Thursday, November 3, 2011        Edition: #4622
Our Sheet Don’t Stink!

Tonight Clint Eastwood’s new movie “J Edgar” has its world premiere as the opening night gala at the 25th annual “AFI Fest” in Hollywood (films are free but tickets are limited) . . . Movie actor Hugh Grant has an illegitimate child, his publicist revealing he & the (unnamed) mother had a fleeting affair and while the baby girl wasn’t planned, Grant ‘could not  be happier or more supportive’ (BS translation: They’ve agreed on a figure) . . . 31-year-old actress/singer Zooey Deschanel (“New Girl”) & 35-year-old rocker Ben Gibbard (Death Cab For Cutie) have separated after a 2-year marriage, a rep confirming too much time apart is the cause (quote: “There was no third party involved”) . . . Actress/singer Demi Lovato tells MTV News she ‘pretended to be happy’ during her 3-month stint in rehab last year, hoping it would get her released sooner but eventually she decided it more worthwhile to deal with her issues, including an eating disorder and self-harm (OMG, we’re actually starting to like her!) . . . Actress Denise Richards has rekindled her relationship with Bon Jovi guitarist Richie Sambora 4 years after they split up, an insider telling E! they’ve decided to give it another go and have been on several romantic dates (likely for the purpose of another lame Ryan Seacrest reality TV series) . . . “Girls Gone Wild” founder Joe Francis has launched a lawsuit against Las Vegas casino owner Steve Wynn, accusing him of ‘ruining his reputation’ during their battle over gambling debts (uh dude, you pretty much trashed your own rep long ago) . . . 19-year-old actress Charice (Pempengco), who plays ‘Sunshine Corazon’ on “Glee” (FOX), has cancelled work commitments to fly home to the Philippines after her estranged father was hacked to death by a drunk brandishing an ice pick (she’s appealing for info to help find the perp) . . . And after working with actor Cory Monteith on the recent movie “Monte Carlo”, Selena Gomez says she would love to have a cameo role on “Glee” (playing a spitting-mad 19-year-old who schemes to take vengeance on her cheating boyfriend – oh, sorry … that’s real life).

• “Bones” (FOX/Global) – In the 7th season debut, ‘Brennan & Booth’ adjust to their new life as an expectant couple.
• “Daily Show With Jon Stewart” (Comedy Central/CTV) – Brad Paisley (“Diary Of a Player”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Jermaine Jackson (The Jacksons).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Chickenfoot (“Chickenfoot III”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Jane’s Addiction (“The Great Escape Artist”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – 1970s-80s pop group Air Supply.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Eli Young Band (“Life at Best”) performs “Crazy Girl”, which has just been certified Platinum for more than 1 million downloads.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Joe Jonas (“Fastlife”).

