Wednesday, November 4, 2015        Edition: #5364

Wow, You Really Know Your Sheet!

★ After 3 freak injuries in a 4-month span, NBC executives are reportedly worried Jimmy Fallon’s drinking is out of control. Word has it the “Tonight Show” host’s alcohol consumption has become excessive and his behavior around NYC – which lately has ended in trips to the hospital for stitches – is a growing concern. Fallon has been known since his “SNL” days for frequenting bars and is known around the city as the life of the party and a ‘happy drunk’. But last week while receiving a Harvard Lampoon humor award, he required stitches after he fell and cut his hand on a broken glass of Jagermeister.
– “New York Post”
★ More details now on that new “Star Trek” TV series that will launch in January 2017. After a ‘special preview broadcast’ on CBS-TV, the new incarnation of the sci-fi series will appear exclusively on CBS All Access, a new digital subscription streaming service that costs $5.99 per month. Outside the US, the show will be distributed by other services on multiple platforms. The decision to launch the new show on a streaming service appears to be an acknowledgment that the likes of Netflix, Hulu, and Amazon Instant Video are the future of TV.
★ 48-year-old actress Nicole Kidman is in talks to join the cast of the much-anticipated “Wonder Woman” movie. Sources say the Australian star is a frontrunner to portray ‘Hyppolyta, The Queen of the Amazons’ in the blockbuster DC Comics film adaptation. Gal Gadot is signed to play the Amazonian princess who becomes super-hero ‘Wonder Woman’, while “Star Trek” actor Chris Pine recently confirmed reports suggesting he’s aboard as the film’s leading man. The film is due for release in June 2017.
★ And Josh ‘The Fat Jew’ Ostrovsky and his upright ponytail have leaped off his racy Instagram account onto the pages of a new book, “Money Pizza Respect”, a memoir-ish collection of debauchery that was published yesterday. While sex, booze, and drugs are a huge part of his money-making persona, this Internet sensation proved to be a sweetheart teddy bear of a man-child in a recent interview, who just gave away $10,000 because he felt like it and says he cares deeply about his Millennial fan base. And he has aspirations beyond making crazy online videos … an erotic novel, perhaps.
– AP

• Change Begins Within: A David Lynch Foundation Benefit Concert (NYC) – Katy Perry and Sting are among the performers at this Carnegie Hall event. Also on the bill: My Morning Jacket’s Jim James, Angelique Kidjo, and Jerry Seinfeld.
• “CMA Awards” (ABC) – The 49th edition live from Nashville TN. Brad Paisley & Carrie Underwood host for the 8th consecutive year. Luke Bryan, Eric Church, Miranda Lambert, Kelsea Ballerini, Chris Stapleton, Kenny Chesney, and Kacey Musgraves all have 2 nominations apiece.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Catfish & The Bottlemen (“The Balcony”). Rerun.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Little Mix (“Get Weird”).
• “Good Morning America” (ABC) – Tim McGraw (“Damn Country Music”, out Friday).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – NOFX (“Self-Entitled”).
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/M3) – Bloc Party (“Hymns”, coming in 2016).
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Against Me! (“New Wave”).
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (syndicated/CTV) – Bryan Adams (“Get Up”).
• “MOBO Awards” (ITV2) – With 4 nominations Krept & Konan lead the pack at the 20th annual Music of Black Origin Awards being held this year in Leeds UK. Other top nominees include FKA twigs, Lianne La Havas, and Wiley.
• “The Real” (syndicated) – Travis Barker (Blink-182).
• “Tavis Smiley” (PBS) – Shemekia Copeland (“Outskirts of Love”).
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo) – Gloria Estefan (“The Standards”).

