negative comments made about the age gap between them. The pair are set to tie the knot next year, but he insists he doesn’t listen to other’s opinions on their 39-year age gap. Quaid told The Guardian newspaper: ”I didn’t go out looking for an age gap or someone really younger than me. You have no control over who you fall in love with. I’ve been married three times, and this is the final one, I know it is. I feel like I have a real partner in life.”
★ Bill Cosby says he’s got no issue rotting in prison, even if that’s for the rest of his life, because he’s never going to show a bit of remorse for his crime. Crosby, who was found guilty of aggravated indecent assault and sentenced to 3 to 10 years, gave his first prison interview to Black Press USA, and said, “I have 8 years and 9 months left. When I come up for parole, they’re not going to hear me say that I have remorse. I was there. I don’t care what group of people come along and talk about this when they weren’t there.” Parole boards typically want inmates to show some remorse. Cosby also claimed his trial was a complete sham.

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Patrick Stewart, Da’Vine Joy Randolph, Carrie Underwood, Old Dominion (R)
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): John Boyega, Abigail Spencer, JP Saxe featuring Julia Michaels
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): LL Cool J, José Andrés
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Jeff Goldblum, Jacqueline Novak
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Evan Rachel Wood, Melissa Benoist, Mike Birbiglia, Bloc Party
• “Lights Out with David Spade” (COMEDY): Jeff Ross, Brad Williams, Annie Lederman (R)
• “Conan” (TBS): Conan Without Borders: Greenland (R)
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): A performance from “Disney on Ice”
• “The Talk” (CBS): Shania Twain
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): John Boyega, Mark Cuban, Alfred Portale
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Dakota Johnson, Zack Gottsagen
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS): Josh Gad, Grace VanderWaal
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC): Thanksgiving Special
• “A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving” (ABC): The Peanuts gather around Charlie’s pingpong table for an unusual feast; plus bonus cartoon: “This Is America, Charlie Brown: The Mayflower Voyagers.”
•”The Christmas Club” (HALLMARK): Two busy strangers meet when they help an elderly woman find her lost Christmas savings.

• Billie Eilish — has been named Billboard’s 2019 Woman of the Year. She’ll be honored at Billboard’s Women in Music event on December 12. The 18-year-old is the youngest-ever to receive the honor. Her debut album “We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go?” topped the Billboard 200 earlier this year, making her the first artist born in this century to have a number one album.
• The Weeknd — Stirred fan speculation when he reactivated his Instagram account, and he’s further teased fans about new music by being seen filming what could be a new music video in Las Vegas.
• Taylor Swift – has now won more American Music Awards than any other artist. At this year’s ceremony, she moonwalked past Michael Jackson’s record of 24, taking home six honors, including artist of the year and artist of the decade at the fan-voted awards ceremony.
• Céline Dion – Her new album “Courage” has debuted at No. 1 on the Billboard 200 charts. That’s her fifth No. 1 album and her first since “A New Day Has Come” in 2002.
• Eric Clapton — has announced a show in honor of former “Cream” bandmate Ginger Baker, who died last month. “Eric Clapton & Friends – A Tribute to Ginger Baker” will take place at London’s Hammersmith Apollo on February 17, with proceeds going to the Leonard Cheshire charity. The lineup is yet to be announced.
• Rod Stewart – says he wears socks and an undershirt when he’s in bed. The 74-year-old also admits that he keeps warm under the covers by switching on an electric blanket. He doesn’t place the blame on age as much as the fact that he spends most of his time in California.
•  Mötley Crüe – Guitarist Mick Mars says his Thanksgiving dinner will consist of “crow and humble pie” for comments he made five years ago, when he offered free admission if the group ever reforms. Quote: “While I was clearly joking about free tickets…I was also deeply convinced that we would never ever be touring again.” It is believed the group will tour with Def Leppard and Poison next summer.
• Rodney Atkins – His 18-year-old son Elijah plays a younger version of Rodney in the new video for ‘Thank God for You’. Rodney’s wife Rose Falcon also appears.
• Tenille Townes – will perform ‘Somebody’s Daughter’ in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade tomorrow…or as she puts it, “90 seconds of it, anyway!” The Canadian says she knows how to prepare for what could be cold weather: She’ll have palm warmers in her mitts. Chris Janson and Chris Young will also perform.

