Monday, November 25, 2019 – Edition: #6580
Get a Load of This Sheet!
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Susan Sarandon is resting and recuperating after suffering a nasty fall that left her with a concussion and fractured nose. She revealed her injury and shared several gnarly photos of her bruised face on Friday, one day ahead of her highly-anticipated appearance with Presidential hopeful Bernie Sanders. She posted a few pics showing a black and blue knot on her forehead, and in another, she is shown laying in bed displaying a black eye and fractured nose.
★ Judges Gabrielle Union and Julianne Hough are vacating their chairs on “America’s Got Talent.” Union and Hough had replaced long-time judges Melanie Brown and model-host Heidi Klum for the show’s 14th season. Executive producer and judge Simon Cowell, comedian Howie Mandel and host Terry Crews are all expected to return.
★ It’s been 40 years since Kirstie Alley got sober and she still celebrates every week with a gift to herself. The “Cheers” star shared on Twitter that she “vowed to spend the same [money] weekly on flowers that I’d spent on drugs.” So, she purchases flowers at her local grocery store and makes the arrangements. She credits the Scientology rehab program, Narconon, for getting her clean. When Alley stopped doing drugs, she also stopped drinking.
★ James Brown was such a big fan of Eddie Murphy, that he tried to marry the funnyman off to his daughter. According to Murphy, the Godfather of Soul was so impressed by Eddie’s impersonation of him, that he asked the comedian to consider starring in his life story – and offered up his daughter. Murphy went on to say “At the time I was married, and he hit me on my arm and said, ‘You got some big arms. I know you’re married but my daughter’s available!’ I laughed and he said, ‘I’m serious!’”
★ Fans of Daniel Craig should savor his performance as James Bond in the upcoming “No Time to Die” as if it was a perfectly made martini. Why? Because in an appearance on Friday night’s “The Late Show With Stephen Colbert”, he confirmed that this latest 007 adventure would also be his last. Asked by Colbert if he is “done with Bond”, Craig replied: “Yes” and “It’s done.” Craig also confirmed that he had kissed his No Time to Die co-star Rami Malek after they had worked out how to play a tricky scene. He jokingly said: “I kiss all my leading men. I think it just breaks the ice.”
TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Tom Hanks, Jameela Jamil, Brittany Howard
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Daisy Ridley, Tom Hiddleston, Michael Eric Dyson, Noah Cyrus featuring Leon Bridges
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Robert De Niro, J.J. Abrams
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Sterling K. Brown, Gilbert Gottfried, Derren Brown
• ” The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Jamie Lee Curtis, Thomas Middleditch, Pardison Fontaine featuring Offset
• “Lights Out with David Spade” (COMEDY): Ray Romano, Ron Funches, Nikki Glaser (R)
• “Conan” (TBS): Conan Without Borders: Italy (R)
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Tanner Sterback, Brian De Saint Pern
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Tim Allen
• “The Talk” (CBS): Jamie Lee Curtis, Carson Kressley, Wanda Wen
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Garth Brooks, Drew Carey, Buddy Valastro
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Victoria Beckham
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS): Garth Brooks
• “Dancing With the Stars: (ABC): Season 28 finale. Four celebrity and pro-dancer couples return to the ballroom to compete and win the Mirrorball trophy.
• “College Behind Bars” (PBS): Incarcerated men and women are admitted to the Bard Prison Initiative, a rigorous college program, where some make great strides while others feel the pressure.
• “A Christmas Duet” (HALLMARK): Fate brings an ex-music duo together over the holidays, just in time for the annual Yuletide Festival.
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Drake – His father is trying to land his own dating show. Dennis Graham has held meetings with various networks, and Vice and WE tv are reportedly the frontrunners to land the show. It will not only show Dennis as he searches for love but it will also give fans an insight into his life of luxury and fame as he enjoys the benefits of being Drake’s dad, even though the two have a complicated relationship.
• Justin Bieber – Is his wife pregnant? He did much more than just wish his wife a happy birthday on Instagram. He wrote: “next season BABIES!” in her birthday tribute. Hailey Bieber turned 23 on Friday.