• Adele – “Hello” is the first song to ever sell 1 million downloads in a week, 1.11 million to be precise. It is also Adele’s 4th #1 single on the ‘Billboard Hot 100’ chart.
• Ariana Grande – The previously unidentified male voice on her new single “Focus” turns out to be none other than Jamie Foxx.
• Brantley Gilbert – He’s announced his massive “Black Out Tour” starts November 11th in Amsterdam, The Netherlands and ends April 30th in Lincoln NE. Along the way it visits Australia, England, Germany, and Scotland as well as Canada and the US.
• Demi Lovato – She’ll be honored at the “Billboard Women in Music” event with the first-ever ‘Rulebreaker Award’. Lovato will also perform at the event, slated for December 11th in NYC.
• Gwen Stefani – She tells “Today” that life “blew up in my face” following the breakdown of her marriage to Gavin Rossdale. The 46-year-old admits her life has completely changed since, but she has decided to embrace her new single status and just enjoy herself while she can.
• Rolling Stones – Keith Richards says they could begin a new album by Christmas. The 71-year-old guitarist tells “Sunday Times Magazine” he wants to start work on the new project this year and get the band in the studio in early 2016.
• Sam Smith – He says his new song “Drowning Shadows” is the saddest he’s ever written. It’s one of the new tracks recorded for a repackaged re-release of his hit album “In the Lonely Hour”. Quote: “It’s the least radio-friendly song.” (Well, there’s a brilliant idea!)
• Sia – She’s announced that her new album, “This Is Acting”, will release on January 29th. The singer/songwriter has recently released the single “Alive”, which will appear on the new disc.
• Sting – He & wife Trudy Styler are set to auction their art collection by some of the 20th century’s greatest artists after selling their $29-million London home. The couple is down-sizing to an apartment in the new Battersea Power Station re-development. The upcoming sale will see artwork by Picasso and Matisse go under the hammer as well as their extensive collection of 20th century furniture and lighting.

A BS breakdown of who we are and what we do …
• 70% of single guys say they would kiss an attractive woman even if she had the flu.
• 38% of surveyed women admit they are trying to cut back on gossiping.
• 37% of women get their hair cut before having their new driver’s license photo taken.
• 10% of husbands cook for their wives when they are feeling guilty.
• 7% of people admit they smoke a cigarette after a workout.
• 5% of us say the first thing we do when returning home from a vacation is take a shower.

✓ Is your butter rock hard from the fridge but you’re too hungry to wait? Just use a grater to shred the butter into pieces. It will soften considerably faster.
✓ When you want to enjoy a bottle of cold beer but don’t have the time or patience to wait, wrap your beer bottle in a couple of wet paper towels and put it in the freezer for 8-to-15 minutes.
✓ Wrinkly shirt? It might sound odd but just throw it in the dryer with a few ice cubes for 5 minutes. Wrinkles gone!
✓ Rather than breaking your fingernails trying to get a key off your key-ring, use a staple remover.
✓ If you can’t find a flathead screwdriver, use an electric plug. Basic power plugs usually fit medium and large-sized screws.
✓ If you’re one of those people who injures fingers every time you try to hammer a nail, use a clothespin to hold the nail instead of your fingers.
✓ Are your zippers constantly getting stuck? Believe it or not, rubbing graphite – in other words, a pencil – on the zipper teeth will lubricate them.
✓ Hang a tennis ball in your garage so you know (when you hit it) that it’s time to brake while parking.

New terms entering the lingo …
• ‘Mom-Shaming’ – The public reproach of a mother for actions or opinions that are perceived to be inappropriate or harmful to her children. (Just check the comments section of any parenting blog.)
• ‘Non-Binary’ – Denoting a gender identity that does not conform to the generally accepted binary of male or female. In other words, recognizing gender as a spectrum. (Miley Cyrus’ #InstaPride campaign supports non-binary gender.)
• ‘She Shed’ – A garden shed designed and equipped for a woman as an oasis of calm away from the chaos of family life. (It’s about time! Guys have been ‘shedding’ for decades.)

Hard to believe that this is a thing but … people are now apparently tattooing their eyeballs (ow, ow, OW!). The new trend in body modification appears to have started when international tattoo artist Luna Cobra began using syringes to mimic the look of characters from the movie “Dune”. Since then it has flourished, with nearly 16,000 people liking the Facebook page ‘Eyeball Tattoos’. The procedure involves a number of injections so the chosen color dye rests on the eye’s top layer, the ‘conjunctiva’. And yes, it’s permanent. Cobra claims the modification brings ‘a realm of fantasy into real life’. (Right, we’d rather be stabbed in the eyeball … er, wait a sec.)
– Condensed from BBC News

Late 18th/early 19th century mock titles and nicknames for members of various professions …
• Baker – A ‘crumb-and-crust man’.
• Barber – A ‘strap-and-scraper’.
• Billiard Player – A ‘knight of the cue’.
• Cook – A ‘queen of the dripping pan’; a ‘lick-fingers’; or a ‘spoil-broth’.
• Dentist – A ‘fang-faker’.
• Journalist – A ‘pencil-pusher’.
• Lawyer – A ‘snap’ or ‘tongue-padder’.
• Police Constable – A ‘blue-belly’ or ‘unboiled lobster’.
• Pub Waiter – A ‘dash’.
• Shakespearean Actor – A ‘swan-slinger’.
• Tailor – A ‘knight of the thimble’.
• Tavern Keeper – An ‘admiral of the blue’.
• Teacher – ‘Learning-shover’.
• Tradesman/Shop-worker – A ‘blue-apron’.
– Adapted from “Mental Floss”

If you inhale a pea it can sprout in your lungs.


