Thursday, November 1, 2012        Edition: #4859

Sheeters Always Prosper!

NBC-TV has finally announced February 7th as the much-delayed 4th season debut date for the cult-hit college-set comedy “Community”, in the slot currently occupied by the departing “30 Rock” (that gives Chevy Chase 3 more months to trash-talk his only source of income) . . . They aren’t on speaking terms anymore but Katy Perry and her ex Russell Brand both attended the LA Lakers season opener this week, fortunately seated on opposite sides of the court (their PR people are clearly no longer communicating either) . . .”The Voice” coach Cee Lo Green has dismissed an accusation from a woman that he sexually assaulted her in an LA restaurant, and while cops have questioned several employees no charges have been filed (Cee Lo’s defense: “F– You”) . . . Tom Cruise tells “Total Film” he wants to reprise his role as ‘Ethan Hunt’ for a 5th “Mission: Impossible” movie (mostly cuz nothing else is working) . . . Actor/director Ben Affleck tells “Hollywood Reporter” he hates Showtime series “Homeland” starring Emmy-award winner Claire Danes because he was originally asked to direct but turned it down as he was ‘sure nothing would happen with it’ (we also hate it – because it’s more addictive than crack!) . . . Actress Judi Dench (‘M’ in ‘James Bond’ films) says she’s thrilled to learn that her surname has become slang for ‘cool’ on the street in London (there’s even a ‘Stay Dench’ line of T-shirts) . . . And sorta actress Lindsay Lohan is the latest celeb to have a Twitter account hacked (fans became suspicious after a series of messages were recently posted that actually made sense).

• “CMA Awards” (ABC) – 46th annual from Nashville, hosted for the 5th consecutive time by Brad Paisley & Carrie Underwood. Eric Church leads nominations with 5. Performers include Blake Shelton, Dierks Bentley, Faith Hill & Tim McGraw, Hunter Hayes, Jason Aldean, Keith Urban, Kenny Chesney, Lady Antebellum, Little Big Town, Luke Bryan, Miranda Lambert, Taylor Swift, and Zac Brown Band.
• “Colbert Report” (Comedy Central/CTV) – David Byrne & St Vincent (“Love the Giant”).
• “Good Morning America” (ABC) – For the first time, winners in 2 of the 12 “CMA Awards” categories are announced live from Nashville on “GMA”: ‘Musical Event Of the Year’ and ‘Music Video Of the Year’. Brad Paisley guests; Reba McEntire performs.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Avett Bros f/Brooklyn Philharmonic (“The Carpenter”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Metric (“Synthetica”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – RZA (“The Man With the Iron Fists”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Aerosmith (“Music From Another Dimension!”, out November 6th.)
• “Tavis Smiley” (PBS) – Jack Black (Tenacious D).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – ZZ Ward (“Til the Casket Drops”).
• “The X Factor” (FOX/CTV2) – The top 16 acts perform.

• Alicia Keys – Tonight Whoopi Goldberg emcees; Alabama Shakes, Beyoncé, and Carole King perform at her annual “Black Ball” fundraising gala for her Keep a Child Alive charity, which helps kids affected by HIV/AIDS in Africa and India.
• Guns ‘N Roses – Axl Rose says he’s working on a new album and he promises fans they won’t have to wait 15 years for it like the last one, “Chinese Democracy” (2008).
• Ke$ha – She tells “NME” the creepiest thing she ever received from a crazed fan was a bloody knife in the mail accompanied by a death threat. Although she tried to shrug it off she admits it frightened her.
• Lady Gaga – She claims in “Stylist” that she’s a ‘new kind of feminist’ who is empowered in her career but enjoys being dominated sexually. She’s currently dating “Chicago Fire” actor Taylor Kinney.
• Led Zeppelin – Guitarist Jimmy Page tells “Mojo” that he’s working on re-mastering a number of albums that will be released in a series of box sets starting in 2013. There will be one box set per album, each containing different versions of tracks plus extra material.
• Rolling Stones – To mark their 50th anniversary, Japanese distiller Suntoy is releasing 150 bottles of a special whisky. It’s a mix of malts taken from casks that have aged since major milestones in the band’s history. It will be sold in bottles shaped like the band’s lips logo.
• Taylor Swift – “Red” tops today’s new ‘Billboard 200′ album chart, selling 1.208 million copies last week. It’s her 3rd #1 album and the 18th to sell a million units in a single week since Nielsen  SoundScan began tracking sales in 1991.
• The Who – Tonight in Sunrise FL they begin their 1st North American tour in 4 years, as they play their entire 1973 album “Quadrophenia” in concert. The tour runs up to February 26th in Providence RI.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Cooties” – “Lord Of the Rings” and “The Hobbit” star Elijah Wood has agreed to produce and possibly make an appearance in this new horror movie about a high school whose student population is stricken with a virus that turns the students into savages. An unlikely hero emerges to help the teachers fight back. Filming begins in April.
• “Dynamo” – Gerard Butler (“300″) is set to star in this period film that chronicles the historic soccer game between a team in occupied Ukraine and their Nazi captors during WW2. The game, which was dubbed ‘The Death Match’, saw the starving Ukrainians deny the well-trained Germans an easy win, thereby inspiring the entire city of Kiev.
• “The Monuments Men” – George Clooney’s next directing project that he’ll also star in will also feature Bill Murray, Cate Blanchett, Daniel Craig, and John Goodman. The film, which Clooney co-wrote, focuses on a group of art historians and curators during WW2 that attempts to rescue stolen works of art before the Nazis destroy them.
• “Space Station 76” – Actress Liv Tyler plays a fresh-faced assistant captain, whose arrival aboard the titular space station sets off ripples of tension. Co-stars Jerry O’Connell, Matt Bomer, Patrick Wilson. Touted as taking place in a ‘1970s version of the future’, the film has wrapped production in Los Angeles and is expected to open sometime in 2013.
• “Ridiculous 6” – Adam Sandler is set to  co-write and star in this comedy Western. No word on the storyline although it’s presumably a parody of the 1960 classic “The Magnificent Seven”, which told the story of a group of men who protect a town in Mexico. The movie is planned for a Spring 2014 release. Production begins in April.

