Wednesday, November 14, 2012        Edition: #4868

It’s Your Daily Constitutional Sheet!

Actress Anne Hathaway tells “Vogue” that a strict diet of dried oatmeal paste helped her shed 25 lbs (11 kg) for her role in the upcoming bigscreen musical “Les Mis” (that’s what most diets are – misérable) . . . Rihanna is wearing a cropped, unzipped leather jacket – and absolutely nothing else – on the December cover of “GQ” magazine (this is the part where we’re supposed to be scandalized or something) . . . Not to be outdone, actress Keira Knightley appears in a similar pose on the new cover of “Allure” magazine (only it’s more … um … two-dimensional) . . . 26-year-old movie actor Shia LaBeouf has gotten into a bar fight – again – this time in a seedy London pub after a patron grabbed the baseball cap Shia was wearing as a disguise (thereby setting off his ‘hair trigger’) . . . ABC-TV’s Barbara Walters is said to be super-ticked after learning that Lindsay Lohan cancelled taping the 2nd half of their scheduled interview and booked a slot on the “Tonight Show” instead (Jay Leno – the king of softball) . . . “30 Rock” actor Cheyenne Jackson, who’s 9-year-old Rottweiler ‘Zora’ died in his arms earlier this year, has had the letter ‘Z’ inked on his right forearm in honor of her (dog people – they’re a breed apart) . . . Comedian/actor Chris Tucker tells “NY Post” he wants to quit making comedies (um dude, you did – like 5 years ago) . . . 45-year-old former “CSI” actor Gary Dourdan (‘Warrick Brown’) has filed for bankruptcy and is fighting foreclosure on his home after not landing a significant acting job since 2008 when he was busted for drugs after the Coachella Festival (and producers thoughtfully killed off his character) . . . And 34-year-old actor James Franco (“Spring Breakers”) went to see the ‘Bond’ film “Skyfall” with his 22-year-old actress-girlfriend Ashley Benson (“Pretty Little Liars”) and fellow theater-goers say they fell asleep – both of them (seems dating Franco is about as exciting as you imagined).

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Lianne La Havas (“Is Your Love Big Enough?”).
• “Eddie Murphy: One Night Only” (Spike) – Among the stars paying tribute (aka roasting) the actor/comedian are Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, Jamie Foxx, Martin Lawrence, Russell Brand, Samuel L Jackson, Stevie Wonder, and Tracy Morgan. Pre-taped (to edit out obscenity).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Rihanna (“Unapologetic”, out Monday).
• “George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight” (CBC) –  Billy Ray Cyrus (“Change My Mind”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Ne-Yo (“R.E.D.”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Divine Fits (“A Thing Called Divine Fits”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Electric Guest (“Mondo”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Dirty Projectors (“Swing Lo Magellan”).
• “The Talk” (CBS) – Backstreet Boys (“It’s Christmas Time Again”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Kylie Minogue (“The Abbey Road Sessions”).
• “Whitney” (NBC) – After getting the temporary ax, Whitney Cummings’ comedy returns in the slot vacated by the now-cancelled “Animal Practice”.
• “The X Factor” (FOX/CTV2) – The finalists perform live.

• The Beatles – In a new interview with Aljazeera, Paul McCartney says Yoko Ono was NOT responsible for the break up of the ‘Fab Four’ as has been said for decades. The departure of John Lennon was expected, Paul says, as the band had done everything they wanted to do.
• Deadmau5 – The Canadian DJ and celeb tattoo artist Kat Von D have reportedly broken up after a relationship of several months. (Apparently got tired of playing Kat and Mau5.)
• Eric Clapton – A watch he owned that was made by Swiss luxury watchmaker Patek Philippe has sold at auction for 3.44 million Swiss francs ($3.7 million) to an unnamed Asian collector. The timepiece is 1 of only 2 that were made encased in platinum.
• Jonas Bros – Kevin Jonas & wife Danielle are set to become reality TV regulars as their family show that debuted earlier this year has now been renewed for a 2nd season on E!.
• One Direction – They toured with Justin Bieber but he’s not on their new album “Take Me Home” despite rumors he would be. However, Brit singer/songwriter Ed Sheeran did collaborate.
• Rihanna – To celebrate the November 19th release of her album “Unapologetic”, today she embarks on the “777 Tour” in which she flies on a Boeing 777 to 7 shows in 7 days in 7 countries. Tonight’s performance is in Mexico City, followed by Toronto, Stockholm, Paris, Berlin, London, and NYC.
• Rolling Stones – They’ve added another date to their 50th anniversary shows, lining up a concert at the new Barclays Center in Brooklyn NY for December 8th.

