Wednesday, November 23, 2011        Edition: #4636
Here’s Sheet in Your Eye!


Jennifer Lopez may have been spotted making out with back-up dancer Casper Smart at the “American Music Awards” but “Us Weekly” reports she & her ex, Marc Anthony, have been hooking up while filming their Spanish-language reality show “Q’Viva! The Chosen” (when’s this woman ever get any work done?) . . . Just as “The Muppets” hits the silver screen, NBC-TV has announced it’s developing a new show with the Jim Henson Company, “The New Nabors”, a comedy about a human family living next door to a family of puppets (in 2004 the company run by the late Henson’s kids sold off all Muppet-related trademarks, including the very word ‘Muppet’, to Disney) . . . Another “Bachelorette” couple has hit the skids, Ali Fedotowsky & Roberto Martinez confirming they’re kaput just a few weeks after delaying their wedding (reality TV shows just aren’t the breeding grounds of lifelong commitment like they used to be) . . . A very preggers Jessica Simpson is reportedly on the verge of landing a $4-million deal with Weight Watchers (but she’ll have to shed a ton post-birth, a la Mariah Carey) . . . “Life & Style” magazine reports reality TV bimbo Kristin Cavallari & Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler are back together and he’s reportedly proposed a 2nd time after calling off the original engagement (he’s out with a busted thumb and has nothing better to do) . . . And a rip-off of ‘Bella’s wedding dress (some say the one good thing in “Breaking Dawn – Part 1”) is now available from retailer Alfredo Angelo (however, when it comes to finding a vampire husband and a murderous fetus you’re on your own).

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Paul Simon (“Songwriter”). Rerun.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Adam Levine w/Gym Class Heroes (“Papercut Chronicles II”).
• “In Performance At the White House” (PBS) – A night of (mostly) country music includes Alison Krauss, The Band Perry, Darius Rucker, Dierks Bentley, James Taylor, Kris Kristofferson, Lauren Alaina, and Lyle Lovett. Pre-recorded on Monday.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Miranda Lambert (“Four the Record”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – The Kills (“Midnight Boom”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Rodney Atkins (“Take a Back Road”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – FreeSol (“No Rules”); Justin Bieber (“Under the Mistletoe”).
• “Today Show” (NBC) –  Justin Bieber (“Under the Mistletoe”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Gloriana performs “Soldier Song”.
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Justin Bieber (“Under the Mistletoe”).

• Brantley Gilbert – “Country Must Be Country Wide”, the first single off of his 2nd album “Halfway to Heaven Deluxe”, has become his first #1 hit. He’ll be the opener for Eric Church’s “Blood, Sweat & Beers Tour” beginning in January.
• Katy Perry – Tonight is the final show of her “2011 California Dreams Tour” at the Staples Center in LA … and it’s no charge! She already played an SRO show there last night and tonight’s freebie is meant to be a thank-you gift to fans.
• Kid Rock – Tonight he plays Nashville’s Ryman Auditorium as part of a nationwide tour
raising money for local charities through his Kid Rock Foundation. Afterward, he helps the legendary Tootsie’s Orchid Lounge celebrate its ‘51st Birthday Bash’.
• Lady Gaga – She’s confirmed she is already working on her follow-up to “Born This Way”, and says the new album will likely include a guest spot from Elton John.
• Taylor Swift – Last night she wrapped the 2011 dates for her “Speak Now World Tour” at NYC’s Madison Square Garden.
• TI – He tells “Billboard” magazine his next album will be titled “Trouble Man”, inspired by the Marvin Gaye song of the same name. He says he’s already recorded at least 45 new songs which are in consideration for the new album.