• Spice Girls — Mel B has paid out $1.8 million to end a defamation spat with a former nanny. The nanny claimed that Scary Spice defamed her by implying she was a “prostitute”, who became pregnant with her ex-husband, Stephen Belafonte’s baby.
• Celine Dion — Kijiji has removed a fake ad that was purportedly selling one of her used tissues. A user in Mirabel, Quebec was offering what he or she claimed was a tissue discarded by Dion during her Nov. 19 concert at Montreal’s Bell Centre. Asking price? $2,000.
• Michael Jackson – ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ producer Graham King has acquired the rights to make a biopic about the King of Pop. It’s not yet known how or if the film will address the allegations of child sexual abuse against Jackson, which his estate has unequivocally denied.
• Guns N’ Roses – Their “Not in This Lifetime” tour has grossed $584.2 million. The three-year world tour came to an end with 5,371,891 tickets sold. It is the third highest-grossing tour in the history of Billboard Boxscore. Slash recently confirmed the group are planning to release a full album rather than a spate of standalone singles.
• Sam Hunt – tweeted that he’s sorry for his Thursday morning arrest for driving under the influence in Nashville. In a statement, he called his decision to drive after drinking “selfish” and apologized to everyone who was put at risk. He also wrote that “It won’t happen again.” He was expected to release a new song that night, but that has now been delayed.
• Maddie & Tae — Maddie Marlow married her long-time boyfriend and high school sweetheart, Jonah Font, on Friday. “People” reports the couple wed in front of about 150 friends and family members at a rural venue in Arrington, Tenn., near Nashville.
I think if they had to, pretty much anyone could make it through one schlocky Hallmark movie. You know, for the sake of family harmony at Christmastime. THIS, I’m not so sure about: A website is offering $1,000 to someone brave enough to face the challenge of watching 24 Hallmark Christmas movies. On the other hand, Centurylinkquote.com is offering a dream job for a holiday-loving person who would probably go through about 24 of those things during the holiday season anyway. The winning applicant will not only receive $1,000, but also a streaming service subscription and a “movie watching kit” including cookies, cocoa, a mini Christmas tree and some Hallmark merchandise. Interested movie lovers should apply online and prepare a short video explaining why they would be the ideal candidate. The chosen person will be required to document their Christmas movie binge on social media, and even provide criticism of the films he or she watches.
(Ah, who am I kidding? The films ‘SHE’ watches!)
(As if criticism of Hallmark movies is possible!)
(Is the winner required to supply their own Snuggie?)
(What’s second prize? You have to watch 30 Hallmark movies?)
WAY, WAY BEYOND MEAT:
In a few short years the family dinner table may feature steak from a printer and other proteins produced from air, methane or volcanic microbes. With the success of vegan beef and other substitutes. A new generation of products in the works uses cutting-edge technology to turn otherwise harmful or everyday elements into essential food ingredients, with the aim of reducing agriculture’s massive carbon footprint. The Finnish company Solar Foods is working on an edible protein powder called Solein which uses water, air and renewable electricity as a way to separate food production from agriculture, similar to the way that beer and wine are made. Solar is working with another company to create a lab-grown meat product using Solein. Another company is working to convert methane from waste into protein powder. And a Spanish company is using a special 3D printer to produce steak that can mimic the taste and texture of meat.
(Great! Who’s printing dinner tonight?)
(I’m all for printing meat, as long as the ink is BBQ flavored!)
(I’m not sure ANYONE needs to eat a protein powder made of methane!)
There is a new font, and it could be said that it’s ‘Presidential’. Although he’s known for his incessant tweeting, an interesting fact about Donald Trump is that he doesn’t really use computers outside of his iPhone. But he known to have assistants print out articles on him, which he then covers in his own notes, such as “BAD WRITER!”, “BAD PICTURE (NO SURPRISE)” and “OH REALLY!” Now, a graphic designer has taken some of the President’s scrawlings and created a new font, called “Tiny Hand”. Trump’s handwriting style is described as “idiosyncratic” and “always written at an angle”. And the best part? The “Tiny Hand” font is available as a free download. HERE
(What would you use it for? I’ve got a feeling it’ll give ‘Comic Sans’ a run for its money!)