1947 [68] Ivonne Coll, Fajardo, Puerto Rico, TV actress (‘Alba Villanueva’ on “Jane the Virgin” since 2014)

1960 [55] Kathy Griffin, Oak Park IL, comedian/TV personality (“Kathy Griffin: My Life On the D-List” 2005-10)

1961 [54] Jeff Probst, Wichita KS, Emmy-winning TV reality show host (“Survivor” since 2000)

1969 [46] Matthew McConaughey, Uvalde TX, movie actor (“Dallas Buyers Club”)/TV actor (“True Detectives” 2013)

1969 [46] Diddy (Sean Combs), Harlem NY, hip-hop artist (“Shake Ya Tailfeather”)/recording mogul (Bad Boy Records)/fashion designer (Sean John)/entrepreneur (Ciroc Vodka)

1970 [45] Bethenny Frankel, NYC, TV talk show host (“Bethenny” 2013-14)/TV personality (“Real Housewives of NYC” 2008-15)/lifestyle author (“The SkinnyGirl Dish”)

1975 [40] Curtis Stone, Melbourne, Australia, celebrity chef/TV personality (“Around the World in 80 Plates” 2012, “Top Chef Masters” since 2011, “The Celebrity Apprentice 3” 2010)

• “Candy Day”, for some unknown reason. Maybe a day to try to figure out what to do with all the leftover Halloween candy before your entire family’s teeth are ruined?

• “Take Our Kids to Work Day” in Canada, an annual project of The Learning Partnership on the 1st Wednesday of November when over 200,000 1st-year high school students spend the day in the workplace of a parent, relative, or friend.

• “Use Your Common Sense Day”, promoting the idea of making use of the knowledge and experience which we all allegedly have.

1999 [16] Jimi Hendrix’s half-sister Janie announces plan to exhume her famous brother’s body and move it to a mausoleum where fans can view it for a price (public outcry forces her to shelve the idea)

2008 [07] Barack Obama is elected president of the United States

1980 [35] Sadaharu Oh retires from professional baseball with Tokyo’s Yomiuri Giants with a record 868 career home runs (far more than Barry Bonds’ MLB record of 762 … and steroid-free)

[Thurs] Love Your Red Hair Day
[Fri] “The Peanuts Movie”; “Spectre” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Saxophone Day
[Sat] U2’s “Innocence + Experience World Tour” airs (HBO)
[Sat] Canada’s Walk of Fame Induction (Toronto ON)
[Sun] Cook Something Bold & Pungent Day
This Week Is … Animal Shelter Appreciation Week
This Month Is … Gluten-Free Diet Awareness Month


✗ The Snapple Lady (commercials).
✗ Marky Mark (pre-movies Mark Wahlberg).
✗ “Be kind, rewind” (video store sign).
✗ ‘Urkel’ (from TV sitcom “Family Matters”).
✗ Encyclopedia Britannica (Wikipedia on paper).
✗ Gift Certificates (pre-Gift Cards).
✗ The crackling sound of dial-up Internet.
✗ “You’ve got mail” (AOL’s email notification).
✗ “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!” (Life Alert TV ad).
✗ Pagers (what ‘important people’ carried around before phones).
✗ ‘The Rachel’ haircut (after Jennifer Aniston on “Friends”).
✗ “Pop Up Video” (weird factoids running across your TV screen about music videos).
✗ Using 1-800-Collect to make a phone call.
✗ Pam Anderson & Tommy Lee go boating (the original celeb sex tape).
✗ “Titanic”-mania (how many times did you see it … more than 8?).
✗ Y2K (warning, warning the world is ending … not).

If it weren’t for pickpockets, I wouldn’t have any sex life at all.

Which country has the most area devoted to national parks?
a. USA
b. Australia
c. Canada
(Those countries are the top 3, in order.)

☎ If you could change one rule in any game, what would it be?

Question: THIS is the #1 thing couples fight about in restaurants.
Answer: Stealing each other’s fries.

Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom.

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