Monday, November 5, 2012        Edition: #4861

Never Accept a Generic – Ask For Pure “BS”!

• Friday night’s multi-network telethon “Hurricane Sandy: Coming Together” for victims of the recent ‘superstorm’ included appearances by Billy Joel, Bruce Springsteen, Christina Aguilera, Jimmy Fallon, Jon Bon Jovi, Jon Stewart, Steven Tyler, Sting, and Tina Fey. NBC-TV’s “Today” co-anchor Matt Lauer hosted the event. The estimated $23 million raised is earmarked for the American Red Cross to benefit both storm victims and rebuilding efforts.
• TV personality David Letterman spent Saturday in Niagara Falls, Ontario with his family, where they took in popular tourist attractions like the Journey Behind the Falls, Table Rock, the Whirlpool Aero Car, and also lunched atop the Skylon Tower. So what’s the “Late Show” host doing in one of the world’s tackier tourist traps? The trek was apparently at the request of his son Harry for his 9th birthday.
– QMI Agency
• It’s reported that 37-year-old actor Leonardo DiCaprio & 23-year-old Victoria’s Secret model Erin Heatherton have opted for an amicable split after a 10-month relationship. They were first rumored to be dating when spotted sightseeing in Sydney, Australia while Leo was filming “The Great Gatsby” in December 2011. As the months went on, the prospect that ‘this might be the one’ for Leo looked all the more likely, but now it seems that yet another relationship has been tossed on his pile of rejects who’ve included Bar Rafaeli, Gisele Bundchen, and Kristen Zang.
• PETA has taken aim at fashion model Naomi Campbell over reports she’s planning to celebrate the 50th birthday of her boyfriend, Russian billionaire Vladimir Doronin, with an elephant polo match in India this week. The group claims she must be ‘clueless’ about the ‘cruel sport’ and is asking her to re-think the plan. It’s also reported Diana Ross has been asked to perform at the bash in Jodhpur, Rajasthan.
• That alleged assault accusation against Cee Lo Green just won’t go away. The unnamed woman accusing him of sexual battery is now claiming she secretly recorded a conversation between them in which he refers to the drug ecstasy and can be heard apologizing to her. She’s told police Green took her to an LA restaurant where they shared drinks. She remembers nothing after that until she found herself lying naked with him in a hotel room. Green’s PR people continue to vehemently deny the incident ever occurred.
• And increasingly wacky 26-year-old actress Amanda Bynes says she’s suing pop culture mag “In Touch” for publishing a false story claiming the former child star was spotted wandering aimlessly through a NYC tanning salon wearing nothing but tanning goggles. Quote: “I’m not ‘troubled’. I don’t get naked in public. I’m 26, a multi-millionaire, retired.” Bynes, who is currently facing a DUI, 2 hit-and-run charges, as well as 2 other charges for driving with a suspended license, has recently been dropped by her publicist, her lawyer, and her agent.

• “Dancing With the Stars All-Stars” (ABC/CTV2) – Couples perform a dance chosen by competitors.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Ben Folds Five (“The Sound Of the Life Of the Mind”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Stepkids (“The Stepkids”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Tenacious D (“Rize Of the Fenix”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – RNDM (“Acts”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Ty Segall (“Twins”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Kip Moore (“Up All Night”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Ne-Yo (“R.E.D.”, out tomorrow).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV) – The top 20 hopefuls perform.

