November 2, 2012

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Friday, November 2, 2012          Edition: #4860

Sheet for Brains!

Yesterday website revealed that actor George Clooney is the half-1st cousin, 5-times-removed from 16th US president Abraham Lincoln (that’s nuthin’, Betty White is our half-dead 3rd mother-in-law twice removed forcibly) . . . NY Jets (starting?) quarterback Tim Tebow is dating actress Camilla Belle (“From Prada to Nada”), the twosome enjoying a bowling outing (?!?!?) this week in Jacksonville FL (her previous virgin – Joe Jonas) . . . As predicted,  25-year-old actress Evan Rachel Wood (“True Blood”) & 26-year-old actor Jaime Bell (“Billy Elliot”) wed this week, in an intimate ceremony before family & friends (they met in 2005 while filming the video for Green Day’s “Wake Me Up When September Ends”) . . . 64-year-old George Wendt, who played ‘Norm’ on “Cheers” (1982-93) has been forced to drop out of a Chicago stage production of “The Odd Couple” after suffering chest pains and being hospitalized (poor ‘Cliff’ is drinking alone these days) . . . Actor Brad Pitt has donated $100,000 to the Human Rights Campaign to support its efforts in lobbying for marriage equality (he’s motivated – he promised not to wed Angelina until that happened) . . . Author Nicholas Sparks, wizard of weepy romance, has no less than 3 TV shows in the works: one based on his tear-jerking widower novel “A Bend In the Road” (TNT); the female-centric Civil War drama “Deliverance Creek” (Lifetime); and a modern Romeo & Juliet adaptation for ABC Family (the guy’s a one-man wrecking crew – literally) . . . And RadarOnline is reporting that hard-partying actor Charlie Sheen (“Anger Management”) is back to his old ways, a source purportedly in-the-know claiming that he smokes crack on a daily basis, then ‘hires high-end girls to come over’ (ah, so the countdown to meltdown is back underway).

• “America’s Next Top Model” (CW) – Tonight the contestants model bikinis designed by reggae legend Bob Marley’s daughter, Cedella Marley.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Today Luke Bryan (“Tailgates & Tanlines”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Regina Spektor (“What We Saw From the Cheap Seats”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Christina Aguilera (“Lotus”, out November 13th).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Tonight Ultraista (“Ultraista”).
• “Malibu Country” (ABC) – Tonight the debut of a new sitcom starring country music legend Reba McEntire as ‘Reba Gallagher’, a ticked-off wife who divorces her cheating husband and moves her family from Tennessee to California. (It’s the “Beverly Hillbillies 2012”.)
• “MOBO Awards” (Liverpool UK) – Saturday night Emeli Sandé and Plan B lead nominations with 5 apiece at Britain’s annual ‘Music of Black Origin Awards’.
• “Nicki Minaj: My Truth” (E!) – Sunday the 3-episode reality series following the outré hip hop star debuts, leading up to her November 19th release of new album “Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded – The Re-Up”. (The ‘truth’ is, there’s no way they could drag this out into a full series.)
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Host Louis CK (“Louie”); musical guest fun. (“Some Nights”).
• “Seal Team Six: The Raid on Osama Bin Laden” (National Geographic Channel) – Sunday the premiere of a new film detailing the killing of the al-Qaeda leader, just 2 days before the US election (conveniently for Obama). The movie will be available on Netflix 24 hours later.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Third Day (“Miracle”, out Tuesday).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Today guest co-host Billy Ray Cyrus (on Broadway in “Chicago” starting Monday); Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler & Joe Perry (“Music From Another Dimension!”, released Tuesday).

• Lady Gaga – She’s revealed she’s considering releasing her next album, “ARTPOP”, in 2 installments. The first volume might contain all the commercial pop songs, the 2nd ‘more experimental material’. (Somebody’s starting to take herself too seriously.)
• Miranda Lambert – The “The House That Built Me” country singer is the latest to don a milk moustache for the American Dairy Council’s ‘Got Milk?’ ad campaign, joining the likes of Heidi Klum, Hugh Jackman, and Jennifer Hudson.
• PSY – This is likely the final nail in the “Gangnam Style” coffin … “Glee” is paying tribute to it in an upcoming episode.
• Rick Ross – Tonight in Columbus OH he begins a 23-date tour with his Maybach Music Group co-horts Wale and Meek Mill. The trek runs through December 2nd in San Diego CA.
• Rolling Stones – It’s rumored that Yves Saint Laurent’s new creative director Hedi Slimane will dress the band for their forthcoming 50th anniversary shows.
• Run-DMC – They perform for the first time since disbanding in 2002 at this weekend’s 7th annual “Fun Fun Fun Fest” in Austin TX.
• Taylor Swift – Seems the 22-year-old has already moved on from Conor Kennedy and is now gushing over 21-year-old Brit singer-songwriter Ed Sheeran. The pair will team up on 45 dates of her North American tour next year. (She’s likely already scanning her rhyming dictionary for heart-breaking words that rhyme with ‘Ed’ … oh look, ‘Red’!)