Good news for people who love chocolate. And by people who love chocolate, I mean everyone. According to a new report, chocolate is every bit as effective in soothing a cough as codeine or any other pharmaceutical solution. Professor Alyn Morice, a respected authority on all things related to coughs and medicine, wrote in the Daily Mail that chocolate can soothe a cough better than codeine syrup by forming a sticky coating that protects the nerve endings in your throat that cause you to cough. Melted chocolate also allows cough-supressing ingredients naturally present in cocoa to help calm your throat nerves. But here’s the weird thing: Drinking hot chocolate doesn’t have the same cough supressing effect, because the diluted chocolate solution doesn’t stay in contact long enough with the nerves in your throat. You’re much better off sucking on a piece of chocolate, and letting it slowly melt, and coat your throat.
(See? Chocolate really DOES solve all your problems!)
(That’s all I need. My brain associating chocolate with being sick…)
(Caution: Don’t try this with chocolate ex-lax. You don’t EVER want to take that stuff when you have a cough!)

Just in time for the holiday season, Canadian Starbucks stores are serving up a “Grinch”-themed coffee drink. The bright-green colored “Starbucks Grinch Frappuccino” is a ‘secret’ menu’ item, meaning it isn’t listed on the menu, and your barista might not even know what it is. If that’s the case, you’ll need to order a custom vanilla bean Frappuccino with matcha powder blended in. The matcha powder is what gives it a bright green color, just like the Grinch. You’ll also want some whipped cream and extra matcha powder on top. Next, ask for a couple dried strawberries on top, arranged to form the Grinch’s heart.
(How much? I don’t know. It’s not on the menu!)
(And if you drink one, just like the Grinch, your heart will grow three sizes!)
(You’ll either love it, or hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, double-hate, loathe it entirely!)

More than one quarter of US and UK residents say in a new poll that Santa Claus should be female or gender neutral. GraphicSprings asked 400 people about potential ways to modernize Santa. 27% of respondents responded that he should be rebranded as female or gender neutral. As you can imagine, the reaction on social media has been largely one of outrage.
(But he is literally named “Father Christmas”!!)
(Uh, so what are we going to do with Mrs. Claus?)
(Who wants to tell the reindeer that they’re next?)

…as ranked by “Insider”…
1. Get Out (2017)
2. Moonlight (2016)
3. Boyhood (2014)
4. Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)
5. Lady Bird (2017)
6. The Social Network (2010)
7. The Florida Project (2017)
8. Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018)
9. Eighth Grade (2018)
10. Call Me By Your Name (2017)
(What is your favorite movie of the 2010s?)

Because the cycle of evaporation, condensation, and precipitation is closed, The same water that existed on the earth millions of years ago is still on earth today. It keeps recycling itself over and over.
(And still, the water bottle I bought yesterday has an expiry date…)

When you’re in the club and Mariah’s Christmas song comes on . . .


1951 [68] Kathryn Bigelow, San Carlos CA, movie director-producer-writer (“Zero Dark Thirty”, Academy Award-“The Hurt Locker”)/wed to director James Cameron 1989-91

1955 [64] Bill Nye, Washington DC, TV show host (“Bill Nye the Science Guy” 1993-1998)/mechanical engineer

1957 [62] Caroline Kennedy-Schlossberg, NYC, 29th US Ambassador to Japan 2013-17/author/attorney/only survivor of family of 4 that included JFK, Jackie O, and JFK Jr.

1964 [55] Robin Givens, NYC, TV actress (“Riverdale” since 2017, “Head of the Class” 1986-1991/married to Mike Tyson 1988-89

1962 [57] Mike Bordin, San Francisco CA, rock drummer (Faith No More-‘Epic’)/former Ozzy Osbourne drummer

1968 [51] Michael Vartan, France, TV actor (“Alias” 2001-2006, “Hawthorne” 2009-2011)/movie actor (“Never Been Kissed”)

1976 [43] Jaleel White, Culver City CA, TV actor (‘Steve Urkel’ on “Family Matters” 1989-1998)

1993 [26] Aubrey Peeples, Lake Mary FL, TV actress (‘Layla Grant’ on “Nashville” 2013-16)

• “Blackout Wednesday”, sometimes referred to as “Drinksgiving”, takes place the night before Thanksgiving Day. In some parts of the US it is one of the biggest party nights of the year. Many college students return to their hometown for Thanksgiving, and go to bars the night before to meet up with old friends. (Enjoy your Thanksgiving meal with a side of Aspirin tomorrow!)

• “Bavarian Cream Pie Day”, an annual salute to the delicious, chilled dessert made with cooked egg custard layered with whipped cream and toppings in a pie shell.

• “Pie in the Face Day”, rather than Bavarian, can I opt for pumpkin instead?  After all, it IS the holidays!

• “National Electric Guitar Day”, it’s also, not-so-coincidentally, Jimi Hendrix’s birthday (1942).