• INXS – Tonight in Arequipa, Peru they kick off a handful of international tour dates with 6 shows in South America, Europe, and Australia featuring new lead singer Ciaran Gribbin. They hope to be in the studio shortly afterward to record a new album.
• Justin Bieber – reports that a 20-year-old woman has filed a lawsuit against him, alleging he’s the father of her 3-month-old baby. The California woman named as Mariah Yeater is asking the “Baby” singer to take a paternity test, claiming they had sex on October 25th last year when she was 19 and he was just 16. A hearing on the matter is reportedly scheduled for December 15th.
• Kelly Clarkson – She says she doesn’t mind being called the ‘Breakup Anthem Queen’ as she thinks tunes about the end of relationships are ‘sassy’. But she says the songs she pens aren’t necessarily personal. In fact, she tells MTV, she hasn’t actually dated in quite a while.
• Lady Gaga – She’s now said to be dating 30-year-old “The Vampire Diaries” actor Taylor Kinney, who had a role in her video for “You & I”.
• Lauren Alaina – The 16-year-old “American Idol” runner-up has dropped 25 lbs in 5 months. The secret of losing more than a pound a week? Diet and exercise, she tells “Us Weekly”. She still wants to lose 10 more.
• Miranda Lambert – She tells “USA Today” she hasn’t ‘really gotten to experience being married’ to fellow country star Blake Shelton because they’re both so busy with their careers. She says she’s ready do what married couples are supposed to do … ‘hang out’.
• Rage Against the Machine – Tom Morello (The Nightwatchman) has met with British protesters at Occupy London outside St Paul’s Cathedral, just a day after he was honored with an “O Music Award” in recognition of his performances at NYC’s Occupy Wall Street.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Burt Wonderstone” – Steve Carrell & Jim Carrey will star in this comedy about feuding Vegas magicians. After breaking up with his longtime stage partner, ‘Burt’ (Carrell) fights for relevance when a new, hip street magician (Carrey) appears on the scene. Olivia Wilde co-stars, as she seems to in about 75% of movies these days. The film’s due in 2013.
• “Jesus Christ Superstar” – Nicole Scherzinger (“The X Factor”) is reportedly in talks to play ‘Mary Magdalene’ in a new bigscreen adaptation of Andrew Lloyd Webber & Tim Rice’s rock opera. The hit musical was first made into a movie in 1973. Singer Yvonne Elliman played the part in the original.
• “The Host” – This adaption of yet another book by “Twilight” author Stephenie Meyer will star Saoirse Ronan (“The Lovely Bones”). The sci-fi tale follows a teen girl’s battle with an alien who takes over her body. The male lead is up for grabs, with Kit Harington (“Game of Thrones”), Liam Hemsworth (Miley Cyrus’ BF), and Max Irons (“Red Riding Hood”) on the shortlist.
• “Kung Fu” – Actor Bill Paxton (“Big Love”) is in talks to direct a movie adaptation of the late David Carradine’s TV show (1972-75). “Black Swan” screenwriter John McLaughlin has penned the script about a Shaolin monk who is adept at martial arts. The project is set to start shooting next Summer.
• “Lovelace” – Amanda Seyfried has been cast as the lead in this upcoming biopic of late adult film star Linda Lovelace, best known for her 1972 flick “Deep Throat”. Peter Sarsgaard is rumored to be playing her abusive husband, Chuck Traynor, who pushed her ‘career’. The movie, set to shoot in January, is one of 2 competing Lovelace projects currently underway.

It’s been proven – workplace stress can lead to physical symptoms. To stay physically and emotionally healthy, try these tips on-the-job …
• Ask for What You Need – If something’s getting in the way of your doing your job, don’t keep your frustration bottled up.
• Don’t Get Stuck In the Middle – If you’re caught between 2 immediate supervisors arguing over priorities, it may be time to pay a visit to HR.
• Avoid Office Politics – Whenever possible, preserve your piece of mind by steering clear of confrontation and potentially explosive situations.
• Prioritize Work – When you have so much to do you simply can’t do it all, knowing the big stuff is taken care of should help you feel at least somewhat satisfied at the end of the day.
• Seek Clarity – Clear up any confusion by meeting with your supervisor and creating a job description that includes a list of your responsibilities and expected outcomes.
– Condensed from / / “Work & Stress”

A new book by author Brian Hoey entitled “Not in Front Of the Corgis”, gives an inside view of palace life among the British royals. Prince Charles, for instance, employs 133 staff to look after him & Camilla, more than 60 of them domestics (chauffeurs, chefs, cleaners, cooks, footmen, housemaids, gardeners, etc). There are also 3 personal valets (aka ‘gentleman’s gentlemen’) whose responsibility is the care of the prince’s extensive wardrobe and choosing what he will wear on any particular day. And one other duty – whenever his shoes are removed … they iron the laces. (How could Wills possibly grow up to be so likeable?)

A BS compendium of recent ‘discoveries’ . . .
• Scientists say … pulling an ‘all-nighter’ – a common study habit – is a bad idea. Although 60% of college students stay up all night to study at some point in school, the practice is linked to lower grades, according to St Lawrence University research. It can also impair reasoning and memory for as long as 4 days. (Almost as long as the weekly ‘kegger’.)
– “Globe & Mail”
• Scientists say … the almost unnoticeable yet constant drone of heating and air-conditioning units in schools can cause students to score lower on tests. The findings were presented at the recent meeting of the Acoustical Society of America. (Good luck surviving in a real workplace, ya wimps!)
– United Press International
• Scientists say … moving from a poor neighborhood to a better-off one can help you become thinner and healthier, according to a 15-year urban housing experiment in 5 major US cities. The researchers contend health is influenced by environment, and some environments are simply toxic to health. (Such as inner cities where there’s a lot of lead in the air.)
– “Los Angeles Times”

The Maldives, a popular resort destination in the Indian Ocean, is planning to build a … floating golf course. Overlooking coral reefs and connected by underwater tunnels, the 18-hole course will be made up of artificial islands floating in the ocean. Luxury accommodation overlooking the golf course is proposed, with each island featuring 2 or 3 homes also linked to the course by underwater tunnels. The project will be powered by solar energy in an attempt to be environmentally friendly. (You’ll need about 8 dozen balls to get around this course.)