• “Flight” ( R-Rated Drama ): Denzel Washington plays a pilot who safely lands a crippled passenger plane with its engines on fire. First hailed as a hero for miraculously saving lives, he finds himself seriously compromised and threatened during the post-crash investigation. Director Robert Zemeckis’ first live-action movie since “Cast Away”.
• “The Man With the Iron Fists” ( R-Rated Action): On the hunt for a fabled treasure, a band of warriors descends on a village in feudal China, where a humble blacksmith looks to defend his fellow villagers. Wu-Tang Clan’s RZA directed and co-stars opposite Jamie Chung, Russell Crowe, Lucy Liu. Soundtrack includes Method Man, Talib Kweli, The Black Keys, Kanye West.
• “Wreck-It Ralph” ( PG Animated Comedy ): A videogame villain wants to be a hero and sets out to fulfill his dream, but his quest brings havoc to the whole arcade where he lives. Voice cast includes John C Reilly, Jane Lynch, Sarah Silverman, Mindy Kaling. Movie score (and cameo animated appearance as a DJ) by Skrillex.

As of 2 am Sunday, clocks across North America fall back an hour. So why do we do this?
✓ The idea of ‘Daylight Saving Time’ was 1st proposed in 1895 by New Zealand entomologist George Vernon Hudson, and although people were interested, it never caught on.
✓ In 1905, William Willett came up with the same idea in London. Why? He was an avid golfer who hated cutting short his Summer rounds on the links. Again, the idea failed to catch on.
✓ The Germans and their allies were the 1st to implement Daylight Saving Time as a way of conserving coal during WW1. Britain and many other European countries followed the example.
✓ The US adopted DST in 1918, but it wasn’t until 1966 that the whole country observed it. All Canadian provinces were on DST by the 1970s, except Saskatchewan, which refuses to use it.
– Condensed from

Hey guys, if you want to be able to play hoops or skydive with your grandkids in 40 years, try these simple tips now so you’re sharp and functional well into retirement …
• End Your Workout with a Sweat-Soaked Shirt – High-intensity workouts can cut your risk of metabolic syndrome (risk factors related to cardiovascular disease) by up to 50%.
• Bring a Pillow to Work – Napping helps manage blood pressure in stressed individuals. Catnaps can also make you smarter by helping you retain information throughout the day.
• Eat Like the Greeks – A Mediterranean diet full of foods like vegetables, legumes, whole grains, olive oil, and fruit can reduce risk of insulin resistance and high blood pressure.
• Finally Ask Her to Move In – Think about all the lifestyle changes you make when somebody is living with you: less risky behavior and somebody to tell you to see a damn doctor already.
• Start a Caffeine Habit – Researchers have found that both caffeinated and decaffeinated coffee drinkers have a decreased risk of some cancers.
• Throw Away Your Office Chair – Sitting all day at work is almost as harmful as smoking. Even if you can’t have a stand-up desk, use any excuse to regularly get off your duff.
• Oil Your Joints Like the ‘Tin Man’ – The easiest way to avoid arthritis is to cut your flab. Basic exercises like running and weightlifting help prevent inflammation and lubricate the joints.
– Condensed from

The coffee shop in British department store Debenhams has found that 70% of its customers are confused by Starbucks-style coffee terminology, so its menu has undergone a simplification process …
✓ Instead of an ‘Americano’, ‘coffee mocha’ or ‘cappuccino’, customers are now offered a ‘black coffee’, a ‘chocolate-flavored coffee’, or a ‘frothy coffee’.
✓ Murky terms for sizes like ‘grandé’ and ‘venti’ have been replaced with more straightforward cup and mug sizes like ‘small’ and ‘large’.
✓ It’s also axing confusing combos like ‘venti skinny latte’ as it’s been found that customers are embarrassed to ask their meaning.
The clear language advocacy group ‘Plain English Campaign’ is applauding the move.

An artist from Chicago named Dwight Kalb once created a statue of Madonna made out of … 180 lbs of ham.


1957 [55] Carter Beauford, Charlottesville VA, rock drummer (Dave Matthews Band-“American Baby”, “Where Are You Going”)

1961 [51] kd (Katherine Dawn) lang, Consort AB, pop singer (“Constant Craving”, “Crying”)  BS FACTOID: In her honor it’s “National Refuse to Capitalize the First Letters in Your Name Day”.

