Wednesday, November 20, 2013        Edition: #5106

Sweet Sheet!

★ Late actress Brittany Murphy’s father, Angelo Bertolotti, believes she could have been killed. When she died in 2009 at age 32, a coroner’s report claimed it was the result of pneumonia, anemia, and prescription medications. But new toxicology tests carried out on her remains have found her body contained abnormally high levels of aluminum, manganese, barium, and other metals, suggesting poisoning could have been the cause. Just 5 months after Murphy’s death, her husband Simon Monjack also passed away. (Hmm … this is a case for “CSI”.)
★ The hit London musical based on Whitney Houston’s movie “The Bodyguard” has had its run extended until next Summer. The play, also called “The Bodyguard”, proved a hit with critics and fans alike when it opened in London’s West end last year and now producers have announced plans to keep the show onstage until August. Brit R&B singer Beverley Knight is currently starring in the role made famous by Houston opposite Tristan Gemmill as her bodyguard, portrayed in the 1992 movie by Kevin Costner. (Broadway in 2014? Likely.)
★ UFC champion fighter Georges St-Pierre shockingly announced after his win over Johnny Hendricks in Vegas on Saturday that he was leaving the cage for a while. Now we’ve learned the reasons … his father is apparently dying and St-Pierre recently learned that he’d impregnated an unnamed woman and she wants to keep the child. According to one report, GSP is not interested in being a father, but may be interested in tidying up his financial responsibilities. (Just like your boss, the UFC is not impressed with personal time off.)
★ And here’s the latest show biz relationship drama: Kate Upton & Maksim Chmerkovskiy are apparently already on the rocks. The “Sports Illustrated” cover girl’s romance with her “Dancing With the Stars” boyfriend has apparently hit a major rough patch less than 2 months after they went public as a couple. An insider reveals that Maks has been telling friends he’s no longer bringing Kate to a wedding they were scheduled to attend together. (Yeah, their own.)

• “Colbert Report” (Comedy Central/CTV) – MIA (“Matangi”).
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Jessie Ware (“Devotion”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Fergie (Black Eyed Peas).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Chvrches (“Bones of What You Believe”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Charlie Wilson (“Love, Charlie”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Blake Shelton (“The Voice”).
• “The X Factor” (FOX/CTV2) – Finalists perform songs by UK artists; One Direction performs.

• Ariana Grande – She tells “Metro” she was born Roman Catholic but lost faith when the Pope announced that everything she loved and believed in was wrong. The 20-year-old now practises Kabbalah, the mystical offshoot of Judaism favored by Madonna and Demi Moore.
• Kanye West – His new video for the single “Bound 2” features an appearance by his fiancée Kim Kardashian and the vocals of R&B singer Charlie Wilson.
• Lady Gaga – “ARTPOP” has become her 3rd album to top the British charts, even though opening week sales have been less than a quarter of those of her previous album.
• Lorde – The 17-year-old New Zealand singer has signed a publishing deal with Songs Music Publishing which could be worth up to $4 million, according to the “Wall Street Journal”. Her hit “Royals” has amassed 20 million YouTube views.
• Luke Bryan – After tickets for his concert at NYC’s Madison Square Garden was SRO in 5 minutes, a 2nd show was added and also sold out in minutes. Pretty impressive considering …  they’re not even scheduled until next September.
• Mariah Carey – She’s apologized on Facebook for the wrong version of her new single “The Art Of Letting Go” being posted online. Quote: “A mistake was made by a brand new sound engineer, whose only task was to press the space bar and upload the song.” Ouch.
• Roger Waters – He tells “Rolling Stone” he is working on his first new rock album in 2 decades. The 70-year-old former Pink Floyd member says it’s about an old man and a young child trying to figure out ‘why they are killing the children’. Sounds entertaining, no?
• Soundgarden – They’ve announced a few concerts next year, primarily in South America and Germany. Drummer Matt Cameron says he won’t make the trip due to his prior commitments with Pearl Jam and the desire to have more time at home with his family.

