Thursday, November 2, 2017          Edition: #6089

Sheet for Brains!

★ Anthony Mackie would love to play James Bond, but if he did, it would be as a ”mellow” 007.  Mackie is currently part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe as Avenger Falcon, but he has revealed he would love to be the next James Bond, and he already knows how he’d play the iconic spy.  According to him, ”I’ve thought about this a lot.  My Bond would be cool, I mean smooth, milky smooth.
(Is that anything like ‘Shaken, not stirred’?)
★ Rose McGowan has a warrant out for her arrest.  She allegedly left a small amount of cocaine in her personal belongings on a flight that landed in Washington D.C. several months ago.  The Metropolitan Washington Airports Authority Police Department obtained the warrant in February, but word is that the case is not a “high priority.”  Apparently McGowan’s lawyers have been in touch with authorities to discuss the charge.  McGowan has been in the news lately as one of the women claiming she was sexually harassed by Harvey Weinstein.
★ Wendy Williams fainted during her live TV show on Tuesday, and blamed the episode on her Halloween costume. Williams was dressed in a Statue of Liberty costume and was introducing a segment when she stopped suddenly. She lost her balance, staggered for a moment, and then collapsed. She returned to the set shortly after, and said her fainting was not a stunt — but that she had become overheated in her costume.
★ Andy Dick has been fired from the independent film “Raising Buchanan” following reports of alleged sexual assault on the set.  Two unnamed sources reportedly claimed that Dick inappropriately groped, kissed and licked people, and made inappropriate sexual comments.  When asked about it, Dick said that the claims aren’t accurate, but admitted he may have licked his colleagues. He says he sometimes does that after kissing them on the cheek. As he puts it, “That’s my thing”.
★ Julia Roberts is following contemporaries like Nicole Kidman and Matthew McConaughey by exploring new TV opportunities with Amazon’s upcoming series, ‘Homecoming’, but the transition isn’t without its challenges. In an interview, she calls her latest move “a total experiment.”
★ Bette Midler has slammed the Disney channel remake of ‘Hocus Pocus’ as “cheap”.  Midler, who starred in 1993 original, said that “I’m not sure what they’re going to do with my character. My character is very, very broad and I don’t know who they’re going to find to play that.”  She then added that she would not be interested in being a part of the reboot. The new version is said to be in the early stages of development.
(Her character is “very broad”?  Well, she DID call her book ‘A View From A Broad’!!)

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Kim Kardashian, Linkin Bridge, guest host Jennifer Lawrence
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Alec Baldwin, Finn Wolfhard, Gaten Matarazzo, Caleb McLaughlin, Noah Schnapp, Elbow
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Whoopi Goldberg, Kathryn Hahn, Courtney Barnett & Kurt Vile
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Rosie O’Donnell, David France, Anton Fig
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Kristen Bell, Dianna Agron, Gary Clark Jr.
• “Conan” (TBS/Comedy): Mila Kunis, Maria Bamford, King Krule
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Jimmy Fallon
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Chris Matthews
• “The Talk” (CBS): Shemar Moore, guest co-host Eve
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Kate Hudson
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Kerry Washington
• “Young Sheldon” (CBS/CTV): ‘The Big Bang Theory’ spinoff, which premiered in September, returns in its new regular timeslot.

• Josh Groban — was “about a half-block” from the truck attack on Manhattan pedestrians.  During a series of tweets that he posted as it was happening, Groban detailed what he was seeing and hearing. 
• Adele – has been named the richest British star under 30.  She has topped ‘Heat’ magazine’s annual Rich List for the second year in a row with a staggering £132 million (approx. $175 million USD) fortune, largely due to the £500,000 ($664,000 USD)-a-night she raked in for 121 shows on her recent world tour.
• Kelly Clarkson – is backtracking on her statement that, “When I was really skinny, I wanted to kill myself”.  She now says that she was speaking metaphorically.  She says what she meant was that it was ironic that people thought she looked so healthy because she was thin, when really she was often sick at the time.
• Sia – has offered to take on the role of Samantha Jones to save the ‘Sex and the City 3′ film. Plans for the potential sequel were shelved when Kim Catrall, who played Samantha, bowed out.
• Taylor Swift – has tied Rihanna for the most  #1’s on Billboard’s Digital Song Sales Chart, scoring her 14th chart-topper with ‘Gorgeous’.  She is now three-for-three on that chart with songs from her forthcoming album ‘Reputation’.
• Heatwave – singer Keith Wilder died Sunday at 65.  Heatwave was responsible for numerous 1970s disco and funk classics, including Top 10 hits ‘Boogie Nights’ and ‘The Groove Line’.
• Rod Stewart – has announced a 10-date tour across Canada, kicking off in Toronto on March 22 and wrapping up in Vancouver on April 10. Tickets for all dates go on sale tomorrow.
• Glenn Frey – his six-bedroom, nine-bathroom mansion in LA is for sale…for $15 million.  His wife Cindy has purchased a smaller LA-area residence.
• Foo Fighters – are among the headliners for New Year’s Eve weekend shows at The Cosmopolitan of Las Vegas.  Beginning Friday, December 29 and lasting into the early morning hours of 2018, there will be four shows also featuring Duran Duran, and Zac Brown Band, with a special performance by Sir Rosevelt.
• Chris Stapleton – he and his wife Morgane are expecting – twins!  Morgane shared news on Monday, the couple’s 10th anniversary.
• Luke Bryan – says that growing up in farming family inspired him to pursue a career in music. Quote:  “My whole existence, and the reason that I’m in country music, was based on me being in an agricultural family. It taught me everything I know about life, and my work ethic…I took all those values, and I brought them to Nashville.”