1964 [48] Lauren Velez, Brooklyn NY, TV actress (‘Lt Maria LaGuerta’ on “Dexter” since 2006)

1966 [46] David Schwimmer, Astoria NY, movie actor (“Madagascar” films)/ex-TV actor (“Friends” 1994-2004)

1969 [43] Reginald ‘Fieldy’ Arvizu, Bakersfield CA, rock bassist (Korn-“Hold On”, Did My Time”)

1969 [43] Cookie Monster, Sesame Street NY, cookie fanatic/fuzzy TV personality who styles his hair with a blue-rinse/movie actor (“The Muppets”)

1974 [38] Nelly (Cornell Haynes Jr), Austin TX, rapper (“Grillz”, w/Janet Jackson-“Call On Me”)

1975 [37] Chris Walla, Bothell WA, rock guitarist (Death Cab For Cutie-“I Will Possess Your Heart”, “Soul Meets Body”)

1990 [22] Kendall Schmidt, Wichita KS, TV actor (‘Kendall Knight’ on “Big Time Rush” since 2009)/boy-band pop singer (BTR-“Windows Down”, “Boyfriend”)

Comedian Dennis Miller is 59; NFL analyst Phil Simms (CBS-TV) is 57; Actor Dolph Lundgren (“The Expendables 2”) is 55; Rock vocalist-guitarist Tim McIlrath (Rise Against) is 33.

Comedian Kathy Griffin (“My Life On the D-List”) is 52; TV personality Jeff Probst (“Survivor”, “Jeff Probst Show”) is 51; Movie actor Matthew McConaughey  (“Lincoln Lawyer”) is 43; Hip hop mogul Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs is 43; TV actress Gillian Zinser (“90210”) is 27.

• “All Souls’ Day”, the excuse for an annual tradition in Santiago, Guatemala – the “Kite Festival”, when natives send massive, extremely colorful kites up to the heavens in an effort to communicate with the dead. (Hello, anybody home?)
• “Deviled Egg Day”, saluting the dish that entails hard-boiled eggs cut in half and filled with the egg’s yolk mixed with mayonnaise & mustard.
• “Plan Your Epitaph Day”, dedicated to the proposition that a forgettable gravestone is a fate worse than death.
• “Traffic Directors Day”, honoring radio & TV traffic departments, the ‘artisans of the inventory’, who schedule programs and advertising. (Yeah, thanks for the commercials, guys.)
• “World Championship Punkin Chunkin”, the 27th annual 3-day pumpkin-throwing contest held the weekend after Halloween in Sussex County, Delaware. Competing teams use a variety of pumpkin-launching devices, including catapults, centrifugal machines, and pneumatic cannons.

• “Cliché Day”. It’s amazing how they infiltrate our daily conversations. Try to make it through an entire show without anyone uttering a cliché. Hit the buzzer every time one pops up!
• “Sandwich Day”, celebrating the 1718 birth of John Montagu, 4th Earl of Sandwich. A compulsive gambler, he wanted something that could be eaten at gaming tables and earned immortality by slapping some beef between slices of toast in 1792. Nowadays, we eat an average of 193 sandwiches apiece annually. Interesting sandwiches from around-the-world …

• “Daylight Saving Time” in North America officially ends at 2 am. Remember: Spring forward, Fall back, so set your clock back an hour. (Hey, it’s a long weekend!)
• “New York City Marathon”, one of the most prestigious annual runs. And yes, it is running, despite all the damage from Superstorm Sandy.
• “Zero Tasking Day”, always the same day that Daylight Saving Time ends, a day to do absolutely squat with the extra 60 minutes you put on the clock because the real gift for this day is not feeling like you have to do something worthwhile with that ‘extra hour’.

2001 [11] Disney-Pixar’s “Monsters, Inc” opens in movie theaters with a $63-million opening weekend at the box office (best-ever debut for an animated film … until “Shrek” came along)

2003 [09] Cult fave “Arrested Development” premieres on FOX-TV

2003 [09] Shaun ‘Diddy’ Combs raises $2 million for children’s charities by finishing the NYC Marathon in 4 hrs, 14 mins, 54 secs

2007 [05] Led Zeppelin’s reunion concert is postponed after guitarist Jimmy Page breaks his pinky finger (the one-off “Ahmet Ertegun Tribute Concert” eventually happens December 10th)

1993 [19] Innovative new product ‘The Sports Diaper’ goes on the market, designed for couch potatoes too involved in TV sports to leave

1982 [30] ‘World Record for Bathtub Travel’ is set by one Greg Nutton, who takes his tub 36 miles in 87 minutes, powered by a 6-HP engine

[Mon] Job Action Day
[Tues] US Election Day
[Tues] International Day for Preventing the Exploitation of the Environment in Armed Conflict
[Tues] Saxophone Day
[Wed] Bittersweet Chocolate With Almonds Day
This Week Is … Fig Week
This Month Is … Gluten-Free Diet Awareness Month


✗ “Stretch & Mark’s”
✗ “Moulin Spouge”
✗ “Droopy’s”
✗ “Cirque de Skanks”
✗ “Mammary Lane”
✗ “Justexpensit!”
✗ “The Amish Ankle Room”
– Adapted from

If you don’t want to be lonely, stay single.

☎ Who would you most like to see burned in effigy? (A 9-m/30-ft model of disgraced American cyclist Lance Armstrong will be burned at an English town’s annual bonfire festival this weekend, selected from a range of possibilities by the Bonfire Society of Edenbridge, Kent.)

Question: The average family of 4 throws away 72 of THESE a year.
Answer: Ends or ‘heels’ of bread.

The morning is wiser than the evening.

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