Monday, November 13, 2017        Edition: #6096

Thanks a Sheetload for Choosing “BS”!

★ According to reports, ‘Wonder Woman’ star Gal Gadot will refuse to play the hero once again if Brett Ratner is involved with the franchise, leaving the future of the DC Extended Universe series up in the air. Gadot is one of the biggest stars in the DC Universe, so she’s operating from a position of power within the industry, rather than being someone who would be easily replaced if Ratner was to remain.  Gadot’s demands come after multiple women came forward with allegations of sexual harassment and misconduct against Ratner,
★ “Justice League” and “Aquaman” star Jason Momoa is accused of owing a ton of money to someone even more powerful than King Neptune … Uncle Sam.  According to official records, the IRS slapped Momoa with a Federal tax lien for $138,378.88 in unpaid taxes. Momoa shouldn’t have too much trouble paying it off though… his net worth is set at $8 million, according to the website ‘The Richest’.
★ Louis CK’s relationship with the network ‘FX’ is over.  The organization and production studio severed ties with the comedian on Friday, not long after he admitted to sexual misconduct.  According to a statement, CK “will no longer serve as an executive producer” on any of the shows he was working on including, ‘One Mississippi’, ‘The Cops’, and ‘Better Things’.
★ Ellen Page is coming to television for a new role.  Page will be one of the stars of the new Netflix adaptation of ‘The Umbrella Academy , based on the acclaimed comic book by ‘My Chemical Romance’ singer Gerard Way.  The show will focus on a “dysfunctional family of superheroes” as they come back together to solve the mystery of their father’s death.
(So THAT’s what Mr. Way has been up to lately!)
★ Gary Oldman is a married man…and has been for a few months!  According to reports, 59-year-old Oldman and art curator Gisele Schmidt tied the knot in late August in Beverly Hills.  This is Oldman’s fifth marriage. He was previously married to Leslie Manville, Uma Thurman, Donya Fiorentino and Alexandra Edenborough, whom he divorced in 2015.
(August?  He is probably on to his SIXTH by now!)
★ OJ Simpson is livid over reports that he was banned from the Cosmopolitan hotel in Vegas for life after supposedly getting drunk at a bar and being belligerent to hotel staff. Simpson was leaving his lawyer’s office Friday when he bristled at the story, saying it was totally untrue.  He claims nothing happened, but doesn’t explain why the hotel would have banned him for life.
(Here’s one reason:  “Botched hotel room armed robbery”.)
★ You can now eat a real breakfast inside Tiffany’s. The luxury jewelry store unveiled its highly anticipated Blue Box Café at its Fifth Avenue flagship store in New York City on Friday. The café will be serving ‘American classics’ made with regionally sourced ingredients. The recently renovated store is also home to Tiffany’s new luxury Home & Accessories Collection, which features “elevated” everyday objects – like a $300 Yo-yo, $1,500 coffee can, $9,000 sterling silver ball of yarn or $95 Tiffany-blue paper cups.
(Elevated?  Is that what they are calling ‘overpriced’ now?)

• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Jeff Daniels, Mary J. Blige
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Joe Biden, Elton John
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Carey Mulligan, Beanie Feldstein, Danny Bowie, Michelle Baptiste
• ” The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Jason Segel, Seth Rogen, Jaden Smith
• “Conan” (TBS/Comedy): Matt LeBlanc, Brittany Snow, Myq Kaplan ( R )
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Leslie Grossman, Shannon Beador
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Andra Day, Common, Jenifer Lewis
• “The Talk” (CBS): Billy Ray Cyrus, Ellen K, guest co-host Wanda Sykes
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): William H. Macy, Mary J. Blige
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Joe Biden, Jon Dorenbos
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC): An elimination occurs after the ninth week of competition, which is the semifinal round.
• “The Voice” (NBC): The Playoffs, Night 1

