Tuesday, November 29, 2016 – Edition: #5861

Sheet for Brains!

★ 46-year-old Leah Remini has reportedly demanded the Church of Scientology pay her $1.5 million after it lobbied A&E network to get her new show shut down before it debuts tonight. The former Scientologist’s new docu-series “Scientology & The Aftermath” is set to reveal details about the religion and its members. The church has apparently been trying to get the show pulled before it airs. Remini was blacklisted after walking away from Scientology in 2013 after she criticized officials’ treatment of their followers. A rep for the Church of Scientology says Remini is – quote – “A has-been actress who needs to quit exploiting her former religion.”
– WENN.com
★ “Doctor Strange” has become Marvel’s biggest solo movie (without a team of superheroes). The Benedict Cumberbatch-led film has grossed over $616 million worldwide so far. That surpasses 2008’s “Iron Man” to become the studio’s highest-grossing solo character debut. Perhaps surprisingly, “Ant-Man” is in 3rd place on the list with $518 million. The most successful Marvel Cinematic Universe motion picture is “Guardians Of the Galaxy” which debuted with $773 million.
– Bang Showbiz
★ Kylie Jenner is facing legal action for allegedly ripping off photos to promote her cosmetics line. Vlada Haggerty says her Instagram is chock full with pics of women striking various poses which accentuate their lips. The pics are striking … pale women with dark lips, etc. Haggerty and her professional photographer claim Kylie has jacked the style to hawk her wares using photos that are dead ringers for theirs. Here’s the problem … ideas are not legally protected, just the actual images. So Kylie’s versions may be similar, but they are not the originals.
– TMZ.com

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Shovels & Rope (“Little Seeds”).
• “Ellen” (syndicated/CTV2) – The Revivalists (“Men Amongst Mountains”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Flatbush Zombies (“3001: A Laced Odyssey”). Rerun.
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/CTV) – Weezer (self-titled ‘White Album’).
• “Late Show With Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global) – Sting (“57th & 9th).
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Neil Diamond (“Acoustic Christmas”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV2) – Viewer votes determine who advances to the semifinals.

• Kanye West – Kim Kardashian has reportedly been staying at the UCLA Medical Center where her husband is receiving treatment for exhaustion and sleep deprivation. She’s said to be sleeping next to him and even helping to feed him. All kinds of people have called or sent flowers, but Kim’s being careful about not letting ‘Ye get wound up, making sure he gets rest.
• New Kids On the Block – They’re getting a little long in the tooth judging from their fans. One is claiming she fell during a concert … and broke her hip. The woman claims she slipped on some liquid and landed on her butt, thereby fracturing her left hip. NKOTB are not being sued … just the Wells Fargo Center in Philadelphia PA for not mopping up the fluid. Ew, what kind?
• Pitbull – He’s at the center of a lawsuit by one William Underwood, who is part owner of a legendary funk track called “Weak At the Knees”. Underwood insists Pitbull sampled the tune for his mega-hit “Timber”. The core of the lawsuit is the guitar riff. Pitbull’s not being sued … just his publishing company.
• Rod Stewart – He’s been signed to headline the Isle of Wight Festival 2017. The “Maggie May” oldies singer is scheduled to close the legendary music extravaganza on Sunday, June 11th at Seaclose Park, in what will be his only UK appearance of the year.

Coming out on DVD, Netflix, Google Play and/or other video providers …
• “The BFG” ( PG Fantasy Adventure ): Based on the book by Roald Dahl. A girl encounters the ‘Big Friendly Giant’ who, despite his intimidating appearance, turns out to be a kindhearted soul who – unlike other giants – refuses to eat children. Directed by Steven Spielberg. Stars Mark Rylance, Ruby Barnhill, Penelope Wilton, Jemaine Clement.
• “Don’t Breathe” ( R-Rated Horror Thriller ): A group of friends break into the house of a wealthy blind man, thinking they’ll get away with the perfect heist. It turns out they’re wrong … dead wrong. Stars Stephen Lang, Jane Levy, Dylan Minnette, Daniel Zovatto. Director Fede Alvarez (“Evil Dead”).
• “The Intervention” ( R-Rated Dramedy ): First-time feature director Clea DuVall writes, directs, and stars in this story of 4 couples who reunite for a marriage intervention disguised as a fun-filled weekend at a lakeside vacation home. Co-stars Cobie Smulders, Jason Ritter, Natasha Lyonne, and Vincent Piazza. Soundtrack includes Tegan & Sara.
• “Pete’s Dragon” ( PG Family Adventure ): A bigscreen adaptation of the beloved children’s book about an orphaned boy named ‘Pete’ and his best friend ‘Elliot’ … who just so happens to be a dragon. Stars Bryce Dallas Howard, Robert Redford, Oakes Fegley, Oona Laurence. Only the dragon is animated. Shot in New Zealand.
• Also being released: “Ants On a Shrimp” (Documentary); and “Soundbreaking: Stories From the Cutting Edge of Recorded Music” (Documentary Series).

