Sheet for Brains!
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Today actress Amber Heard is scheduled to appear in Southport Magistrates Court in Queensland, Australia to face charges of illegally importing 2 Yorkshire terriers (‘Pistol’ and ‘Boo’) into the country in May and producing a false document. The charges relate to a visit to Oz by Heard as her husband Johnny Depp was filming the latest “Pirates Of the Caribbean” film. The actress was not present at a hearing in September when her lawyers successfully requested a 2-month adjournment of the case.
★ “Wild” co-stars Reese Witherspoon and Laura Dern are reuniting for another Cheryl Strayed project, an HBO-TV adaptation of the author’s collection of essays from her “Dear Sugar” advice column. The actresses played mother and daughter in last year’s bigscreen adaptation of Strayed’s memoir “Wild: From Lost to Found On the Pacific Crest Trail”, for which they both received Oscar nominations. Witherspoon and Dern will executive produce the new show, but it’s as yet unclear if either will make an appearance.
★ And Maggie Smith says she’s glad “Downton Abbey” is coming to an end. The TV drama is in the middle of its 6th and final season on ITV in the UK, before a Christmas special wraps it up for good. 80-year-old Smith, who plays the irrepressible ‘Countess of Grantham’, tells BBC: “I’m glad it’s over, I really am. By the time we finished she (her character) must have been about 110. It couldn’t go on and on, it just didn’t make sense.” Asked whether she’d like to be an oft-rumored movie version of the series, she replies: “I can’t. What age would she be?”
TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Incubus (“Trust Fall – Side A EP”). Rerun.
• “Countdown To the CMA Awards: Country’s Greatest Crossover Hits With Robin Roberts” (ABC) – Counting down the top 15 country hits that transcended traditional classifications.
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC) – Performances honor influential figures in the celebrities’ lives; one couple is eliminated.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Brett Eldredge (“Illinois”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – ‘Mash-Up Monday’ with “Color Me Bradd” (Color Me Badd & Brad Paisley).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – K-pop singer Luna (“Don’t Cry For Me”).
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Bryan Adams (“Get Up”).
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (syndicated/CTV) – Steve Martin & Edie Brickell (“So Familiar”).
• “The Talk” (CBS) – Jason Derulo (“Everything Is 4”).
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Andrea Bocelli (“Pasión”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV2) – The strongest vocalists choose songs to perform as they compete head-to-head; Rihanna advises.
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Adele – She’s gone straight to the top of the UK music chart with “Hello”, Britain’s biggest-selling single in 3 years and most-streamed track ever in a single week. Meantime, she’s set for the NBC-TV special “Adele Live in New York City” to air December 14th, just a month after her new album “25” debuts. It’s her first US gig since 2011.
• Blake Shelton – “The Voice” coach has been joking with the show’s key mentor Rihanna that they would make a great celebrity couple and could be nicknamed … ‘Blihanna’.
• Ed Sheeran – He’s revealed that his record label is weighing up the possibility of a September 2016 release date for his next album. He’s still living off the huge success of his 2nd album, “x”, released 16 months ago.
• Hunter Hayes – Tonight he stages his 2nd annual free concert in downtown Nashville TN to kick off CMA Awards week. His new disc, “The 21 Project”, drops on Friday.
• JoJo – Tonight in Minneapolis MN she embarks on a North American headline tour that continues through mid-December. The trek follows the release of “III”, a collection of 3 new singles marking her Atlantic Records debut.
• Mötley Crue – They’re going out in style with a farewell tour that includes a 200-foot-high roller coaster fitted around each venue. The heavy metal band, who are hanging it up after 34 years on the road, are appearing across Europe as part of their farewell tour. The trek begins tonight in Newcastle UK. They play their last-ever show on New Year’s Eve at LA’s Staples Center.
• Nick Jonas – Kate Hudson claims her relationship with Nick was ‘written in the stars’. The 36-year-old actress recently started dating the 23-year-old singer and feels ‘more in-tune with him’ than any of her ex-partners, including Muse frontman Matt Bellamy.
• Paramore – They’ll be joined by Chvrches when their 2nd “Parahoy!” cruise sets off next March. Also aboard: X Ambassadors, Lights, New Found Glory, mewithoutYou, and Vacationer.
• Taylor Swift – Songwriter Jessie Braham claims Swift’s mega-hit “Shake It Off” borrows heavily from a 2013 song he wrote called “Haters Gone Hate”. He says Swift uses that specific phrase 70+ times in the song. He’s demanding $42 million (!?!?!) in compensation and a songwriting credit for the tune.