Top vehicles among all 2014 nameplates for retaining their value, according to a new ranking from “Kelley Blue Book” …
10. Dodge Challenger (expected to retain 51% of its value after 5 years)
9. Chevrolet Silverado 1500 (51%)
8. Honda CR-V (51%)
7. Chevrolet Camaro (52%)
6. Toyota Tundra (52%)
5. Chevrolet Corvette (54%)
4. Toyota 4Runner (56%)
3. Jeep Wrangler (59%)
2. Toyota Tacoma (63%)
1. Toyota FJ Cruiser (70%)
– Excerpted from

New terms leaking into our lingo …
• ‘Microvolunteerism’ – The practice of volunteering for extremely short stints, particularly by using mobile phone messaging or apps. (“Yeah, I’m a microvolunteer with Amnesty International now. I texted 13 dictators yesterday … took me 42 seconds.”)
• ‘Pistachio Principle’ – The tendency to eat less food given visual cues of the amount consumed, such as pistachio shells. Also the tendency to eat less of something that takes more time and effort to consume, such as nuts that must be shelled.
• ‘Vanity Height’ – Unusable space atop a tall building created by a spire or similar extension added only to give the building extra height. (Example: Dubai’s Burj Khalifa is topped by 800 feet of unusable ornamentation … that’s almost 30% of the world’s tallest building.)

A BS breakdown of who we are and what we do …
• 90% of married couples say cracking open a bottle of wine together once in awhile leads to a happier marriage.
• 70% of women think that men over 35 look ridiculous when they wear a cap backwards.
• 47% of us have to ask for help at work when it comes time to change our password.
• 42% of office workers say their absolute favorite reason to go to work is to catch up on gossip.
• 40% of people who have a Twitter account say they never use it.
• 20% of men have at least one broken appliance in their homes right now.

More men are sporting long hair in a stylish updo being called the ‘man bun’. Among the celebrities who’ve sported a top-knot at one time or another: Chris Hemsworth, Harry Styles, David Beckham, Jake Gyllenhaal, and Leonardo DiCaprio. But just because celebs are doing it doesn’t mean any man who’s overdue for a trim should grab a scrunchie. Hairstylists say it takes a certain kind of guy to pull it off. Not all guys have the locks – or the looks – to put their hair up. Unless the look suits you, you just might wind up resembling a samurai. (Or maybe Natalie Portman in “Black Swan”.)

Robots are already used in the milking process on dairy farms, but researchers at Australia’s Sydney University have now developed a 4-wheeled bot known as ‘Rover’ that can shepherd a herd of cows from the field into the barn. Because the robot moves in a steady manner, it allows cows to go at their own speed which is important in reducing anxiety and injury. Researchers are amazed at how easily cows accept the presence of the device. The prototype needs to be operated by a human but it’s hoped the next version will be fully automated. (As soon as they train it to yell, “Co-boss, co-boss!”, while fetching cattle.)
– BBC Future

Countries where the most workers actually like or love their jobs, according to a new poll by employment website Monster …
5. UK … 46%
4. USA … 53%
3. India … 55%
2. The Netherlands … 57%
1. Canada … 64%
US workers are most likely to say they dislike their jobs, with 15% saying they either don’t like or hate their current position. (What, they polled Obama?)

“Huh?” means the same thing in every language. (Would that be ‘huh’ as in ‘I didn’t hear you’ or ‘huh’ as in ‘what are you talking about?’ or ‘huh’ as in ‘well how about that’?)
– “The Atlantic”


1942 [71] Joe Biden, Scranton PA, US Vice President since 2009/US Senator (Delaware) 1973-2009

1947 [66] Joe Walsh, Wichita KS, classic rock guitarist (“Life’s Been Good”, Eagles-“Hotel California”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1998)

1965 [48] Mike D (Diamond), NYC, rapper/rock musician (Beastie Boys-“Ch-Check It Out”, “You Gotta Fight for Your Right To Party!”)

