November 3, 2010

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Wednesday, November 3, 2010        Edition: #4378
Our Sheet Don’t Stink!

Reality TV star Kim Kardashian is reportedly trying to kick-start a music career (it’s already hard to tell the difference between her and Nicole Scherzinger) . . . Denise Richards has reportedly turned down offers up to $1 million to spill the details of former hubby Charlie Sheen’s NYC melt-down at the Plaza Hotel, which she witnessed firsthand (he’s likely paying her 2 mill to keep quiet) . . . Meantime, it looks like Sheen & estranged wife Brooke Mueller are about to make their split official, each filing separate divorce papers in court (hers citing ‘complete a–hole’ as the grounds) . . . Oscar-winning actor Daniel Day Lewis has lent his voice to the new videogame “There Will Be Blood, The Game” (hopefully the game has a better ending) . . . Famous person Jessica Simpson’s pals are denying the latest round of pregnancy rumors (apparently she just got fat – again) . . . “Glee” star Matthew Morrison is denying reports he’s dating actress Cameron Diaz but admits he now has a crush on Gwyneth Paltrow after her guest appearance on the show (dude, your taste is in your mouth!) . . . And in an interview for the December edition of British “Vogue”, 20-year-old ‘Harry Potter’ actress Emma Watson reveals she lived like a normal teenager and received a weekly allowance of $75, so it came as quite a shock when her dad sat her down for a ‘money conversation’ and revealed – she’s worth around $32 million (this is one college kid who doesn’t need to survive on mac & cheese and ramen noodles).

• “In the Spotlight With Robin Roberts: All Access Nashville” (ABC) – Roberts talks with Brad Paisley, Carrie Underwood, Kellie Pickler, LeAnn Rimes, and Miranda Lambert.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Huey Lewis (“Soulsville”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Built to Spill (“There Is No Enemy”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Dr Dog (“Shame Shame”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni) – Brad Paisley (“Hits Alive”), who also performs on the webcast concert series “Live On Letterman” after taping the show.
• “Lopez Tonight” (TBS) – Soulja Boy (“The DeAndre Way”, out November 30th).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Far East Movement (“Free Wired”).

• Carrie Underwood – She has co-written and recorded a song called “There’s a Place for Us” for the upcoming film, “The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage Of the Dawn Treader”. Based on a CS Lewis book, the fantasy film is scheduled to hit theaters December 10th.
• Darryl Worley – Today the grand opening of the Darryl Worley Cancer Treatment Center takes place in Savannah, Tennessee. He’s dedicated money raised over the years at his annual “Tennessee River Run” festival to help build the center.
• 50 Cent – He & TV host Chelsea Handler (“Chelsea Lately”) have been spotted dating again, this time doing lunch in Malibu, California then driving off in his massive Rolls Royce. It’s the 3rd time in the last month that the odd couple have been spotted together.
• Slash – He’s apparently changed his mind about leaving Perla Ferrar, his wife of 9 years, filing a request for dismissal of the divorce papers in LA County Superior Court.
• TI – He’s back in a minimum-security federal prison in Forrest City, Arkansas to begin serving 11 months for violating probation. It’s the same complex where he logged 7 months earlier this year for his illegal weapons conviction.
• Taylor Swift – She’s been spotted with actor Jake Gyllenhaal … again. This time at Post Ranch Inn in Big Sur, California where they were seen together over breakfast and also by the pool.

New cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Age Compression’ – The lowering age when kids stop playing with traditional toys, a trend that’s accelerating. For instance, girls are now past the ‘Barbie’ stage by age 8, instead of 12.
• ‘Scope or Grope’ – Airport slang for the choices now faced by travelers at US Immigration: Entering the new ‘nude-o-gram’ machine or submitting to an ‘enhanced patdown’.
• ‘Serial Parents’ – Spouses who work opposite hours to avoid the cost and hassle of childcare.

