Wednesday, November 7, 2012        Edition: #4863

Our Sheet Don’t Stink!

If you remember “Boy Meets World” (1993-2000), you may or may not be thrilled Disney Channel is developing a sequel show about ‘Cory & Topanga’ as parents to a pre-teen daughter and are courting original stars Ben Savage & Danielle Fishel to return (next they’ll be resurrecting ‘Urkel’ in “Family Matters 2”) . . . Screenwriter Diablo Cody (“Juno”) has sold a romantic sitcom to ABC-TV called “Alex + Amy”, that centers on a 22-year-old guy & his ancient 32-year-old girlfriend (hope it’s better than “Cougar Town”) . . . “The Talk” co-host Aisha Tyler is currently shooting a guest role for “Glee” (FOX), in which she plays the mother of Jacob Artist’s enfant terrible, ‘Jake’ (if they get Jimmy Fallon, we might go back to watching) . . . Movie star Brad Pitt is launching a furniture collection in collaboration with furniture-maker Frank Pollaro (might be the closest you’ll ever get to sitting on him, girls) . . . And 22-year-old former “Harry Potter” actress Emma Watson has felt it necessary to announce her views on onscreen nudity: “I’ve been saying since I was 16 that if it’s the right role and important for character development and the story, then of course I’ll do it” (sounds like she’s lobbying for the role of ‘Anastasia Steele’ in the upcoming movie adaptation of “50 Shades of Grey”).

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Cat Power (“Sun”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Machine Gun Kelly (“Lace Up”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Shiny Toy Guns (“We Are Pilots”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – RZA (“The Man With the Iron Fists”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Now, Now (“Threads”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Ne-Yo (“R.E.D.S.”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Toronto indie rocker Diamond Rings (“Free Dimensional”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV) – The top 20 hopefuls perform.
• “The X Factor” (FOX/CTV2) – The top 12 finalists perform.

• Lil Wayne – He sued Quincy Jones III, alleging he used Weezy’s music in an unauthorized 2009 documentary. But this week in court, the judge berated him for being flippant in a video deposition, labeling it ‘irresponsible behavior’. The jury ended up awarding Jones $2.2 million.
• Nicki Minaj – Tonight she finishes off the European leg of her “Pink Friday: Reloaded Tour” in Cardiff, Wales. Then she heads off to New Zealand and Australia through early December.
• One Direction – They insist fame hasn’t changed them. In fact, they say, one reason they’re so successful is that they are ‘just normal guys’.
• PSY – It’s been announced the “Gangnam Style” hit-maker will be awarded the Ok-gwan Order of Cultural Merit by South Korea’s Cultural Ministry. It’s to honor those who’ve given ‘outstanding meritorious services to the arts’.

The 23rd ‘Bond’ film, “Skyfall”, opens in IMAX theaters tomorrow and in regular theaters Friday. Did you know that …
• Adjusted for inflation, ‘Bond’ films are the top-grossing film franchise ever. That’s right, they even beat out “Star Wars”, “Harry Potter”, and “Batman”.
• And adjusted for inflation, the highest grossing ‘Bond’ film ever is “Thunderball” (1965).
• Duran Duran’s theme to 1985’s “A View To a Kill” is the only ‘007’ theme to reach #1 on “Billboard” magazine’s ‘Hot 100’ chart.
• Though rides from luxury British automaker Aston Martin have become something of a ‘Bond’ staple, the first car to appear in a ‘007’ film was a Chevrolet Bel Air, seen in 1962’s “Dr No”.
• ‘Bond’ doesn’t even drink martinis in Ian Fleming’s original books. His drink of choice is scotch & soda.
• His number? 52. That’s how many women he’s slept with over the entire ‘Bond’ series.
– “Condensed from

In his book, “The Nine Emotional Lives Of Cats”, New Zealand author Jeffrey Masson claims the majority of people who don’t like cats are male. Why are so many men cat-haters? Masson says there are couple key reasons – men don’t like to be judged but cats judge them anyway, and some men are jealous because women like cats more than them. (And unlike ‘man’s best friend’, cats don’t jump up & down and run around in circles every time ‘daddy’ walks in the door.)
– PA News

New cutting-edge vocab …
✓ ‘Generation Rent’ – A new nickname for young adults who can’t afford to buy their own homes and consequently rent them. (Generation rent shouldn’t feel so bad; a lot of their parents didn’t actually own their homes for years … they ‘rented’ the money from banks to buy them.)
✓ ‘Passive Parenting’ – A style of parenting in which the parent shows unwillingness to impose rules and discipline. (Another term for this could be ‘non-parenting’.)
✓ ‘Quarterlife Crisis’ – The feeling that some people in their early 20s are said to be suffering, feeling unsettled and unfulfilled. (It’s like ‘midlife crisis’, only with less money.)

