Wednesday, November 17, 2010              Edition: #4387
Avoid Sheet Fits – Don’t Forget to Renew Your Subscription!

TV star Jane Lynch tells “Hollywood Reporter” her upcoming wedding on “Glee” (FOX) will feature a ‘tracksuit wedding gown’, but she won’t reveal who her character ‘Sue Sylvester’ will be marrying (we’re betting it’s – herself) . . . Meantime, “Glee’s” Cory Monteith & Lea Michele are on the cover of the new “Teen Vogue” magazine (but this time she kept her clothes on) . . . NBC-TV has just revealed a bunch of changes to their schedule, including moving “30 Rock” to 10 pm (a sign the show has peaked?) . . . Angelina Pivarnick from “Jersey Shore” (MTV) tells TMZ she’s been bitten by a spider, causing her face to swell up to a huge size (apparently the creepy crawler got ‘Snooki’ in the butt) . . . The first episode of Sarah Palin’s 8-part TV series “Sarah Palin’s Alaska” delivered a whopping 5 million viewers Sunday night, making it the most-watched program launch in TLC history (the show’s sort of a documentary-travelogue-reality show-biopic-2012 presidential campaign ad) . . . And “GQ” magazine has named 26-year-old actress Scarlett Johansson its ‘Babe Of the Year’, say she remains ‘fresh-faced, curious, trying on new moods and outlets of expression as easily as she changes her hair color’ (another reason to be green with envy for her hubby Ryan Reynolds).

• “America’s Next Top Model” (CW) – The final four meet “Vogue Italia” editor Franca Sozzani.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Kid Rock (“Born Free”).
• “Daily Show With Jon Stewart” (Comedy Central/CTV) – Jay-Z (“Decoded”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – P!nk (“Greatest Hits …So Far!!!”).
• “Good Morning America” (ABC) – Rihanna (“Loud”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Nelly (“5.0”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – k-os (“Yes!”); Broken Bells (“Broken Bells”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Rascal Flatts (“Nothing Like This”), who are on the cover of the November 22nd issue of “Country Weekly” magazine.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni) – Ne-Yo (“Libra Scale”, out November 22nd).
• “Today” (NBC) – Keith Urban (“Get Closer”), who used country legend Waylon Jennings’ Fender Telecaster guitar when creating the track “Georgia Woods”.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Christina Aguilera (“Burlesque”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Ludacris (“Battle Of the Sexes”).

• Britney Spears – Her parents Lynne & Jamie Spears are reconciling 8 years after their divorce.
A source tells “People” they’re not remarried but back together, happy, and doing well.
• Faith Hill – She’s introduced the new fragrance ‘Faith Hill True’ from Coty, which she describes to “People” as ‘clean and fresh’. Her original scent, ‘Faith Hill Parfums’, was launched last year.
• Kanye West – “Playgirl” magazine is offering $100,000 for any of the hunks from “Glee” to pose au naturel, but turned down Kanye’s infamous texted pics of his privates.
• Lady Antebellum – Charles Kelley & Dave Haywood have been honored in their hometown of Augusta GA with a downtown street being re-named ‘Lady Antebellum Way’.
• Lil Wayne – He’s wasted no time getting back on-the-job since being released from NYC’s Rikers Island prison. Word has it he’s already cranked out his first track.
• Rihanna – has posted a delightful photo her posing with some adorable young NYC kids while she was wandering the streets recently. Only prob is, she should have taken off her necklace before the snap because it features a dangling slogan that says …  ‘F— You’.
• Taylor Swift – London’s “The Sun” claims actor Jake Gyllenhaal spent circa $150,000 to fly her to Britain on a private jet so they could spend the weekend in his London hotel suite at The Dorchester. The tabloid calls the meetup ‘one of the most expensive booty calls ever’. (It’d be a really juicy story except … she was in London for BBC Radio 1’s “Teen Awards 2010”.)

• In 2006, Alitalia Airlines mistakenly advertised a Toronto-to-Cyprus fare on its website for $39 … in business class! It was supposed to read $3,900. After 2,000 customers snapped up the offer, the goof-up ended up costing the airline an estimated $7 million-plus.
• In 1962, A&R executives at Decca Records invited a new band to audition in the company’s London office on New Year’s Day 1962. But the young musicians were rejected and told: “Groups are out; 4-piece groups with guitars particularly are finished.” The group? The Beatles.
• In 1985, Coca-Cola decided to replace its flagship soft drink with a sweeter formulation tagged the ‘New Coke’. Within 3 months over 400,000 consumer complaints were received, so many that the company admitted the idea was a disaster and returned to the tried-and-true formula.
• In 1958, Ford Motor Co introduced its new ‘Edsel’ model, named after the son of Henry Ford. Despite massive hype, it proved to be one of the biggest-ever bungles in the auto biz. Production ceased in November 1959 after Ford had blown $350 million (in 1950s dollars).
• In 1984, Bill Cosby gave ABC first shot at a sitcom he’d created but the network turned him down, saying viewers would find “The Cosby Show” unrealistic due to its portrayal of an upscale black family. So Cosby took the idea to NBC, where it lifted the last-place network into 1st place.
– Condensed from