1975 [38] Dierks Bentley, Phoenix AZ, country singer (“5-1-5-0”, “Am I the Only One”)

1975 [38] Davey Havok (Passaro), Rochester NY, indie rock singer (AFI-“Medicate”, “Miss Murder”)

1977 [36] Josh Turner, Hannah SC, country singer (“Time Is Love”, “Why Don’t We Just Dance”)

1986 [27] Jared Followill, Mt Juliet TN, rock bassist-pianist (Kings of Leon–“Supersoaker”, “Use Somebody”)

• “Absurdity Day”, a chance to put you hair in pigtails or wear that shirt you like but haven’t because it is too ‘loud’. Today you don’t have to explain anything … just do it.

• “African Industrialization Day”, an annual UN initiative to encourage deployment of new technologies in order to raise living standards on the continent and build industries of the future.

• “Educational Support Professionals Day”, the 25th annual observance honoring the school support staff who help take care of students every day. It’s a day to salute secretaries, custodians, cafeteria workers, bus drivers, etc for their contributions to school communities.

• “Globally Organized Hug a Runner Day” (GOHARD), the 3rd annual day of support for those who challenge themselves through long-distance running. The day’s motto: ‘Hug a Runner and Share the Sweat!’ Icky.

• “Mexican Revolution Day”, celebrating the anniversary of the date in 1910 when the uprising to overthrow dictator Porfirio Díaz began.

• “Name Your PC Day”, a good day to ask listeners what pet names they’ve bestowed on theirs.

• “Transgender Day of Remembrance”, the 15th annual commemorating those who have lost their lives due to anti-transgender bias, prejudice, or hatred.

1982 [31] Actress Drew Barrymore first hosts “Saturday Night Live” … at age 7

2003 [10] Famed “Wall of Sound” producer Phil Spector is formally charged with 1st-degree murder in the shooting death of actress Lana Clarkson at his LA home (now doing life)

1923 [90] 1st ‘3-Light Traffic Signal’ patented (Garrett Morgan designates red for ‘stop’, green for ‘go’, and yellow for ‘go like hell’)

1947 [66] Britain’s  Princess Elizabeth (now QEII) weds Philip Mountbatten at Westminster Abbey in London (they’re celebrating by removing each other’s rectal rods for the day)

2008 [05] The Dow Jones Industrial Average reaches its lowest level since 1997

[Thurs] Beaujolais Nouveau Day
[Thurs] Use Less Stuff Day
[Thurs] World Hello Day
[Thurs] Great American Smokeout
[Fri] Microsoft Xbox One release
[Sun] 101st Grey Cup (Regina SK)
This Week Is … Better Conversation Week
This Month Is … Pet Cancer Awareness Month


• Felt is not meant to be in your fridge. If it’s green and it’s fuzzy, throw it out!
• When checking best-before dates, remember to check the year. What’s this one? 1999?
• Toss that salad dressing bottle that’s upside down in the door rack. If you haven’t used the last little bit yet, you’re never going to.
• Eggs that have grown a comb-over are most likely beyond expiry.
• A sure sign things are desperate: Even the baking soda is mouldy.
• The Tupperware that’s in the far back corner that no one knows what’s in it? Throw the whole thing out, Tupperware and all, before it climbs out on it’s own and eats the dog.
• If your vegetable crisper is making its own soup, it’s time to get out the bleach..
– Adapted from

☎ Is Kim Kardashian actually sexy or just the product of endless hype? She had jaws dropping in NYC this week when she showed off ample cleavage in a mesh get-up. (We say she looked like a hippo in a puptent.)

If you think the problem is bad now, just wait until we’ve solved it.

Which do more than a third of single men admit to only doing once per month?
a. Shaving.
b. Changing bed sheets. [CORRECT]
c. Changing underwear.

How useful! A tool that fakes computer problems so you can leave work early. The so-called ‘Happy Hour Virus’ is a tongue-in-cheek practical joke by a company called TDA Boulder.

Question: A recent survey finds that employees are most likely to do THIS on a Wednesday.
Answer: Fall asleep at their desks.

A diplomat is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

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