• “Pins and Needles Day”, might refer to that tingling feeling you get after sitting or lying in an awkward position – but I see it as Christmas decorating.  We have pine needles and metal pins all over the house now – and I won’t be able to walk around barefoot until probably February.

[Thurs] Thanksgiving Day
[Thurs] Red Planet Day
[Fri] Black Friday
[Fri] Buy Nothing Day

2009 [10] Golf superstar Tiger Woods is taken to hospital following a single-car accident near his Florida home (Highway Patrol says he pulled out of his driveway at 2:25 am, hit a fire hydrant, and then drove into a tree on a neighbor’s property)

2013 [06] “Frozen”, the highest-grossing animated film of all time, starring Idina Menzel and Kristen Bell, is released

2017 [02] Britain’s Prince Harry and Meghan Markle announce their engagement

1995 [24] The Beatles’ “Anthology 1” sets a (then) first-week sales record of 1.2 million copies

2005 [14] Aerosmith and 50 Cent headline a $10-million bar mitzvah in NYC

2017 [02] Country singer Blake Shelton is named People magazine’s “Sexiest Man Alive”

2005 [14] The first partial human face transplant is completed in Amiens, France (is ‘completed’ the correct word when referring to a ‘partial’ face transplant?)

1966 [53] Highest-scoring NFL game (113 points: Washington Redskins 72, NY Giants 41)


✓ There are lower-case numbers in addition to lower-case letters.
✓ Before the invention of color TV, 75% of people said they dreamed in black and white. Today, only 12% do.
✓ Earth used to be covered with giant mushrooms that were 24 feet tall and three feet wide, instead of trees.
✓ Prior to the 20th century, squirrels were one of America’s most popular pets.
✓ Canadians say “sorry” so much that The Apology Act was passed in 2009, declaring that an apology can’t be used as evidence of admission of guilt.
✓ For a short time, the planet Uranus was named…George.

✓ A baby turkey is called a ‘poult’. A turkey under 16 weeks of age is called a ‘fryer’.
✓ That flesh-like appendage that hangs over a turkey’s beak is called the ‘snood’. The ‘wattle’ is the bright red appendage on the neck.
✓ Male turkeys gobble. Hens do not. They make a clicking noise.
✓ A 15 lb turkey usually has about 70% white meat and 30% dark meat.
✓ Commercially raised turkeys are too heavy to fly. In fact, turkey breeding has caused turkey breasts to grow so large that turkeys sometimes fall over.
✓ Turkeys can drown if they look up when it’s raining.
-University of Illinois

Best of BS . . .

• Harder to kidnap
• Makes a good “before” picture
• No longer need to ask the question, “Does my butt look big in these jeans?”
• Big savings on home heating
• Friends all want to come to visit because they know that you have pizza, cookies and pie
• The only running you have to do is to get in the front of the line at Krispy Kreme
• Make extra cash by selling your skinny jeans on eBay
• Thinner friends want you in all their pictures
• Hides your summer body, which was also last year’s winter body
• You can still say your stomach is flat…but the “L” is silent
-Twitter, first published in ‘BS’ in 2018

• After Thanksgiving dinner, sharpens knife and says, “Okay, now it’s time to carve Uncle Leo!”
• Loudly gives thanks for ‘wonderful music of Justin Bieber’.
• Insists on wearing a homemade ‘Turkey Giblet Facial Mask’ to reduce unsightly wrinkles.
• Insists on leaving an extra glass of wine on the Thanksgiving table for Trader Joe.
• Eats. Flosses. Eats food off the floss.
• Considers gravy a beverage.
• Can tolerate large family gatherings without complaint.
BONUS: Happy to dine on the new Pringles ‘Thanksgiving Turducken Feast’ chip kit.
-First published in ‘BS’ in 2002

Step 1.  Buy a turkey.
Step 2.  Have a glass of wine.
Step 3.  Stuff turkey.
Step 4.  Have a glass of wine.
Step 5.  Put turkey in oven.
Step 6.  Relax and have a glass of wine.
Step 7.  Turk the bastey.
Step 8.  Wine of glass another get.
Step 9.  Hunt for meat thermometer.
Step 10.  Glass yourself another pour of wine.
Step 11.  Bake the wine for 4 hours.
Step 12.  Take the oven out of the turkey.
Step 13.  Floor the turkey off the pick.
Step 14.  Tet the sable.
Step 15.  Grab another wottle of bine.
Step 16.  Turk the carvey!
Step 17.  Say grace, throw-up and pass out.

I wish I was the person I believed I could be when I bought all this produce…

Who is your all-time most-hated TV character?

Question: Almost ¾ of people surveyed say THIS gets them into the holiday spirit.
Answer: Shopping.

Rock bottom will teach you lessons that mountain tops never will.


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