Thursday, November 16, 2017 – Edition: #6099

Good Morning, Sheetheads!

★ Coldplay’s Chris Martin is about to get his ‘fill of Phil’.  Martin will guest-star on Modern Family on Nov. 29.  The episode, titled “Brushes with Celebrity,” will feature various family members telling their stories of crossing paths with famous people, and as it turns out, Ty Burrell’s character ‘Phil’ once dealt with an ‘embarrassing health issue’ while trying to sell a house to Martin.  Martin is said to play a significant role in the episode.
(Maybe Chris Martin can ‘Fix You’?)
★ Mark Hamill caused a galactic meltdown at Disneyland when he jumped onto a Starspeeder full of fans just before takeoff. ‘Luke Skywalker’ showed up to help promote all the “Star Wars: The Last Jedi” fanfare going on at the park as the movie gears up for the big premiere on Dec. 15.  Disneyland just announced this week that they will be adding “Last Jedi” scenes into the “Star Tours” ride.  In the video of Hamill’s surprise appearance, when he boards the ship, everyone goes suitably crazy.
★ Wendy Williams has a lot to celebrate…especially considering she shot her 1500th episode of the Wendy Williams show just a couple of weeks after fainting on live TV. Williams assured her fans that she’s doing just fine after collapsing on live TV during her Halloween show.  She rolled her eyes at headlines claiming that she has lost too much weight, saying, “They are so jealous. Excuse me, do I look too skinny? I weigh 145 pounds. I am sleek, lean, and living my life.”
(And usually conscious!)
★ Corey Feldman has divulged the identity of another man whom he alleges sexually molested him.  On Dr. Phil, Feldman claimed that Alphy Hoffman, the owner of a teeny bopper club frequented by child stars, as a molester.  Hoffman’s club was popular among Hollywood’s top teen stars — including Drew Barrymore, Ricky Schroder and Alyssa Milano — from 1986 to 1989. Corey Feldman and his pal Corey Haim were frequently photographed there.-MSN
★ Mindy Kaling says she is thrilled that she is leaving ‘The Mindy Project’ on her own terms. Kaling took to Twitter to pay tribute to her own show ahead of its upcoming finale on Monday night.  She also paid tribute to her collaborators on the show, crediting them with helping her to hide her real-life pregnancy from TV viewers.  The Mindy Project has aired for six seasons.
★ The Nickelodeon show that gave every ’90s kid the heebie-jeebies is officially hitting the big screen. ‘Are You Afraid of the Dark?’ is being made into a movie, and Paramount Players has hired ‘It’ writer Gary Dauberman to write the script and produce the film.  In each episode of the TV show, a group of kids who called themselves “The Midnight Society” would gather around a campfire to tell scary stories about haunted houses, creepy clowns, vampires and other spooky creatures.

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Julia Roberts, Frankie Shaw, Manchester Orchestra
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Tim McGraw, Faith Hill, Julian Edelman
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Ben Affleck, Greta Gerwig, Dead & Company
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Alex Lahey, Michel’le Baptiste
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Debra Messing, Taran Killam, Sam Rockwell, Bebe Rexha featuring Florida Georgia Line
• “Conan” (TBS/Comedy): Paul Reiser, Abbi Jacobson, JD McPherson ( R )
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Macklemore, T-Pain
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Tyler Perry, John Ridley
• “The Talk” (CBS): LL Cool J, Big Boy
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Jeremy Irons, Bellamy Young
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Julia Roberts, Jacob Tremblay, Steve Spangler

• Ed Sheeran – has responded to speculation that Taylor Swift’s new song ‘Dress’ is about him.  According to Sheeran, “if you read into it… it’s not…, because she mentions someone with a buzzcut haircut, and I’ve never had a buzzcut haircut.”  The two are known to be friends.
(Hey Ed, What about THIS line: “There is an indentation in the shape of you / Made your mark on me, a golden tattoo.”?
• Jordin Sparks – she and her boyfriend Dana Isaiah have finally confirmed that they were married in July and have also revealed that they’re pregnant.
• Shakira – has postponed the European leg of her ‘El Dorado World Tour’ after suffering a hemorrhage in her vocal cord.
• Spice Girls – were reported to be working on a deal to release a new album and star in a TV special in 2018.  But sources now say that neither Mel B (Scary) Victoria Beckham (Posh) will be involved if it happens at all.  Which would leave it as a ‘GEM’ project.
• Mel B – has settled domestic violence cases against her estranged husband and her former nanny.  A trial would have involved intimate videos of Brown being shown in court.
• Queen – guitarist Brian May was left fuming after a woman had him temporarily banned from Instagram.  His account was disabled after the user reported him for copyright violation for sharing a photo of himself performing, which she claims she took…all because he did not credit her.
• The Who – are reportedly in negotiations for an extended residency at the Colosseum Theatre at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas, where they played a series of shows earlier this year. The venue is looking for a new headliner to replace the outgoing Elton John.
• Blake Shelton – Tweeted a sad message to his late brother, Richie, who passed away 27 years ago due to a car accident.  Blake was 14 years old when his brother died, and he wrote that the event changed his life forever and made him realize that life is precious.
• Cole Swindell – will hit the road in January 2018, in support of his “Down Home Sessions IV” EP, which comes out Nov. 24.  The 2018 tour will kick off in his home state at the Georgia Theatre in Athens on Jan. 11.
• Jason Aldean – is speaking out about his memories of the horrific night of the Vegas shooting.  “When it first happened, I thought a speaker had blown…Then it stopped, so I was like, ‘They must have got it fixed,’ so I kept doing my thing.”  When the noise started back up again, Aldean says he was “getting aggravated” because he still thought what he was hearing was a broken speaker system: “And so when I turned to look, my guitar player had run behind me and was telling me to move, like ‘Let’s go!’ and my security guy was running on stage telling me to run.”