• Zimbabwe – Cricket commentator Dean Du Plessis’ acute sense of hearing and his eavesdropping on other commentators helps him overcome the fact that … he’s blind. In fact, his delivery is so polished that most listeners are unaware he can’t see. Fans say he rarely makes mistakes and collates the scores with a computer-like memory.
– “Daily Telegraph”
• Russia – Bears  in the northern republic of Komi have grown so desperate for food after a scorching Summer they have started … digging up graves. A Russian official from the International Fund for Animal Welfare confirms cases of bears exhuming and eating corpses in municipal cemeteries. It seems they’re teaching one another how to open a coffin.
– “The Guardian”
• Australia –A 21-year-old Queensland man is facing criminal charges after allegedly tattooing a 40-cm-long penis onto his mate’s back. The  25-year-old victim thought he was getting a yin & yang symbol with some dragons. It will cost him about $2000 to remove the lewd tattoo. The ink artist has been charged with 2 counts of ‘assault occasioning bodily harm’.
– “Queensland Times”

A BS breakdown of who we are and what we do …
• 50% of us admit the cause of most of our arguments is lack of sleep.
• 40% of us have tried marijuana at least once.
• 20% of us share a computer password with someone we know.
• 17% of husbands say the first thing they do when they get home from work is have a drink.
• 14% of kids will hoard their Halloween candy for a year or more.
• 5% of us don’t bother to lock our doors at night.

If you just don’t seem to be as strong during that midday run or treadmill workout, there’s a reason for it. Our lungs lose power at lunchtime because they’re governed by a cycle of circadian rhythms that dip and rise over a 24-hour period. The time of peak lung performance for most people is late afternoon, making that the best time of day to exercise. But since lung performance tends to drop in the very early morning hours and again at noon, you won’t get the optimal benefit from an early morning or lunchtime workout, according to researchers from the Long Island Jewish Medical Center. (Ah! Another reason to sleep in. Thanks, guys!)
– BBC News

Highlights of a new Harris Interactive poll of more than 2,400 employers about employees missing work …
• Over 50% of employers allow employees to take ‘mental health days’.
• 30% of employers say they check up on employees whenever they call in sick.
• 25% of employers think more employees are taking sick days because they’re stressed and burned out due to the weak economy.
• 16% of employers have fired an employee for missing a day of work without a good excuse.

The most common foods we’re allergic to … and the number of people they affect –
Shellfish … 17 in 1000.
Tree Nuts … 10 in 1000.
Peanuts … 7 in 1000.
Fish … 6 in 1000.
Sesame … Less than 1 in 1000.
– “Best Health Magazine”

A BS compendium of recent ‘discoveries’ . . .
• Scientists say . . . When it comes to the arrangement of the genes on our chromosomes, we’re closer to cats than any other animal group studied so far, except for primates. (No wonder I like to lick my hands!)
• Scientists say . . . It’s a bad idea to give ice cream to a woman going through PMS. (But it’s a worse idea to try taking it away from her!)
• Scientists say . . . People who smoke cannabis seem to recover any short-term loss of brain function. (However, they never recover the millions they’ve spent on munchies.)
• Scientists say . . . female brown trout sometimes fake orgasms. It’s apparently to encourage a male partner to ‘finish’ prematurely so they can ditch him and swim on to find a hotter. (What kind of weirdo would actually wanna monitor this for a living?)
• Scientists say . . . breastfeeding boosts kids’ mental health. Growing evidence suggests breast milk plays an important role in the brain development that occurs in the first year of life. (So how come we refer to a stupid person as ‘a real boob’?)

• Roller skating goes back about 300 years. (Falling on your head does also. Coincidence?)
• You can die from too much caffeine. All it takes is the equivalent of 70 cans of energy drinks.


1953 [57] Dennis Miller, Pittsburgh PA, TV personality (“Dennis Miller” 2004-05, “NFL Monday Night Football” 2000-02; “Saturday Night Live” 1985-91)/syndicated radio host (“The Dennis Miller Show”)/occasional movie actor (“What Happens in Vegas”, “Joe Dirt”)

1955 [55] Phil Simms, Lebanon KY, NFL analyst (CBS-TV)/former NFL quarterback (2 Super Bowls with NY Giants 1979-93)

1979 [31] Tim McIlrath, Indianapolis IN, rock vocalist/guitarist (Rise Against-“Re-Education [Through Labor]”, “The Good Left Undone”)

• “Cliché Day”. It’s amazing how they infiltrate our daily conversations. Try to make it through an entire show without anyone uttering a cliché. Hit the buzzer every time one pops up!

