November 18, 2015

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Wednesday, November 18, 2015        Edition: #5374

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★ As expected, former “Two-and-a-Half Men” star Charlie Sheen told NBC-TV’s “Today” show yesterday that he is HIV positive. The 50-year-old actor has revealed that he was diagnosed about 4 years ago. Meanwhile Charlie’s ex-girlfriend, porn star Bree Olson, says she has been tested ‘across the board’ at least once per year and her tests have come back clean every time.
★ TV personality Steve Harvey is facing a breach of contract lawsuit. Business Aircraft Leasing claims the “Family Feud” host signed a deal to lease a Gulfstream jet in April and asked for the interior to be modified. The company says the work cost circa $400,000 and Harvey agreed to pay half. However, the 58-year-old allegedly backed out of leasing the jet and the company is now seeking at least $205,000 in compensation.
★ Ryan Gosling has confirmed long-running reports linking him to “The Blade Runner” movie sequel. The actor went on the record about the much-anticipated Denis Villeneuve film while promoting his latest movie “The Big Short”. Gosling will lead the cast of the new sci-fi film, taking over from Harrison Ford who starred in Ridley Scott’s cult 1982 classic. Quote: “There’s a chip in me that will explode if I say anything else.”
★ And “Modern Family” actor Jesse Tyler Ferguson is returning to Broadway for the first time in a decade, starring in a revival of the one-man comedy “Fully Committed”. He’s playing over 40 characters in the story set in the reservations lineup at a trendy NYC restaurant. The show is being directed by “Pitch Perfect” filmmaker Jason Moore. It opens in April at the Lyceum Theatre.

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Trey Anastasio (“Paper Wheels”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – One Direction perform an outdoor concert (“Made In the AM”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Albert Hammond Jr (“Momentary Masters”).
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Mutemath (“Vitals”).
• “Late Show With Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global) – James Taylor (“Before This World”).
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (syndicated/CTV) – CeeLo Green (“Heart Blanche”).
• “Meredith Vieira” (syndicated) – Timbaland (“Opera Noir”).
• “Shining a Light: A Concert for Progress on Race in America” (LA CA) – A benefit at Shrine Auditorium to create discussion about race relations in America. Performers include Bruce Springsteen, Ed Sheeran, Eric Church, Jamie Foxx, Jill Scott, John Legend, Miguel, Pharrell Williams, P!nk, Sia, Sting, and Zac Brown Band. A recorded highlight special airs Friday night on A&E, Lifetime, and History channels.
• “Tavis Smiley” (PBS) – 1990s singer-songwriter Tracy Chapman.
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Jeff Lynne’s ELO (1970s band Electric Light Orchestra).

• Adele – “Hello” is atop the ‘Billboard Hot 100′ for another week, becoming only the 4th-ever song to rack up 3 straight weeks of 400,000-plus in digital sales. (Joining Pharrell’s “Happy”, Robin Thicke’s “Blurred Lines”, and Gotye’s “Somebody That I Used to Know”.)
• Blake Shelton – He’s posted the perfect response on Twitter to fans claiming he’s lost his country roots: “Just setting here in a tree thinking about the fact that I’ve gone Hollywood.” Maybe he has, but he was sitting in a tree … although it may have been a palm.
• Brantley Gilbert – He’s postponed his European tour due to the terrorist attacks in Paris. Among the cancelled dates are dates in Manchester, Birmingham and London, England plus a gig in Glasgow, Scotland, all of which were slated for this week.
• Dixie Chicks – They’ve announced their 1st American tour since 2006, when Natalie Maines’ comments about former president George W Bush led to backlash against them. Their 2016 “DCX MMXVI World Tour” kicks off June 1st in Cincinnati OH.
• Eagles Of Death Metal – Fans of the band have launched a campaign to get their cover of Duran Duran’s 1982 hit “Save a Prayer” to the top of the UK music chart, with proceeds going to victims of the Paris massacre. Duran Duran are supporting the initiative, agreeing to donate all new royalties from the cover version.
• Kacey Musgraves – She met UK’s Prince Harry at the recent Royal Variety Performance at London’s Royal Albert Hall and admits she didn’t know the rules. Instead of a curtsy she gave him a high 5 … which he loved. According to the official royal website, a small curtsy from a woman is the traditional greeting, but it’s not necessary.
• U2 – The final 6 shows of their 2015 Innocence + Experience Tour are getting underway in Ireland/Northern Ireland. Tonight & tomorrow they play Belfast, then a run of 4 shows in Dublin November 23, 24, 27, and 28.

