Wednesday, November 23, 2016 – Edition: #5857

Sheet Happens!

★ Dave Chappelle will release 3 stand-up comedy specials on Netflix in 2017. Chappelle will star in an original Netflix stand-up show and also release 2 never-before-seen shows from his personal vault. All 3 of the projects, which represent Chappelle’s first concert specials in 12 years, are being released simultaneously. Chappelle recently hosted an episode of “Saturday Night Live” which delivered season-high ratings.
– “Entertainment Weekly”
★ VH1 has ordered up Season 2 of “Martha & Snoop’s Potluck Dinner Party”. The cooking show starring Martha Stewart and Snoop Dogg has only aired for 2 episodes, so the re-up is a strong show of confidence in the program’s success. The series finds the unlikely duo inviting their celebrity friends (ie: Seth Rogen, Ice Cube, DJ Khaled, Naya Rivera, 50 Cent) to join them for food, conversation … and plenty of pot jokes.
★ And actress Reese Witherspoon is forming a media company aimed at women’s interests. The company is being named Hello Sunshine. All content will be created for and by women on multiple platforms, and will start rolling out next year. One project may already be underway: earlier this year, Reese and her partners won the book rights to the 2015 war novel “Ashley’s War: The Untold Story Of a Team of Women Soldiers On the Special Ops Battlefield”. Witherspoon will also continue to produce projects under her Pacific Standard production company.
– “Hollywood Reporter”

• ARIA Awards (Sydney, Australia) – The annual Australian Recording Industry Association music honors are handed out at The Star venue. Music producer Flume leads nominations with 11, followed by Troye Sivan with 7, and Sia with 6. Up for ‘Best International Artist’: Adele, Beyoncé, Coldplay, Drake, Justin Bieber, Meghan Trainor, One Direction, Taylor Swift, Twenty One Pilots, and The Weeknd. Crowded House (“Don’t Dream It’s Over”) is inducted into the Aria Hall Of Fame.
• “Ellen” (syndicated/CTV2) – Mariah Carey (“#1 to Infinity”); Sting (“57th & 9th”).
• “The Hollywood Walk of Fame Honors” (CW) – A tribute to the Hollywood Walk of Fame featuring celebrities and musical guests.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Dawes (“We’re All Gonna Die”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – K Flay performs “Blood In the Cut” (“Crush Me”).
• “Late Show With Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global) – OK Go (“Hungry Ghosts”).
• “Live With Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Guest co-host Joe Jonas (DNCE).
• “Macy’s 90th Thanksgiving Day Parade Special” (NBC) – 9 decades of the parade’s floats, balloons, and musical performances are celebrated.
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Camila Cabello of Fifth Harmony; Machine Gun Kelly (“General Admission”).

• A Thousand Horses – They’re heading to England for a short 4-date tour starting in late November. The dates include a ‘Live Cut To Vinyl’ event at the legendary Metropolis studios on December 3rd.
• Coldplay – They have revealed they are working on new songs and are planning to release an EP next year.
• Kanye West – “People” magazine confirms he was hospitalized for exhaustion on Monday afternoon after canceling his “Saint Pablo” tour. The 39-year-old has interrupted a string of his concerts with rants, walk-offs, and no-shows, before officially canceling the tour.
• Kenny Chesney – He’s playing his only stadium date in 2017 at one of his favorite haunts, Gillette Stadium in Foxboro MA, on August 25th. He has played at least 15 shows there since 2005.
• Lewis Hamilton – The Formula One racing driver has recorded a duet with his model-girlfriend
Winnie Harlow. The couple collaborated on the top secret track at Tinie Tempah’s studio in London last week, according to “The Sun”, and insiders are convinced it’s going to be a big hit.
• Mariah Carey – The 46-year-old singer has been spotted walking hand-in-hand with 33-year-old backup dancer Bryan Tanaka. Carey recently split from her billionaire fiancé James Packer and may be trying to move on.
• Red Hot Chili Peppers – 54-year-old frontman Anthony Kiedis says he doesn’t want to have sex with ‘groupies’. He says he’s specifically instructed his security not to let any of his fans into the hotels where he stays. (It’s not that hard to block women with walkers.)
• The Weeknd – He’s revealed plans to release a short film called “Mania”. The teaser suggests that the film is a continuation of his music video for “Starboy”. His album of the same name is out Friday. No specific date has been given for the film’s debut.

