Monday, November 16, 2015        Edition: #5372

Good Morning, Sheetheads!

★ Today stage stars are bringing NYC to Washington DC. First Lady Michelle Obama has persuaded movie mogul Harvey Weinstein to mastermind the “Broadway At the White House” event, hosted by Kristin Chenoweth & Matthew Morrison (ex-“Glee”). The show features performances by the cast of “Finding Neverland”, Gloria Estevan’s stage production “On Your Feet!”, “Fun Home”, “An American in Paris”, and “School of Rock”. About 40 schoolchildren are invited to take part in a series of workshops and a Q&A session with the Broadway stars. An edited Thanksgiving TV special highlighting the event airs November 26th.
★ FOX-TV has ordered up a new live-action/animated hybrid series from the makers of “The LEGO Movie”. The network has announced Season 1 of “Son of Zorn” is set to make its debut in the 2016-17 season. The show follows animated warrior ‘Zorn’ (voiced by “Saturday Night Live” veteran Jason Sudeikis) who returns to Earth after a 10-year absence only to discover that reestablishing ties with his son and ex-wife is harder than waging war in his distant homeland. Thus ‘Zorn’ spends his days toiling in a ho-hum office job and adjusting to life in suburbia.
★ Tracy Morgan is in talks to portray outrageous late comic Redd Foxx in director Lee Daniels’ upcoming Richard Pryor biopic. The comedian, who is making a comeback following a near-death traffic accident last year, is close to signing on to play Foxx and he’s making it clear he wants the part. Foxx (who starred in the TV sitcom “Sandford & Son”) owned the comedy club where a young Pryor first performed, and served as a mentor to the young comic. Mike Epps will play Pryor; Kate Hudson has signed to portray his wife; Taraji P Henson (“Empire”) and Eddie Murphy are playing Pryor’s parents; Oprah Winfrey his grandmother.
– “Us Magazine”
★ And “Billboard” magazine has released its 1st-ever ‘Billboard 200 Albums & Artists Of All-Time List’. With 24 weeks at #1 and 78 weeks in the top 10, Adele’s album “21” is easily the top album. It’s spent over 245 weeks on the ‘Billboard 200’ since its release in March 2011. The soundtrack to “The Sound of Music”, which celebrated its 50th anniversary earlier this year, comes in 2nd, thanks to 2 weeks at #1 and a record 109 weeks in the top 10. Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” rounds out the top 3 with 37 weeks at #1 and 78 weeks in the top 10. The Beatles are the all-time top artist, with 19 #1 albums that have spent a cumulative total of 132 weeks at the top of the chart.

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Billy Gibbons (ZZ Top).
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC) – An elimination occurs after the 10th week of performances.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Justin Bieber (“Purpose”)
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Heartless Bastards (“The Mountain”).
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/M3) – Jeezy (“Church in These Streets”).
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Emily Armstrong (“Pleasure to Meet You”).
• “The Latin Explosion: A New America” (HBO) – Jennifer Lopez, Shakira, Pitbull, Gloria Estefan and a number of other stars appear in this documentary that traces the history of Latin music in the US.
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (syndicated/CTV) – Blake Shelton (“The Voice”).
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – John Pizzarelli (“Midnight McCartney”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV2) – The top 12 perform in hope of earning audience votes.

• Adele – Ahead of the recording of her new album “25” (out Friday) she came close to leaving the music biz. She tells “New York Times” she contemplated giving up on music after the huge success of her 2nd album, “21”, fearing she could never produce something equally popular.
• Don Henley – His new single, “Words Can Break Your Heart”, from his country-based album “Cass County” features Trisha Yearwood.
• Guns N’ Roses – Motley Crue rocker Nikki Sixx appears to blabbed one of the big secrets in showbiz by telling fans the original G ‘N R line-up is reuniting for a world tour. That would mean frontman Axl Rose has finally made peace with former band-mates Slash, Steven Adler, and Duff McKagan.
• Justin Bieber – His 50+ city “Purpose World Tour 2016” is set to kick off on March 9th in Seattle WA. Gigs are scheduled through July 18th at NYC’s Madison Square Garden.
• Kanye West – His coveted Yeezy Boost 350 Moonrock sneakers debuted Saturday. The 3rd iteration of his shoes in a mottled grey color dubbed ‘Agate Gray/Moonrock’ cost circa $200. Ye’s limited-edition line, a partnership with Adidas Originals, is a notoriously quick-seller.
• Kellie Pickler – She tells “Ellen DeGeneres” she has threatened to put tampons up her husband’s nose to stop him from snoring.
• One Direction – 1D Media Limited saw profits rise by 10 times last year, racking up more than $68 million pre-tax according to newly-released figures from Companies House. That means each of the 5 singers (including ex-member Zayn Malik) took home over $10 million in 2014.