A look at who we are and the things we do …
• 82% of high school students have considered leaving Facebook because a parent is on it.
• 76% of women make their bed every day.
• 60% of women say they’d like a man who will unashamedly kiss in public.
• 43% of men claim they could run a marathon with no training or practice at all.
• 16% of us have a secret cache of cash in the freezer.
• 12% of homeowners have never gone in their attic.

The biggest thing in music this year? A supercharged version of something that nearly died in the 1990s … the rave. Witness the recent “Electric Daisy Carnival”, a 3-night (and surprisingly polite) bacchanal at the Las Vegas Motor Speedway. Hyped as ‘America’s largest rave’, it’s where international DJs spun tunes for 100,000 wasted hedonists scantily dressed in furry underwear. Devotees refuse to call it a rave, however, pointing out that a true rave is set in a warehouse and is noncommercial. The “EDC” event is more properly referred to as a ‘massive’. (Like your headache the day after.)

No one likes to seem smart more than stupid people. A few ways they try to pass it off …
✗ Mocking Religion – A frail, desperate hope that snorting and rolling the eyes at the notion of something more important than humanity conveys wisdom.
✗ Pretending to Like Jazz – They will go to great lengths to explain how much into jazz they are. In fact, they can’t wait to tell you about it.
✗ Correcting Others’ Trivial Mistakes – Stupid people love to show off by making corrections. They seize any opportunity to point out your minor error , even an innocent slip-of-the-tongue.
✗ Referencing Kafka – Brilliant literary scholars love to analyze Franz Kafka, but absolute poseur morons just love to say the name out loud. All the time.
✗ Refusing to Argue – Using silence or simple world-weary dismissive phrases to shut down conversations is also a trick used by the intellectually feeble who are attempting to look smart.
– Condensed from

New terms leaking into our lingo …
• ‘Omnishambles’ – A situation or person that is a mess in every possible way. (For more info, Google ‘Republican Party’.)
• ‘Microhydro’ – The small-scale private use of flowing river water to produce up to 100 KW of electrical power. (Microhydro pioneers all say the same thing … battling against bureaucracy is the hardest part.)
• ‘Walk For’ – To be employed as a catwalk model for a particular fashion house. (“She’s walked for a lot of designers such as McQueen, Balenciaga, Chanel. She’s also walked the street.”)

Keyboards continue their slow march to domination, overthrowing pens and pencils in schools everywhere. According to a recent report, cursive handwriting has been on a slow decline since the 1970s. So while the demise of cursive handwriting is not a new story, the death knell has lately been tolling a little louder. Teens are now more likely to exercise their thumbs on their smartphones than pens on paper. School districts large and small have been phasing out lessons in how to write cursive. Keyboarding skills, however, are prominently featured in their writing standards. (Daddy, what’s a pencil?)

Your feet can get bigger with age. The average gain is about 1 shoe size by age 70 or 80.


1948 [64] Prince Charles (Philip Arthur George of Wales), London UK, heir to the British throne/married Camilla Parker Bowles since 2005/married to Lady Diana Spencer (1981-96)/father of princes William & Harry

1968 [44] Brian Yale, Woodbridge CT, alt-rock bassist (Matchbox Twenty–“Unwell”, “Bent”)  BS FACTOID: The band has announced an extensive North American tour for 2013, beginning in Tulsa OK on January 29th.

1970 [42] Brendan Benson, Royal Oak MI, rock musician-singer-songwriter (The Raconteurs-“Salute Your Solution”, “Steady As She Goes”)

1972 [40] Josh Duhamel [‘due-MEL’], Minot ND, movie actor (“Transformers” films)/TV actor (“Las Vegas” 2003-08)/wed to Black Eyed Peas singer Fergie since 2009

1975 [37] Travis Barker, Fontana CA, rock drummer (Blink 182-“Up All Night”, “I Miss You”)   COMING UP: Blink-182 is expected to release a new EP in time for Christmas, according to tweets from band members.