Considering junking your jack-o-lantern in the compost? How blah. There are far more novel ways to dispose of it, such as …
✓ Roadkill Jack – Place your punkin’ on your driveway a few feet behind a rear wheel of your car. Slap ‘er in ‘R’ and gun it. (Splat!)
✓ Squash Drop – Find a high-up window or balcony with a safe and clear landing zone; toss the orange orb into the glorious blue yonder. (sssSSSplat!)
✓ Pumpkin Inferno – Slide a tin pie-plate beneath it; put crumpled paper inside it; pour lighter fluid on top of it; toss a match inside. Boom! (Warning: may lead to arrest and incarceration.)
✓ Gourd Gun – NY farmer Gill Hurley has built an artillery-grade pumpkin cannon powered by an air compressor. It uses 2 propane tanks connected to a pipe 100-feet-long. (Super-splat!)
✓ Punkin’ Chunkin’ – Take yourself back to ye olde medieval era by launching pumpkins from a trebuchet or catapult. With the right design, it can launch a 5-lb pumpkin 600 ft! (Construction material may include 2 hockey sticks and an old pair of pantyhose.)
– Adapted from

Think you have issues? Check out these …
• Ablutophobia … fear of washing & bathing.
• Chorophobia … fear of dancing.
• Deipnophobia … fear of dinner conversations.
• Geniophobia … fear of chins.
• Genuphobia … fear of knees.
• Heliophobia … fear of sunlight.
• Ishicascadiggaphobia … fear of elbows.
• Optophobia … fear of opening your eyes.
• Syngenesphobia … fear of relatives.

History’s shortest war lasted 38 minutes. It was fought between Great Britain and Zanzibar. (Almost as brief as this year’s World Series.)


1949 [63] David Foster, Victoria BC, music producer noted for discovering Celine Dion, Josh Groban, and Michael Bublé/16 Grammy Awards

1962 [50] Anthony Kiedis, Grand Rapids MI, rock singer (Red Hot Chili Peppers-“Snow [Hey Oh]”, “Dani California”)

1963 [49] ‘Big’ Kenny (Alphin), Culpeper VA, country singer (Big & Rich-“Lost In This Moment”, “Save a Horse [Ride a Cowboy]”)

1963 [49] Rick Allen (Cyril), Sheffield UK, one-armed rock drummer (Def Leppard-“Promises”, “Photograph”)

1972 [40] Toni Collette, Sydney, Australia, TV actress (Emmy Award-“United States of Tara” 2009-11)/movie actress (“Little Miss Sunshine”, “The Hours”)  UP NEXT: “Hitchcock”, opening  November 23rd.

1972 [40] Jenny McCarthy, Chicago IL, TV personality (“Love In the Wild” 2012)/model (“Playboy” cover 32 times in 14 countries)/movie actress (“John Tucker Must Die”, “Santa Baby”)

1986 [26] Penn Badgely, Baltimore MD, TV actor (‘Dan Humphrey’ on “Gossip Girl” since 2007)/movie actor (“Easy A”, “Margin Call”)

• “All Hallows” or “All Saints’ Day” (begun in 835 AD), a Roman Catholic ‘Holy Day of Obligation’ (aren’t they all?). It’s a public holiday in the Philippines, when families gather to honor the dead.