• Taylor Swift – seems to have addressed her on-going battle with Kanye West in the lyrics of her new album ‘Reputation’.  The song ‘This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things’ contains the words: “It was so nice being friends again. There I was, giving you a second chance. But you stabbed me in the back while shaking my hand”.  These words could have been when the two appeared to be on friendly terms again following Kanye’s cruel on-stage snub of Taylor.
• Drake – has revealed that he’s a hardcore Harry Potter fan.  He shared that he’s been on the hunt for a first-edition copy of ‘Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone’, and was mulling purchasing one he found for a cool $160,000.
• Gwen Stefani – is getting her own holiday special. The hour long show will feature holiday sketches and musical performances, including a duet with her boyfriend, Blake Shelton. ‘Gwen Stefani’s You Make it Feel Like Christmas’ will air on December 12 on NBC.
• INXS – a cover version of their hit ‘Never Tear Us Apart’ by Bishop Briggs is featured in the trailer for the final film in the “Fifty Shades of Grey” movie franchise, ‘Fifty Shades Freed’.  Her version strips the track down to just voice and a piano before erupting with orchestral electronics and a big, dramatic beat.
• Neil Young – his collaboration with D.R.A.M., ‘Campfire’, will appear on the soundtrack to the upcoming movie “Bright”.  The movie, starring Will Smith, comes out December 22.
• Grateful Dead – A collection of rare Grateful Dead items owned by their late attorney Hal Kant will hit the auction block later this month. Among the items:  a series of stage banners from the Dead’s 25th anniversary tour in 1989 painted by the artist Jan Sawka, and an invitation to Jerry Garcia’s Valentine’s Day 1994 wedding to Deborah Koons, along with a preserved rose from Garcia.
• Elvis Presley – his divorce documents have gone up for auction.  The papers reveal that his wife Priscilla got his Cadillac, a Harley Davidson and $100,000 as part of 1972 settlement. The divorce settlement papers have a pre-sale estimate of $26,318 to $32,898.
• Faith No More –  Chuck Mosley, the band’s singer for their first two albums in the 1980s, has died at the age of 57.  In a statement, Mosley’s family said: ‘After a long period of sobriety, Charles Henry Mosley III lost his life, on November 9th, 2017, due to the disease of addiction.’
• Zac Brown Band – have released their version of Dan Fogelberg’s ‘Leader of the Band’, which will be included on “A Tribute to Dan Fogelberg”, to be released November 17.  Also on the album: Garth Brooks, Trisha Yearwood, Vince Gill, Amy Grant and the Eagles.
• Shania Twain – is releasing a holiday collaboration with pop star Nick Jonas.  She shared a teaser of “Say All You Want for Christmas” on Instagram with the caption “It’s the most wonderful time of the year …”
• Miranda Lambert – wasn’t impressed with the fact that Garth Brooks lip-synced his performance of “Ask Me How I Know” at the CMAs on Wednesday.  After Anderson East Instagrammed: “I keep a lot of my opinions to myself and respect anyone making music but as a person who tries to put on the best and most honest show I can night after night … this truly offends me,” Lambert commented: “If you can’t sing then don’t … It’s better to be honest than to pretend.”

The National Toy Hall of Fame has announced its 2017 inductees, and although they all look like fun, one of them requires that you solve a murder to play it.   The three classic toys inducted this year:
➔ The Paper Airplane: While its exact origins are unclear, inventor and artist Leonardo da Vinci was drawing flying creations as far back as the 15th century. His ideas, plus the Wright Brothers taking flight in 1903 may have led to the first “paper flying machine” in 1909. (It may seem an odd choice, but I never had more fun in a classroom than with one of those!)
➔ The Wiffle Ball:  was invented by a baseball player in the 1950s, who wanted to create a baseball that could be played in suburban backyards. Adding slats to a plastic ball made it hard to hit far, but relatively easy to throw. (Thanks to him for bringing everyone else down to my level!)
➔ Clue:  was created by a British couple during World War II who based it on the murder mystery dinner parties that were popular then.  In 1949 it was released as “Cluedo” and was changed to “Clue” in America.  (Apparently the only safe place in that game was the bathroom.  No one ever got killed there!)
Finalists rejected this year:  Magic 8 Ball, Matchbox Cars, My Little Pony, PEZ Candy Dispenser, play food, Risk, sand, Transformers, and Uno.
(Don’t worry…sand will be back.  You can never completely get rid of that stuff!)
(I hope the “Barrel of Monkeys” is in the hall of fame.  There’s nothing more fun than that!  It kinda set the standard!)

