Monday, November 26, 2012        Edition: #4876

More From the Sheethouse!

WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
• Larry Hagman, who portrayed one of TV’s most infamous villains as conniving, amoral oilman ‘JR Ewing’ on “Dallas” (2012, 1978-91) died Friday at age 81 of complications from his battle with throat cancer. He suffered from liver cancer and cirrhosis of the liver in the 1990s after decades of drinking. Seemingly appropriately, he died in a hospital in Dallas. Producers have released a statement confirming that the show’s revival will continue without him. (Likely for about 3 episodes.)
– “Dallas Morning News”
• Irish actor Daniel Day-Lewis is famous for his stubborn devotion to method acting and always remains in character throughout a movie shoot. It’s been revealed the cast & crew on Steven Spielberg’s new movie “Lincoln” were even instructed to address him as ‘Mr President’ on the set. And he extended an unusual welcome to his co-star Joseph Gordon-Levitt as filming on the bio-pic began by sending him a handwritten letter … from the 16th US president. (To create complete authenticity, someone ought to shoot him in the head.)
• Actress Halle Berry is reportedly planning to seek a restraining order against her ex-partner Gabriel Aubry this week as the current protective order expires tomorrow. Canadian model Aubry, father of Berry’s 4-year-old daughter Nahla, brawled with her current beau, French actor Olivier Martinez, at her LA home on Thursday. He was subsequently arrested on suspicion of battery and is currently free on $20,000-bail. (He’d already legally prevented her from taking his daughter to France … now he’s gone and blown it.)
• 38-year-old Spice Girl-turned-fashion designer Victoria Beckham has been spotted house-hunting in London just 5 days after her soccer star-husband David Beckham announced he was leaving the Los Angeles Galaxy. Victoria was chauffeured to 4 different luxury mansion in South London in a silver Range Rover. Insiders say a move back to Britain would mean Victoria could be close to her blossoming fashion business. (And at 37, daddy’s big money days in sports are done.)
– TheSun.co.uk
• And Britain’s Duchess Catherine (Kate Middleton to us peons) reportedly can’t wait to decorate her new Kensington Palace apartment with mementos from her travels with Prince William around-the-world. The couple is moving from their cottage in Wales, where William has been serving in the military, to London and someone purportedly in the know says the main reason for the move is having a baby. (And before everyone starts gossiping for the 99th time, she isn’t pregnant yet … that we know of.)
– UsWeekly.com

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Wild Belle (“Wild Belle”).
• “Dancing With the Stars All-Stars” (ABC/CTV2) – The remaining 3 couples perform 2 dances each, including a freestyle.
• “Good Morning America” (ABC) – Alicia Keys (“Girl on Fire”, out tomorrow).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Soundgarden (“King Animal“).
• “Katie” (syndicated) – Taylor Swift (“Red”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – White Arrows (“Dry Land Is Not a Myth”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Sun Kil Moon (“Among the Leaves”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Delta Rae (“Carry the Fire”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV) – The top 8 artists perform.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Billy Ray Cyrus – He tells “People” magazine he’s planning (threatening?) to celebrate the 20th anniversary of his 1992 hit “Achy Breaky Heart” by releasing a revamped ‘clubby’ version.
• Jimi Hendrix – In celebration of his 70th birth anniversary, “Hendrix 70: Live at Woodstock”, a documentary film about his August 1969 performance at Woodstock (“Foxy Lady”, “Purple Haze”, “Star Spangled Banner”) is being screened in select cinemas globally starting tonight.
NET: http://www.jimihendrix.com/us/home
• Justin Bieber – Friday he was presented with a ‘Diamond Jubilee’ medal from Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper. For the occasion, the Biebs wore a T-shirt, oversize overalls (one strap dangling), and a backwards ball cap.
• One Direction – They’ve become the first-ever British group to have its first 2 albums top the US chart. “Take Me Home” sold 540,000 copies in its first week, according to SoundScan/”Billboard”.
• PSY – Saturday “Gangnam Style” officially became the world’s most popular video on YouTube ever, surpassing 804 million views.
• Rolling Stones – 65-year-old rocker Ronnie Wood recently announced he is engaged to wed 34-year-old theater producer Sally Humphreys. An announcement of their impending marriage has now been published, revealing they plan to tie the knot at London’s Dorchester Hotel. It will be Wood’s 3rd go-round.
• Soundgarden – The reunited ‘godfathers of grunge’ have dismissed long-standing rumors that drugs and booze led to the group’s 1997 split. Chris Cornell and Kim Thayil say the band had simply grown tired of the grind of touring and recording together.
• Taylor Swift – She tells “Parade” magazine she’s never ‘truly’ been in love because none of her romantic relationships has lasted. Quote: “If I end up getting married and having kids, that’s when I’ll know it’s real … because it lasted.”