Russians who use selfie sticks to take photos of themselves while traveling are being offered a self-defense course in case they get mugged. Yep, seems the act of flaunting an expensive smartphone on the end of a stick marks somebody as a tourist, turning them into a target for robbery. That’s why the M-Profi martial arts center in Moscow is offering a new program that makes use of the stick as a weapon. It calls the new martial art ‘MPD-Fight’ (Monopod Fight) and the organizers claim that it is an effective defense against practitioners of boxing, wrestling, and mixed martial arts. Best of all, it can be learned in just 5 lessons. (Hiiii yah … selfie-stick to your eyeball!)
– #NewsfromElsewhere

A timeline of movie star Jennifer Lawrence’s red carpet falls …
• November 10, 2015 @ “The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2” premiere, Madrid – She trips (twice) on a custom made Ralph Lauren dress that slyly slides under her heels as she strides down the red carpet.
• May 11, 2014 @ “X-Men: Days of Future Past” premiere, NYC – In a stunning blue velvet Jason Wu dress and a pair of killer stilettos, she manages to regain her balance when she stumbles both up and down a set of steps on the black carpet.
• March 2, 2014 @ “86th Academy Awards”, Hollywood – Her spiky heels are unforgiving as she tumbles out of a limo in a narrow-at-the-knees Christian Dior Couture gown. At least then-boyfriend Nicholas Hoult is there to pick her up.
• February 8, 2014 @ a pre-BAFTAs charity dinner, London – A pair of dangerous heels combined with a wet curb cause her to fall somewhat gracefully into the arms of an aide as she arrives outside Little House Mayfair.
• February 24, 2013 @ “85th Academy Awards”, LA – A white, strapless, voluminous Dior Couture gown defeats her as she comes clambering up the stage steps to collect her Oscar “Silver Linings Playbook”.
(Think she’s faking it to appear awkward and clumsy just like the rest of us?)
– “Contact Music”

A few dos and don’ts about sharing pics of your (or other peoples’) children online …
• Always check with parents before posting a pic of their child.
• Conversely, if you don’t want photos of your children from a play date or party shared online, tell your friends at the beginning of the get-together.
• Be your own editor. Post the 1-or-2 best photos, not all 36 you took trying to get the right shot of your kid.
• Check in with your child. If she is old enough to know what the Internet is or even have her own Facebook account, ask before posting or tagging her. Mom’s idea of an adorable photo may differ from her preteen’s.
• Keep the bathtub and potty photos for you and the grandparents. Someday your child may grow up to be a judge or CEO. Besides, your friends don’t really want that level of intimacy with your children anyway.

Eating loads of garlic makes men smell sexier. At least, that’s what a new study says. The researchers claim that the so-called ‘stinking rose’ not only adds flavor to food, but also sexual attractiveness. A joint team from the University of Stirling in Scotland and Charles University in the Czech Republic made that conclusion after asking men to eat 4 gloves of raw garlic, a smaller portion of powdered garlic, or no garlic at all … and then sweat for 12 hours. The men in the study wore pads under their armpits to collect that sweat and the pads were then given to women for the all-important sniff test. The men who had eaten the garlic were found to be more attractive, masculine, and pleasant smelling. (What’s sexier oozing out of a man’s pores … garlic or money?)
– “New York Daily News”

• Leeches have 32 brains.
• A snail has more than 25,000 teeth.
• Cockroaches can live for weeks without their heads. They eventually die of starvation.
• In the 1700s you could get free entry to London Zoo if you brought your pet to feed to the lions.