A statistical look at who we are and the things we do …
• 93% of us buy at least one pizza per month.
• 65% of us had an ‘imaginary friend’ as a kid.
• 60% of us describe ourselves as ‘amazing’ at kissing.
• 57% of men under age 30 do not own a suit.
• 27% of Americans claim this year’s election has negatively affected their personal relationship with a friend or family member.
• 25% of parents with a child car seat have never read the instructions.

New research by the UK’s National Child Development Study suggests that intelligent children grow up to consume alcohol more frequently and in greater quantities than less intelligent children. In fact, researchers say, there is a clear association between childhood intelligence (measured before age 16) and the frequency of alcohol consumption in the 20s, 30s, and 40s. Researchers say the study reaffirms the idea that more intelligent individuals are not necessarily more likely to engage in healthy and beneficial behavior. (We’ve done our own study at a local dive bar … yup, full of geniuses!)

• ‘Nad’s Nose Wax for Men & Women’ was recently launched in Australia and is now available elsewhere online. That’s right masochists, it’s just like a Brazilian wax only you ram it up your nostrils before ripping it off. It’s designed to be used only once a month, unlike hair trimmers which are normally required more frequently. Convenient … but waxing inside the nose? Ouch!
• Introducing ‘Buyral’, the way to make your videos go viral – guaranteed – by paying for it to happen! So what’s it cost? They’re promising 5 million views for $32.99; and 25 million views will cost you $59.99. We suspect it’s all a gimmick to grab attention for an ad agency but hey, is this idea really so different than companies that try to sell you Facebook friends or Twitter followers?

Digital radio receivers were expected to account for half of all radio listening in Britain by 2013 but the figure currently stands at just over 29%. For that reason the Department of Culture, Media & Sport has decided to delay the switchover to Digital Audio Broadcasting (DAB) beyond the 2015 target date, but says it remains committed to turning off analogue FM. If it occurred today, an estimated 25 million cars would be left with no radio signal. Digital Radio UK, the industry body, is running ads attempting to convince the public of the merits of the new system. A spokesman admits ‘a lot of people still don’t get it’. (Only way this is gonna happen is if they give the radios away.)

Based on spending per dog, 8 of the world’s top 10 dog-food nations are in Europe, according to new market research. Norway ranks first, spending an average of $53.22 a week per canine. (“Good boy, Henrik! Have another bowlful of Bits & Herring …”)
– “Quartz”


1943 [69] Joni Mitchell (Roberta Anderson), Fort McLeod AB, pop-folk singer-songwriter (“Big Yellow Taxi”, “Both Sides Now”)/Canadian Music Hall of Fame (1981)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1997)/Canadian Walk of Fame (2000)/Order of Canada (2002)/Grammy Lifetime Achievement Award (2002)

1967 [45] David Guetta, Paris, France, DJ (w/Usher-“Without You”, f/Akon-“Sexy Chick”)/recording producer (Black Eyed Peas-“I Gotta Feeling”, K’naan-“Wavin’ Flag”)

1983 [29] Zach Myers, Memphis TN, rock guitarist (Shinedown-“Unity”, “Bully”)

1988 [24] Tinie Tempah (Patrick Okogwu Jr), London UK, rapper (w/Eric Turner-“Written In the Stars”, “Pass Out”)

1989 [23] Nadezhda Tolokonnikova, Norilsk, Russia [Canadian permanent resident status], punk rocker (Pussy Riot)/political activist sentenced to 2 years imprisonment for ‘hooliganism motivated by religious hatred’

• “Bittersweet Chocolate With Almonds Day”. Hey, chocolate with whatever is a good excuse to celebrate, right?

• “International Tongue Twister Day”. According to “Guinness Book of World Records”, the most difficult tongue twister in the English language is: “The sixth sick sheikh’s sixth sheep’s sick.” (But we say it’s: “I’m not the fig plucker nor the fig plucker’s son, but I’ll pluck the figs till the fig plucker comes.”)