Based on a range of factors including box office, social-media buzz, and critical respect …
1. Jennifer Lawrence, for a 2nd successive year.
2. Robert Downey Jr, Marvel’s top box-office superhero.
3. Leonardo DiCaprio, so all he needs now is validation from Oscar.
4. Bradley Cooper, his career ever-expanding, even if his aim has been a bit off.
5. Dwayne Johnson, the biggest action hero … literally.

Smartphones, tablets, and e-readers should have an automatic ‘bedtime mode’ that stops them from disrupting people’s sleep, says a leading UK doctor. Dr Paul Gringras says the setting should filter out the blue light that delays the body clock and keeps people awake later into the night. As it gets darker in the evening, the body starts to produce the sleep hormone melatonin, which helps us nod off. But certain wavelengths of light, those at the blue-green end of the spectrum, can disrupt that. The doc claims that every new phone model is ‘bluer and brighter’, making the problem worse, and says manufacturers needed to show more responsibility. (Or maybe the user could just … put the damn phone down.)
– BBC News

A statistical look at who we are and the things we do …
• 60% of drivers do not know how to properly jump-start a car. (That’s no problem, but how do you open the hood?)
• 52% of us say we don’t like it when parents change diapers in public. (Especially each other’s.)
• 33% of parents read a bedtime story on a daily basis. (The same friggin’ one … over and over.)
• 23% of single guys trim their nose hair before going on a date. (Some even shower.)
• 18% of moms say they craved chocolate when pregnant. (As well as before … and after.)
• 11% of parents say the person they feel most guilty lying to is their child. (“That’s just water in Daddy’s glass, honest.”)

Cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Open Streets’ – Designated urban streets that are closed to motor vehicles for a period of time to regularly allow residents to use them for walking, cycling, skating, etc. Long popular in Europe, open-streets initiatives have lately taken root in over 100 North American cities.
• ‘Pastafarian’ – The name for members of The Church Of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, a satirical movement promoting a lighthearted view of religion. One recently won the right to wear a colander on her head in her license photo … due to religious beliefs.
• ‘Yuccie’ – A ‘Young Urban Creative’, someone who wants to be free-spirited but also wealthy.
Yuccies cherish ‘craft’ beer, ‘artisanal’ food, and like ‘authentic’ vacations … basically hipster versions of yuppies.

✓ ‘Dendrophilia’ – Sexual attraction to trees. (Takes tree-hugging to a whole new level.)
✓ ‘Mucophilia’ – Being sexually aroused by sneezing. (Some say it has an orgasmic-like quality to it.)
✓ ‘Avisodomy’ – Attraction to birds. (“Hustler” magazine creator Larry Flynt once admitted that he lost his virginity to a chicken … at age 9.)
✓ ‘Stimming’ – Slang for the use of electricity for sexual stimulation. (Could lead to a really painful electrocution.)
✓ ‘Oculolinctus’ – Also known as ‘worming’, it’s the practice of eye-licking. (In 2013, “Huffington Post” reported that eyeball licking was causing a huge pinkeye outbreak in Japan.)
✓ ‘Emetophilia’ – A sexual fetish involving vomit. (OMG, just hearing about it makes you wanna throw up.)
✓ ‘Mechanophilia’ – Some people like to do a lot more with their vehicles than just cleaning. (“She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy”.)
✓ ‘Formicophilia’ – A lot of people think bugs are gross but formicophiliacs find insects a total turn-on … as well as snails. (Lord knows how they’d feel about a case of crabs.)
– Adapted from

An increasingly warped sense of humor could be an early warning sign of dementia.
– “Daily Telegraph”


1939 [76] Margaret Atwood, Ottawa ON, ‘dean of Canadian authors’ (“The Blind Assassin”, “The Handmaid’s Tale”)/Order of Canada (1981)/Canada’s Walk of Fame (2001)

1962 [53] Kirk Hammet, San Francisco CA, rock guitarist-singer (Metallica-“The Day That Never Comes”, “St Anger”)

1968 [47] Owen Wilson, Dallas TX, movie actor (“Midnight in Paris”, “Wedding Crashers”)/brother of actor Luke Wilson

1974 [41] Chloe Sevigny, Springfield MA, movie actress (“Lovelace”, “Boys Don’t Cry”)/TV actress (“Big Love” 2006-11)

• “Apple Cider Day”, an annual salute to the refreshing taste of squished apples. A few facts …
– The cider industry uses about 45% of all harvested apples.
– There are more than 300 varieties of apples grown for the sole purpose of making cider.
– Cider apples are different from dessert apples in that they contain tannin, also found in red wine.

