Friday, November 16, 2012        Edition: #4870

Good Morning, Sheetheads!

The 24-year-old who recently accused Kevin Clash, voice of ‘Elmo’ on “Sesame Street”, of conducting underage relations has been unveiled as one Sheldon Stephens, who’s been jailed on various charges since 2009, including reckless driving and passing a bad cheque (so he’s unreliable, but it still doesn’t say much for Clash’s taste in partners) . . . Actor Josh Duhamel (Mr Fergie) has sold a new TV drama to ABC that follows the workings of a TV soap opera, a concept developed from his real-life experience on long-running soap “All My Children” (an odd theme to pick up considering the genre has almost disappeared) . . . Brangelina reportedly recently let their brood of kids run free and throw food at a pizza parlor in his hometown of Springfield, Missouri (hey, who has time to discipline when you’re designing furniture and saving the world?) . . . Rumor has it actress-singer Selena Gomez may have dumped pop star Justin Bieber because he was ‘too needy’ (the hair alone screams ‘high maintenance’) . . . Meantime, Gomez isn’t wasting time sulking after the split, she’s just announced the release of her 4th album in March 2013 (is she gonna get all Taylor Swift with a revenge record?) . . . The staff at NBC-TV’s floundering “Today” show are reportedly ticked 54-year-old co-host Matt Lauer refuses to accept a pay cut and are therefore convinced there’ll be significant job losses to cut costs (his salary is said to be $30 million-a-year) . . . And sorta actress Lindsay Lohan has been dealt a shock after a televised paternity test has ‘proven’ long-running rumors that her dysfunctional dad Michael has another daughter, one 17-year-old Ashley Horn (oh no, there’s another wacko out there!).

• “American Music Awards” (ABC) – Sunday it’s the 40th annual edition, live from LA’s Nokia Theatre. Nicki Minaj and Rihanna lead nominations with 4 apiece, followed by Drake, Justin Bieber, Maroon 5, and One Direction with 3 each. Performers include Carrie Underwood, Christina Aguilera, Kelly Clarkson, Linkin Park, P!nk, Pitbull, PSY, and Taylor Swift.
• “America’s Next Top Model” (CW) – Tonight the 19th champion is crowned in an hour-long episode followed by a ‘lost footage’ special featuring even more drama-queen meltdowns.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Today Jason Aldean (“Night Train”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Tonight Vampire Weekend (“Contra”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight The Jezabels (“Prisoner”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Miguel (“Kaleidoscope Dream”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Tonight Divine Fits (“A Thing Called Divine Fits”).
• Port Paradise Music Festival (Bahamas) – Saturday the 5th edition of this weekend music bash features Pitbull, Flo Rida, and Far East Movement at the Atlantis in Nassau. Sunday’s line-up on Coco Cay includes Brad Paisley, All-American Rejects, and Young the Giant.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Host Jeremy Renner (“The Bourne Legacy”); musical guest Maroon 5 (“Overexposed”), appearing for the 4th time.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight The Mowgli’s (“Love’s Not Dead”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Today Susan Boyle (“Standing Ovation: The Greatest Songs From the Stage”).
• “We Will Always Love You: A Grammy Salute to Whitney Houston” (CBS) – Tonight a 1-hour music special paying tribute to the late pop diva with appearances by Britney Spears, Celine Dion, Jennifer Hudson, and Usher among others.

• Bon Jovi – Jon Bon Jovi’s oldest daughter, 19-year-old Stephanie, has been arrested at upstate New York school Hamilton College after a suspected heroin overdose. Another student, a 21-year-old male, has also been arrested on charges of drug possession.
• Chris Brown – He’s still trying to defend his terrorist Halloween costume by saying: “I was dressed as the people you kill!” (How can one argue with such eloquence?)
• Diamond Rings – Tonight in Victoria BC the Toronto glam-electro-pop star (née John O’Regan) begins a headlining club tour of Canada in support of his album “Free Dimensional”. (He’s already perfomred on both Letterman and Leno in the last couple of weeks.)
• Kelly Clarkson – She tells “In Touch” magazine, “I dream daily of a boob job; I really want one. But I would never do it … I’m a wussy girl.”
• Mumford & Sons – After their new album “Babel” has sold almost 1.1 million copies in just 6 weeks, Marcus Mumford tells MTV: “We spend our lives in a constant state of surprise at the moment.”
• Queens Of the Stone Age – Former Nine Inch Nails frontman Trent Reznor has confirmed he’s ‘helping out’ Josh Homme on 1 track for the band’s new album.
• Rihanna – She tells Ellen DeGeneres that although she’s getting more action in the bedroom than she was last time she appeared on the program, she’s NOT in a relationship. (Hear that sound? Chris Brown just smashed something.)
• Rolling Stones – Former model-actress Chrissie Shrimpton, who dated Mick Jagger in the 1960s, says she thought she’d returned all his love letters after they split but she’s recently stumbled across a hidden cache. (If one wanted to sell them off, this would be convenient timing.)
• Taylor Swift – Her new release “Red” leads the album chart again, with a 3rd week at #1 on the “Billboard 200”.
• 3 Doors Down – Saturday at Horseshoe Casino in Tunica, Mississippi they stage the 9th annual “Better Life Foundation” concert to benefit the children’s charity. The gig kicks off their co-headlining tour with Daughtry that runs through December 15th in Anaheim, California.