According to a new survey by the American Psychological Association, nearly 70% of parents say their stress is having ‘little’ or ‘no impact’ on their children. However, the same survey finds that 91% of children say they know when their parents are stressed because they see them yelling, arguing and complaining, or because their parents never have enough time to spend with them. As a result, researchers say, a large minority of kids feel sad, worried and frustrated. (There ought to be a job application for parenting.)
– “Wall Street Journal”

New cutting-edge jargon …
• ‘Laptop Zombies’ – People at a coffee shop or similar establishment that offers Wi-Fi who are oblivious to everyone and everything except the screen in front of them.
• ‘Par-Don’ – A person who splits his or her time between Paris and London. Figures show the number of people adopting this sophisticated lifestyle increased 17% this year over last.
• ‘STBXH’ – An acronym for ‘Soon To Be Ex-Husband’, used in coded texts between girlfriends.

According to a new University of California at San Francisco study, the more time NBA players spend touching each other (slapping backs, bumping chests, exchanging high fives), the more successful they are, both as individuals and as a team. Researchers say the finding suggests that touch communicates co-operation and trust between people. (Not to put a damper on your theory but wouldn’t it be the other way around – they’re ‘touching’ [aka celebrating] because they keep scoring … and therefore winning?)

• You Can’t Eat Pasta On a Diet: The key is monitoring portion size and choosing a healthy sauce, ie: tomato-based marinara rather than a creamy alfredo.
• Popcorn Is Junk Food: As a source of fiber and antioxidants, it can actually be a healthy snack. Use an old fashioned air-popper and spritz with olive oil instead of slathering on butter.
• You Can’t Go Wrong With Salad: Fast-food restaurant salads can contain the same calories, fat, and sodium as a burger & fries. Best bet is make your own at home so you know what’s in it.
• Eggs Will Raise Your Cholesterol – They’re filled with useful nutrients that offset their often-exaggerated cholesterol content, including unsaturated fat, B vitamins, and minerals.
• Frozen Fruit Isn’t as Healthy as Fresh: Flash-freezing  fresh-picked produce preserves its vitamin & mineral content. By contrast, ‘fresh’ produce takes several days to arrive in stores.
– Condensed from

Scientists in Taiwan have discovered that placing gold nano-particles in plants makes them glow, which could turn them into an effective form of nighttime illumination. Experiments show that implanting the nanoparticles into plant leaves induces the chlorophyll in the leaves to produce a red emission. It’s thought that, in the future, this ‘bio-LED’ effect could be used to make roadside trees luminescent at night. (And just maybe … eco-friendly holiday decorations in your front yard!)
– “Popular Science”

It’s said the average person uses a vocabulary of only about 60 words in various combinations to make it through the day. Why not spice up yours with some of these defunct ringers?
• ‘Brabble’ – To quarrel about trifles. (“Stop that ridiculous brabble and do something useful!”)
• ‘Deliciate’ – To luxuriate or throughly enjoy. (“After dinner, we deliciated in warm pecan pie.”)
• ‘Freck’ – To move swiftly or nimbly. (“I hate it when I’m frecking through the airport and other people are going so slow.”)
• ‘Jargogle’ – To confuse or jumble. (“Seriously, I don’t need you to further jargogle my brain.”)
• ‘Jollux’ – A fat person. (“The Patriots’ nose guard is very effective even though he’s a bit of a jollux.”)
• “Kench” – To laugh loudly. (“She was embarrassed after kenching at a text message in class.”)
• ‘Ludibrious’ – Apt to be the subject of mockery. (“Hard not to poke fun, Jessica Simpson’s just so ludibrious.”)
• ‘Sanguinolency’ – Addiction to bloodshed. (“Alarmists warn that spending 6 hours a day playing ‘Black Ops’ can foster sanguinolency.”)
– Adapted from

• The first diet soft drink, called the ‘No-Cal Beverage’, was launched in 1952.
• Aluminum soft drink cans were introduced in 1957
• Plastic bottles were first used for soft drinks in 1970.
• The ‘stay-on’ soft drink can tab was invented in 1974.