• “Allied” ( R-Rated War Drama ): In 1942, an intelligence officer in North Africa (Brad Pitt) encounters a female French Resistance fighter (Marion Cotillard) on a deadly mission behind enemy lines. When they reunite in London, their relationship is tested by the pressures of war.
Director Robert Zemeckis. Co-stars Vincent Ebrahim, Xavier De Guillebon.
• “Bad Santa 2” ( R-Rated Crime Comedy ): This is a sequel to the 2003 holiday season comedy. Fueled by cheap whiskey, greed and hatred, ‘Willie’ (Billy Bob Thornton) teams up once again with his angry little sidekick ‘Marcus’ (Tony Cox) to knock off a Chicago charity on Christmas Eve. Co-stars Kathy Bates, Christina Hendricks.
• “Rules Don’t Apply” ( PG-13 Romantic Comedy ): Hollywood veteran Warren Beatty directs this unconventional love story about an aspiring actress, her determined driver, and the eccentric billionaire whom they work for. Stars Lily Collins, Haley Bennett, Taissa Farmiga, Steve Tom. Beatty has an onscreen role as well, playing eccentric tycoon Howard Hughes.

People are living longer than ever but men still trail women in life expectancy, a new Duke University study shows. An international team of researchers has reviewed data from the 18th century to the present and found that the last few generations have had the largest increase in life expectancy in the history of humans. For example, life expectancy in Sweden has increased from the mid-30s to over 80. But despite the overall increase in life expectancy, men still tend to have shorter lives than women. Possible reasons include genetics and higher levels of risky behavior in men. (“Don’t worry, honey. I’ll just balance a kitchen chair on the hood of the car so I can reach up to hang the Christmas lights.”)

A BS breakdown of who we are and what we do …
• 82% of us say that we feel that our hair is part of who we are.
• 80% of holiday shoppers have already bought a gift for … themselves.
• 66% of us have eaten raw cookie dough even though it can be dangerous.
• 59% of people blot excess oil from their pizza.
• 50% of people who use online dating websites are already in a relationship.
• 40% of us would take a pay cut if we could bring our pets to work.

Outdoors outfitter Patagonia is taking an unusual approach to Black Friday: 100% of the day’s sales online and at its 80 locations worldwide are going to groups that help the environment. It’s estimated that will amount to $2 million. The chain has also made headlines earlier this month when it closed its stores on US Election Day to encourage people to vote for a candidate who would help the environment. The Black Friday idea has been born in the wake of the election, with the company deciding that during these divisive times the environment is something we can all come together on. Patagonia’s money will be handled by One Percent For the Planet, a network of green organizations around-the-world. (Hopefully this idea catches on!)
– CNN Money

Cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Norman Door’ – A door with a design that makes it difficult to determine the correct way to open it. Without an explanatory sign, users are left guessing about whether to push or pull, creating needless frustration. (Also used as a metaphor for puzzling situations.)
• ‘Treescraper’ – A tall building that resembles a tree or has tree-like characteristics. (Adds new meaning to ‘going out on a limb’ with the boss.)
• ‘X-Risk’ – Any danger that could lead to human extinction. (The biggest of which is … human existence.)

When it comes to water consumption, some of us are greedier than others. Americans, while perhaps the cleanest, are the worst offenders. According to Statistica, the US uses 1,630 cubic meters per year, followed by Estonians, New Zealanders, and Canadians. Germans, by contrast, use just 400 cubic meters and the UK only 140. German tradition suggests that babies and young children need to be thrown in the tub only once or twice a week. Teens get a bit oilier and tend to play more sports, so once-a-day is a good guideline. But people in their 20s-to-50s can cut back to every other day and even less in their golden years because elderly skin tends to dry out. (A surefire way to cause quite a stink.)

