Friday, November 23, 2012        Edition: #4875

Tomorrow’s Show Prep Today!

In news that should surprise absolutely nobody, problematic actor Chevy Chase is leaving the NBC-TV comedy “Community” (great news because he’s an unfunny racist idiot – oops, did we say that out loud?) . . . After 9 years and 2 children together, 36-year-old “Big Bang Theory” actress Mayim Bialik and husband Michael Stone are divorcing (she’s written and spoken extensively about what’s called ‘attachment parenting’; now she’ll have to adapt to ‘unattachment’) . . . “Twilight Saga” actor Jackson Rathbone says he has a giant tattoo of a ketchup bottle on his leg because – well, he just really likes ketchup (and it makes a bleeding thigh wound look far cooler as well) . . . Susan Boyle’s people thought it would be a great idea to promote her new album on Twitter using the hashtag #susanalbumparty, which began trending worldwide after some weirdos saw it as Su’s Anal Bum Party (oops!) . . . Sorta famous person Amanda Bynes (the ‘Nickelodeon nightmare’) pitched a fit when she thought girls sitting nearby at NYC nightclub Ph-D were sneaking photos of her, but it turns out they hadn’t even noticed her (cuz she’s only – Amanda Bynes) . . . And 41-year-old former “Price is Right” model Brandi Cochran has been awarded $775,000 in compensatory damages and a whopping $7.7 million in punitive damages by an LA court after suing the daytime TV game show for not letting her return to work after giving birth (for feminism, that price IS right!).

• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Today Madonna (“MDNA”). Rerun.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Tonight Ben Folds Five (“The Sound Of the Life Of the Mind”). Rerun.
• “Katie” (syndicated) – Today Demi Lovato (“X Factor”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Stepkids (“The Stepkids”). Rerun.
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Tonight Tenacious D (“Rize Of the Fenix”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Christina Aguilera (“Lotus”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Tonight rock veterans KISS. Rerun.
• “Liz & Dick” (Lifetime) – Sunday the much ballyhooed Elizabeth Taylor biography starring Lindsay Lohan finally premieres. (Prepare to be underwhelmed; critics are fairly unanimous in their hatred of her performance.)
• “Oprah’s Next Chapter” (OWN) – Sunday Justin Bieber (“Believe”) chats with Oprah Winfrey.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Host Joseph Gordon-Levitt (“Looper”); musical guest Mumford & Sons (“Babel”). Rerun.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Lyle Lovett (“Release Me”). Rerun.
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – R Kelly (“Write Me Back”).

• The Beatles – The audition tape famously rejected by a Decca Records executive in 1962 has finally been recovered after 50 years. John, Paul, George, and original drummer Pete Best (turning 71 tomorrow) were told they had ‘no future in show business’. Within months they signed with EMI and the rest, as they say, is history.
• Jimi Hendrix – An album of 12 previously unreleased ‘lost’ recordings by the late guitar icon is slated for a March 2013 release. (Apparently the relatives have a cash-flow problem.)
• Miranda Lambert – Today’s the ‘Pink Friday’ grand opening of her new home goods store in Tishomingo, Oklahoma. The outlet offers a wide variety of merchandise from gifts to clothing.
• No Doubt – Saturday they begin a 7-show stand at LA’s Gibson Amphitheatre that runs through December 6th. Opening acts include Best Coast, Fitz & The Tantrums, and Grouplove.
• One Direction – Their new album “Take Me Home” is atop the SoundScan/”Billboard” sales chart this week, giving them their 2nd #1 album in the past year, as well as the 3rd-biggest sales week of 2012 behind Taylor Swift and Mumford & Sons.
• R Kelly – Today the latest installment of his “Trapped In the Closet” saga airs on IFC. Kelly tells “TIME” there are 20 new chapters, picking up where the series left off in 2007. And he says (warns?), there are ‘like a hundred chapters to come’.
• Rihanna – “Diamonds” has reached #1 on the “Billboard Hot 100” singles chart, giving her the 12th chart-topper of her career.
• Rolling Stones – Sunday the 1st of their 50th anniversary concerts takes place at London’s O2 Arena. The 2nd in the series is coming up next Thursday, November 29th. The controversial video for their new single “Doom & Gloom” features Swedish actress Noomi Rapace (“The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo”) topless, vomiting, and with her head exploding.
• Velvet Revolver – Former frontman Scott Weiland hints in “Rolling Stone” that they may reunite in 2013, suggesting things that stood in the way have been sorted out. Quote: “I am completely open to it, and I know there are other guys in the band that are.”