• “Notary Public Day”, initiated in 1975 to honor the officers who ‘administer oaths and statutory declarations, witness and authenticate documents, and perform certain other acts varying from jurisdiction to jurisdiction’. (Almost as exciting as “Accountants Day”!)

• “Stress Awareness Day”, the 14th annual highlighting the fact that high stress or long-term stress can causes serious medical problems. Experts claim our stress levels have doubled in the last 4 years. This year’s theme is ‘Defining Outcomes for Well-being at Work’.

1991 [21] LA Lakers superstar Magic Johnson, revered as one of the greatest basketball players of all-time, announces he’s HIV positive and is immediately retiring from the NBA

2000 [12] Hillary Rodham Clinton is elected to the United States Senate, becoming the 1st former First Lady to win public office (now US Secretary of State)

1982 [30] Warren Moon of the CFL’s Edmonton Eskimos becomes the 1st pro football quarterback to pass for 5,000 yards in a single season

1993 [19] 21-year-old Canadian Carlos Costa of Toronto swims 28.5 miles from Catalina Island to San Pedro, California to raise money for children’s charities … even though both his legs had been amputated at age 2

[Thurs] Abet & Aid Punsters Day
[Thurs] Cook Something Bold & Pungent Day
[Fri] Chaos Never Dies Day
[Sat] “Sesame Street” Day
[Sun] Remembrance Day (Canada)
[Sun] “MTV Europe Music Awards” (Frankfurt, Germany)
This Week Is … Animal Shelter Appreciation Week
This Month Is … Inspirational Role Models Month


Read ‘em all at once or one-at-a-time as the zodiac reading of the day …
• Aries – Good day to take up knitting … on horseback. Everyone needs an adventure!
• Taurus – Stinky feet day today. Don’t go to a Japanese restaurant.
• Gemini – A friend will help you find a love match. Make sure you have plenty of quarters because the change machine at the laundromat is broken.
• Cancer – Good day to count your blessings. Both of them.
• Leo – Fortune will smile upon you today! That’s what it does when it’s just thought up a real corker.
• Virgo – You will find the perfect lover tonight. Just remember to tell the judge you were only offering that young lady a loan.
• Libra – Life appears to be getting easier for you this week. It may be because your phone needs a recharge and your mother hasn’t been able to get in touch with you.
• Scorpio – You are about to have an unfortunate episode involving insects, grape Kool-Aid, and a revolving door. Beware!
• Sagittarius – A stranger will make a big impression on you this week. Fortunately, rescue workers will successfully pry that retired Sumo wrestler off you.
• Capricorn – It is a good time to be thinking about your future. If you apply early, you will probably get that dream job at the waste treatment plant.
• Aquarius – That rash you’ve been worrying about should clear up by the end of this week. Unfortunately, the entire appendage will then just fall off.
• Pisces – Your new love interest may not be telling the truth about his or her age. Just to be sure, you might want to look at the teeth to determine whether or not you need to stop and buy some Huggies on your way to the movies.

☎ Would you pay to have someone check your kid for lice? (There are now 4 locations of Rapunzel’s Lice Boutique in Michigan. Owner Sarah Casello-Rees says she was inspired to start the business after she got lice from her 5-year-old son.)

• ‘The 10 Most Common Lies in Online Dating Profiles’ (“Woman’s Day”)
• ‘Can You Wear Tie-Dye As an Adult?’ (“Glamour”)
• ‘How to Look Gorgeous in Glasses’ (“Ladies’ Home Journal”)
• ‘Are You Way Too Picky When It Comes to Guys?’ (“Cosmopolitan”)
• ‘Why Men Really Have Affairs’ (“Redbook”)
• ‘Hometown Hotties 2013’ (“Maxim”)
• ‘Who Wants to Smell Like a Millionaire?’ (“Men’s Health”)
• ‘What If Your Wife Were a Porn Star?’ (“Details”)
• ‘How to Dress Better Now That the Sun’s Setting a Damn Hour Early’ (“Esquire”)
• ‘Hot Girls … With Moustaches’ (

Over 40% of guys say they’d break off their engagement if their fiancée insisted on what?
a. Joint bank account.
b. Hyphenated last name. [CORRECT]
c. ‘Waiting’ until their wedding night.

Marriage is when 2 people become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Question: The average woman will go through 4 of THESE in her adult life.
Answer: Hair colors.

Eat well, exercise, and die anyway.

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