WHY YOU SHOULD TRY FOR A BABY THIS CHRISTMAS:
If you’ve been trying unsuccessfully for a baby, you might want to add it to your holiday season to-do list. Why? A new study has found evidence that pregnancies conceived in December have the best chance of success. Analysis of some 52 million pregnancies over 12 years has found that December conceptions result in the highest birth rates. The Indiana University researchers think it may be because mothers who conceive in December or January receive high levels of sunshine at a late stage of their pregnancy. On the flip side, Valentines Day is one of the least likely times to conceive a baby, and June is a ‘toxic’ month to try for pregnancy. (Just to be sure though … maybe try every day!)
A BRIEF HISTORY OF DAYLIGHT SAVING TIME:
As of 2 am Sunday, clocks across North America fell back an hour. So why do we do this?
✓ The idea of ‘Daylight Saving Time’ was 1st proposed in 1895 by New Zealand entomologist George Vernon Hudson, and although people were interested, it never caught on.
✓ In 1905, William Willett came up with the same idea in London. Why? He was an avid golfer who hated cutting short his Summer rounds on the links. Again, the idea failed to catch on.
✓ The Germans and their allies were the 1st to implement Daylight Saving Time as a way of conserving coal during WW1. Britain and many other European countries followed the example.
✓ The US adopted DST in 1918, but it wasn’t until 1966 that the whole country observed it. All Canadian provinces were on DST by the 1970s, except parts of Saskatchewan which refuse it.
IS SEXISM ALL IN YOUR BRAIN?
Researchers in Japan have found that the brains of those with sexist attitudes look different from those who believe in gender equality. The new study says the brains of misogynists are also super-dense in regions that control fear and anger, indicating that sexist people may be more likely to suffer from depression and anxiety. The study’s findings suggest that both men and women who espouse sexist beliefs may have other psychological issues. While that connection may be intriguing, the researchers warn that more experimental work is needed to determine if the correlation is consistent or just consequential in this particular research. (Our personal research suggests that someone ranting on Facebook about how women don’t belong in the workplace isn’t sexist … he’s just stupid.)
HOW TO BE AWESOME AT 80:
A few tips on how men can stay sharp and functional well into retirement …
• End Your Workout with a Sweat-Soaked Shirt – High-intensity workouts can cut your risk of metabolic syndrome (risk factors related to cardiovascular disease) by up to 50%.
• Bring a Pillow to Work – Napping helps manage blood pressure in stressed individuals. Catnaps can also make you smarter by helping you retain information throughout the day.
• Eat Like the Greeks – A Mediterranean diet full of foods like vegetables, legumes, whole grains, olive oil, and fruit can reduce risk of insulin resistance and high blood pressure.
• Ask Your Partner to Move In – Think about all the lifestyle changes you make when somebody is living with you: less risky behavior and somebody to tell you to see a damn doctor already.
• Start a Coffee Habit – Researchers have found that both caffeinated and decaffeinated coffee drinkers have a decreased risk of some cancers.
• Throw Away Your Office Chair – Sitting all day at work is almost as harmful as smoking. Even if you can’t have a stand-up desk, use any excuse to regularly get off your duff.
• Oil Your Joints Like the ‘Tin Man’ – The easiest way to avoid arthritis is to cut your flab. Basic exercises like running and weightlifting help prevent inflammation and lubricate the joints.
BS AMAZING ANIMAL FACTS:
• Crocodiles can sleep with one eye open.
– BBC News
• The USA used to relocate beavers by parachuting them out of planes.
• Some turtles are known to breathe through their butts.
BS CHRONOMETER 11.02.15
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1957  Carter Beauford, Charlottesville VA, rock drummer (Dave Matthews Band-“American Baby”, “Where Are You Going”)
1961  kd (Katherine Dawn) lang, Consort AB, pop singer (“Constant Craving”, “Crying”)
1966  David Schwimmer, Astoria NY, movie actor (“Madagascar” films)/ex-TV actor (“Friends” 1994-2004)
1969  Reginald ‘Fieldy’ Arvizu, Bakersfield CA, rock bassist (Korn-“Hold On”, Did My Time”)
1974  Nelly (Cornell Haynes Jr), Austin TX, rapper (“Grillz”, w/Janet Jackson-“Call On Me”)
1975  Chris Walla, Bothell WA, rock guitarist (Death Cab For Cutie-“I Will Possess Your Heart”, “Soul Meets Body”)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “All Souls’ Day”, the excuse for an annual “Kite Festival” in Santiago, Guatemala, when natives send massive, extremely colorful kites up to the heavens in an effort to communicate with the dead. In Mexico, it’s the 2nd day of the “Day Of the Dead” (‘El Dia de los Muertos’) celebration.
