Wednesday, November 16, 2011        Edition: #4631
Bovine Defecation That’s State-Of-the-Art!

Celeb tattoo artist Kat Von D (“LA Ink”) has accused her ex-fiancé Jesse James of cheating on her with no less than 19 other women during their relationship, explaining the reason she dumped him in September (somewhere Sandra Bullock is laughing heartily) . . . An unnamed actress has filed a million-dollar lawsuit against the Internet Movie Database under the name ‘Jane Doe’ for posting her real age – 40 – on the website, which her attorney says could cost her gigs (Winona Ryder perhaps? Shannen Doherty?) . . . Satellite radio shock-jock Howard Stern has further fueled reports he’s in talks to replace Piers Morgan on “America’s Got Talent” (NBC) by saying he loves the show and would be a ‘no-nonsense judge’ (alongside Howie Mandel and Sharon Osbourne, this could be the least likeable panel on TV!) . . . “Hollywood Reporter” has confirmed that Anna Kournikova will NOT be returning as the trainer on the next season of “The Biggest Loser” (NBC), insiders saying she clashes with staff and contestants find her ‘a bit brash’ (BS translation: She’s a witch with a ‘b’) . . . “Twilight” star Nikki Reed has recorded a song with her “American Idol” contestant-husband Paul McDonald entitled “Now That I Found You” (will likely appeal to anyone who swoons over love between a werewolf and a baby) . . . Jennifer Lopez & her ex, Marc Anthony, will both be attending the “American Music Awards” this Sunday (perfect opportunity to introduce him to her new BF?) . . . And “Mad Men” (AMC) creator Matt Weiner says he wants the show’s final season to be entertaining above all and for people to ‘remember it fondly and not think it ended in a fart’ (the season 5 non-flatulence is scheduled to begin in March).

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Pegi Young (“Foul Deeds”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Miranda Lambert (“Four the Record”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – The very busy Miranda Lambert (“Four the Record”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Trentemoller (“Reworked/Remixed”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Michael Stipe (REM).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Lykke Li (“Wounded Rhymes”).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Bret Michaels (“Custom Built”).
• “Marilyn Denis Show” (CTV/CTV2) – Keshia Chanté (“Night & Day”).
• “Tavis Smiley” (PBS) – Veteran songwriters Carole King & Louis Goffin.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Vince Gill (“Guitar Slinger”).
• “The X Factor” (FOX/CTV) – The top 10 contestants perform for the judges.

• Beastie Boys – Tonight the off-Broadway play “Gloucester Blue” debuts in NYC. It was written by Ad-Rock’s father, Israel Horovitz. Ad-Rock has reportedly scored the dark comedy, providing ‘original sound’.
• Culture Club – The 1980s hit-makers have reunited for the first time in 10 years ahead of a New Year’s Eve show in Sydney, Australia. Boy George, Roy Hay, Mikey Craig, and Jon Moss have regrouped in the studio to rehearse, write new songs, and put some new material out.
• Demi Lovato – Tonight in Detroit, Michigan she embarks on a tour to promote her new album, “Unbroken”.
• The Doors – Their 1971 “LA Woman” album will be re-issued early in 2012 as part of a 2-year campaign celebrating the band’s career. It will include a number of out-takes, bonus cover tunes, and other extras.
• Justin Bieber – The 17-year-old just dropped over $150,000 on a customized ‘Project Kahn’ Range Rover, which features a $75,000-sound system, leather interior, and special paintwork. The vehicle will be shipped from Bradford, England. He already has a Ferrari and a ‘Batman’-themed Cadillac.
• Kid Rock – Tonight in Silver Spring, Maryland he begins a club tour that raises money for charities located in each market he visits. The Kid Rock Foundation will donate to local causes and individuals. Ty Stone is the support act on all dates.
• Lady Gaga – After a long creative partnership, she’s cut ties with creative director Laurieann Gibson, who provided choreography and artistic input on such iconic videos as “Telephone”, “Alejandro”, and “Born This Way”. Richard Jackson, who was Gibson’s assistant, is now choreographing all of Gaga’s performances.
• Van Halen – They’ve signed a new all-encompassing deal with Interscope Records that includes touring, merchandising, marketing, and recording. That news comes amid rumors they’re on the verge of announcing a new album and tour for 2012.

New cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Data Furnace’ – A computer installed in a home or office to be used as both a server and the building’s primary heat source for both air and water. So far, it’s just an idea at Microsoft. (Easily imaginable if you’ve ever had a laptop char your thighs for a couple of hours.)
• ‘Ghost Bike’ – An old bicycle painted white and locked to a fence or post near the scene of an accident that has killed a cyclist. The tradition is being observed worldwide. (Unfortunately.)
• ‘No Planer’ – A conspiracy theorist who believes that no planes were involved in the 9/11 terrorist attacks. Some actually believe the TV footage of jetliners was made using holograms. (10 years after and 9/11 is still the subject of more conspiracy theories than any other event.)

Some of our favorite quotes from outspoken Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain …
• “Stupid people are ruining America!” (Cain encouraging supporters to stay informed.)
• “If Obamacare had been fully implemented when I caught cancer, I’d be dead.” (Cain on healthcare legislation.)
• “It will be a 20-foot wall, barbed wire, electrified on the top, and on this side of the fence, I’ll have that moat that President Obama talked about. And I would put alligators in that moat!” (Cain on his illegal immigration plan.)
• “America has got to learn to take a joke.” (Cain, when asked about his alligator moat.)
• “The more toppings a man has on his pizza, I believe the more manly he is.” (Cain on the studly qualities of menu selections.)
– Excerpted from


Researchers at Swansea University in Wales have discovered that measuring tiny, barely perceptible differences in the way people walk can reveal the emotions they’re feeling, whether they’re telling the truth, and even if they’re going to fall ill before they feel any symptoms. Biologist Rory Wilson has developed a device known as the ‘Daily Diary’ which records up to 100 movements per second when worn on a belt or around an ankle. (Sure sign someone’s feeling guilty … they’re running away.)
– “The Telegraph”

Nokia apparently feels the smartphones we have today aren’t rubbery or flexible enough to take us into the future, so they’ve come up with a design that could change the way we use – and touch – our phones. Their rubbery new surfboard-shaped concept phone called the ‘HumanForm’ is virtually unbreakable. Its futuristic features include gesture interaction, mood recognition, non-verbal communication, and electro-tactile ‘image feeling’. That’s right, it will allow you to feel the textures of any image it generates just by touching it. (Hmm. Will Scarlett Johansson be leaking any more photos?)


Studies at Chicago’s Smell & Taste Treatment and Research Foundation reveal that specific aromas can have specific effects on our perceptions. For instance …
• A woman who smells of a combination of cinnamon and lavender is perceived by men to be more attractive, intelligent, successful, and trustworthy.
• The scent of jasmine has been shown to increase confidence and to help reduce depression. After smelling jasmine in one experiment, female bowlers’ scores improved by 26.5%.
• Just the scent of chocolate can generate happy feelings. Since 90% of taste is actually smell, you can get the endorphin-generating effect of chocolate without even eating it.
• The fresh, sweet scent of a green apple can curb appetite. That may be because your brain is triggered by the scent to perceive that you’ve eaten it already so your appetite is reduced.
• Citrus fruit scents, such as orange or grapefruit, energize you by making you more awake and alert. Part of the reason may be an unconscious association between fruit juices and breakfast.
– Condensed from “Canadian Living Magazine”


Money can’t buy happiness, right? Wrong. Kinda. We quickly get used to having money, it turns out, and almost immediately start comparing our fancy new toys with our neighbors’. But psychologists have found a way to make money-fueled happiness last longer – buy experiences, not material goods. Seems we adapt to things we do more slowly than things we own. We’re also less likely to make social comparisons about trips, for instance, than gadgets. As a result, studies show those who make ‘experiential’ purchases are more satisfied with their lives, less anxious, less depressed, and therefore in better health. (Barbados, here we come!)


Britain’s Prince Charles now has a new title … ‘the one who makes cows cry.’ No, really. That’s his name as bestowed upon him by the African Maasai warriors of Tanzania. His official title in the tribe’s language is ‘Helper of Cows’. It’s considered a great honor, as in Maasai culture the cow is king. A village elder suggests the name that literally translates to ‘the one who makes cows cry’ is a tribute to the bovine support Charles provides. You see, the Maasai believe they own every cow in the world and are particularly impressed to hear that Charles maintains over 800 cattle on his land in the UK. (Plus he married Camilla …)


“Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3” earned $400 million in the first 24 hours of its release last Tuesday. The “Call of Duty” series has now sold more than 100 million copies since it first rolled out in 2003.