Retail observers have noted the following …
✓ This year’s hottest toy is Hatchimals. When a child strokes the egg, it starts to hatch into a stuffed bird-like creature. The child’s interaction with the pet trains it to play games and repeat words. Made by Spin Master, they run $59.99.
✓ Tacky Christmas sweaters are bigger than ever. The trend – often ironic – has been growing for a while, but some retailers think this will be a banner year as everyone seems to be looking for some comic relief.
✓ Many retailers are heading into the holiday season with leaner inventories than a year ago. That may help prevent them from getting stuck with lots of leftovers to clear, which would be bad news for sale-seeking consumers.
✓ Some shoppers are getting choosier about which retail apps they make space for on their smartphones. Gartner Inc researchers say 20% of users have reduced the number of apps on their phones and prioritized the most beneficial ones.
– Sourced from AP

Scientists believe the reason why some people’s hair is constantly dry, frizzy, and tangled is due to genetics. Researchers in Germany and France have identified mutations in 3 genes that can cause what is known as ‘uncombable hair syndrome’. Those affected tend to have fair hair that is dry, frizzy, thin, and resistant to being brushed or combed. While unruly hair may cause stress and anxiety, there are no health problems associated with the condition. The researchers have learned about the mechanisms involved, but they’re not offering up anything as a solution. (At least you have something else to blame for your frizz now, other than ‘the humidity’.)
– “Daily Mail”

In recent years, pizza retailer Domino’s has been intent on jazzing up its delivery service. First they tried drones. Then a robot. Then a bus. Then a canoe. Now Domino’s Japan is seriously considering the option of delivering pies via reindeer, due to the likelihood of blizzards, snow, and ice storms this Winter. The downside of the idea is that reindeer are not great at keeping pizza on their backs, and are prone to running off and abandoning their pizza delivery mission. To work out the kinks Domino’s Japan has launched a trial period in icy Hokkaido, where they’ll be able to learn all the tips and tricks to ensure speedy delivery. If reindeer don’t work out, they’re also looking into using snowmobiles. (Maybe a smarter option … but not near as cute.)
– RocketNews24.com

When you greet people, it’s always polite to ask how they are. And whether we admit it or not, loads of us would argue that it’s best to simply reply “fine, thanks” or something similar. A recent study suggests the average adult says “I’m fine” 14 times a week. The same study finds we only mean it 19% of the time. 59% of us expect the person we’re talking to also lie. Why? If you’re talking to a work colleague or someone you barely know, the last thing you want them to do is to launch into why they’re not sleeping properly, their partner is leaving them, their job is crap, etc. In the UK, the Mental Health Foundation’s “I’m Fine” campaign is encouraging people to open up about their feelings and bring back meaning to daily conversations. It’s all about improving mental health, or so they say. (“Hey, how are ya?” “Depressed AF, thank-you.”)
– Metro.co.uk

• You look like something that I would draw with my left hand.
• I’m not saying that I dislike you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.
• Don’t you just love nature … in spite of what it did to you?
• I’ve seen someone like you before, but I had to pay admission.
• You’re not as bad as people say. You’re much worse.
• Wow! You look like a ‘before’ picture!
• It’s looks like your face caught on fire and somebody tried to extinguish it … with a hammer.
• It’s really great to see how you don’t let your education get in the way of your ignorance.
• I’m really jealous of everyone who hasn’t met you.
• You have the perfect face for radio!
– Condensed from List25.com

Some porn sites have a voiceover function for blind people that explains what’s going on.
– Vice.com


1954 [62] Joel Coen, Minneapolis MN, movie producer-director-screenwriter (“No Country for Old Men”, “Fargo”)/brother of filmmaking partner Ethan Coen

1955 [61] Howie Mandel, Toronto ON, TV personality (“America’s Got Talent” since 2010, “Deal or No Deal” 2005-09)/stand-up comedian