NASA wants your help to name a distant planet.  A spacecraft is set to fly past a small frozen planet on January 1, 2019, which will be the most remote world ever explored by mankind.  The planet, which might actually be two smaller planets ‘stuck together’, is 4-billion miles away at the outer edges of our solar system.  Among the telescope crowd, it is currently known as ‘MU69′, but NASA is holding a contest to give it a catchier title.  Voting closes on December 1 and NASA will announce the winning name in January 2018.  So far, the name with the most votes is ‘Mjölnir’, the mythical name for Thor’s hammer.
(Please, please, please, DO NOT vote for ‘Planety McPlanetface….’)
(Because, as you can see from the fact that they named a planet ‘Uranus’, they could use some help!)
(Does it’s name even matter?  It’s not like it’ll come when it’s called…)

• An Oregon deliveryman had his wife call 911 when he heard what he thought were a woman’s screams of “Help!”  But when police showed up it turned out the screamer was a parrot.  The green and yellow bird, named ‘Diego’ was in good health and no humans were involved.
• An 800-pound heifer made a splash when it was found in a North Carolina family’s swimming pool.  The owner said that he looked out the door and thought something fell into the pool.  He started ripping off the cover and found the cow.  A team of respondents managed to lasso the cow and pull her out.  They think the cow tried to walk across the pool cover, thinking it was solid.
(Good fences make good neighbors…and would also keep cows out!)
• A man detained by police after a drunken argument in Germany was found to have a 14-inch python his pants–literally.  When questioned after area residents complained of a disturbance, the 19 year-old told officers that he had a snake in his pants, and pulled out a 14-inch baby king python.  He may face animal welfare-related charges.  (But he will also forever be known as the guy with the 14-inch python in his pants…so he has that going for him!)

A statistical look at who we are and the things we do …
• 66% of women say they have purchased a purse this and then hidden it from their significant other.
• 21% of women who have a cat say they would not mention it on a first date.
• 20% of women say they cried the first time they saw a wrinkle in their face.
• 33% of people admit to doing things just to talk about them on social media.
• 62% of adults claim to know how to change a tire, but have never actually done it.
• 39% of adults admit that they have flushed with their elbow in a public restroom.


1954 [63] Chris Noth, Madison WI, TV actor (‘Peter Florrick’ on “The Good Wife” 2009-16, “Sex & The City” 1998-2004, “Law & Order” 1990-95)/movie actor (“Sex & The City” films)

1955 [62] Whoopi Goldberg (Caryn Johnson), NYC, TV personality (“The View” since 2007, “Hollywood Squares” 1998-2002)/movie actress (“Sister Act”, “Ghost”)

1967 [50] Jimmy Kimmel, Brooklyn NY, TV host (“Jimmy Kimmel Live” since 2003, “The Man Show” 1999-2003, “Win Ben Stein’s Money” 1997-2001)

1967 [50] Steve Zahn, Marshall MN, movie actor (“Dallas Buyers Club”, “Diary of a Wimpy Kid” franchise)

1969 [48] Gerard Butler, Paisley, Scotland, movie actor (“How to Train Your Dragon” films, “300″) COMING UP…Den of Thieves, 2018

1978 [39] Nikolai Fraiture, NYC, rock bassist (The Strokes- ‘Last Nite’, ‘Juicebox’)