1958 [53] Marg Helgenberger, Freemont NE, TV actress (‘Catherine Willows’ on “CSI” since 2000)

1964 [47] Diana Krall, Nanaimo BC, jazz singer/pianist (“Quiet Nights”, Grammy Awards-“Live In Paris”, “When I Look In Your Eyes”)/Mrs Elvis Costello since 2003/Canada’s Walk of Fame (2004)/Order of Canada (2005)

1966 [45] Dave Kushner, LA CA, rock guitarist (Velvet Revolver-“Slither”, “Fall to Pieces”)

1974 [37] Eric Judy, Seattle WA, indie-rock bassist (Modest Mouse-“Dashboard”, “Float On”)

1977 [34] Maggie Gyllenhaal, NYC, movie actress (“Crazy Heart”, “The Dark Knight”)/older sister of actor Jake Gyllenhaal


• “Educational Support Professionals Day”, the 23rd annual observance honoring the school support staff who help take care of students every day. It’s a day to salute secretaries, custodians, cafeteria workers, bus drivers, etc for their contributions to school communities.

• “Fast Food Day”, a day when we’re encouraged to celebrate by going out to our favorite fast food joint. (Go ahead, bubble-butt, enjoy!)

• “International Button Day”, for people who collect buttons with slogans on them. Some of the most sought-after are vintage political campaign buttons. (ie: ‘Michele Bachmann for President!’)

• “International Day for Tolerance”, established by the UN in 1996 to promote the need for worldwide tolerance and understanding. (Uh, doesn’t seem to be working.)


2010 [01] Prince William & Kate Middleton announce their engagement at Clarence House in London (they wed April 29, 2011)


1981 [30] ‘Most-Watched Daytime TV Drama’ episode as ‘Luke’ marries ‘Laura’ on “General Hospital”

2001 [10] 1st ‘Harry Potter’ film, “Harry Potter & The Sorcerer’s Stone”, opens on an unprecedented 7,000-plus movie screens to a record $90 million in its first weekend (now #11 movie of all-time with $975 million in worldwide box office)


2006 [05] “Queen’s Greatest Hits” is declared ‘Most Popular Album of All-Time’ in Britain, with more than 5-and-a-half million units sold (The Beatles’ “Sgt. Pepper’s” is #2)

2006 [05] RIAA sends 417 more letters to 16 college administrators threatening mass lawsuits if music file-sharing is found on university servers


1915 [96] The contoured ‘wasp-waisted’ Coca-Cola bottle is patented (introduced in 1916, it is still the most-recognized container in the world)


[Thurs] National Unfriend Day
[Thurs] Beaujolais Nouveau Day
[Thurs] Homemade Bread Day
[Thurs] Use Less Stuff Day
[Fri] “Happy Feet Two”; “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Regis Philbin’s final show (“Live With Regis & Kelly”)
This Week Is … Hunger & Homeless Awareness Week
This Month Is … Pet Cancer Awareness Month


• You think about having him neutered and the next time you’re taking a bath, ‘Buddy’ brings you the toaster.
• You come home from work, open the door, and your cat’s already ignoring you.
• When you fake throwing the ball, your retriever fakes being fooled.
• ‘Fluffy’ times her litter-box usage so total aroma permeation occurs at exactly the same moment your date arrives at your apartment.
• ‘Spot’ is able to guess 10-times-out-of-10 that it’s Alpo for dinner.
• You say, “Time to …” and ‘Misty’ bolts upstairs under the bed before you add “clip your claws.”
• ‘Buster’ always drinks from the toilet 30 seconds before you say, “Come here and give mommy a big kiss!”
– Adapted from

Most would agree it started far too early this year. On what date do you think holiday celebration (music in stores, decorations, etc) should begin?


Which did Chris Becker of Racine, Wisconsin invent?
a. The inflatable milking stool.
b. The ‘Cheesehead’ hat. [CORRECT, beloved by Green Bay Packers fans everywhere.)
c. The half-gallon beer can.


What he lacks in intelligence, he makes up for in his stupidity.


Question: 1-in-4 married people would rather NOT do this with their spouse.
Answer: Ride in the car with them.


Money is the root of all wealth.

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