• “Hitchcock” ( Limited Release PG-13 Biographical Drama ): This sketch of influential filmmaker Alfred Hitchcock delves into his relationship with wife Alma Reville during the filming of “Psycho” in 1959. The film intriguingly features some of today’s top stars portraying yesterday’s. Cast includes Anthony Hopkins (Hitchcock), Helen Mirren (Reville), Scarlett Johansson (Janet Leigh), Jessica Biel (Vera Miles), and James D’Arcy (Anthony Perkins).
• Also opening in limited release: “The Central Park Five” (Documentary); “Rust & Bone” (Drama).

• Adjust Mirrors Properly – Reducing or eliminating ‘blind spots’ is as simple as angling wing mirrors away from you until the point where your car is no longer visible in either, then leaving them there. That way there’s no overlap between them and the rearview mirror.
• Pay Attention to Traffic Not Signs – There are experts who believe the overabundance of signs and signals makes you complacent, because you’re fixated on blindly following instructions rather than paying attention to what other vehicles are actually doing around you.
• Turn Down the Volume – A recent study shows that drivers listening to louder, up-tempo music are twice as likely to blast through red lights and experience twice as many accidents as drivers who keep ambient noise to a reasonable level.
• Always Stay Lit – Research shows you can reduce the risk of being involved in an accident by up to 32% simply by driving with your headlights on at all times. In Canada, Finland and Sweden all new cars are required to have automatic running lights for increased visibility.
• Exercise Your Brake – Use your parking (aka emergency) brake regularly to keep it in working order. Otherwise, when you need it in a real emergency, its steel cables may have corroded due to long periods of disuse, making it inoperable.
• Don’t Brake During a Blowout – If you slam on the brakes, the flat acts like an anchor and you’re almost certain to fishtail (and maybe flip). Give the vehicle just enough speed to stay in control and then gently let your foot off the gas, turning into the direction of the flat.
– Condensed from

A pilot program to transform dinosaur payphones into Internet-connected Smart Screens throughout New York City has officially gone live. The program involves replacing old-school phones with 32-inch touch-screen information kiosks. The Smart Screens are wired with online access and provide free information on city goings-on. Users can get info on local restaurants, nearby stores, tourist attractions, and traffic updates. The booths also provide access to the city’s 3-1-1 complaint and information line and offer safety alerts. All of this is available in multiple languages. The end-goal is for NYC to eventually replace all of its 12,800 outdoor payphones. (Unfortunately, the new gizmos don’t have a ‘change return’ to raid.)

Hoping to stave off weight-gain over the holiday season? You might want to hold off on the mulled wine and cocktails, according to a new report from the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention that looks at the number of calories we get from alcoholic beverages. The study finds the average adult consumes about 100 calories-worth of alcohol daily. But 20% of men and 6% of women drink more than 300 calories daily, roughly equivalent to 2 cans of beer or 2-and-a-half glasses of wine. That amount can contribute to excess weight gain. Most recent research on obesity has centered on sugar-sweetened beverages, but researchers say this new report suggests alcohol may play a big role as well. (Beer bellies are made, not born.)

Looks like we’re destined to a future with ‘droid parts on our faces. The new Vuzix M100 smart glasses look about as cyborg-ish as they sound. The hi-tech eyewear contains a microphone, earpiece and camera, plus motion and GPS sensors, and is powerful enough to run a version of the Android mobile operating system. Bluetooth and Wi-Fi connections allow it to be linked to a smartphone. A small display positioned in the wearer’s peripheral vision provides a viewing area equivalent to having a 4-inch smartphone screen about a foot away. (Won’t be long before computer face accessories will separate the hip from the square.)


1960 [52] Robin Roberts, Tuskeegee AL, TV co-host (“Good Morning America” since 2005)

1987 [25] Nicole (‘Snooki’) Polizzi, Santiago, Chile, reality TV personality (“Jersey Shore” since 2009)

1992 [20] (Destiny) Miley Cyrus, Nashville TN, pop singer (“Party In the USA”, “The Climb”)/movie actress (“The Last Song”)/TV actress (“Hannah Montana” 2006-10)

Movie actor-comedian Billy Connolly (“Brave”) is 70; Alt-rock guitarist Chad Taylor (Live) is 42; Movie actor Colin Hanks (“W”) is 35; Movie actress Katherine Heigl (“Knocked Up”) is 34; TV actress Sarah Hyland (“Modern Family”) is 22.

Reality TV judge Bruno Tonioli (“Dancing With the Stars”) is 57; Country-pop-gospel singer Amy Grant (“Baby Baby”) is 52; Movie-TV actress Jill Hennessy (“Wild Hogs”) is 43; TV actress Christina Applegate (“Up All Night”) is 41; Competitive eater Joey ‘Jaws’ Chestnut is 29.