Right on the heels of the sobering news that the world could be facing a serious shortage of wine next year, comes this, the second half of a double whammy:  Bananas could be going the way of the Dodo bird.  The Washington Post is reporting that a banana-attacking fungus called ‘Fusarium Wilt’ has been assaulting the type of banana with which you’re most familiar, the ‘Cavendish’.  The fungus has been taking a big bite out of banana production in Southeast Asia and Australia, and worse, experts say that it’s now been spotted in Africa and the Middle East.  It seems only a matter of time before it ends up in Latin America, the biggest source of bananas for North America.  The thing about Fusarium Wilt is that it appears somewhat impervious to pesticides.  Scientists are  trying to create genetically modified versions of the Cavendish that can defy Fusarium Wilt’s venom, but so far, it is proving to be a tricky thing to do.  And if you can imagine this, some scientists are warning that we could be looking at a future where bananas all but disappear from store shelves.
(That’s just….nuts!)
(No bananas?  At least I won’t have to worry about slipping!)
(I don’t trust any food that can be grown 5,000 miles away, shipped north for 3 days, then on a truck for another couple hundred miles, and sold for only 47 cents.  There’s some serious witchcraft going on there!)

OK, they think that this is the first time a study of this topic has come up with this conclusion, but many people are going to be happy to just go along with it.  A Stanford University study reports an increase in sexual frequency among chronic pot users.  It showed that both men and women who smoke marijuana weekly or even daily reported that they have sex more often than people who do not.  Although this is the first study to report a co-relation between pot use and frequent sexual activity, let’s face it, it could be awhile before they get around to studying it again!
(Smoking pot…and smoking hot!)
(Funny, I never got that vibe off of Cheech and Chong! [or Snoop Dog!])
(Maybe study participants actually reported an increase in LAY’s chips?)


✖ FOR ALL INTENSIVE PURPOSES: If you are meaning to say ‘for all practical purposes,’ then for all intents and purposes, you’re doing it wrong (see what I did there?).

✖ A DOGGY DOG WORLD:  What you meant to say was ‘dog eat dog world,’ right? (Although a doggy dog world sounds so much nicer…).

✖ BUTT NAKED:  The actual term is ‘buck naked.’  (Either one works for me!)

✖ A WHOLE NOTHER: What’s a ‘nother’? Exactly. “It’s a whole nother story” may sound cute, but it isn’t grammatical. You are looking for ‘a whole different story’ or ‘another story’ or even ‘a whole other story.’

✖ EXCETERA:  This is pronounced incorrectly more than it is spelled incorrectly, because in writing, it tends to end up abbreviated as ‘etc.’  But it’s pronounced ‘Et-CEH-Terrah.’ There is no ‘x’ to be found anywhere.  (I’ll stick with ‘and so on….’)

✖ SAFETY DEPOSIT BOX:  The phrase, referring to a box in which valuables are stored, is ‘safe-deposit box’, because it’s a box in which you can make a safe deposit.  Not a safety deposit.  (Not a problem I have…)

✖  SUPPOSABLY: The word I suppose you’re actually looking for is ‘supposedly.’

✖ UNDOUBTABLY:  If what you mean is ‘without a shadow a doubt,’ then you’re looking for ‘undoubtedly’ (or ‘indubitably’!)


1957 [60] Carter Beauford, Charlottesville VA, rock drummer (Dave Matthews Band-‘Crash Into Me’, ‘Don’t Drink the Water’)

1961 [56] k.d. lang (Katherine Dawn Lang), Consort AB, pop singer (‘Constant Craving’, ‘Crying’)

1966 [51] David Schwimmer, Astoria NY, movie actor (“Madagascar” films)/TV actor (“Friends” 1994-2004)

1969 [48] Reginald ‘Fieldy’ Arvizu, Bakersfield CA, rock bassist (Korn-‘Hold On’, ‘Did My Time’)

1973 [44] Marisol Nichols, Chicago IL, TV actress (‘Hermoine Lodge’ on “Riverdale” since 2017, ‘Zoe Keates’ on “NCIS” from 2015-2016

1974 [43] Nelly (Cornell Haynes Jr), Austin TX, rapper (‘Grillz’, ‘Hot in Herre’)

1975 [42] Chris Walla, Bothell WA, rock guitarist (Death Cab For Cutie-‘I Will Possess Your Heart’, ‘Soul Meets Body’)

• “All Souls’ Day”, the excuse for an annual “Kite Festival” in Santiago, Guatemala, when natives send massive, extremely colorful kites up to the heavens in an effort to communicate with the dead. In Mexico, it’s the 2nd day of the “Day Of the Dead” (‘El Dia de los Muertos’) celebration.