• Adele – A friend says the new mom is still yet to choose a name for her baby boy via boyfriend Simon Konecki. The tot was born more than 2 weeks ago, on October 19th.
• Aerosmith – Today around noon they play a ‘secret’ show in the streets of their hometown of Boston MA, the day before their new album “Music From Another Dimension!” is released. Rock WAAF reveals details of the exact location this morning.
• Britney Spears – It’s hard to believe, but she’s reportedly in negotiations to write her first novel. The “X Factor” judge is said to be close to reaching a deal with publisher HarperCollins.
• Bruce Springsteen – Today he helps wrap up the Obama re-election campaign with a performance in Columbus, Ohio and later on at the campaign’s final rally in Des Moines, Iowa. Jay-Z will also participate in the first gig.
• Billy Ray Cyrus – Tonight the sometime actor/sometime country singer makes his Broadway stage debut in the musical production “Chicago”. He takes on the role of lawyer ‘Billy Flynn’ for a 7-week stint.
• Chris Brown – Today in LA he’s launching his new charity the Symphonic Love Foundation because he ‘wants to give back and set a good example for younger fans’. Brown remains under supervised probation until early next year for assaulting Rihanna in 2009.
• Jason Aldean – He’s sold out 2 more stadium shows for his “2013 Night Train Tour”. Every ticket to the April concert at University of Georgia’s Sanford Stadium and the 2nd show of a 2-night stand at Boston’s Fenway Park in July was swept up in less than an hour on Friday.
• No Doubt – They’ve pulled the video for their new single “Looking Hot” after negative feedback from Native Americans over its Wild West-theme. In the video Gwen Stefani and Tony Kanal dress as Native Americans and dance in a tepee with a wolf.
• Rihanna – Her special “777 Tour” lifts off November 14th, during which she’ll perform 7 shows in 7 countries in 7 days (London, Paris, Toronto, Berlin, Paris, Stockholm, NYC). Members of her fan club and the media will accompany her aboard – what else? – a Boeing 777.

Studies suggest the world will need twice as much food by 2050. And while farmers must squeeze more out of the land, they must also reduce their environmental impact. Soon, we may see fields with ‘agribots’ that can identify individual seedlings and coax them along with tailored drops of fertilizer and measured sips of water. Other robots could distinguish weeds and dispatch them with a microdot of pesticide, a burst from a flame gun, or a shot from a high-powered laser. These machines will also be able to identify and harvest all kinds of ripe vegetables. (“Old MacDonald had a ‘bot, e-i-e-i-o ….”)
– “New Scientist”

It’s estimated that 6% of us suffer from Winter depression, and as many as 20% might have a milder form. Seasonal Affective Disorder or ‘SAD’ is more common in young adults and women. People with SAD have trouble finishing tasks and remembering where they put things. Researchers have found that the most common SAD cure – light therapy – does NOT work when it comes to improving cognitive processes like memory. (If you ask us, SAD is the reason the hot toddy was invented.)
– “Rocky Mountain News”

A study of online behavior shows cyber-bullying may be even worse in the workplace than it is in schools. A study co-authored by researchers at Britain’s Nottingham University & University of Sheffield has found that about 8-out-of-10 surveyed employees had experienced cyber-bullying on at least 1 occasion in the previous 6 months. These bullying behaviors include being humiliated, being ignored, and being gossiped about. The results also show that 1-in-5 of those confirming workplace bullying experience it at least once per week. (Not to belittle the problem, but hasn’t ‘bullying’ become the buzzword for 2012? We’re reaching the point of overkill, no?)
– “Discovery News”

Men who eat meat smell different from those who do not and it’s not very appealing to the opposite gender, according to anthropology researchers at Charles University in the Czech Republic. Female volunteers who sniffed the body odor of men who eat red meat and compared it to that of non-meat-eaters, have decided that meat-less men smell more pleasant, more attractive, and less intense. But the underarm odor of meat munchers is judged to be stronger and more intense. (Could this be the world’s worst job … pit sniffer?)
– “The Independent”

Earlier this year, “BS” carried a story about an unusual experiment by the One Laptop Per Child Project in which the organization left stacks of tablet computers in sealed boxes with no instructions at 2 Ethiopian villages where the literacy rate is near zero, then promptly left. The idea was to see what local kids would do with them. Some of the results revealed last week …
✓ Within 4 minutes, one kid not only opened a box but found the device’s on/off switch and powered it up. He’d never seen an on/off switch before.
✓ Within 5 days, village children were using an average of 47 apps per child per day.
✓ Within 2 weeks, they were singing ‘ABC’ songs in the village … in English.
✓ And within 5 months, they had hacked Android to power up mistakenly disabled cameras.
(Amidst the usual doom & gloom, every once in awhile you hear something that gives you hope.)