(Get set for a lot of “Bad whatever” memes, in the “Tiny Hand” font!)
Advocacy group ‘World Against Toys Causing Harm’ (WATCH) has published its 47th annual list of toys that could be dangerous to kids. Here is this year’s Top-10:
1. Nerf Ultra One: The blaster that fires up to 120 feet has the potential for eye injuries.
2. Spike the Fine Motor Hedgehog: Hard plastic removable quills have the potential for ingestion injuries and choking.
3. Bunchems Bunch ‘n Build: Plastic, connective pieces may get entangled in hair and may cause choking.
4. Yeti: The stuffed animal’s long hair may come out and be ingested or cause aspiration.
5. Nickelodeon Frozen Treats Slime: They look like a smoothie, soft-serve ice cream, or a snow cone, but the package warns that they’re not real food and shouldn’t be eaten. The issue becomes possible chemical ingestion and irritation injuries.
6. Anstoy Electric Toy Gun: It’s a realistic-looking weapon.
7. Diecast School Bus: The rubber tires are removable and could cause choking.
8. Flybar Pogo Trick Board: The bouncing toy’s packaging shows only two of the three kids on the package wearing helmets and none with other protective gear. The concern is possible head or impact injuries.
9. Power Rangers Electronic Cheetah Claw: It might cause eye or facial injuries.
10. Viga Pull-Along Caterpillar: The 24-inch pull cord has the potential for strangulation or entanglement injuries.
OTHER BS UNSAFE TOYS:
• “Little Mountie Taser Kit”
• “Ronco’s Pocket Hive”
• “The Used Band-Aid Ball”
• “Roof Ranger Paratrooper Kit”
• “Little Mr. Trenchcoat”
• “Mattel’s Cement Floaties”
• “My First Nipple Ring”
DID YOU KNOW?
Play-Doh was originally a wallpaper cleaner before it was discovered that teachers were using it in class for arts and crafts (it didn’t contain any toxic chemicals). Over 430 million kilograms (900 million pounds) of it have been sold since its re-branding from wallpaper cleaner to toy.
BS CHRONOMETER 11.25.19
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1955  Bruno Tonioli, Ferrara Italy, TV personality (ABC-TV “Dancing With the Stars” judge since 2005, BBC-TV “Strictly Come Dancing” judge since 2004)
1960  Amy Grant, Augusta GA, country-pop-gospel singer with 6 Grammy Awards (‘Simple Things’, ‘Baby Baby’) who’s sold over 22 million albums/Mrs. Vince Gill since 2000
1971  Christina Applegate, Hollywood CA, movie actress (“Anchorman” movies, “Alvin & The Chipmunks” movies)/TV actress (“Married with Children” 1987-97)
1975  Kristian Nairn, Lisburn Northern Ireland, 6′-10¾” TV actor (‘Hodor’ on “Game of Thrones” 2011-16)
1983  Joey ‘Jaws’ Chestnut, Vallejo CA, competitive eater (currently ranked #1 in the world by the International Federation of Competitive Eating)
TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Parfait Day”, saluting the yummy treat that’s concocted from layers of ice cream, whipped cream, and any combination of syrups and fruits. Yes, it’s basically a fancy word for a sundae … likely because it’s usually served in a fancy glass.
• “Shopping Reminder Day”, marking exactly 1 month until Christmas Day. Just what you wanted to hear, huh?
• “International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women”, initiated by activists in 1981 and adopted by the UN in 1999 to help raise awareness of this worldwide problem.
• “Blasé Day”, a perfect day for the world-weary to revel in their apathy. (Eh, who cares.)
COMING UP . . .