• “Deviled Egg Day”, saluting the dish that entails hard-boiled eggs cut in half and filled with the egg’s yolk mixed with mayonnaise & mustard.

• “Plan Your Epitaph Day”, dedicated to the proposition that a forgettable gravestone is a fate worse than death.  Some actual tombstone epitaphs:
☞ “I was hoping for a pyramid.”
☞ “Pardon me for not getting up.”
☞ “Destined to be a woman with too many cats.”
☞ “Well, this sucks.”
☞ “I told you I was sick.”

• “Cookie Monster Day”, a celebration of the birthday of everyone’s favorite blue monster with a voracious appetite.  Jim Henson created the original version of Cookie Monster for a General Foods commercial in 1966, and the beloved character appeared in the very first episode of Sesame Street in 1969.  All together now: “C is for cookie…”

• “Men Make Dinner Day”, the one guaranteed meal cooked by the man-of-the-house each year. Sure, millions of guys make dinner for their families on a regular basis, but this day is for the last remaining neanderthal homes where they don’t … and for guys who are just too scared to cook.
The Rules….Men Must:
✗ Make a recipe featuring at least 4 ingredients, without using the grill, microwave or leftovers.
✗ Shop for all the ingredients yourself.
✗Keep kitchen mess to a minimum…clean as you go.
✗ Set the table and actually serve the meal to others.
✗ Clean up afterward!  (This thing just got a whole lot harder…)

• “Practice Being Psychic Day”,  I saw two psychics meet on the street yesterday.  One said to the other “You are fine. How am I?”

[Fri] Cliché Day
[Fri] National Sandwich Day
[Sat] Book Lovers Day
[Sat] National Skeptics Day
[Sun] Daylight Saving Time ends (where applicable)

1995 [22] Chrissie Hynde of The Pretenders guest stars on the ‘Friends’ episode “The One with the Baby on the Bus.”  She sings “Angel of the Morning” and learns “Smelly Cat” from Phoebe

2003 [14] Cult favorite TV show “Arrested Development” premieres on FOX

1985 [32] The ‘Miami Vice’ soundtrack album, featuring the #1-hit theme song, tops the Albums chart in America, ushering in a new age of TV soundtracks.

2007 [10] Led Zeppelin’s reunion concert is postponed after guitarist Jimmy Page breaks his pinky finger (the one-off “Ahmet Ertegun Tribute Concert” eventually happens December 10th)

2000 [17] International Space Station becomes permanently staffed

2012 [05] NYC mayor Michael Bloomberg announces cancellation of the New York City Marathon due to devastation caused by Hurricane Sandy

2013 [04] In Wisconsin, 2 planes carrying 9 skydivers collide in midair but amazingly there are zero casualties as the skydivers use parachutes to steer clear of debris and the pilots survive with minor injuries


✓ About 3% of people need 10 or more hours of sleep to feel rested.
✓ Cats sleep for 70% of their lives.
✓ You can use toothpaste to remove permanent marker from any surface.
✓ Having excessive body hair has been linked to higher intellect.
✓ Iceland is the only country in the world without any mosquitos, snakes, or other reptiles.
✓ Toe wrestling is a national sport in Britain.

Highlight bits culled from 22 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
• Do not say what you mean. Ever.
• Cry. Cry often. Tell them it’s their fault.
• Bring things up that were said, done, or thought years, months, or decades ago.
• Discuss your period in front of them. Watch them squirm.
• Be late for everything. Yell if they’re late.
• Make them guess what you want and then get mad when they’re wrong.
• Plan little relationship anniversaries, like the monthly anniversary of the time you saw each other in the library for 5 minutes.
• Constantly claim you’re fat. Ask them. Then cry, regardless of their answer.
• Whenever there is silence ask them, “What are you thinking?”
– First published in “BS” 2004.

✗ Both of his teeth have cavities.
✗ 4-out-of-5 dentists thinks he’s nuts.
✗ Admits he quit dental school to join the Singapore cast of “My Fair Lady”.
✗ Begins examination by saying, “Drop your pants.”
✗ Cleans your teeth … then shaves your back.
✗ Accidentally whitens your lips.
✗ Whispers in your ear, “Mmm, nice gums.”
✗ Waiting room has a receptionist … and a lookout.

I don’t want to brag, but I can speak pig Latin;  I mean, I’m not fluent, but I’m sure if I ever went there, I could get by.

Fast-food chain Arby’s took its name from the initials ‘R’ and ‘B’. What do they stand for?
a. Roast Beef.
b. Raffel Brothers. [CORRECT]
c. Red Blood.
– Wikipedia

☎ What is the weirdest or worst thing that your dog has ever eaten?

Question: Almost a third of us admit that we are embarrassed by THIS.
Answer: The cleanliness of the inside of our cars.

Never be a prisoner of your past.  It was just a lesson, not a life sentence.

Printer Friendly Version