• “Ashura” begins at sundown, the 10th day of Muharram on the Islamic calendar that’s commemorated by Shia Muslims. In some regions (Afghanistan, Bahrain, Iran, Iraq, Lebanon, Pakistan), it’s a national holiday in which most local communities participate.
• “Black Friday”, the day after US Thanksgiving that’s touted as the biggest single shopping day of the year in America though that’s statistically untrue. The ‘black’ refers to retailers finally turning a profit after spending much of the year ‘in the red’. This year many Canadian chain-stores are getting into the act in an effort to keep consumers from crossing the border.
• “Buy Nothing Day”, a 24 hour moratorium on holiday shopping (today in North America; tomorrow internationally), created as a protest against outlandish consumption and commercialism, particularly during the holiday season.
• “Grey Cup Festival” in Toronto. Slated events include …
– Calgary Pancake Breakfast, noon today (they must be on Alberta time), 11 am tomorrow.
– 48th Vanier Cup Championship (McMaster Marauders vs Laval Rouge et Or tonight)
– Molson Canadian House Concert Series tonight, Saturday night.
– Cheer Extravaganza on Saturday.
– Sun Life Grey Cup Fan March, Sunday.
– Nissan Official 100th Grey Cup Pre-Game Party, Sunday.
– 100th Grey Cup Championship (Calgary Stampeders vs Toronto Argonauts) Sunday.
(Note: The Grey Cup Parade was actually just a section of Toronto’s annual Santa Claus Parade last weekend.)
• “Sinkie Day”, the 21st year of the salute to the time-honored tradition of eating a snack (or an entire meal) over the kitchen sink. People prone to the practice are known as ‘sinkies’.

• “Celebrate Your Unique Talent Day”, saluting the individual abilities each of us has. OK, so what is it that you can do that no one else can?
• “International Aura Awareness Day”. Hey, what’s that hovering around your head?
• “Small Business Saturday”, an annual reminder to support the little mom & pop operations as well as the big malls and chains during the holiday season buying frenzy.

• “International Day For the Elimination of Violence Against Women”, initiated by women’s activists in 1981 and adopted by the UN in 1999 to help raise public awareness of this worldwide problem.
• “Shopping Reminder Day”, marking exactly 1 month until Christmas Day. Just what you wanted to hear, huh?

1979 [33] Pink Floyd’s landmark album “The Wall” is released (sells 6 million copies in 2 weeks)

1991 [21] A day before he dies, 45-year-old Queen frontman Freddie Mercury confirms he has AIDS

1998 [14] 1st ‘Portable MP3 Player’ goes on sale, ‘The Diamond Rio PMP300’, which could only play about a dozen songs but cost circa $200

1992 [20] The 10-millionth cellphone is sold

2000 [12] Dot-com tycoon Jaakko Rytsola sets a world record in Finland with a $71,400 speeding ticket (traffic fines in Finland are linked to the offender’s income)

[Mon] Cyber Monday
[Tues] Pins & Needles Day
[Tues] Strange Names Day
[Wed] Decorate Your Dog Day
[Wed] Full ‘Beaver’ Moon
This Week Is … Farm-City Week
This Month Is … Home Care & Hospice Month


You read the story, line-by-line, while a caller or guest provides the sound effects any way they can Today’s story is called “The Grey Cup Party” …
You’re all set for your big Grey Cup bash. In fact the pre-game show is already on your bigscreen TV with the announcers blathering away (SFX). The doorbell rings (SFX) and your friend Ralph is first to arrive, so you welcome him in (SFX), open a cold one for him (SFX) and give him some chips to munch on (SFX). As your other buddies arrive, Ralph opens himself another brewsky (SFX). The game turns out to be the most boring defensive struggle in history, but finally elicits a weak cheer from your pals when one team scores a rouge just before the half (SFX). To celebrate, Ralph opens his 13th beer (SFX) and guzzles it down (SFX). The second half is even duller than the first and with 5 minutes left, all your guests are snoring (SFX) except Ralph, who has personally killed an entire case of barley sandwiches. You can hear him down the hall, driving the big white bus (SFX). “No wonder his name is Ralph”, your wife comments sarcastically. Then she notices the final score is 1-to-0. “I win the total points pool!” she exclaims and cheers obnoxiously (SFX).

Which is recommended for tenderizing meat?
a. A slice of kiwi. [CORRECT. It’s said to soften meat without adding any fruit flavor.]
b. Half a peach.
c. A cucumber slab.
– “Mens Fitness”

I call things as I see them. Otherwise, I make them up.

Question: It’s estimated that 3-quarters of those who shop on Black Friday will do THIS.
Answer: Get it all done by noon.

Gambling is almost always an effective way of getting nothing for something.

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