• “Lincoln” ( PG Biographical Drama expands wide ): Director Steven Spielberg’s portrayal of America’s 16th president zeroes in on a slice of time during the Civil War. Daniel Day-Lewis is generating Oscar buzz for his Lincoln portrayal. Co-stars Sally Field, David Strathairn. The film was screened at the White House last night.
• “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2” ( PG-13 Fantasy Adventure ): The love-torn onscreen relationship between Kristen Stewart & Robert Pattinson comes to a merciful end. Co-stars Taylor Lautner and Dakota Fanning also return for the 2nd half of the final instalment. It’s said to be the best-made of the 5 movies in the series.
• Opening in limited release: “Anna Karenina” (Drama); “Citadel” (Horror Thriller); “Price Check” (Dramedy); and “Silver Linings Playbook” (Dramedy).

• Dundee, Scotland – He’s sticking his neck out for good! A 32-year-old unemployed man has become known locally as ‘The Good Giraffe’ after performing numerous good deeds like cleaning beaches and handing out gifts to new moms … while dressed in a giraffe suit. He says he got the idea after seeing a guy in a gorilla suit in Edinburgh.
– The
• Arlington, Texas – She should have known better! A young woman is dismayed after a man approached her at a gas station with a load of ‘iPads and stuff’ and offered to sell her an $800-model for only $200. She took the deal, only to later discover that what she had purchased was not an iPad at all but a hand mirror … with a stuck-on Apple logo.
• Johannesburg, South Africa – Ouch, that’s gotta hurt! South African Police Service has arrested a 25-year-old at Tambo International Airport after a security scan of his body showed he had swallowed diamonds – 220 of them worth circa $2.3 million – in an attempt to smuggle them out of the country. The loot was recovered … um, later.

A few dos and don’ts about sharing pics of your (or other peoples’) children online …
• Always check with parents before posting a pic of their child.
• Conversely, if you don’t want photos of your children from a play date or party shared online, tell your friends at the beginning of the get-together.
• Be your own editor. Post the 1 or 2 best photos, not all 36 you took trying to get the right shot of your kid.
• Check in with your child. If she is old enough to know what the Internet is or even have her own Facebook account, ask before posting or tagging her. Mom’s idea of an adorable photo may differ from her preteen’s.
• Keep the bathtub and potty photos for you and the grandparents. Someday your child may grow up to be a judge or CEO. Besides, your friends don’t really want that level of intimacy with your children anyway.

In Japan, tech firm NEC has developed a new facial recognition system intended for retailers that determines the age and gender of shoppers and tracks how long and how often they visit a given store. The collected data can be used by a retailer to analyze trends in who exactly is visiting its stores, and what they can do to encourage repeat visits. And because the database of shoppers is stored in a cloud, it can’t be fooled by simply visiting another location on the other side of town. (Soon robbers won’t be the only ones wearing masks!)

• Tea is said to have been discovered in 2737 BC by a Chinese emperor when some tea leaves accidentally blew into a pot of boiling water.
• The first European to encounter tea was the Portuguese Jesuit Jasper de Cruz in 1560.
• Iced tea was introduced in 1904 at the World’s Fair in St Louis, Missouri.
• The tea bag was introduced in 1908 by Thomas Sullivan of New York.


1958 [54] Marg Helgenberger, Freemont NE, TV actress (‘Catherine Willows’ on “CSI” 2000-12)

1964 [48] Diana Krall, Nanaimo BC, jazz singer-pianist (“Glad Rag Doll”, “Quiet Nights”)/Mrs Elvis Costello since 2003/Canada’s Walk of Fame (2004)/Order of Canada (2005)

1966 [46] Dave Kushner, LA CA, rock guitarist (Velvet Revolver-“Slither”, “Fall to Pieces”)

1974 [38] Eric Judy, Seattle WA, indie-rock bassist (Modest Mouse-“Dashboard”, “Float On”)

1977 [35] Maggie Gyllenhaal, NYC, movie actress (“Crazy Heart”, “The Dark Knight”)/older sister of actor Jake Gyllenhaal

1988 [24] Siva Kaneswaran, Dublin, Ireland, boy-band pop singer (The Wanted-“Chasing the Sun”, “Glad You Came”)

Pop-folk singer Gordon Lightfoot (“If You Could Read My Mind”) is 74; Movie director Martin Scorsese (“The Departed”) is 70; TV-movie producer Lorne Michaels (“Saturday Night Live”) is 68; TV-movie actor Danny DeVito (“It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia”) is 68; Rock guitarist Richard Fortus (Guns N’ Roses) is 46; Canadian country singer Aaron Lines (“Cheaper to Keep Her”) is 35; Movie actress Rachel McAdams (“Midnight in Paris”) is 34; Country bassist Reid Perry (The Band Perry) is 24.