• “Married To a Scorpio Support Day”, a day of remembrance to honor those who are married to Scorpios (born between October 23rd and November 21st). Are they that bad? Any horror stories out there?

• “Mickey Mouse Day”, generally observed as his ‘birthday’ when he appeared in the cartoon short “Steamboat Willie” in 1928 (now making him a geezer mouse of 87). It was the first cartoon with synchronized sound.

• “Vichyssoise Day” [vee-shee-SWAHZ], saluting the creamy potato & leek soup that is traditionally served chilled. Legend has it that a French chef, born in a town near Vichy, created the dish in 1917 at NYC’s Ritz-Carlton hotel.

2005 [10] “Harry Potter & The Goblet of Fire” opens in movie theaters (eventually earns $897 million in worldwide box office)

2006 [09] Acting couple Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes (referred to as ‘TomKat’ by the media) are married in a Scientology ceremony at a 15th-century castle in Lake Bracciano, Italy

2003 [12] The original handwritten John Lennon lyrics to The Beatles’ “Nowhere Man” are auctioned at Christie’s in NYC for $300,000

2005 [10] The acclaimed Johnny Cash biopic “Walk The Line” opens in movie theaters (her performance as June Carter Cash wins Reese Witherspoon an Oscar)

1994 [21] Rolling Stones become the 1st rock act to stream a live concert on the Internet, 20 minutes of a show in Dallas TX

2003 [12] Barry Bonds is named National League’s ‘Most Valuable Player’ for a record 6th time

[Thurs] International Men’s Day
[Thurs] Rocky & Bullwinkle Day
[Thurs] Women’s Entrepreneurship Day
[Thurs] World Toilet Day
[Fri] “The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2”; “The Night Before”; “Secret in Their Eyes” open in movie theaters
This Week Is … Game & Puzzle Week
This Month Is … Banana Pudding Lovers Month


✗ The question you hear all day, every day: “Hi, are you still open?”
✗ Customers who overshare about family tiffs, financial problems, bodily functions …
✗ Wannabe comedians who say things like: “It didn’t scan so it must be free! Ha ha ha.”
✗ Customers who hand you money they’ve stored in their bra.
✗ Mastering the ‘I care’ face when you’re really just working for the (minimum) wage.
✗ Customers who beg you to take them even though you’ve just placed a ‘Closed’ sign on your checkout.
✗ You ask: ‘Debit or credit’? They say ‘VISA’.
✗ You ask: “Do you want the receipt or should I put it in the bag.” They say, “Yes”.
✗ Trying to figure out the math when customers ‘helpfully’ try to give you change.
✗ Threats from irate customers to ‘never come back to this store again’. Too bad they won’t sign a promise.
✗ People who try to get extra money off: “Look, there’s a dent in this can!”
✗ Customers who come in 2 minutes before closing, then take 15 minutes to find something.
– Adapted from

Quitters never win, winners never quit. But those who never win and never quit are idiots.

☎ What song never fails to make you happy?

• The maximum weight of this piece of sports equipment is 1.62 oz. Which is it?
a. Badminton birdie (shuttlecock).
b. Ping pong ball.
c. Golf ball. [CORRECT]
– “Land O’ Useless Facts”

• You’re a ‘campanologist’. What is your area of expertise?
a. Buttons
b. Bells [CORRECT. You are skilled in the art of ‘bell ringing’.]
c. Bongs
– “The Fun Place”

• You have a stuttering problem. Which are you more likely to be?
a. Male [CORRECT. 99.9% of all stutterers are male.]
b. Female
c. T-T-Turkish
– “Men’s Health”

Question: It’s estimated that Millennials do THIS 6 times per day on average.
Answer: Take a selfie.

I don’t think, therefore I am not.

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