Monday, November 23, 2015        Edition: #5377

Sheet Happens!

★ “Modern Family” star Sofia Vergara and “Magic Mike” actor Joe Manganiello wed at The Breakers Palm Beach resort yesterday after a whirlwind romance. Sofia and Joe met in July 2014 and became engaged just 6 months later during a trip to Hawaii. Wedding guests were treated to a private beach bash at the Florida resort on Thursday and a cocktail party on Saturday before the main event on Sunday. The couple has reportedly asked their 400 guests to donate to charities, including St Jude’s Children’s Hospital, instead of buying gifts.
– “Hello! Magazine”
★ Pregnant actress Morena Baccarin (“Homeland”) has been ordered to hand over close to $23,000-a-month in support to her estranged husband. Director/producer Austin Chick filed for divorce after 4 years of marriage, and Baccarin was awarded primary physical custody of their 2-year-old son Julius as she’s too pregnant to make regular flights to LA from NYC, where she films superhero show “Gotham”. Now a judge has granted Chick his request for financial help, with Baccarin having to pay $2,693 in child support plus a massive $20,249 in spousal support. Baccarin previously announced she is expecting her “Gotham” co-star Ben McKenzie’s baby.
★ And WWE wrestling star-turned-movie actor John Cena has signed on to host a new military-themed reality TV show for FOX. Titled “American Grit”, it will follow 16 of America’s toughest men and women as they’re split into 4 teams to work together on a variety of military-grade and survival-themed challenges. Cena will lead an elite group of mentors from the armed forces who will advise the contestants while also pushing these raw recruits to the brink. The group of mentors will be known as ‘The Cadre’. FOX-TV has so far ordered up 10 episodes of the new series, which will premiere sometime in 2016.
– “Hollywood Reporter”

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Hot Chip (“Why Make Sense?”). Rerun.
• British Fashion Awards 2015 (London UK) – The British Fashion Council salutes the best in UK design over the past year at the London Coliseum. 41-year-old former Spice Girl Victoria Beckham is nominated for ‘Womenswear Designer Of the Year’.
• “Daily Show” (Comedy Central/CTV) – Christine & The Queens (“Christine & The Queens”). Rerun.
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC) – The finalists compete in 2 rounds of dance; performances by Meghan Trainor and Ariana Grande.
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/M3) – Shawn Mendes (“Handwritten”).
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Drummer Brian Chase (Yeah Yeah Yeahs).
• “Late Show With Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global) – My Morning Jacket (“The Waterfall”).
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (syndicated/CTV) – Pharrell Williams (“G I R L”).
• “Marilyn Denis Show” (CTV/CTV2) – Matt Forbes (“Coulda Woulda Shoulda”).
• “Mark Twain Prize for American Humor” (PBS) Comedian Eddie Murphy is honored in a pre-taped gala at the Kennedy Center in Washington DC. Tributes from comedians Arsenio Hall, Chris Rock, Dave Chappelle, and Tracy Morgan. Murphy accepts the honor with a string of jokes, many at the expense of disgraced former prize winner Bill Cosby.
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Adele (“25”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV2) – The top 11 artists perform in hope of making it to the next round.