• “World Kindness Day”,  when we’re encouraged to perform acts of kindness for others. A few BS suggestions just in case you can’t think of any …
– Randomly place boxes of condoms in people’s shopping carts when they aren’t looking.
– Walk into a bar and offer to buy a round for everyone.  Leave.
– Give another driver your parking spot.  Next to a fire hydrant.
– Take the parking ticket off some poor loser’s windshield.  Put it on someone else’s windshield.
(When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like Canada Revenue.)
• “Actors Day”, this day is dedicated to all the talents who have acted or auditioned for even a small role in any film, TV, or theater project.  (My only acting experience is when I’ve said:  “No, officer, I DON’T know how fast I was going….)

• “Moms & Dads Day”, apparently because annual “Mothers Day” and Fathers Day” celebrations just aren’t enough pressure for kids to deal with … thanks a lot! (Do I have to buy a card for this too?)

• “Sadie Hawkins Day”, named after the “Li’l Abner” comic strip character ‘Sadie Hawkins, the homeliest gal in the hills’. The tradition that girls can ask boys out on this day was born in the  “Li’l Abner” strip published 73 years ago on November 15, 1937.

• “World Orphans Day”, observed annually on the 2nd Monday of November to raise awareness of the plight of orphans and displaced children around-the-world.

[Tues] National Pickle Day
[Tues] International Girls Day
[Wed] Little Red Wagon Day
[Wed] National Bundt Day
This Week Is…World Kindness Week
This Month Is…Lung Cancer Awareness Month

2002 [15]  Eminem releases the single ‘Lose Yourself’ from the soundtrack “8 Mile”, becomes the first rap song to win ‘Best Original Song’ Academy Award

2005 [12] Astronauts aboard the International Space Station are awakened by Paul McCartney singing “Good Day Sunshine” live from his concert in Anaheim, California

2009 [08] NASA announces that water has been discovered on the Moon, thanks to data from the Lunar Crater Observation & Sensing Satellite

1995 [22] World’s only known ‘Green Cat’ is confirmed by a veterinary hospital in Copenhagen, Denmark, a condition vets say may be caused by a metabolism defect


✓ About two thirds of people tilt their head to the right when kissing.
✓ Human lips are hundreds of times more sensitive than the tips of a person’s fingers.
✓ A kiss increases a person’s pulse to 100 beats per minute or more.
✓ The average person forgets 90% of their dreams.
✓ The human eye can distinguish 10 million different colors.
✓ The risk of having heart attack is higher on Monday than on any other day of the week.

• Artery: the study of fine paintings
• Bacteria: back door to a cafeteria
• Cardiology: advance study of poker playing
• Cat Scan: searching for lost kitty
• Coma: punctuation mark
• Cyst: shortform for Sister
• Dislocation: in this place
• False Labor: pretending to work
• Hernia: she is close by
• Lymph : walk unsteadily
• Pacemaker: winner of Nobel Peace Prize
• Red Blood Count: Dracula
• Serum: Sailor’s drink

• Whenever you play roulette, you not only lose, the wheel flies off and kills a bystander.
• Instead of ‘The Luck of the Irish’ you have ‘The Luck of the Kurdish’.
• You purchased some tainted pet food. Kitty’s fine, you … not so good.
• No matter how often you shower, you always smell like bacon.
• On your last airline flight, you were seated between Rosie O’Donnell and Donald Trump.
• You’re a member of the San Francisco 49ers/Dallas Mavericks/Arizona Coyotes.
• As unlucky as you are, your wife is getting lucky every night.
-First published in BS in 2015

Gambling addiction hotlines would do so much better if every fifth caller was a winner.

☎ Who is the most famous person from your hometown?

Question:  According to a survey, THIS is the most memorable advertising character of all time. What is it?
Answer:  The Jolly Green Giant.

Knowledge is realizing that the street is one-way, wisdom is looking both directions anyway.

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