GUILTY IS TASTY:
According to newly published research, the guilt we feel may make a decadent treat taste even more delicious than it otherwise would. According to a research team led by Kelly Goldsmith of Northwestern University’s Kellogg School of Management, when succumbing to temptation people who are primed with guilt subsequently experience greater pleasure than people who are not. (In other words, you gotta know you’re being bad before being bad is any fun.)
– TheGlobeandMail.com

TREACHEROUS TOYS:
Advocacy group ‘World Against Toys Causing Harm’ (WATCH) has just published its 40th annual list of toys that could be dangerous to kids. This year’s warnings include …
✗ ‘Magnetic Fishing Game’ – A yummy-looking metal lure on a fishing line intended for children just 16-months-old … what could possibly go wrong?
✗ ‘Bongo Ball’ – Children as young as 3-years-old are encouraged to climb inside this colorful inflatable ball. No mention of how they’re supposed to breathe.
✗ ‘Dart Zone Quick Fire 12 Dart Gun’ – It’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye.
✗ ‘Spinner Shark 4-Wheel Kneeboard’ – The product’s own instructions warn: “Kneeboard riding can be a hazardous activity.”
✗ ‘Explore & Learn Helicopter’ – Said to reward ‘baby’s curiosity’ … with a cord measuring approximately 24-inches-long.
✗ ‘N-Force Vendetta Double Sword’ – A 4-and-a-half foot long weapon that comes with the warning: “Do not poke or swing at people or animals.” Gee, can’t imagine kids ever doing that.
✗ ‘Water Balloon Launcher’ – It’s actually marketed as having the capability to shoot water balloons at speeds of up to … 75 mph.
✗ ‘Power Rangers Super Samurai Shogun Helmet’ – This headgear includes an attachable ‘crown’ with pointed, rigid plastic tips as long as 9 inches.
✗ ‘The Avengers Gamma Green Smash Fists’ – Oversized fists to enable 3-year-olds to ‘smash everything that gets in the way!’. Are cute little brass knuckles also being developed?
✗ ‘Playful Xylophone’ – Tots as young as 12-months-old are encouraged to use an unattached slender, 5-inch long wooden dowel as a drumstick. No one would try to eat that, right?
NET: http://toysafety.org/worstToyList_index.shtml
– ToySafety.org

SANTA HATES YOU:
An Australian psychologist says smartphone apps enabling parents to send naughty children phone calls from Santa ‘are not useful’ and ‘could be abused’. Dr John Irvine says the smartphone apps – including ‘Fake Call From Santa’ and ‘Parents Calling Santa’ – are not productive methods of behavior correction. Irvine asks, what’s the point in threatening something that you are not going to carry out? Are mom & dad really going to cancel presents on Christmas Day? (Wanna be cruel? Go European … give the gift of a lump of coal.)
– UPI.com

DOES THIS MAKE SENSE?
August 2012: Britain’s St James Palace (HQ of Prince Charles) sends letters to the press, banning them from printing naked pictures of Prince Harry taken in a hotel in Las Vegas, claiming they are an ‘unjustified intrusion of privacy’. November 2012: St James Palace sets up a candid photoshoot of Prince William at work. In the background of the shots, private information is clearly visible on computer screens. St James Palace publishes them, causing a huge security breach at the UK’s Ministry of Defence. (The first mishap was an extremely embarrassing gaffe involving the royal family; the second gaffe is just a silly national security problem.)
– PopBitch.com

FUZZY DEFINITION OF OVERWEIGHT:
A new Gallup poll has found that as our waistlines increase, so do our perceptions of our ideal weight. Men’s perception of ideal weight is up an average 14 lbs since Gallup first measured it in 1990, while their actual weight is up 16 lbs on average. For women, the perception of ideal weight is up 11 lbs while their actual weight is up an average of 14 lbs. Basically, over the past 2 decades people have consistently said they wanted to lose about 10-to-15 lbs off their current weight in order to achieve their ‘ideal weight’. (Meantime, both numbers keep growing and growing and …)
– Discovery.com

TEA, ANYONE?
Since 1980 coffee consumption has fallen and is forecast to fall further. Consumption of tea, on the other hand, has grown, and is forecast to keep growing. It’s perhaps benefiting from the perception that tea has health benefits coffee lacks; and perhaps also driven by immigration from tea-drinking countries. The Tea Association now puts the value of the tea market in North America at circa $8.2 billion, up from $1.8 billion a decade ago. It forecasts it will nearly double in value again by 2014. The sharpest growth will come in consumption of green tea. (Which also happens to be the color of money … and the logo of tea bandwagon-jumper Starbucks.)
– “The Economist”