1977 [35] Brian Dietzen, Niwot CO, TV actor (‘Jimmy Palmer’ on “NCIS” since 2004)

1979 [33] Tobin Esperance, Vacaville CA, rock bassist (Papa Roach-“Lifeline”, “Last Resort”)

• “Educational Support Professionals Day”, the 24th annual observance honoring the school support staff who help take care of students every day. It’s a day to salute secretaries, custodians, cafeteria workers, bus drivers, etc for their contributions to school communities.

• “International Girls Day”, instigated by Kappa Delta Sorority to celebrate all kinds of girls with all kinds of interests and abilities. It’s an opportunity to build confidence in girls and help them realize their potential.

• “Leftovers Trading Day”, a day to swap everything in your refrigerator for everything in a friend’s refrigerator. A perfect day for this as it’s also “Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day”.

• “Loosen Up, Lighten Up Day”, encouraging us to take things a little slower, take a mental step back and find some balance.

• “Operating Room Nurse Day”, the highlight of “Operating Room Nurse Week”. How do you celebrate? Sutcher self.

• “Pickle Appreciation Day”, a day to gear up for some tangy, spicy and yummy fun.

• “World Diabetes Day”, recognizing what’s becoming a worldwide epidemic. Since 2000, the number of people worldwide with diabetes has more than doubled. In Canada, there are more than 2 million people with diabetes.

2002 [10] Kermit the Frog receives a star on the “Hollywood Walk of Fame”

1987 [25] A major oldies revival crests as the soundtrack of the Patrick Swayze movie “Dirty Dancing” tops “Billboard’s” album chart

1997 [15] Bee Gees’ show at the MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas rakes in a record $1.68 million … and it’s not even a sell-out

1982 [30] 1st ‘Domed Stadium’ in Canada opens (BC Place in Vancouver)

1992 [20] Danville, Virginia inventor David Bivens introduces his ‘Automatic People Wash’, a device with water sprays and spinning brushes similar to a carwash

1993 [19] Miami Dolphins’ Don Shula becomes ‘Winningest Coach in NFL History’ by beating the Philadelphia Eagles for his 325th victory (finishes career in 1995 with 347 wins and is elected to Pro Football Hall of Fame in 1997)

[Thurs] Al-Hijra (Muslim)
[Thurs] Guinness World Record Day
[Thurs] Use Less Stuff Day
[Fri] “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2” opens in movie theaters
[Sat] Unfriend Day
[Sun] “40th American Music Awards” (ABC)
This Week Is … Geography Awareness Week
This Month Is … Pomegranate Month


• How can ‘James Bond’ fight in those suits? Anyone who’s worn a suit (even a nicely fitting one) to a wedding knows that it’s difficult enough to dance with the thing on; the prospect of fighting terrorists in one seems damn near impossible.
• Does the world really need ‘latte artists’?. You’ve probably seen their work, drawing things like hearts or leaves in steamed milk. All that effort, just to be erased at first slurp.
• Why can’t we predict earthquakes? Italian courts have convicted 6 scientists and a government official of manslaughter for giving ‘incomplete, imprecise and contradictory’ information in the days leading up to an earthquake that struck in April.
• If winning isn’t important then why is it we always keep score? Yeah yeah, little Ethan is just playing peewee hockey for the experience; it doesn’t matter if he’s … a loser.
• Is ‘Fantasy Football’ only serving to prop up interest in the NFL? With seemingly endless penalty delays, replays, challenged calls, time-outs (times out?), and commercial breaks often interrupting consecutive plays, some games are sooooo dull that only involvement in some kind of betting pool serves to maintain a fan’s interest. Someone has calculated that the average NFL game now contains a scant 11 minutes of actual live action … 11 minutes!

☎ What’s the defining word for 2012?

• Chemist Charles Alderton named this product after the father of a girl he was dating.
a. Pringles Potato Chips.
b. Dr Pepper. [CORRECT. Dr Charles Kenneth Pepper to be precise.]
c. Bud Weiser.

• Norm Blot has a slack job that has become even slacker this year. What is it?
a. He’s Lindsay Lohan’s acting coach.
b. He’s a ‘Keeper Of the Cup’. [CORRECT. He’s 1-of-3 men who are in charge of guarding and maintaining the NHL’s Stanley Cup trophy wherever it goes.]
c. He’s a marijuana quality control tester in Colorado.

Hand me that crowbar … I must pry out this bullet.

Question: On average, you own THIS for 77 months before replacing it.
Answer: A pair of jeans.

Funny, when you get what you want you don’t want it as much.

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