If you have an email account, someone, somewhere along the way, has tried to rip you off.  It could be a scam, a spam, a phish, or an Arabian prince trying to wire you money (I’m not falling for that one again!).  While scammers usually give up pretty quickly if you don’t respond, if you’ve ever made the mistake of responding to a scammer’s email then you know how impossible it is to get rid of them once they smell money. That’s why we need this: It is called  “Re:Scam”.  It is an artificial intelligence chatbot, and it is made to troll the scammers.  It’s a super-sophisticated email program which ‘creates’ personalities and trolls the scammers…indefinitely.  As the artificial intelligence chatbot gathers information with each email sent by the scammers, it learns more and more about each con and can provide intelligent responses to keep these scammers busy.  And they don’t have a clue that they are emailing with a chatbot.  How do you sick “Re:Scam” on them?  When you receive an email from a spammer/scammer, just forward it to and they’ll handle the rest.
(I hope this isn’t a scam!)
(Note to self: Don’t accidentally forward an email from my boss to that address!)

A city near Montreal has decided to ban all nudity…in the locker rooms of its municipal pools.  Residents of Brossard, Quebec have been advised in a newsletter that men and women are no longer allowed to walk around naked in their respective locker room and showers.  The city claims it was forced to act after being inundated with complaints about nudity in what it considers a ‘public space’.  For now, the penalty is a simple warning.  But this might be a clue as to what the city is preparing for: The new cover-up rules come as Brossard breaks ground on a new aquatic complex, one that will do away with gender-specific change areas in favor of a universal locker room. Ah. I get it.  Locker-room nudity also became an issue in nearby Montreal this past summer when signs cropped up at a pool asking swimmers to show discretion and not hang around in the buff. (Pardon the pun).
(I’m guessing “naked swim Tuesdays” is out now too?)
(Is it possible that they have overlooked one important question:  How can you change if you can’t be nude?)
(I’m not naked….I’m still wearing my bathing cap!)
(So now the correct order of operations is this: arrive, hide, change, shower, swim, shower, hide, change, leave.  Have I got it all?)

When you sit down to a meal, do you savor each and every bite?  Or do barely even take the time to sit down?  A new study says that you should take the time to slow down and enjoy each mouthful.  The time just might be returned to you later.  Leisurely mealtimes might be the secret to a healthy heart and a slimmer waistline, according to research by Japanese scientists.  They found that people who eat slowly and mindfully are less likely to pile on the pounds or develop metabolic syndrome – which is the name for a number of dangerous health problems like as high blood pressure, diabetes and obesity, all of which can damage the heart. Fast eaters who gobbled down their food were five times more likely to develop symptoms which raised their risk of a heart attack, diabetes and stroke. The faster eaters were also more than three times more likely to be overweight.  Scientists believe that eating too quickly prevents the brain from noticing when the body has taken in too many calories.
(Do I eat fast? Depends what I’m eating…or who I’m eating with!)
(I learned to eat quickly in college.  I had 4 roommates and very little food!)

Recent studies show that walking 15 minutes each day could add 7 years to your life.  Here’s how:
➠ Your blood pressure and risk of heart attack drop.
➠ It improves cognitive performance and improves mood. (Unless it is raining!)
➠ It Helps Enhance Mobility and Decrease Pain
➠ It Helps Lessen Your Cancer Risk.  (Unless you smoke while you walk!)
➠ It Helps Control or Prevent Diabetes
➠ Abdominal muscles tighten.
➠ Knee joints tend to remain healthier.
➠ Risk of blood clots in legs drops.
➠ Your feet reduce the load on other joints.  (Of course they do…you are walking!)
(Wow!  Imagine what TWENTY minutes per day would do!  Naw, that’s crazy talk!)