You blink every 2-to-10 seconds, so you have your eyes shut about 30 minutes every waking day.


1953 [58] Dennis Miller, Pittsburgh PA, TV personality (“Dennis Miller” 2004-05, “NFL Monday Night Football” 2000-02; “Saturday Night Live” 1985-91)/syndicated radio host (“The Dennis Miller Show”)/occasional movie actor (“What Happens in Vegas”, “Joe Dirt”)

1955 [56] Phil Simms, Lebanon KY, NFL analyst (CBS-TV)/former NFL quarterback (2 Super Bowls with NY Giants 1979-93)

1979 [32] Tim McIlrath, Indianapolis IN, rock vocalist/guitarist (Rise Against-“Re-Education [Through Labor]”, “The Good Left Undone”)

• “Cliché Day”. It’s amazing how they infiltrate our daily conversations. Try to make it through an entire show without anyone uttering a cliché. Hit the buzzer every time one pops up!

• “Gambling Addiction Awareness Day”. Hey, bet you didn’t know that!

• “Men Make Dinner Day”, the 1 guaranteed meal cooked by the man-of-the-house each year. Sure millions of guys make dinner for their families on a regular basis, but this day is for the last remaining neanderthal homes where they don’t … and for guys who are just too scared to cook.

• “Sandwich Day”, celebrating the 1718 birth of John Montagu, 4th Earl of Sandwich. A compulsive gambler, he wanted something that could be eaten at gaming tables and earned immortality when he began eating beef between slices of toast in 1792. Nowadays, we eat an average of 193 sandwiches apiece annually. What’s the oddest sandwich you ever concocted? A few interesting sandwiches from around-the-world …

2006 [05] “Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan” opens in movie theaters, starring British comedian Sacha Baron Cohen (first ever ‘guerilla comedy film’)

1961 [50] The new Country Music Hall of Fame inducts its first 2 legends – the singing brakeman Jimmie Rodgers and the lonesome cowboy Hank Williams

1991 [20] A memorial for legendary rock promoter Bill Graham (Fillmore Auditorium) at Golden Gate Park in San Francisco CA is attended by over 300,000 (thanks to free performances by the likes of CSN&Y, Grateful Dead, John Fogerty, Journey, Robin Williams, and Santana)

1930 [81] World’s 1st ‘International Vehicle Tunnel’ opens (Detroit, Michigan, USA-to-Windsor, Ontario, Canada)

1996 [15] Youngest-ever NBA player, LA Lakers’ Kobe Bryant, takes the floor at the tender age of 18 years, 2 months, and 11 days


[Fri] “A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas”; “The Son of No One”; “Tower Heist” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Use Your Common Sense Day
[Fri] Zero Tasking Day
[Sat] Book Lovers Day
[Sun] Daylight Saving Time ends
[Sun] “2011 MTV European Music Awards” (Belfast, Northern Ireland)
[Sun] Saxophone Day
This Week Is … Animal Shelter Appreciation Week
This Month Is … Aviation History Month


It’s the month when guys grow a ‘stache to raise awareness of prostate cancer. ‘Movember’ isn’t the catchiest name for it, but it beats the heck out of these …
• Occupy Top Lip
• Fuzzy Chops Month
• Nose-hair Extension Month
• Pie-hole Postiche
• Lip Landscaping Month
• Face Fur Fantasy
• Almost-as-Bushy-as-Grandma Month
• Shaggy Labium Month
• Miracle-Grovember
• The Only Part of My Cranium Where I Can Grow Hair Month


What do you wish you had a photograph of that you don’t?


In the interest of promoting more erudite language as well as general goofiness, here’s a truly weird word from “Foyle’s Philavery: A Treasury of Unusual Words” for you to toss around for the day: ‘Coccydynia’ … a pain in the butt. It’s a real medical term describing pain in the coccyx or tailbone. Not to be confused with ‘cervicalgia’ (a pain in the neck).

• At age 4, success is not peeing in your pants.
• At age 16, success is gettin’ lucky.
• At age 65, success is gettin’ lucky.
• At age 90, success is not peeing in your pants.


The length of a minute depends on which side of the bathroom door you are on.

Question: Over half of women polled say they’re embarrassed by THIS most of the time.
Answer: Their feet.

Just because something is newer does not necessarily mean that it’s better.

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