Canadian author Margaret Atwood (“The Blind Assassin”) is 73; TV actor Oscar Nunez (“The Office”) is 54; Rock guitarist Kirk Hammett (Metallica) is 50; Movie actor Owen Wilson (“Midnight in Paris”) is 44; TV-movie actress Chloe Sevigny (“Big Love”) is 38.

• “Fast Food Day”, a day when we’re encouraged to celebrate by going out to our favorite fast food joint. (Like we need an excuse.)
• “International Day for Tolerance”, established by the UN in 1996 to promote the need for worldwide tolerance and understanding. (Uh, doesn’t seem to be working.)

• “Baklava Day”, celebrating the Greek/Turkish dessert treat that’s made from phyllo pastry, honey, nuts, and other yummy ingredients. (Can we get this delivered?!?!?)
• “Elephant Round-Up” in Surin, the ‘Elephant Capital’ of Thailand, through Sunday. Events include a mock battle with over 100 elephants & costumed warlords; and special elephant competitions in strength, skill, and obedience. There’s also a 60-ton buffet … for the elephants.
• “Farm Joke Day”, a day to have a chuckle about the rural lifestyle. You can have a cow here …
• “Homemade Bread Day”, when we’re all encouraged to bake a loaf from scratch. It’s a good day to get a bun in the oven! Mmm … can you smell that? Yummers!
• “International Students’ Day”, a nonpolitical celebration of the multiculturalism of international students.
• “Leonid Meteor Shower”, an annual sky show when you can see ‘shooting stars’.
• “Unfriend Day”, begun 2 years ago when late-night talk show host Jimmy Kimmel declared this a day to get rid of our overabundance of virtual friends on Facebook.
• “Survivors of Suicide Day”, the 14th annual day of outreach to those who’ve lost a friend or family member to suicide.
• “World Prematurity Awareness Day”, to draw attention to the problems and risks related to premature babies. It’s estimated 1-in-10 babies worldwide is born prematurely.

• “Cannabis Cup” in Amsterdam, the Netherlands, where sparking up a stick is legal. The 24th annual competition through Thursday seeks the world’s top weed while participants attend seminars and ‘sample’ product.
• “Married To a Scorpio Support Day”, a day of remembrance to honor those who are married to Scorpios. (Are they that bad? Any horror stories out there?)
• “Mickey Mouse Day”, generally observed as his ‘birthday’ when he appeared in the cartoon short “Steamboat Willie” in 1928 (now making him a geezer mouse of 84!). It was the first cartoon with synchronized sound.

2001 [11] 1st ‘Harry Potter’ film, “Harry Potter & The Sorcerer’s Stone”, opens on an unprecedented 7,000-plus movie screens to a record $90 million in its first weekend (outside North America, the film is titled “Harry Potter & The Philosopher’s Stone”)

2010 [02] Prince William & Kate Middleton announce their engagement at Clarence House in London (they wed April 29, 2011)

2006 [06] “Queen’s Greatest Hits” is declared ‘Most Popular Album of All-Time’ in Britain, with more than 5-and-a-half million units sold (The Beatles’ “Sgt Pepper’s” is #2)

1915 [97] The contoured ‘wasp-waisted’ Coca-Cola bottle is patented (introduced later in 1916, it is still the most-recognized container in the world)

[Mon] Led Zeppelin’s “Celebration Day” released on DVD
[Mon] International Men’s Day
[Mon] World Toilet Day
[Tues] Coldplay’s “Live 2012” DVD release
[Tues] Name Your PC Day
[Tues] World Day of Remembrance for Road Traffic Victims
This Week Is … Hunger & Homeless Awareness Week
This Month Is … Pet Cancer Awareness Month


✓ Starts buying you birthday cards instead of drawing them
✓ You no longer find the dog wearing dresses, hats … or paint.
✓ She refuses to be seen with you at the grocery store because you embarrass her, yet she wants you to buy her something that will embarrass you.
✓ Instead of bringing home bugs, she starts bringing other things that bug you. Like boys.
✓ When she gets angry at you, instead of crying, she unfollows you on Twitter.
– “Contra Costa Times”

☎ Is texting someone else cheating on your partner?

Which are doctors in India successfully treating varicose veins with?
a. Peanut Sauce.
b. Clearasil.
c. Leeches. [CORRECT]
– “New Scientist”

I’ve discovered that a flashlight is just a case for holding dead batteries.

Question: If you’re average, you’ll have consumed 19 lbs (8.6 kg) of THIS vegetable by the end of this year.
Answer: Onions.

People seldom plan to fail, but they often fail to plan.

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