1958 [59] Marg Helgenberger, Freemont NE, TV actress (“Intelligence” 2014, “CSI” 2000-15)/movie actress (“Mr. Brooks”)

1964 [53] Diana Krall, Nanaimo BC, jazz singer-pianist (‘The Look of Love’)/Mrs Elvis Costello since 2003/Canada’s Walk of Fame (2004)/Order of Canada (2005)

1964 [53] Harry Lennix, Chicago IL, TV actor (‘Harold Cooper’ on “The Blacklist” since 2013)

1966 [51] Dave Kushner, LA CA, rock guitarist (Velvet Revolver-‘Slither’, ‘Fall to Pieces’)

1967 [50] Lisa Bonet, San Francisco CA, TV actress (“Ray Donovan” 2016, “The Cosby Show” 1984-91)/Mrs Jason Momoa

1977 [40] Maggie Gyllenhaal, NYC, movie actress (“The Dark Knight”, “White House Down”)/older sister of actor Jake Gyllenhaal. COMING UP… The Kindergarten Teacher, 2018

1993 [24] Pete Davidson, Staten Island NY, comedian (“Saturday Night Live” since 2014)

• “Fast Food Day”, a day when we’re encouraged to celebrate by going out to our favorite fast food joint. (Like we need an excuse.)

• “International Button Day”, for people who collect buttons with slogans on them. Some of the most sought-after are rare political campaign buttons. Some of our other favorites …
– “Knitting.  Cheaper Than Therapy … and You Get Sweaters!”
– “Mothers of Boys Work From Son Up to Son Down”
– “When Life Gives You a Lime, Look for Tequila!”
– “How’s Your Aspen?”
– “Beer!”

• “International Day for Tolerance”, established by the UN in 1996 to promote the need for worldwide tolerance and understanding. (Uh, doesn’t seem to be working.)

• “Lung Cancer Awareness Day”, also known as the ‘Great American Smokeout’.  The objective is to challenge smokers to quit smoking for the day, or use the day to make a plan to quit.

• “Use Less Stuff Day”, an annual reminder to ‘Reduce’, the first ‘R’ in the ‘waste hierarchy’; the 3Rs of environmentalism being ‘Reduce, Reuse, Recycle’.

[Fri] Homemade Bread Day
[Fri] World Peace Day
[Sat] Mickey Mouse Day
[Sat] National Adoption Day

2001 [16] 1st ‘Harry Potter’ film, “Harry Potter & The Sorcerer’s Stone”, opens in an unprecedented 7,000-plus movie screens (outside North America, the film is titled “Harry Potter & The Philosopher’s Stone”)

2010 [07] Prince William & Kate Middleton announce their engagement at Clarence House in London (they wed April 29, 2011)

2005 [12] “I Walk the Line: A Night for Johnny Cash” airs on CBS-TV, with U2, Kris Kristofferson, Jerry Lee Lewis and others paying tribute to the late country star

2006 [11] “Queen’s Greatest Hits” is declared ‘Most Popular Album of All-Time’ in Britain, with more than 5-and-a-half million units sold (The Beatles’ “Sgt Pepper” is #2)

2014 [03] U2’s Bono is involved in a “high energy bicycle accident” in NYC’s Central Park and is rushed to hospital where he undergoes 5 hours of surgery (a planned week-long residency on “The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” is postponed)

2010 [07] The Beatles’ back catalogue is finally made available on iTunes, after years of negotiations (Steve Jobs says it had been “a long and winding road”)


✓ Fishing is the sport with the most participants worldwide.
✓ Football (soccer) is the most popular spectator sport.
✓ Golf the only sport ever played on the moon – on February 6, 1971 Alan Shepard hit a golf ball.
✓ The first instance of global electronic communications took place in 1871 when news of the Derby winner was telegraphed from London to Calcutta in under 5 minutes.
✓ The largest TV audiences are drawn by (in order): the summer Olympics, World Cup Football and Formula One racing.
✓Gymnasiums were introduced in 900BC.  Greek athletes practised in the nude to the accompaniment of music. They also performed naked at the Olympic Games.

• “At what point in facial hair growth have I crossed the line into ‘pornstache’?”
• “Just how much liquor is considered ‘drinking on the job’?”
• “Can you show me on this doll where HR would allow me to do massages?”
• “Can we swap shoes? I think I hear the cops.”
• “Do you want to wear my ski mask for a little bit?”
• “For insurance purposes, which of us do you think will be the first to catch fire?”
• “How much wood would a blah blahdy blah woodchuck you know the drill. Question mark?”
• “What’s the capital of Paraguay?”
– Thanks to Matt Larsen

☎ Instagram before eggs?  What is the first app you open in the morning?

Always give 110% . . . except when donating blood.

Question:  When first meeting someone, about 40% of people admit they instantly form a negative opinion if the person has this.  What is it?
Answer:  Sweat stains

Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens.

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