• “Authors Day”, a day to celebrate literature in all its forms and to show your appreciation for the incredibly hard work put in by the authors behind your favorite writings. The observance was first adopted by the General Federation of Women’s Clubs in 1929.

• “Dia de los Muertos” (“Day Of the Dead”) in Mexico. The observance covers 2 days – today, “All Saints Day”, set aside for remembrance of deceased children (‘angelitos’); Friday, “All Soul’s Day”, for those who died as adults. For a memorial observance it’s pretty festive, with colorful adornments, lively reunions at family burial plots, fireworks, and special foods.

• “Go Cook For Your Pets Day”, because it’s apparently not enough to house them, train them, exercise them, and clean up after them … now they need haute cuisine!

• “Men Make Dinner Day”, the 1 guaranteed meal cooked by the man-of-the-house each year. Sure millions of guys make dinner for their families on a regular basis, but this day is for the last remaining neanderthal homes where they don’t … and for guys who are just too scared to cook.

• “Movember” begins, variously known as “NoSHAVEmber”, “Beard Month”, and “Moustache Month”. The idea is for men to let their lip hair accumulate for the month to raise awareness of men’s health issues such as prostate cancer. In many areas it’s used as a fundraiser.

• “World Vegan Day”, an international focal point for celebrating veganism, a term invented by Donald Watson in 1944. This is the 68th anniversary of ‘The Vegan Society’, whose members do not eat meat, fish, dairy products, eggs, or any other animal product. In fact, true vegans do not use any products derived from animals, such as fur or leather. (Nice cardboard shoes, Don!)

1939 [73] The poem (and later song) “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” 1st appears in a promotional pamphlet for Chicago’s Montgomery Ward department store

1946 [66] 1st ‘Basketball Association of America’ (later changed to NBA) game as NY Knickerbockers defeat Toronto Huskies 68-66 (fans taller than Toronto center George Nostrand get in free)

1966 [46] NFL awards the New Orleans Saints a franchise on “All Saints Day”

1993 [19] The Maastricht Treaty takes effect, formally establishing the European Union

[Fri] “Flight”; “The Man With the Iron Fists”; “Wreck-It Ralph” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Plan Your Epitaph Day
[Fri] Traffic Directors Day
[Sat] Cliché Day
[Sat] Sandwich Day
[Sat] MOBO Awards (Liverpool UK)
[Sun] Daylight Saving Time ends
This Week Is … Give Wildlife a Break Week
This Month Is … Historic Bridge Awareness Month


So Walt Disney Co has agreed to buy filmmaker George Lucas’ Lucasfilm for $4 billion. Just imagine the future bigscreen drivel this may lead to …
✓ “Pooh Wars”
✓ “Goofy: Raiders Of the Lost Bark”
✓ “May the Mouse Be With You”
✓ “Indiana Jones & The Kingdom Of Kermit”
✓ “Alice in Wonderland Strikes Back”
✓ “Toy Story 12: Attack Of the Clones”
✓ “Three Men And a Jedi”
✓ “Cars 5: Finding Indy”
✓ “Star Wars 9: The Revenge Of the Muppets”
✓ “Pirates Of the Caribbean: The Curse Of the Sith”
✓ “The Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch & The Ewoks”
✓ “Snow White & The Seven Wookiees”
– BS original

Guys, you know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go out with the boys on Thursday nights … and so does she.

☎ Which is the all-time most annoying movie character? Here’s one online ranking …
5. ‘Scarlett O’Hara’, “Gone With the Wind” – All she does is whine. For the entire movie. About everything. We do not understand the appeal.
4. ‘Mikaela Banes’, “Transformers” – The only reason for her existence, and thus the involvement of Megan Fox, was eye candy for the hormone-crazed.
3. ‘Tris’, “Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist” – Why did Nick date her in the first place? Is that really his type? He’s a cute geek boy; she’s obnoxious, controlling, and skanky.
2. ‘Jar Jar Binks’, “The Phantom Menace” – Is there a single person on the planet who actually thought this “Star Wars” character was a good idea? Maybe Disney … they bought it.
1. All of Kristen Stewart’s Characters – Whether it’s in “Twilight”, “In the Land of Women”, or “Adventureland”, no matter the character, all she does is stammer, mess with her hair, bite her lip, stare at her feet, and mouth-breathe. This isn’t acting, it’s a bad case of nervous tics!
– Adapted from

Question: If you’re a driver, odds are 1-in-25 that you’ll forget THIS today.
Answer: Where you parked your car.

When you try to make an impression, chances are that is exactly the impression you will make.

Printer Friendly Version