1938 [72] Gordon Lightfoot, Orillia ON, Canadian icon/pop/folk singer (“Wreck Of the Edmund Fitzgerald”, “If You Could Read My Mind”)/Canadian Music Hall of Fame (1986)/Canada’s Walk Of Fame (1998)/CCMA Hall Of Fame (2001)/Canadian Songwriters Hall of Fame (2003)/Companion of the Order of Canada (2003)

1942 [68] Martin Scorsese, Queens NY, movie director (“Shutter Island”, “GoodFellas”)/2007 Academy Award for ‘Best Director’ (“The Departed”)

1944 [66] Danny DeVito, Asbury Park NJ, 5′-1” TV actor (‘Frank Reynolds’ on “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” since 2006, “Taxi” 1978-83)/movie actor (“Get Shorty”, “Batman Returns”)/movie producer (“Erin Brockovich”, “Pulp Fiction”)

1944 [66] Lorne Michaels (Lipowitz), Toronto ON, TV producer (“Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” since 2009, “30 Rock” since 2006, “Saturday Night Live” since 1975, “The Kids in the Hall” 1989)/movie producer (“MacGruber”, “Baby Mama”)/Canada’s Walk of Fame (2003)

1966 [44] Richard Fortus, St Louis MO, rock guitarist (Guns N’ Roses-“Chinese Democracy”)

1977 [33] Aaron Lines, Fort McMurray AB, country singer (“Cheaper to Keep Her”, “You Can’t Hide Beautiful”)

1978 [32] Rachel McAdams, London ON, movie actress (“Sherlock Holmes”, “The Notebook”)  UP NEXT: Woody Allen’s “Midnight in Paris” (May); Guy Ritchie’s sequel “Sherlock Holmes 2” (2011).

• “Baklava Day”, celebrating the Greek/Turkish dessert treat that’s made from phyllo pastry, honey, nuts and other yummy ingredients. (Can we get this delivered?!?!?)

• “Educational Support Professionals Day”, created in 1987 to honor the contributions of school support staff who take care of students every day. It’s a day to salute secretaries, custodians, cafeteria workers, bus drivers, etc for their contributions to school communities.

• “Farm Joke Day”, a day to have a chuckle about the rural lifestyle. You can have a cow here …

• “Homemade Bread Day”, when we’re all encouraged to bake a loaf from scratch. It’s a good day to get a bun in the oven!

• “International Students’ Day”, an annual international observance saluting student activism.

• “Leonid Meteor Shower”, an annual sky show when you can see ‘shooting stars’.

• “Take A Hike Day”, which is either a day to enjoy the outdoors or to get out of someone’s face.

2000 [10] “How The Grinch Stole Christmas”, starring Jim Carrey, opens in movie theaters

2003 [07] Arnold Schwarzenegger is sworn in as the 38th Governor of California (he’ll be sworn out in January after serving out the term limit)

2006 [04] Sony’s ‘PlayStation 3′ game console makes its North American debut

1958 [52] 13-year-old Brenda Lee releases “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree”, which goes on to become a holiday season classic

2002 [08] Michael Jackson briefly dangles baby son Prince Michael II (aka ‘Blanket’) over a Berlin, Germany hotel balcony for fans waiting outside (the world quivers)

2003 [07] Two weeks before her 22nd birthday, Britney Spears becomes the youngest singer to ever get a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame

[Thurs] Beaujolais Nouveau Day
[Thurs] Guinness World Record Day
[Thurs] Married To a Scorpio Support Day
[Thurs] Use Less Stuff Day
[Fri] Have a Bad Day Day
[Fri] World Toilet Day
This Week Is … Culinary Week
This Month Is … Healthy Skin Month


• Spiders will always be able to run around the bathtub faster than you.
• Whenever you leave a bath to run by itself, the plug will jump out when you leave the bathroom and you will return to an empty bath … just as the hot water runs out.
• If you run a bath too hot, you will not realize this until you sit down and burn your hiney.
• It is physically impossible to turn a tap on or off with your foot.
• Whenever you lie back in the bath, your right foot will slip forward until it is positioned exactly beneath the dripping tap.
• The odd flannel you use to wash yourself will prove not to be flannel at all, but a sock which has fallen from above.
• The dirt you wash off yourself will gather on the surface of the water and then re-attach itself to you as you rise to leave.
• The lost bar of soap will ALWAYS become unreachable behind you.
• However briskly you dry yourself, you will still be wet when you put your clothes on.

Nobody goes there anymore … it’s too crowded.

According to a study by Southwest Institute in Phoenix AZ, you are most likely to adhere to your fitness regime if you exercise at which time of the day?
a. Morning. [CORRECT. Some 75% of morning exercisers are still likely to be exercising a year later, compared to 50% of mid-day movers, and only 25% of those who workout in the evening.]
b. Mid-day.
c. Evening.

• A little bird tells us Bell Canada is killing off ‘Emily’, the computer-generated automaton who’s been answering its customer service lines since 2003. It could happen as soon as today. Will you miss her? (We heard you say ‘yes’. If ‘yes’ was your answer, say ‘yes’.)
• The USA has 5% of the world’s population but 70% of the world’s lawyers. Instead of attorneys, what profession could America use more of?

Today’s Question: A woman’s heart slows down when she hears THIS, while a man’s heart speeds up.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: An apology.

When you kill time you murder success.

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