• Think it was a pain re-setting your clocks to Standard Time? It takes 6 hours to reset London’s Big Ben from BST (British Summer Time) to GMT (Greenwich Mean Time). (“Oh blast, Trevor has just fallen off the minute hand! Send another bloke up there …”)
– “Times of London”
• Watching a horror film burns about 200 more calories than movies of other genres. (It’s the “Paranormal Activity” diet!)
– “The Guardian”


1959 [53] Bryan Adams, Kingston ON, oldies singer (Grammy Award-“[Everything I Do] I Do It For You”, “Cuts Like a Knife”)/professional photographer (“Exposed”)

1960 [52] Tilda Swinton, London UK, movie actress (“Burn After Reading”, 2007 Oscar-“Michael Clayton”)

1961 [51] David Bryson, San Francisco CA, alt-rock guitarist (Counting Crows-“Accidentally in Love”, “Mr Jones”)

1971 [41] Jonny Greenwood, Oxford UK, rock guitarist-keyboardist (Radiohead-“Bodysnatchers”, “Creep”)

1974 [38] Ryan Adams, Jacksonville NC, alt-country/rock singer-songwriter-guitarist (“So Alive”, New York, New York”)/wed to singer-actress Mandy Moore in 2009

1987 [25] Kevin Jonas, Teaneck NJ, boy-band singer-guitarist (Jonas Brothers-“Tonight”, “Burnin’ Up”)

• “Guy Fawkes Day” in England, a traditional celebration since 1752. It commemorates the 1605 ‘Gunpowder Plot’ when Fawkes-led Catholics attempted to blow up the Parliament Buildings. One of the day’s traditions gives it its nickname … ‘Bonfire Night’.

• “Job Action Day”, the 5th annual focusing on how job-seekers worldwide can build and enhance their reputations, their careers, and their personal brands.

2007 [05] TV, film, and radio writers who are members of the Writers Guild of America go on strike after negotiations break down with the Alliance of Motion Picture & Television Producers (shuts down more than 60 TV programs, including all the late-night talk shows)

1982 [30] Brian Wilson and the Beach Boys part ways on the orders of Wilson’s new psychiatrist and ‘caretaker’, Dr Eugene Landy

1988 [24] Beach Boys hit #1 with the single “Kokomo”, the longest gap between #1 hits by a recording artist (21 years, 10 months since “Good Vibrations”)

2005 [07] Beach Boys singer Mike Love sues former leader Brian Wilson for using his likeness and the band trademark in his promotion of the band’s legendary ‘lost’ 1967 album, “SMiLE”

1923 [89] 1st ‘Electric Shaver’ patented (and 1st guy suffers excruciating pain when a nose hair gets caught)

1994 [18] 45-year-old George Foreman becomes ‘Oldest Heavyweight Boxing Champion’ by KO-ing Michael Moorer (who will never live down the humiliation)

[Tues] US Election Day
[Tues] Saxophone Day
[Wed] Bittersweet Chocolate With Almonds Day
[Thurs] “Skyfall” opens in IMAX theaters
[Thurs] Cook Something Bold & Pungent Day

Animal Shelter Appreciation Week / Dear Santa Letter Week / Give Wildlife a Break Week / Health Information & Technology Week / International Fraud Awareness Week / Nurse Practitioners Week / Pursuit of Happiness Week / Rad Tech Week


A highlight bit culled from 19 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
• You’re on your car’s third pair of shocks.
• You fracture a rib by lowering your flabby arms too quickly.
• Bathroom scales give a sigh of relief when you step off.
• Weight Watchers has a lien on your mortgage.
• When brushing your teeth you have to rest between ‘up’ and ‘down’.
• When you stop exercising, parts of you continue to move.
• Packs of dogs are attracted by your high-pitched wheeze.
• Sports fans refuse to go home until you sing.
• Your doctor’s first words: “Open your mouth and say moo.”
– First published in “BS” 2007.

☎ What’s the most embarrassing product to ask for in a store? (According to one poll, the top 5 are adult diapers, condoms, hemorrhoid products, yeast infection medication, and tampons.)

The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest they’re too old to do it.

Which has the biggest lips?
a. A hippopotamus.
b. NYC’s Statue of Liberty. [CORRECT. 3-feet-wide.]
c. Mick Jagger.

Question: A recent study suggests that the happiest, most secure men grew up with at least one of THESE.
Answer: Sister.

Life is only understood backward, but must be lived forward.

Bobby Harsell @  Wild Planet Radio, Portland OR; Scott Clements @ Country 94.1 [CHSJ] Saint John NB; Melissa Quilling @ Eagle 93.1 [KGCX] Sidney MT; Darrel Driedger @ The Eagle 100.9 [CKUV] Okotoks AB; Justin Kuhl @ American Forces Network, Bagram, Afghanistan; and Jay Cousins @ The Platypus 88.9 [CCKC] Nova Scotia Community College, Halifax NS.

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