• “Arthur Christmas” ( PG 3-D Animated Comedy ): In this yuletide cartoon from Britain, James McAvoy voices the role of ‘Arthur’, the misfit son of Santa Claus who takes it upon himself to use his father’s high-tech operation for an urgent mission. Voice cast also includes Bill Nighy, Hugh Laurie, and Jim Broadbent.
• “A Dangerous Method” ( R-Rated Biographical Drama ): Director David Cronenberg takes a look at how the intense relationship between Carl Jung and Sigmund Freud gave birth to psychoanalysis. Stars Michael Fassbender, Keira Knightley, Viggo Mortensen. Shot in Austria, Germany, and Switzerland.
• “Hugo” ( PG 3-D Family Adventure ): In a radical departure, director Martin Scorsese (“The Departed”) embraces kid-friendly entertainment for the first time. Asa Butterfield stars as an orphaned boy in 1930s Paris who discovers an automaton in a train station. A bigscreen adaptation of the children’s book “The Invention of Hugo Cabret”.
• “The Muppets” ( Animated Comedy ): New character ‘Walter’ joins Jason Segel (who co-wrote the script) & Amy Adams in reuniting ‘Kermit the Frog’, ‘Miss Piggy’, ‘Fozzie Bear’ and the rest of their felt friends in an effort to save their old theater. Cast also includes Chris Cooper, Rashida Jones. Preceded by a new short film featuring ‘Buzz Lightyear’ & Woody’ from “Toy Story”.
• “My Week With Marilyn” ( R-Rated Limited Release Biographical Drama ): Michelle Williams plays Marilyn Monroe and Kenneth Branagh is Sir Laurence Olivier in this drama based on the making of their 1957 film “The Prince & The Showgirl”. Initial images of Williams-as-Monroe have been stunning. Co-stars Emma Watson, Julia Ormond.

This week the Australian government passed a new law requiring all cigarettes be sold in plain packages without branding in an effort to discourage young people from taking up smoking. The new packaging will feature a large-scale health warning with a graphic image, while the brand name and variety will be listed in plain text at the bottom of the pack. Within an hour of the announcement, Philip Morris tobacco company warned it will sue, arguing that the new legislation will have a negative impact on sales. (Well duh … that’s the idea!)

New cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Drunkorexia’ – Eating less to offset the calories consumed while drinking alcohol. It’s said to be a growing trend among college students which have long-term effects on the body. In a recent University of Missouri-Columbia poll, fully 1-in-6 students admit they’ve restricted food in order to consume alcohol within the last year.
• ‘Sandbox’ – A videogame in which the player is able to ignore the main objectives so as to explore the game’s environment. (“I don’t care about getting to Level 5, dude! I’m just checking out life on ‘Pandora’.”)
• ‘Two-Pizza Team’ – In a business environment, a team of employees that is small enough it can be fed by ordering in 2 pizzas at most. The keep-it-small concept is original to founder Jeff Bezos, according to the new biography “Birth Of a Salesman” by Richard L Brandt. (Around here, we’re operating with 2 slices.)

There have recently been several claims of extraterrestrial life turning up in Siberia, the latest from a Russian woman who says she had … a frozen alien corpse in her fridge. Marta Yegorovnam reportedly stored the mysterious ‘lifeform’ for 2 years, taking 5 pictures to prove its existence. The 2-foot-long ‘creature’ with an enormous head, large bulbous eyes, and an appearance somewhere between a fish and a humanoid, was reportedly retrieved from a UFO crash in 2009. It’s the 3rd alien sighting reported in Russia in recent months. (You’ve got E-T in the fridge for 2 years … and you only take 5 photos? Not likely.)
– “Daily Mail”


The streaming of real-time data across your field of vision is a step closer to reality with the development of a prototype contact lens that could potentially provide hands-free information updates. In testing on ‘live eyes’, the computerized contact lens shows no signs of adverse side effects. Researchers from the University of Washington and Finland’s Aalto University believe their device could eventually display text messages right before your eyes, overlay visual information on the real world, and be of use in gaming and navigation systems. (And you thought smartphones were a distraction.)

V&V Trading Co has developed ‘Black Zero’, the world’s first … alcohol-free whisky. The product is the result of 10 years of research trying to reduce alcohol to a minimum while maintaining the taste, color, and other characteristics developed in the original recipes of distillers. The company maintains that its non-alcohol booze ‘tastes and looks exactly like traditional Scotch’. So what’s the point? ‘Black Zero’ is specifically targeted for Muslim consumers worldwide since it is Halal approved. (Learning to like that ‘acquired taste’ without any kick is like eating sugar-free cheesecake.)

Ever been just about asleep when your cellphone buzzes on your night-table and you just … can’t … leave … it … alone? A new University of Rhode Island study has found that many people, especially young adults, feel a sense of attachment to their smartphones and view them as a social lifeline they can’t do without, even when they’re trying to sleep. The study of more than 200 students at the university found that they have been losing an average of 45 minutes sleep per week directly due to their cellphones. (Why isn’t there an app for that?)
– “Globe & Mail”

Australian transportation authority VicRoads has signed a deal to issue DC Comics superhero vehicle license plates. ‘Superman’ is already muscling his way into the lead in terms of early customer interest, but the license plates on offer also include ‘Batman’, ‘The Flash’, ‘Green Lantern’, ‘Supergirl’, and ‘Wonder Woman’. The superhero plates are said to be ‘great value’ at $200 for a random number, $400 if the owner also wants a specific letter & number combination. (Great value? We’ve paid less for an actual car!)