• Male turkeys are called ‘gobblers’ after the gobble call they make to announce themselves to females. Other turkey sounds include ‘purrs’, ‘yelps’, and ‘kee-kees’.
• Both gobblers and hens have a ‘snood’ (a dangle-y appendage on the face), a ‘wattle’ (the red bit hanging under the chin), and only a few feathers on the head.
• Eating the skin on a serving of roast turkey (dark meat) adds about 18% more calories to a serving without the skin.
• Nutritionists believe that the amount of tryptophan in turkey is insufficient by itself to induce sleepiness. Rather, it’s the traditional bread-potato-stuffing-pie Thanksgiving meal as a whole that triggers after-dinner lethargy.
– /


1960 [56] Robin Roberts, Tuskeegee AL, TV co-host (“Good Morning America” since 2005)

1992 [24] (Destiny) Miley Cyrus, Nashville TN, pop singer (“Wrecking Ball”, “The Climb”)/movie actress (“The Last Song”)/TV actress (“Hannah Montana” 2006-10)

• “Cashew Day”, celebrating the yummy nut that sounds like a sneeze. (ca-SHEEEWW!)

• “Espresso Day”, a good excuse to have a wake-me-up shot this morning. Luigi Bezzera invented the espresso coffee machine in Italy in 1901. His objective was to decrease his employees’ coffee break time and increase their productivity. The small cup in which an espresso is served is called a demitasse.

• “International Image Consultant Day”, saluting the professionals who help pull together a winning image to create a powerful first impression, a key to success in personal, professional, and social life. Which celebrity could use a bit of help?

• “Labour Thanksgiving Day”, the ancient harvest festival in Japan. They combine two holidays on one day? No wonder they’re so overworked!

2013 [03] A special episode of Brit sci-fi program “Doctor Who” entitled “The Day Of the Doctor” airs simultaneously in 94 countries to celebrate the show’s 50th anniversary (Guinness World Record for the largest-ever simulcast of a TV drama)

2013 [03] One Direction hosts “1D Day”, a 7½ hour interactive live-stream on YouTube and Google+ Hangout that includes live band performances and celebrity guests (an unprecedented use of social media)

2005 [11] Ellen Johnson Sirleaf is elected president of Liberia, becoming the 1st woman to lead an African country

2000 [16] Dot-com tycoon Jaakko Rytsola sets a world record in Finland with a $71,400 speeding ticket (traffic fines in Finland are linked to the offender’s income)

[Thurs] “The Simpsons” 600-episode marathon begins (FXX)
[Thurs] Celebrate Your Unique Talent Day
[Fri] “Moana” opens in movie theaters
[Fri] “Gilmore Girls” reboot debuts (Netflix)
[Fri] International Day For the Elimination of Violence Against Women Day
[Sat] Small Business Saturday
[Sun] Grey Cup (Toronto ON)
[Mon] Cyber Monday
This Week Is … Better Conversation Week
This Month Is … Long-Term Care Awareness Month


✓ Smoking a turkey is always an option but it’s damn hard to get it lit.
✓ To get your turkey golden brown, use a high-grade shellac.
✓ Buy a wreath at the Dollar Store and tell everyone you made it yourself.
✓ Bite the head off of a live turkey.
✓ So nobody gets drowsy after dinner, liven up the stuffing with a can of Tim Hortons Dark Roast.
✓ Tired of turkey? Roast a raccoon.
✓ No time to bake homemade pies? Well then, you’re a horrible, horrible person.
✓ Get the family as stoned as possible, as early as possible.
✓ To spice things up in the bedroom later on, dress up like Pilgrims.

• According to statistical analysis, people spend 1.3 years of their lives on average deciding which of the following?
a. What to watch on television. [CORRECT]
b. What to have for dinner.
c. What to wear.

• Historians think that the sport of snowboarding may have originated where?
a. Switzerland.
b. Canada.
c. Turkey. [CORRECT]
– “Outside Magazine”

☎ Should men still pay for the first date?

I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die.

Question: The average person has about 150 of THESE but only uses around 15.
Answer: TV channels.

Wanna take a shot at Donald Trump? Try ‘Trumpiñata’ …

The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before your boss does.

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