• “Deviled Egg Day”, saluting the dish that entails hard-boiled eggs cut in half and filled with the egg’s yolk mixed with mayonnaise & mustard.
• “Fill Our Staplers Day”, observed semi-annually on the day following the Standard Time change. Because every function we perform in day-to-day life needs its own day, right?
• “Job Action Day”, the 8th annual focusing on how job-seekers worldwide can build and enhance their reputations, their careers, and their personal brands.
• “Plan Your Epitaph Day”, dedicated to the proposition that a forgettable gravestone is a fate worse than death.
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2003  Cult favorite TV show “Arrested Development” premieres on FOX
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
2007  Led Zeppelin’s reunion concert is postponed after guitarist Jimmy Page breaks his pinky finger (the one-off “Ahmet Ertegun Tribute Concert” eventually happens December 10th)
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
2000  International Space Station becomes permanently staffed
2012  NYC mayor Michael Bloomberg announces cancellation of the New York City Marathon due to devastation caused by Hurricane Sandy
2013  In Wisconsin, 2 planes carrying 9 skydivers collide in midair but amazingly there are zero casualties as the skydivers use parachutes to steer clear of debris and the pilots survive with minor injuries
TODAY’S RECORD . . .
2000  Then-world’s oldest person, Eva Morris, dies at age 114
COMING UP . . .
[Tues] Cliché Day
[Tues] Sandwich Day
[Tues] Traffic Directors Day
[Wed] 49th CMA Awards (Nashville TN)
[Wed] 20th MOBO Awards (London UK)
[Wed] Take Our Kids to Work Day (Canada)
THIS WEEK IS . . .
Animal Shelter Appreciation Week / Drowsy Driving Prevention Week / Fig Week / Give Wildlife a Brake! Week / Patient Accessibility Week / World Communication Week
BEST OF BS:
Highlight bits culled from 22 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
BS WOMAN’S GUIDE TO DRIVING MEN CRAZY:
• Do not say what you mean. Ever.
• Cry. Cry often. Tell them it’s their fault.
• Bring things up that were said, done, or thought years, months, or decades ago.
• Discuss your period in front of them. Watch them squirm.
• Be late for everything. Yell if they’re late.
• Make them guess what you want and then get mad when they’re wrong.
• Plan little relationship anniversaries, like the monthly anniversary of the time you saw each other in the library for 5 minutes.
• Constantly claim you’re fat. Ask them. Then cry, regardless of their answer.
• Whenever there is silence ask them, “What are you thinking?”
– First published in “BS” 2004.
WORST BS NAMES FOR STRIP CLUBS:
✗ “Stretch & Mark’s”
✗ “Moulin Spouge”
✗ “Cirque de Skanks”
✗ “Mammary Lane”
✗ “The Amish Ankle Room”
– First published in “BS” 2012.
BS RANDOM JOKE:
If love is a matter of chemistry, I must be toxic waste.
TRUTH OR CRAP?
Try to determine which statements are true and which are total BS …
• Lids for beer steins were invented to keep evil spirits out of beer. [TRUE]
• 1-in-4 women are natural blondes. [BS. About 25% of Canadian and American women are born blond, but only an estimated 5% remain so as they age.]
• In general, men can read smaller print than women. [TRUE.]
• The skeleton of the average 160-lb human weighs only 4 lbs. [BS. More like 29 lbs.]
• The ‘You Are Here’ arrow on a map is called the ‘IDEO locator’. [TRUE. That’s IDEO, not idiot.]
BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ Who would you most like to see burned in effigy?
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: Almost a third of us admit that we are embarrassed by THIS.
Answer: The cleanliness of the inside of our cars.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Bacon & eggs … a day’s work for the chicken; a lifetime commitment for the pig.
NOW ON OUR SHEET LIST:
Michael Catron @ Hot Country 93.5 [WAIN] Columbia KY; Rwabugiri @ 107.9 Royal FM Kigali, Rwanda; Tim Denis @ 610 CKTB St Catharines ON; David Taylor @ 89.1 KWFC Brighton MO; Andy Butler @ Clubland Radio, Southampton UK; Francisco Cardona @ Radio WAGC, Bogotá, Colombia; Siliva Tawake @ 2DayFM Suva, Fiji; ReeNo Reyn @ 95.9 FM [KSUN] Wichita KS; and Gert @ Kosmos 94.1 Windhoek, Namibia.