[Tues] Good Grief Day
[Tues] National Cake Day
[Wed] Blackout Wednesday
[Wed] Electric Guitar Day
This Week Is…Game & Puzzle Week
This Month Is…Gratitude Month
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2004  Dan Rather announces he’ll step down as anchorman of “CBS Evening News” in March 2005 (leads to the 2015 film “Truth”, starring Robert Redford as Rather)
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
2013  Disney releases “Frozen: Original Motion Picture Soundtrack” (Grammy Award for Best Compilation Soundtrack for Visual Media 2015, 2014 Billboard Album of the Year)
2013  Beastie Boys sue toy company GoldieBlox for running an ad featuring little girls singing an altered version of their song ‘Girls’ (the company eventually issues an apology and makes a donation to charity)
TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1867  Swedish chemist Alfred Nobel patents dynamite as an alternative to highly unstable nitroglycerin. He would later use his will to establish Nobel Prizes “to those who, during the preceding year, have conferred the greatest benefit to humankind”.
TODAY’S RECORD . . .
2013  In its opening weekend “The Hunger Games: Catching Fire” grosses $158 million domestically, becoming the most successful film ever released to date in November
BS WHACK FACTS:
✓ On average, males spend 11.4 minutes in the shower, females spend 13 minutes.
✓ The average water temperature for showers is 105 F (41 C).
✓ The little bumpers on the underside of a toilet seat are called ‘buculets’.
✓ Most toilets flush in the key of E-Flat.
✓ The first successful toilet paper roll was marketed in 1867.
✓ The odds of being injured by a toilet seat in your lifetime are 1 in 6,500.
BS STUPID QUESTIONS AT A TAILGATE PARTY:
• “Why are we six hours early?”
• “What do you have for a vegan who doesn’t drink?”
• “See any rednecks?”
• “Who wants to drink?”
• “Is there a game today?”
• “Dude, Where’s my car?”
• “You gonna marinate that?
• “Are we staying for the game?”
• “Wanna shotgun a beer and go flip that hatchback upside down?”
• “Tell me again why we are out in subfreezing weather, four hours before game time, cooking wings and ribs in the sleet when we could be in our warm house drinking beer, ordering pizza and watching the game on the 84 inch flat screen?”
Best of BS . . .
BS HOW TO RECOGNIZE A TURKEY:
• By the way it’s dressed.
• It is drinking out of a gobble-let.
• I’m not sure, but if it contains a bag of giblets, there’s a pretty good chance that’s it.
• You were bowling and got 3 strikes in a row.
• It is not crossing the road.
• Looks like the label on the 25 empty bottles in the back of Uncle Ernie’s pick-up.
• It has a tendency to talk “jive”.
• Open up your “maps” app and see if you are anywhere near Istanbul.
• It’s the big brown lumpy stuff in the giant 70s retro Tupperware container sitting in the back of the fridge, oozing penicillin.
• It puts pineapple on pizza.
-Twitter, first published in BS in 2018
BS RANDOM JOKE:
My main accomplishment over the weekend was this: I discovered that a candle’s flame smells just like burned nose hair.
Herd of cows? Sure we’ve heard of cows. But how about …
• A group of jellyfish – are they called a ‘smack’, a ‘smock’, or a ‘smuck’? [SMUCK]
• A bunch of trout – are they a ‘haver’, a ‘hover’, or a ‘hoover’? [HOVER]
• A gathering of goldfish – a ‘bubbling, a ‘troubling’, or a ‘doubling’? [TROUBLING]
• A group of unicorns is known as a ‘blessing’, a ‘prayer’, or a ‘benediction’? [BLESSING]
• Twelve or more cows are known as – a ‘flink’, a ‘flank’, or a ‘flunk’? [FLINK]
• A whole mess of kangaroos – are they called a ‘mafia’, a ‘mob’, or a ‘gang’? [MOB]
– “Old Farmers Almanac”
BS PHONE STARTER:
Do you ever wish you lived during another era? In what time-frame do you think you belong?
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: 6% of adults won’t date someone, who has THIS. What is it?
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
The quieter you become, the more you can hear.