Thursday, November 17, 2011              Edition: #4632
Avoid Sheet Fits – Don’t Forget to Renew Your Subscription!

Last night, 70-year-old 1950s-60s pop star-turned-Vegas entertainer Paul Anka returned to Warsaw, Poland to play a show he cancelled due to the assassination of US president John F Kennedy 48 years ago (did they honor original tickets?) . . . This week 25-year-old former “Transformers” actress Megan Fox was among the famous faces taking part in the annual Broadway charity project “The 24 Hour Plays”, in which a group of actors, writers, and directors have 24 hours to come up with a script before performing it onstage (Quote: “I wouldn’t survive an entire run of a play – it’s frightening!”) . . . 38-year-old movie star Aishwarya Rai (“The Pink Panther 2”) has become a first-time mom, giving birth to a baby girl in Mumbai, according to an excited tweet from her 35-year-old Bollywood star-husband Abhishek Bachchan (India’s ‘royal family’ just got bigger) . . . British bookmaker Paddy Power has ranked George Clooney the favorite to win the ‘Best Actor’ Oscar for his turn in “The Descendants” (premiered Tuesday), followed by Leonardo DiCaprio for his role in Clint Eastwood’s flick “J Edgar” (we like a dark horse named Gosling) . . . DiCaprio’s former girlfriend, Bar Refaeli, will model her own innerwear line when it launches in January; it includes undershirts, tights, and camisoles created for her new brand Undeez (when did ‘underwear’ become ‘innerwear’?) . . . Michael Jackson’s mother Katherine is ‘extremely displeased’ that crew members who worked the “Michael Forever” tribute concert last month in Cardiff, Wales have not been paid by promoter Global Live (it was flimsy from the start and the fiasco continues) . . . And late-night TV host Chelsea Handler has handed out $1,000-bonuses to all 138 employees who work on her show after signing a new 2-year, $25-million deal to continue “Chelsea Lately” on E! network (that’s only 0.5%, ya cheapo!).


• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Selena Gomez & The Scene (“When the Sun Goes Down”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Vince Gill (“Guitar Slinger”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – We Were Promised Jetpacks (“In The Pit Of the Stomach”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Black Dub (“Black Dub”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Dierks Bentley performs “Home”.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – John Fogerty (tonight & tomorrow his live shows at NYC’s Beacon Theatre have the unwieldy title “Looking Out My Back Door: John Fogerty Performs Live! The Albums of Creedence Clearwater Revival”).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Josh Groban (“Illuminations”).
• “Marilyn Denis Show” (CTV/CTV2) – Classic rocker Randy Bachman performs an acoustic version of “You Ain’t Seen Nothin’ Yet”.
• “Tavis Smiley” (PBS) – Reggae legend Jimmy Cliff.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Gym Class Heroes (“Papercut Chronicles II”).
• “20/20” (ABC) – Katie Couric interviews Regis Philbin on the eve of his final show before retirement.
• “The X Factor” (FOX/CTV) – Rihanna (“Talk That Talk”, out Friday) performs; 1 contestant is eliminated.