• “Gambling Addiction Awareness Day”. Hey, bet you didn’t know that!
• When you order fast food you say, “I’d like to double down on those biggie fries.”
• You’ve got 50 bucks riding on the ‘Final Jeopardy’ answer … with your 6-year-old.
• When they pass around the collection plate at church, you ask, “What kind of odds am I getting?”
• You’re wearing green felt underpants.
• Whenever you meet someone, you put a coin in his mouth and start yanking on his arm.

• “Sandwich Day”, celebrating the 1718 birth of John Montagu, 4th Earl of Sandwich. A compulsive gambler, he wanted something that could be eaten at gaming tables and earned immortality when he began eating beef between slices of toast in 1792. Nowadays, we eat an average of 193 sandwiches apiece annually. What’s the oddest sandwich you’ve ever concocted? A few oddities posted on an online forum …
– Bologna & Jelly
– Mashed Potatoes Mixed with Canned Corn & Topped with Cottage Cheese
– Cheese & Ketchup
– Peanut Butter & Tuna
– Grilled Cheese with Anchovies
– Chocolate Spread & Pickled Onion
– White Bread with Vanilla Ice Cream

2006 [04] “Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan” opens in movie theaters, starring British comedian Sacha Baron Cohen (the first ever guerilla comedy film?)

1990 [20] “Ice Ice Baby” by Vanilla Ice hits #1, the first rap tune to top pop charts

1900 [110] 1st ‘Auto Show’ in America (NYC’s Madison Square Garden)

1930 [80] 1st ‘International Vehicle Tunnel’ in the world opens (Detroit, Michigan-Windsor, Ontario)

1995 [15] 1st regular season game for NBA’s Toronto Raptors (a win over NJ Nets)

1998 [12] Minnesota elects former pro wrestler Jesse ‘The Body’ Ventura as Governor

1996 [14] Record youngest NBA player, LA Laker Kobe Bryant, takes the floor at the tender age of 18 years, 2 months, and 11 days

2004 [06] “Jeopardy!” contestant Ken Jennings shatters the record for TV game show earnings, amassing $45,099 to bring his total take to $2,197,000

[Thurs] Men Make Dinner Day
[Thurs] Use Your Common Sense Day
[Thurs] 2010 Billboard Touring Awards (NYC)
[Fri] “Due Date”; “For Colored Girls”; “Megamind” open in movie theaters
[Sat] Saxophone Day
[Sun] Daylight Saving Time ends (North America)
This Week Is … Animal Shelter Appreciation Week
This Month Is … Aviation History Month


Country duo The Judds have landed a TV series with the Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN), which launches on January 1st. The series will follow Naomi & Wynonna’s preparations for their final reunion tour, “Last Encore”, which begins November 26th in Green Bay WI.
• “Law & Oprah”
• “The Oprentice”
• “Two-and-a-Half Stedmans”
• “Hawaii Five-Oprah”
• “Gayle King of Queens”
• “More Bullsh–t From Dr Phil”

Which body part most attracts you to someone else?

Contestant gets 30 seconds to answer 5 questions about breakfast. The answers begin with the letters in B-I-N-G-O.
• Someone who works to buy food is said to bring this home. [Bacon]
• This is arguably the best part of a chocolate-dipped doughnut. [Icing]
• This is the company that makes ‘Shredded Wheat’. [Nabisco]
• A cereal made of rolled oats, nuts & dried fruit that keeps you chewing and chewing. [Granola]
• This is the only juice whose name is also its color. [Orange]

In the interest of promoting more erudite language as well as general goofiness, here’s a truly weird word from “Foyle’s Philavery: A Treasury of Unusual Words” for you to toss around for the day (award callers for tying it in with whatever they’re talking about). Today’s word is …
• ‘Lethologica’ – Describes the state of not remembering the word you want to say.

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him.

Today’s Question: The average guy has 7 of THESE but only uses 4.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Ties.

When the going gets tough … lay down and rest.

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