• Carrie Underwood – In December’s “Cosmopolitan”, she talks about whether or not honky tonkin’ stereotypes are valid. The idea that country music is all about divorce, Mama, and trucks is not always true, she says. Quote:”Trucks though? Trucks will always have a place in country music. Come on.”
• Coldplay – They’ve announced the first 2 legs of their 2016 world tour. They will play stadiums throughout Latin America and Mexico between March 31st and April 6th. The European and UK portion of the tour runs from May 24th in Nice, France to July 5th in Copenhagen, Denmark.
• Eagles Of Death Metal – A documentary film about the release of their latest album, “Zipper Down”, has been pulled from the International Documentary Film Festival in Amsterdam, Netherlands following the terrorist attack on the band’s gig in Paris. The festival is currently underway through November 29th.
• Foo Fighters – A countdown clock on their website has been ticking down to some sort of special announcement today. Rumor has it they’re releasing a new EP that may be called “2nd Century AD” and which could feature 5 new tracks.
• Gwen Stefani – She tells “Ellen DeGeneres” she had no idea who new boyfriend Blake Shelton was before joining him on “The Voice” in 2014. Quote: “Before I was on ‘The Voice’ I’d never heard of him before … I’m an OC (Orange County CA) girl! Like, what would I know?”
• Justin Bieber – His new album “Purpose” has broken Spotify’s global record for the most streams for an album in its first week of release, with 205 million. Justin also tops the new ‘UK Singles Chart’ with his new release “Sorry”.
• Kelly Clarkson – She tells “CBS This Morning” that she has been having a very difficult time with her second pregnancy. Quote: “I have to get IVs and fluids because I get so dehydrated. It’s really bad.”
• Kelsea Ballerini – She’s “Billboard” magazine’s ‘Rising Star’ for 2015. She’ll be honored at the annual ‘Women in Music Event’ on December 11th. The honor is given to an artist whose success on the charts and talent demonstrate a clear path to success.
• Pharrell Williams – He’s sporting a black eye that online rumors have suggested he suffered  after clashing with Jay Z over a deal relating to music-streaming on Tidal. The official story from a friend is now that Pharrell got the shiner when he and wife Helen were joking around in the kitchen and a spatula “flipped up and hit him in the eye”. Hmm.
• Queen – The long-delayed Freddie Mercury bio-pic is finally scheduled to start shooting in Summer 2016, pending a full rewrite from screenwriter Anthony McCarten. Two years ago Sacha Baron-Cohen had been onboard to play the legendary Queen frontman, but left the project due to creative differences. Actor Ben Whishaw is the rumored successor to the role.
• Queens Of the Stone Age – Josh Homme’s Sweet Stuff Foundation is the latest organization offering to aid victims of the Paris attacks. Homme is a co-founder of Eagles of Death Metal but rarely performs live with the group. Until the end of the year, all donations to the organization will go toward the family members of those who died during the attack on the concert.
• Tyga – The rapper reportedly spent his 26th birthday as a single man after splitting from girlfriend Kylie Jenner. According to “E! News” the couple are officially no more after breaking up on Thursday. Some sources say it was she who dumped him.

• Adjust Mirrors Properly – Reducing or eliminating ‘blind spots’ is as simple as angling wing mirrors away from you until the point where your car is no longer visible in either, then leaving them there. That way there’s no overlap between them and the rearview mirror.
• Pay Attention to Traffic Not Signs – There are experts who believe the overabundance of signs and signals makes you complacent, because you’re fixated on blindly following instructions rather than paying attention to what other vehicles are actually doing around you.
• Turn Down the Volume – A recent study shows that drivers listening to louder, up-tempo music are twice as likely to blast through red lights and experience twice as many accidents as drivers who keep ambient noise to a reasonable level.
• Always Stay Lit – Research shows you can reduce the risk of being involved in an accident by up to 32% simply by driving with your headlights on at all times. In Canada, Finland and Sweden all new cars are required to have automatic running lights for increased visibility.
• Exercise Your Brake – Use your parking (aka emergency) brake regularly to keep it in working order. Otherwise, when you need it in a real emergency, its steel cables may have corroded due to long periods of disuse, making it inoperable.
• Don’t Brake During a Blowout – If you slam on the brakes, the flat acts like an anchor and you’re almost certain to fishtail (and maybe flip). Give the vehicle just enough speed to stay in control and then gently let your foot off the gas, turning into the direction of the flat.

A BS compendium of recent ‘discoveries’ …
✓ Scientists say …  physical contact with partners can lead to reduced heart rates. According to a study from the University of North Carolina, by increasing your hug ratio you also reduce blood pressure, increase healing, and reduce food cravings. (Remember back in the day when physical contact made your heart speed up?)
✓ Scientists say … customer service workers who ‘fake-smile’ throughout the day worsen their mood and withdraw from work. But the Michigan State University research finds that those who smile as a result of cultivating positive thoughts improve their mood and withdraw less. (Either way, to customers it looks like rictus.)
✓ Scientists say …  best friends are the best medicine for getting rid of stress. The study by psychologists also claims that people with close friends are less likely to abuse drugs and alcohol. (Wait a sec here … who do we go out drinking with, our enemies?)

At the current rate of advancement, the global pay gap between men and women will not be closed until 2133.
– BBC News


1960 [55] Robin Roberts, Tuskeegee AL, TV co-host (“Good Morning America” since 2005)

1992 [23] (Destiny) Miley Cyrus, Nashville TN, pop singer (“Party In the USA”, “The Climb”)/movie actress (“The Last Song”)/TV actress (“Hannah Montana” 2006-10)

• “Cashew Day”, celebrating the yummy nut that sounds like a sneeze. (ca-SHEEEWW!)

• “Espresso Day”, a good excuse to have a wake-me-up shot this morning. Luigi Bezzera invented the espresso coffee machine in Italy in 1901. His objective was to decrease his employees’ coffee break time and increase their productivity.