• Adele – She’s responded on her website to well-wishers since going under the knife for an operation on her throat. Quote: “I’m doing really well, on the mend, super happy, relaxed and very positive with it all.”
• Blake Shelton – Today he headlines the Coca-Cola Racing Family Concert at the Homestead-Miami Speedway in Florida. Hunter Hayes is the featured guest. The free concert helps kick-off the “NASCAR Champion Drive” event.
• Heavy D – Tomorrow in NYC the rapper will be laid to rest in a private funeral for friends & family. Today there’s a public viewing for fans to pay their respects. An autopsy has proven inconclusive and it could take several weeks to determine a cause of death for the 44-year-old.
• John Lennon – A placard he made during his 1969 ‘bed-in’ peace protest with Yoko Ono in Montréal has pulled in over $155,000 at an auction in London. The sign, which reads ‘Bed Peace’, was sold by Christie’s auction house to an anonymous phone bidder.
• Justin Bieber – Mariah Yeater has quietly dropped her lawsuit alleging that he fathered her 4-month old son. One reason may be that her lawyers stopped representing her after Bieber’s attorney warned both she and her legal representatives would be sued for making false claims.
• Kelly Clarkson – Tonight she’s the acoustic performer on “Unplugged” at The show, featuring material from her new album “Stronger” as well as past favorites, airs on VH1 TV tomorrow night. She’s the first “American Idol” winner to ever perform on the show.
• Michael Jackson – His actual deathbed has been pulled from the December 17th auction of effects from the Holmby Hills, California home he was renting when he died. Jackson’s estate has stepped in and asked Julien’s Auctions to remove the item, which had a pre-sale estimated value of $3,000-to-$5,000.
• Rihanna – She’s being criticized by anti-smoking campaigners for lighting up a cigarette in her latest music video, “We Found Love”.
• Trace Adkins – He’s spent the past few weeks judging an advertising jingle contest for Waggin’ Train dog treats, and recently stepped into the studio to record the winner … “Headin’ Out to Tasty Town”.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Akira” – “Twilight Saga” star Kristen Stewart has been approached to take on the role of ‘Kei’, the love interest of biker-gang teen ‘Kaneda’, in a new $300-million, live-action adaptation of the iconic Japanese magna comic. The original story was set in post-nuclear-war Tokyo in the year 2019, but the movie is expected to take place in NYC. It’s scheduled to start shooting in March.
• “Doctor Who” – “Harry Potter” director David Yates and the BBC have plans to create a bigscreen version of the long-running British sci-fi show about a time-traveling humanoid alien. Yates says they’re looking at writers now, but it could take 2-to-3 years to get the project right. The original TV show ran from 1963-89 before being re-booted in 2005.
• “A Glimpse Into the Mind of Charles Swan III” – Bill Murray starred in Sofia Coppola’s 2003 movie “Lost in Translation” and now he’s teaming up with another one of filmmaker Francis Ford Coppola’s talented offspring. Roman Coppola’s dark comedy is about a depressed graphic designer. Charlie Sheen and Patricia Arquette will also appear in the 2012 film.
• ‘Michael Jackson Biopic’ – The late King of Pop’s life could be turned into a movie as early discussions between his estate and interested parties are underway. Estate executor John Branca has had discussions with “Ghostbusters” director Ivan Reitman and “Up In the Air” producer Tom Pollock regarding the possibility. The talks are said to be ‘in the early stages’.
• “The President Stole My Girlfriend” – British comedian Russell Brand will produce and star in this forthcoming comedy as a ‘sexy hippie’. Brand says the storyline is inspired  by the night he naively invited the president of Warner Bros Studios for dinner when he was still a newcomer in Hollywood.


Real turkeys are making a comeback! For a half-century, nearly every turkey farm in America was raising a breed called ‘Broad Breasted White’, a cost-efficient, overweight bird that can neither fly nor reproduce without artificial insemination, and has a lifespan of just 18 weeks. In fact, a 1997 turkey census found there were only 1,300 turkeys not bred for industrial purposes in the entire country. But here’s the good news – there’s since been a surge in raising ‘heritage breed turkeys’, 8 different varieties descended from the original wild bird indigenous to North America. Heritage birds can still mate naturally, have a long outdoor lifespan, and a slow growth rate. (We also hear they taste the way turkey did … before they bred all the turkey out of it.)

A few recent studies we may not have actually needed …
• Watching Too Much TV & Not Exercising Can Lead to Depression – A Harvard University study of 50,000 women finds those who exercise 90 minutes a day are 20% less likely to suffer from depression. And those who watch 3 hours or more of TV per day are 13% more likely.
• Most Smokers Want to Quit But Can’t – A new Centers for Disease Control study finds that fully 68.8% of current smokers say they want to quit, and 52.4% have unsuccessfully tried to in the past year.
• Beautiful People Make More Money – According to the new book “Beauty Pays” by economics professor Daniel Hamermesh, beautiful people earn more money (by 3-to-4%), are likely to be happier than average people, and tend to marry good-looking, highly educated spouses.
– Condensed from

• The first toilet cubicle in a row is the least used … and consequently the cleanest.
– “Aftermath”
• 38% of divorcing couples are unable to agree on who gets custody of the family pet. Judges award the beast to the woman in 81% of these cases.
– “What Do Dogs Know?”


1938 [73] Gordon Lightfoot, Orillia ON, Canadian icon/pop/folk singer (“Wreck Of the Edmund Fitzgerald”, “If You Could Read My Mind”)/Canadian Music Hall of Fame (1986)/Canada’s Walk Of Fame (1998)/CCMA Hall Of Fame (2001)/Canadian Songwriters Hall of Fame (2003)/Order of Canada (2003)

1942 [69] Martin Scorsese, Queens NY, movie director (“Shutter Island”, “GoodFellas”)/2007 Academy Award (“The Departed”)/TV producer (“Boardwalk Empire”)  BS FACTOID: Tonight he’s a guest on “The Daily Show With Jon Stewart” (Comedy Central).

1944 [67] Danny DeVito, Asbury Park NJ, 5’-1” TV actor (‘Frank Reynolds’ on “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” since 2006, “Taxi” 1978-83)/movie actor (“Get Shorty”, “Batman Returns”)/movie producer (“Erin Brockovich”, “Pulp Fiction”)  BS FACTOID: He was once a licensed beautician whose hairstyling specialty was the ‘beehive’.