• Over half of pet owners think their pet is at least as intelligent as some people they know.
– “Self Magazine”
• Women may dream of ‘tall, dark and handsome’, but men of average height (5’-10”) are currently the most reproductively successful.
– BBC News


1960 [51] Robin Roberts, Tuskeegee AL, TV co-host (“Good Morning America” since 2005)

1979 [32] Kelly Brook (Parsons), Rochester UK, fashion model/movie actress (“Piranha 3-D”, “The Italian Job”)

1987 [24] Nicole (‘Snooki’) Polizzi, Santiago, Chile, reality TV personality (“Jersey Shore” since 2009)

1992 [19] (Destiny Hope) Miley Cyrus, Nashville TN, pop singer (“Party In the USA”, “The Climb”)/movie actress (“The Last Song”)/TV actress (“Hannah Montana” 2006-10)


• “Cashew Day”, celebrating the yummy nut that sounds like a sneeze.

• “Labor Thanksgiving Day” in Japan (“Kinro Kansha no Hi”), a national holiday since 1948 to express gratitude to one another for work done throughout the year and for the fruits of those labors.


1936 [75] Legendary bluesman Robert Johnson is recorded for the very first time in a makeshift studio at the Gunter Hotel in San Antonio, Texas (he dies 2 years later, having recorded a total of 41 takes of 29 different songs)

1998 [13] 1st ‘Portable MP3 Player’ goes on sale, ‘The Diamond Rio PMP300’, which could only play about a dozen songs but cost circa $200

1991 [20] Sacramento Kings end the NBA’s ‘Longest Road Losing Streak’ at 43 games


[Thurs] Celebrate Your Unique Talent Day
[Fri] International Day For the Elimination of Violence Against Women Day
[Fri] Shopping Reminder Day
[Fri] Black Friday
[Fri] Buy Nothing Day
This Week Is … Better Conversation Week
This Month Is … Home Care & Hospice Month


Use ‘em all at once or one-at-a-time as the zodiac reading of the day …
• Aries – Today you will suddenly realize how sensuous pudding can be. This will mark a turning point in your life.
• Taurus – You really wish you lived next door to a sexy vampire don’t you? Well you don’t. Grow up.
• Gemini – You sneeze and break wind at the same time and everyone in the office hears you. Don’t feel bad though, this is probably not the worst thing that will happen to you today.
• Cancer – You see a beautiful woman kissing a completely average-looking man. This could be you. Feel free to replace the word ‘could’ with ‘will-never-in-a-million-years’.
• Leo – Everything you ever thought or believed in will be tested today when your mom tells you you’re adopted and that your new haircut is outrageously stupid.
• Virgo – Halloween may be long gone but you discover that the stocking mask you bought will continue to frighten people in their homes for a long time. Hilarious!
• Libra – You eye-flirt with someone in a café for at least 15 minutes and neither of you makes a move. Pathetic.
• Scorpio – Those born under the sign of Scorpio are known for their great sexual prowess, good looks, and winning personality. Check your birth certificate, you may be Pisces.
• Sagittarius – The stars are aligned and quite frankly this means nothing to us. You’re going to have an average week as usual and nothing spectacular will ever happen to you. Ever.
• Capricorn – On Friday you meet a Cancer who knocks your socks off. With her car.
• Aquarius – Today you feel like no one understands you and you’re destined to be alone forever. Which is completely accurate.
• Pisces – It’s never too late to tell someone you love them, unless that restraining order has already been signed by the judge.

Filmmaker Judd Apatow says the Academy Awards should open up a category for comedy films. Good idea or bad?

You know your wallet is made of eel skin if …
a. After 6 months or so it begins to smell fishy.
b. Your credit cards become demagnetized. [CORRECT. Though not guaranteed, it’s a possibility.]
c. Sparks sometimes fly when you open it.

They say reincarnation is making a comeback. Over my dead body!

Question: It seems odd, but when moving to a new address 40% of us also change THIS.
Answer: Our brand of toothpaste.

The world’s as ugly as sin … and almost as delightful.

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