• “International Image Consultant Day”, saluting the professionals who help pull together a winning image to create a powerful first impression, a key to success in personal, professional, and social life. Which celebrity could use a bit of help?

• “Labour Thanksgiving Day”, the ancient harvest festival in Japan. They combine two holidays on one day? No wonder they’re so overworked!

• “Military Families Recognition Day”, initiated in 1994.

2013 [02] A special episode of Brit sci-fi program “Doctor Who” entitled “The Day Of the Doctor” airs simultaneously in 94 countries to celebrate the show’s 50th anniversary (Guinness World Record for the largest-ever simulcast of a TV drama)

2013 [02] One Direction hosts “1D Day”, a 7½ hour interactive live-stream on YouTube and Google+ Hangout that includes live band performances and celebrity guests (an unprecedented use of social media)

2005 [10] Ellen Johnson Sirleaf is elected president of Liberia, becoming the 1st woman to lead an African country

2000 [15] Dot-com tycoon Jaakko Rytsola sets a world record in Finland with a $71,400 speeding ticket (traffic fines in Finland are linked to the offender’s income)

[Tues] Strange Names Day
[Tues] Celebrate Your Unique Talent Day
[Wed] Full ‘Beaver’ Moon
[Wed] International Day For the Elimination of Violence Against Women Day
[Thurs] Thanksgiving Day (USA)

Better Conversation Week / Deal Week / Family Week / Game & Puzzle Week


Highlight bits culled from 22 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
• Brussels Sprouts
• Cannes Openers
• Vienna Sausages
• Belgium Waffles
• Prague Tologists
• Manila Folders
• Czech Bouncers
• Taipei Personalities
– First published in “BS” 2006.

• High-Cut Briefs: Ladies who wear ‘granny panties’ tend to be perfectionists, except when it comes to style. They care most about comfort and function. They are practical people who don’t dress to impress.
• Boy Shorts or Thong: Women who don these are confident go-getters who enjoy a challenge. They like to show off their curves, are outgoing, and open to new things. They like the thong because it makes them feel sexy even when they wear jeans, while boy shorts are cute and feminine – without baring it all.
• Matched Sets: Some women simply must have a matching bra & panty set. These confident women are quite fashion-conscious and enjoy pampering themselves. Some might even call them spoiled or high-maintenance.
• Boxers: Wearing boxers is all about comfort, but men who prefer boxers are generally laid-back, not too flashy, and light-hearted.
• Briefs (Tightie-Whities): Worn by men who are inhibited and like the restricted feel of this kind of underwear. It’s not uncommon for women to think of a guy as their little brother when they find out he wears briefs.
• Boxer-Briefs: Men who opt for boxer-briefs are very good at committing in relationships. Hey, they already know how to compromise since they’ve done it with their underwear!
• Thong: Men who wear thongs are tremendously out-going and some are exhibitionists. Check a male thong-wearer’s high school yearbook and you’ll likely find ‘Class Clown’ under his name.
• No Underwear (Commando): Either someone forgot to do the laundry or he is very down-to-earth and embraces a natural way of life.
– First published in “BS” 2004.

How can you tell if your wallet is made of eel skin?
a. After 6 months or so it begins to smell fishy.
b. Your credit cards become demagnetized. [CORRECT. Though not guaranteed, it’s a possibility.]
c. Sparks sometimes fly when you open it.

☎ How many appliances in your kitchen can you make noise with? Let’s hear it!

What do you get if you cross a robot with a pirate? Aaarrrr2D2.

Question: If you asked her to marry you and she said ‘no’, a poll suggests THIS is the most likely reason.
Answer: You asked in an unromantic setting.

Wanna take a shot at Donald Trump? Try ‘Trumpiñata’ …

If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.

Reagan White @ NZME Auckland NZ; Ian Bayne @ Classic Hits 98.3 [WWHP] Farmer City IL; Brad Yule @ Central FM Stirling, Scotland; Jacklyn Daniels @ KQ98 [KQYB] La Crosse WI; Chad Roper @ KOOL 94 [KXOO] Elk City OK; Stevie De La Rose @ 90.1 FM CJSF, Simon Fraser University, Burnaby BC; Kristin Cruz @ Momangeles Radio, Los Angeles CA; Mary Gonzalez @ Energy 95.3 [KLLY] Bakersfield CA; Ruben @ GROOTfm 90.5 Pretoria, South Africa; and Bobby Byrd @ Nash Icon 92.7 [WUVA] Charlottesville VA.

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