1944 [67] Lorne Michaels (Lipowitz), Toronto ON, TV producer (“Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” since 2009, “30 Rock” since 2006, “Saturday Night Live” since 1975, “The Kids in the Hall” 1989)/movie producer (“MacGruber”, “Baby Mama”)/Canada’s Walk of Fame (2003)

1966 [45] Richard Fortus, St Louis MO, rock guitarist (Guns N’ Roses-“Better”, “Chinese Democracy”)

1977 [34] Aaron Lines, Fort McMurray AB, country singer (“Cheaper to Keep Her”, “You Can’t Hide Beautiful”)

1978 [33] Rachel McAdams, London ON, movie actress (“Midnight in Paris”, “Wedding Crashers”)  COMING UP: Guy Ritchie’s sequel “Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows”, opening December 16th.

• “Baklava Day”, celebrating the Greek/Turkish dessert treat that’s made from phyllo pastry, honey, nuts and other yummy ingredients. (Can we get this delivered?!?!?)

• “Beaujolais Nouveau Day”, observed on the 3rd Thursday in November, it’s the annual limited release of young Burgundy wines from France as a preview of the year’s grape crop. More than 20 million bottles were trucked to French airports on the weekend, destined for wine enthusiasts in the US, Canada, and Japan.

• “Farm Joke Day”, a day to have a chuckle about the rural lifestyle. You can have a cow here …

• “Guinness World Record Day”, the annual day to celebrate record-setting and record-breaking around-the-globe. More than 300,000 people took part in last year’s event, with hundreds of records being broken. Some of today’s planned stunts …
– ‘Largest-Ever Gathering of Leprechauns’ (Dublin, Ireland)
– ‘Largest Human Star’ (Toronto ON, Canada)
– ‘Largest Gathering of ABBA Impersonators’ (Kew, Australia)
– ‘Longest Chocolate Bar’ (Milan, Italy)
– ‘Largest Hula Hoop Workout’ (New Port Richey FL, USA).
– ‘Most People In a Single Pair of Underpants’ (London, England)

• “Homemade Bread Day”, when we’re all encouraged to bake a loaf from scratch. It’s a good day to get a bun in the oven! Mmm … can you smell that? Yummers!

• “Leonid Meteor Shower”, an annual sky show when you can see ‘shooting stars’.

• “Use Less Stuff Day”, an annual reminder to ‘Reduce’, the first ‘R’ in the ‘waste hierarchy’; the 3Rs of environmentalism being ‘Reduce, Reuse, Recycle’.

2010 [01] On his late-night ABC-TV talk show, Jimmy Kimmel declares “National Unfriend Day”, a day to get rid of our overabundance of virtual friends on Facebook (in honor of the occasion, Brad Paisley & Darius Rucker sing “To All the Friends I’ve Un’ed Before”)

2002 [09] Michael Jackson briefly dangles baby son Prince Michael II (aka ‘Blanket’) over a Berlin, Germany hotel balcony for fans waiting outside (the world quivers)


2006 [05] Sony’s ‘PlayStation 3’ game console makes its North American debut

2003 [08] Two weeks before her 22nd birthday, Britney Spears becomes the youngest singer to ever get a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame

[Fri] “Happy Feet Two”; “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Regis Philbin’s final show (“Live With Regis & Kelly”)
[Fri] Married to a Scorpio Support Day
[Fri] Transgender Day of Remembrance
[Sun] “2011 American Music Awards” (ABC)
[Sun] Name Your PC Day
[Sun] World Day of Remembrance for Road Traffic Victims
This Week Is … Culinary Week
This Month Is … Healthy Skin Month


• Whyzit ‘fat chance’ and ‘slim chance’ mean the same thing?
• Whyzit ‘phonetic’ isn’t spelled how it sounds?
• Whyzit whether you ‘sit up’ or ‘sit down’, the result is the same?
• Whyzit ‘tug boats’ PUSH barges?
• Whyzit when a door is open it’s ‘ajar’, but when a jar is open it’s not ‘adoor’?

Don’t look at me in that tone of voice!

To remove all germs while washing your hands, which song does the “Tufts University Health & Nutrition Letter” recommend you sing twice?
a. “The Alphabet Song”
b. “Stairway to Heaven”
c. “Happy Birthday” [CORRECT. At least 20 seconds of scrubbing is required to get the best results.]

Which famous athlete, living or not, would you most like to meet?

Question: About 1-in-10 married people have done THIS to their spouse while out shopping.
Answer: Had them paged on the PA system.

Behind every successful woman is … herself.

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