1964 [52] Don Cheadle, Kansas City MO, movie actor (“Iron Man 2”, “Ocean’s Eleven” movies)

1968 [48] Jonathan Knight, Dorchester MA, pop singer (New Kids On the Block-“Step by Step”, “Hangin’ Tough”)

1970 [46] Frank Delgado, LA CA, rock keyboardist (Deftones-“Minerva”, “Change”)

1976 [40] Anna Faris, Baltimore MD, movie actress (“Alvin & The Chipmunks” films, “22 Jump Street”)

1979 [37] The Game (Jayceon Taylor), LA CA, rapper (f/Lil Wayne-“My Life”, f/50 Cent-“Hate It or Love It”)

1982 [34] Lucas Black, Decatur AL, TV actor (‘Christopher LaSalle’ on “NCIS: New Orleans” since 2014)

• “Electronic Greetings Day”, another excuse to interact with others via messaging, Facebook, email, voicemail, etc.

• “International Day of Solidarity With the Palestinian People”, sponsored by the United Nations.

• “Square Dance Day”, a chance to get out and ‘dosey-doe’ with your partner.

2011 [05] Convicted of involuntary manslaughter, Dr Conrad Murray receives a 4-year sentence for Michael Jackson’s 2009 death

2001 [15] George Harrison of The Beatles dies in LA of cancer at age 58

2009 [07] Susan Boyle’s debut album, “Dreamed a Dream”, tops the chart in several countries and becomes the best-selling debut in UK history (the then 48-year-old had been a runner-up on “Britain’s Got Talent”)

2014 [02] Taylor Swift replaces herself at #1 on the ‘Billboard Hot 100’ as “Blank Space” knocks “Shake It Off” from the top spot, making Swift the first female artist to do so

[Wed] Computer Security Day
[Wed] Meth Awareness Day
[Wed] Rockefeller Christmas Tree Lighting (NYC)
[Wed] Stay Home Because You’re Well Day
This Week Is … Restorative Justice Week
This Month Is … Peanut Butter Lovers Month


Use ’em all at once or one-at-a-time as the zodiac reading of the day …
• Aries – The human mind is a thing of startling beauty. Unfortunately yours is mostly filled with old phone numbers and minor-celebrity trivia.
• Taurus – Nobody knows the troubles you’ve seen. Remind them of this fact at every possible opportunity.
• Gemini – Any hope you once had of aging with grace and dignity will be dashed this week, when you turn 25.
• Cancer – Ignorance and stupidity will soon be yours, when the Tree of Wisdom is cut down to make room for another mini-mall.
• Leo – Try listening to your body this week. It’s got a bunch of really great stories about hanging out with Jimmy Page.
• Virgo – After days of searching, you’ll finally find comfort this week. Just above ‘comforter’ and right below ‘colostomy’.
• Libra – By this time next year, you’ll be $400,000 richer, 2 cars the better, and just as gullible as you are now.
• Scorpio – Sometimes in life you just have to march right in there, introduce yourself, fight off a couple of rather large security guards, and demand a raise.
• Sagittarius – Please stop insisting you have nothing left to live for. The phrase you’re looking for is ‘never had a reason to live’.
• Capricorn – Your firstborn child will have your eyes, thanks to delivery complications and the organ-donor sticker on your driver’s license.
• Aquarius – There is a time and place for everything, except for your loud and incompetent scat singing.
• Pisces – For centuries fire was a sacred symbol of vitality and strength. Keep this in mind as you roll around frantically on your kitchen floor this Thursday.
– Adapted from TheOnion.com

☎ Are difficult friendships better?

• Walk on them living and they don’t even mumble, but walk on them dead and they mutter and grumble. What are they? [Leaves.]
• There are 10 flies are on the table. With one swat, you kill 3. How many are left on the table? [The 3 squished ones. The rest would fly away immediately.]
• Feed me and I live, give me a drink and I die. What am I? [Fire.]

My wife and I laugh about how competitive we are. Although I laugh slightly louder.

Which was the first NFL football team to sport an insignia on its helmets?
a. Pittsburgh Steelers
b. Cleveland Browns
c. Los Angeles Rams [CORRECT. In 1948, they debuted hand-painted yellow horns on their blue leather helmets.]
– FunTrivia.com

Question: 1-in-10 men keep THIS for over 10 years.
Answer: Underwear.

You can’t buy happiness but you can lease it.

Monthly Planning Calendar in Tomorrow’s Edition of “BS”!

Printer Friendly Version