DID YOU KNOW?
• The popular belief that angels sang to shepherds to proclaim the birth of Jesus is not true, according to Pope Benedict XVI’s latest book, “Jesus of Nazareth: The Infancy Narratives”. (Well, so much for that Christmas carol.)
– UPI.com
• Some mapmakers intentionally include fake islands, roads and streets to prevent copyright infringements. (Thereby exasperating countless pizza delivery people.)
– Agence France Presse
• North Americans use 3 million miles (5 million km) of dental floss per year. (Likely only about 10% of the floss that’s sitting in medicine cabinets collecting dust.)
– “Times of London”

BS CHRONOMETER 11.26.12


TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1976 [36] Joe Nichols, Rogers AR, country singer (“Gimme That Girl”, “Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off”)

1981 [31] Natasha Bedingfield, London UK, pop singer (“Unwritten”, “These Words”)

1984 [28] Ben Wysocki, Denver CO, rock drummer (The Fray-“You Found Me”, “How to Save a Life”)

1984 [28] Mike Gossin, Utica NY, country singer-guitarist (Gloriana-“Kissed You Good Night”, “Wild at Heart”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Cyber Monday”, traditionally the beginning of the online Christmas shopping season.

• “Don’t Utter a Word Day”, a reminder to talkers that listeners usually get tired of listening long before talkers get tired of talking.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1942 [70] Classic movie “Casablanca”, starring Humphrey Bogart & Ingrid Bergman, premieres in NYC and goes on to become one of the most beloved Hollywood films in history

2002 [10] Actor and major Elvis fan Nicholas Cage divorces Lisa Marie Presley after less than 4 months, citing ‘irreconcilable differences’ (she refused to call him ‘Daddy’?)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1952 [60] Canada’s 1st English-language hockey telecast as Foster Hewitt calls the play-by-play on CBLT-TV in Toronto (Maple Leafs beat Boston Bruins 2-1)

1992 [20] UK’s Queen Elizabeth II, worth an estimated $8 billion, volunteers to pay income tax and to take some of her relatives off the public payroll

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1989 [23] United Way workers in Prince George BC assemble ‘World’s Largest Jigsaw Puzzle’, 1,085 pieces covering 9,739 square feet

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] Pins & Needles Day
[Tues] Bavarian Cream Pie Day
[Tues] Strange Names Day
[Wed] Decorate Your Dog Day
[Wed] Full ‘Beaver’ Moon
[Thurs] Electronic Greetings Day
[Thurs] International Day of Solidarity With the Palestinian People

BULL’S BITS


BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 19 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
BS THREATS USED IN DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILIES . . .
• “Finish your lima beans or you’re not getting any heroin for dessert!”
• “If you don’t stop that this instant, I’ll have Grandma perform another striptease.”
• “If this plexiglass wasn’t between us, I’d wash your mouth out with soap, young man.”
• “Billy Bob, you finish them chores or Sis ain’t goin’ to the prom with ya!”
• “Eat your Brussels sprouts, or Mommy won’t love you anymore.”
• “You just wait til your father gets paroled!”
• “All right, Little Mister, no more time in the sheep pen for you!”
– First published in “BS” 1999.
NET: http://www.FreeRadioPrep.com

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ How many times per week does your family sit down to dinner together?

BS WEB GOODIE:
Here’s a business that purchases cancelled weddings and resells them to new couples. Who said romance was dead?
NET: http://www.bridalbrokerage.com

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
What is the #1 lesson taught in most Santa Claus courses?
a. Use mouthwash.
b. Memorize reindeer names. [CORRECT]
c. Never promise puppies.
– HaLife.com

BS RANDOM JOKE:
“I’ve had it with my dog … he’ll chase anyone in a car”. “Really? What are you going to
do about it?” “Confiscate his car.”

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: If you are average, you will have THIS for lunch over 50 times a year.
Answer: Nothing.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Necessity is the mother of strange bedfellows.

BS FRESH MEAT:
David Jones @ All Hours Radio, UK; Louis Butko @ 90.1 The Heat [CRNC] Welland, Ontario; Jordan McKamey @ 88.1 KCWC Riverton, Wyoming; Jeff Michaels @ 93.7 Praise FM [CJLT] Medicine Hat, Alberta; and Candyce Sellars @ The Platypus [CCKC] Nova Scotia Community College, Dartmouth, Nova Scotia.


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