1958 [57] Marg Helgenberger, Freemont NE, TV actress (“Intelligence” 2014, “CSI” 2000-12)/movie actress (“Erin Brockovich”)

1964 [51] Diana Krall, Nanaimo BC, jazz singer-pianist (“Wallflower”, “Quiet Nights”)/Mrs Elvis Costello since 2003/Canada’s Walk of Fame (2004)/Order of Canada (2005)

1964 [51] Harry Lennix, Chicago IL, TV actor (‘Harold Cooper’ on “The Blacklist” since 2013)

1966 [49] Dave Kushner, LA CA, rock guitarist (Velvet Revolver-“Slither”, “Fall to Pieces”)

1977 [38] Maggie Gyllenhaal, NYC, movie actress (“White House Down”, “Crazy Heart”)/TV actress (“The Honourable Woman”)/older sister of actor Jake Gyllenhaal

1988 [27] Siva Kaneswaran, Dublin, Ireland, boy-band pop singer (The Wanted-“Chasing the Sun”, “Glad You Came”)

• “Fast Food Day”, a day when we’re encouraged to celebrate by going out to our favorite fast food joint. (Like we need an excuse.)

• “International Button Day”, for people who collect buttons with slogans on them. Some of the most sought-after are rare political campaign buttons. Some of our other favorites …
— “Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.”
— “I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.”
— “Don’t worry. I’ve forgotten your name, too!”

• “International Day for Tolerance”, established by the UN in 1996 to promote the need for worldwide tolerance and understanding. (Uh, doesn’t seem to be working.)

2001 [14] 1st ‘Harry Potter’ film, “Harry Potter & The Sorcerer’s Stone”, opens on an unprecedented 7,000-plus movie screens to a record $90 million in its first weekend (outside North America, the film is titled “Harry Potter & The Philosopher’s Stone”)

2010 [05] Prince William & Kate Middleton announce their engagement at Clarence House in London (they wed April 29, 2011)

2006 [09] “Queen’s Greatest Hits” is declared ‘Most Popular Album of All-Time’ in Britain, with more than 5-and-a-half million units sold (The Beatles’ “Sgt Pepper’s” is #2)

2006 [09] Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) sends letters to 16 US college administrators threatening mass lawsuits if music file-sharing is found on university servers

1915 [100] The contoured ‘wasp-waisted’ Coca-Cola bottle is patented (introduced later in 1916, it is still the most-recognized container in the world)

[Tues] Homemade Bread Day
[Tues] Entrepreneurship Day
[Tues] Unfriend Day
[Wed] Married To a Scorpio Support Day
[Wed] Apple Cider Day
[Wed] Educational Support Professionals Day

Farm-City Week / Global Entrepreneurship Week / Hunger & Homeless Awareness Week / International Fraud Awareness Week / Rodents Awareness Week


Highlight bits culled from 22 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
• You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
• You’re actually proud of your leaf-blower.
• When someone famous dies, you check their age to get an idea how long you have left.
• You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations.
• There’s nothing left to learn ‘the hard way’.
• Your joints are more accurate than the weather forecast.
• You can actually go bowling without drinking.
• That gleam in your eyes is from the Sun hitting your bifocals.
– First published in “BS” 2004.

✓ Starts buying you birthday cards instead of drawing them
✓ You no longer find the dog wearing dresses, hats … or paint.
✓ She refuses to be seen with you at the grocery store because you embarrass her, yet she wants you to buy her something that will embarrass you.
✓ Instead of bringing home bugs, she starts bringing other things that bug you. Like boys.
✓ When she gets angry at you, instead of crying, she unfollows you on Twitter.
– First published in “BS” 2012.

☎ What’s the worst home remedy for the common cold you’ve ever tried?

• According  to a poll, what’s the  best excuse for missing the deadline of a school assignment?
a. “My grandmother died.” [CORRECT. One professor says, “In my 27 years, I have never had a dead grandfather … only grandmothers.” Do not, however, use “My grandmother died again.”]
b. “The dog ate it.”
c. “I was in a car accident.”

• Cats like catnip because it smells like which of the following?
a. Cannabis.
b. Rotting fish.
c. A female cat’s urine. [CORRECT. Experts say it’s likely ‘nepeta cataria’, the herb used in catnip, probably very closely resembles the scent of urine from a dominant female. “Mommy!”]

Some days you’re the pigeon; some days you’re the statue.

Question: According to a survey, THIS is the first thing most of us think about when waking up in the morning.
Answer: Sleep.

Don’t imagine that you can change a man unless he’s in diapers.

Scott Curtis @ Life FM Adelaide, South Australia; Juan Vela @ KQTC San Angelo TX; Kristian Hoyrup @ NOVA, Copenhagen, Denmark; Rob Bennett @ Big Country 100.9 [WWBR] Big Rapids MI; Bradley Munsie @ Glencoe NSW; Randy Watson @ 92.1 FM [KCAF] Kenedy TX; and PM V Coller @ Kosmos Radio, Windhoek. Namibia.

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